konjiang

[konjiang]

Me, trying to write fun sexy waxplay tianshang:

Airplane turning the fic into this meme:

[konjiang]

Top!✈️SQH/Bottom! 🥒SY

I imagine that modern ✈️ would be a really independent sort of person who has trouble asking people for help. Cue rich young master Shen Yuan trying to take care of him. Cause they are friends. And FRIENDS take care of FRIENDS. And not because they have feelings or anything!

[konjiang]

SQH x TLJ

SQH goes to save LBH from the river and deliver him to TLJ, but TLJ immediately gets fascinated by this little man who broke him out of the seal. Although he believed SQH when he was told the truth of SXY betrayal, he also needed an excuse to keep this guy nearby.

TLJ: I'll take responsibility for getting you pregnant

SQH: W-wait? Huh! No, no, no. Are you listening? I said this child is between you and-

TLJ: *clearly pretending not to be listening* It must have been really hard for you to go through a pregnancy alone. Next time, I will take care of you.

SQH: Next time? I'm a guy! I have never been pregnant...

TLJ: *bullshitting his way through* Heavenly Demon are special...

SQH:*trying to remember if he made Heavenly Demons capable of that* Really?

That's how SQH got baby trapped with a baby that he technically created.

[konjiang]

I had an amazing idea after my post exam coma. MBJ hamster went missing, and he was very suspicious of sqh who acts very much like a hamster. Then, he became convinced by LBH that his hamster could shapeshift, so he tried to test this by leaving out his hamster favorite melon seeds.

[konjiang]

SQH would be one of those people who accidentally turned in his 10k+ smut story in for an assignment. It would be so funny if the TA grading for that class is SY.

[konjiang]

Shang Qinghua: Bro, wanna go on a date?

Shen Yuan: No???? I'm straight?????

Shang Qinghua: No no, as a joke. It'll be funny

Shen Yuan: Oh ok, sure

~~~

Shang Qinghua: Bro, will you marry me?

Shen Yuan: But we're both men

Shang Qinghua: You misunderstand, it's like a prank, I promise

Shen Yuan: Ah, I see. Yes, let's get 'married'

~~~

Shang Qinghua: We should have sex

Shen Yuan: Gay sex?

Shang Qinghua: As a joke!

Shen Yuan: Oh, I'm down then

~~~

Shang Qinghua: Bro, bro! Let's adopt a kid together!!

Shen Yuan: But-

Shang Qinghua: C'mon, it'll be soo funny!

Shen Yuan: Fine, but I'm naming them!

~~~

Shen Yuan: You know, I'm struggling to figure out what the joke is

Shang Qinghua: The joke is that you still think your straight

[konjiang]

I just had a SQH moment. I woke up at 2, panicking. I have been sick the past few days, so today was the first day back to work, and I have an exam at 11 am.

First thoughts were: Oh my god, I'm going to fired, I missed my finals, and I want nothing more but to cry.

I texted my managers and started getting ready. I finished everything before something clicked...

It's 2 AM.

The curse and blessing of having good blackout currents, but I can totally see SQH having the same freak out because I'm assuming the Northern Desert has shorter days than other places.

Now imagine him dragging MBJ up and getting both of them ready, only for SQH to realize that something is wrong when he got to the throne room and no one is there.

MBJ: SQH... *glaring intensifies*

Poor MBJ (and my managers, idk if they were up or I woke them up. Either way, just shoot me )

[konjiang]

I just think Shang Qinghua should get so angry one time that he unconsciously overrides the System and unlocks Admin privileges and just deletes entire clans out of existance in the blink of an eye while going "writing you in was a mistake".

And I also think everyone who saw that refuses to ever talk about it, but they're all scared shitless of the tiny human by Mobei-jun's side now because they realize he's not just really smart and an amazing strategist, he's also a god and can kill them all in 0.5 seconds. And now they all think that Shang Qinghua is actually the one running the show and Mobei-jun is just, like, the face of the Northern kingdom only.

Shang Qinghua is utterly horrified when he snaps out of it and realizes what he's done (somehow??? He doesn't know wtf just happened) and how now everyone is terrified of him except for Mobei-jun who is just looking at him with heart in his eyes lmao

[konjiang]

I hate myself. I have 3 finals to study for. Instead of studying, my dumbass brain keeps thinking about an au where Mobei-jun transmigrated into Shang Qinghua’s fridge. The fuck is wrong with me.

[konjiang]

Shang Qinghua your secret threesome fantasy scribbles are not as secret as you think-

Because he broke into your office

[konjiang]

My obsession with SQH og name being LBH is leaking into everything I try to write.

Fanfic writer Airplane meets up with SY but refuses to tell SY his real name since he fears his identity as Airplane would be exposed if he said his name was LBH. It would be such a coincidence that a popular fanfic writer who writes like Airplane and is named LBH to not be Airplane himself.

[konjiang]

Sometimes, I lay in bed and think about how SQH was so obsessed with his OC that he couldn't bring himself to kill his future murderer. I look at my OCs and random pick one to kill off. Or is it because MBJ was his ideal man, and he was just so horny for those tits to kill him?

[konjiang]

You know what i rarely see?

The demons treating Sqh and Sqq nicely, not just like, out of fear, but nicely

I mean, sure yeah, their husbands are not the nicest out there, but they have to be doing something aside from killing whoever gets in their way because clearly the do actually work (Although Sqq does say that Binghe tosses it away whenever he comes into the room)

And also, i think it'd be funnier if they held them to some grade of admiration? Because holy shit this two humans are able to order around the emperor and his right hand man

Also, Sqq made Binghe chill out (By getting rid of Xin Mo), and is the strategist of his sect mind you? I'm pretty sure that he's made his husband kill less people overall since they got together

And same goes for Mobei, hell, i'll argue is even more because what if him being violent scares Shang Qinghua and he runs away again? He's being really careful around him now, and the demons realize it

If you want to save your life just hide around the king's consort!

(Unbesknown to Mobei-Jun, Sqh finds the violence hot actually)

Anyway, my point is that it would be funny if the demons actually liked Sqh and Sqq, not enough to make their husbands jelous about it, but enough for them to notice, like Sqq goes around the demon realm searching for a very specific flower? (He wants it to prank Airplane)

There's at least five different stores that promise to help out while offering tons of similar other options and some that he doesn't even know what he'll do with but are surely interesting

Sqh is missing food from the modern world and he vaguely describes it as he complains, especially how hard it would be to make without being able to control the temperatures right? (He wanted a chocolate cake)

All the chefs in the palace are trying their best to recreate the "exotic" plate he wants and new artifacts to control the flames are being made

Idk, i just think it'd be funny if they got to be loved by the people

[konjiang]

HELLOOOOO :D

Here to request the He's our third person -> I'm not their third person <- he's our third person picture thing but make it moshangtian :D they'd be so cute in your styleeeee aaaaaaa

You asked, I served :)

[konjiang]

Moshangtian with Tianlang-Jun busting into his beloved writers office with notes and ideas for Shang Qinghuas novels, but Shang Qinghua stops him right there because he already has an editor which sparks Tianlang-Jun's interests. Who is it? Whose reading such scandalous works and providing such top tier feedback that THE Shang Qinghua refuses to hire someone as enthusiastic as him.

Shen Qingqiu in the bamboo house for some reason feels a sense of dread...

[konjiang]

Obsessed with the idea of Mobei Jun going through most of his life thinking that he's the only one smart enough to pick up on Shang Qinghua's worth and try to court him, only to walk into a room one day (prior to his ascension) and see Luo Binghe's husband beating up his man in what is clearly a non-serious and recreational fashion.

Just how long has this been going on for? Is this why Qinghua has never formally accepted any of his proposals? How is he supposed to retaliate when Junshang will kill him on the spot for any perceived attack on his husband? The one guy he probably can't challenge to a duel, and he's clearly trying to seduce Mobei's man out from under him!

But what can he do? More violence? Sluttier outfits? Longer attempts at meaningful eye-contact? He was already pulling out all the stops, what does this stupid scholar have that he doesn't, huh?

[konjiang]

Shang Qinghua is an author first and foremost

He could kill them all.

He could do it, he really could, and no one would be able to stop him. It wouldn’t be so hard to do either.

For Shen jiu you target his Qi. The wrong medicine from Qian Cao one week and he would be gone.

Mu Qingfang is in the tea, put a little bit of nightshade instead of sleeping drought and he’s done. 

For Liu Qingge it really wouldn’t be so surprising if he never came home from a night hunt would it?

Yue Qingyuan would follow Shen Jiu anywhere, even death with the right words.

Qi Qingqi goes out to visit her sister every year, if something happened that drew her away before then it would only be natural for her to grieve. 

Mobei Jun and Lianlang jun with the right push would kill themselves in on swee.

For Luo Binghe it wouldn’t be too hard to find the demonic heritage sealing plant, a Shen Yuan could go  down the same way Shen Jiu did.

All of them were deniably easy to plan for, to be prepared for.

He could kill them all so that the only paperwork he would need to deal with would be for their deaths.

He would be happier afterwards anyway wouldn’t he?

No more bullying An Ding or it’s disciples. No more letting the other peaks hurt his kids. No more letting the others hurt him. No more worrying about The QiJiu spat, or the Bingyuan drama. No more Liu QIngge being Liu Qingge, or Qi Qingqi being Qi Qingqi. No more Mu QIngfang poking into things he shouldn’t.

No more worrying about the northern desert or any of its affiliates.

If they were dead Shang Qinghua would finally be free. 

“Shizun! Liu-Shishu is asking for more training dummies again!!!" He sighs.

“Coming!”

He could kill them if he wanted to.