kotemilpl

[kotemilpl]

If I was born again.

Pairings: mizu x fem!reader

CW: sfw, female reader, reader’s fvcking dead, angst obviously there’s not enough angst and yeah I’m thirsty for mizu too but can we get some sad stuff cause I feel like some ppl ignore her character just cause she’s hot, wlw, depressed mizu, I mean she’s already depressed but it’s worse here, shame on u for dying reader, actually I came up with this myself why am I shaming the reader, spoilers for episode 8, the ending of the episode takes a different turn so no london, violence, blood, ptsd, mizu my love i feel bad for writing this now I don’t want her to be any worseee, ill post an apology later, not proofread.

A/N: wanted to do my own request that I came up with in the shower this time, and I saw a mizu x reader but in another life and I thought that the reincarnation concept was so cute so I wanted to write about it. But not before I make everyone sad u will be posting an apology later tho.🕯️

Slivers of faint light peeked through the heap of clouds masking the warm tinted sunset, illuminating the thick blankets of snow along the ground a soft pink. Mizu remained knelt outside the rugged wood walling of Master Eiji’s forge, her lips remaining sealed together as she blankly remained in the chilling ambience.

1658. Or was it 1660 already? She couldn’t keep track of the years anymore, the wash of helplessness nearly shutting her mind down altogether ever since the incident stripping you away from her. Everything was a blur throbbing in the back of her head as she stared off without aim, eyes heavy lidded as they bore into the gleaming distance shrouded by a blinding brightness of the sun’s rays. A low sigh pushed past her lips in a slow stream of air, fogging up before her in a cloud of her breath visible from the cold.

The silence was only broken by the howls of chilling wind assaulting the tense atmosphere, ripping through the gold of the horizon in quick rushes. Has it been one year? Or two? Mizu felt awful for being unable to count it. She didn’t want your spirit to presume the notion of your death being nothing of importance. Rather, the sight of your lifeless corpse only spirlaled her into a sensation worse than being cut open, one that drove her into a deep hole of hatred and despair.

Mizu felt every drop of blood in her body tensing in anguish at the memory alone, her throat running dry from the horrible memory. Everything in hindsight seemed unintelligible to her, frequenting the habit of forgetting the most basic of things on occasions as her mind was constantly astray. You were fine moments before—everything was fine before the sight of Edo charred to the ground, erupted in flames that engulfed the city in its scorching heat.

Worst of all, the sight of your lifeless body limp against the floorboards, damp in a pool of crimson as Fowler held the opening of his rifle pressed against the bullet buried into your chest. It remained ingrained in her skull like a tormenting disease, eating away at the remaining sanity of her soul, searing along the ends of her temples as the image stuck with her. It was all her fault wasn’t it? Perhaps if she wasn’t a monster, things could’ve been different.

She could’ve saved you.

It was all her fault.

Mizu couldn’t help but suffer at the cusp of her regret’s palms, the thought that her wrathful desire to seek revenge had finally bestowed its consequences upon her, by ripping away the woman she had loved most right out of her grasp. Her hands always seemed to jitter occasionally after your death, thumb idly tracing the fabric of her clothing, or any object in her grasp in the same delicate gesture she’d caress your face.

The cold sting continued to bat against her bare cheek as Mizu remained knelt, legs tucked behind her as she sank in the heaping snow below her. Eyes fluttering shut, her knee bumped against the rim of her kasa for a brief moment, a momentary disturbance she paid no mind to. Mizu squeezed her eyes shut, brows knitting together with the tension creasing along her face as her hands remained planted on her lap firmly. Almost as if she sought to hide her eyes from the view of this cruel world, masking the part of her that lapped at her as the source of her hatred, and ultimately the goal behind those devilish eyes driving you to your death. 

An eerie creak, followed by the soft crunch of something digging into the crystalline snow sharply caught Mizu’s attention, raising an eyebrow in her disassociated state as she kept herself dug into the snow, unmoving. Eiji’s familiar voice rang within the flushed shell of her ear, his hoarse tone beholding a tinge of sympathy for the child he took in at a point.

“How long has it been since she passed?”

Mizu shrugged, blinking her eyes open to stare down at her hands. The gleaming cerulean was drained of even a slight glint of emotion but sorrow, her eyes practically dead in a wavering blue gradient.

“She’d hate me for even forgetting that. It was my fault. If I hadn’t-“

“Blaming yourself will not bring (Name) back, nor will it alleviate the pain of not having her with us.”

She only shook her head, tips of her fingers curling around the snow until the numbness spread through her hands as she breathed out a bitter scoff.

“(Name) didn’t even have to come with me to Edo, but she wanted to make sure I was safe. Because she was involved with me the consequences of my revenge caught up and Fowler fucking shot her. I couldn’t even protect her how is it not my fault?”

Eiji shook his head in response. Despite his lack of sight leaving him running his hand along objects and relying upon his hearing, he could sense the raw hatred scorching within Mizu. Yet it wasn’t toward anyone in particular. Not towards her targets like it usually was, but rather toward herself.

Mizu’s teeth grit together once more, recalling one painful memory after the other.

“She was covered in ash and burns when I retrieved her body. I couldn’t even bury her clean.” She thought back, a faint quiver racking her already shaky voice as if she was trying not to cry on the spot.

“Perhaps you’ll see her again in the next life. Rather than sulking, go pay respect to her and live on as she’d wish for you.”

With that reply, Eiji simply turned his back to Mizu, creaking the door open once more before shutting it behind him. Left alone with her thoughts in the cold, Mizu eyed the sun setting behind the distant horizon, taking note of the fact that it was getting quite late from the darkening sky in an enchanting scatter of purple—along with a star or two glowing in the distance.

You had been buried in the soil before Eiji’s forge when Mizu returned with your corpse hugged in her arms, held firmly against her chest with a deathly grip. She simply couldn’t risk your body being found by anybody else, atleast hoping to grant your physical form peace after death as a sort of compensation from the gnawing guilt of being unable to protect you in your final moments. In short, Mizu couldn’t bear the thought of even your body being in the presence of someone else. You would always be under her watch, even if you were no longer there.

Even if she could no longer hear your sweet laugh, your kindness in how you treated her, your warmth when you held her close to yourself..

Mizu shook off those thoughts hesitantly as she lowered her head, a pained expression flashing across her face. Pulling her quivering lower lip between the pressured bite of her teeth, attempting to hold back the tears threatening to prick at the corner of her eyes once more, she rose to her feet weakly as her feet dragged along the bundles of snow crowding her body. Even moons after you passed, she should’ve gotten used to this. But she just couldn’t.

Dragging herself lazily along the back of Eiji’s forge, her steps lacking the usual will to move forward reflected the weakness blistered within Mizu’s shattered heart. She could barely bring herself to even perform simple tasks in these recent years, often forcing herself to function normally for the sake of being alive.

Yet she always wondered the question what for? Certainly not for you, as you were deceased. Perhaps to crave the warmth of yours she missed? Pretend you were alive? She didn’t know anymore. Maybe she was just living for the hell of it, going through the motions like a mindless soldier working their ass off day and night.

…

Mizu stood at the foot of your grave, her eyes beholding a somber hint dimmed within as her gaze tiredly traced the kanji scratched onto the stone upright where you had been buried. Her expression seemed to soften at the sentiment of being with you in a way which your soul resided rather than your physical form. As excruciating as it felt for her to not have you by her side knowing you were dead, it was oddly poetic in a way.

Swallowing back the sob crawling up her throat, Mizu knelt before the stone coated in a thick white layer of crystals, carefully extending her arm to run her fingertips along the dusty rock whilst feeling the bumps of the carvings engraved into your tomb. Your voice echoed within her ear in an unending melody, plunging her into the more pleasant memories of you two, like an eternity of sunshine overtaken by an abrupt storm.

She breathed out a contented hum, still trying to control the maelstrom of emotions raging within her threatening to spill out at any given moment. There was only a small flower beginning to wilt beside the corner of your grave, along with a burnt out incense stick buried deep into the snow. Mizu took a mental note to replenish the items near your grave, along with potentially brewing you some tea to share. Perhaps you’d still want to drink with her in the afterlife?

However, Mizu couldn’t help but dwell upon the swordfather’s words that he spoke regarding the next time she’d be with you again. The confines of her mind could only ponder the scenario so far, yet a shred of hope continued to race within her as she smiled to herself at the thought.

Truly being together in another life in the future…maybe you could actually be happy with her.

Maybe she could take care of you. Perhaps even a family if the two of you wanted.

Just maybe in another life, she could protect you. Unlike how she failed in this one, she swears to protect you in the next.

Glancing around, she rasped out a quiet string of words after making sure nobody was around her. Words that she would only say to you even as she spoke to a discolored, lifeless corpse buried deep into the earth. But despite being dead, she knew you would hear them.

“You’re probably sick of me saying sorry for failing to protect you. But if we end up together in another life…I promise I’ll love you forever, (Name). I’ll protect you and cherish you like I couldn’t in this life.”

Her now downturned eyes raked along the sight of your grave, tracing the writing on it once more as her irises fixated on each character carved into the stone. Another soft whisper left her lips, quieter than the last one as a vague shake ingrained itself in her voice.

“I love you, (Name).”

—

Crackles of burning flames cried in the distance in angry orange sparks emanating from the waves of fire tearing down building after building, hovering dangerously close to your wounded body as trickles of blood seeped from the spot where the bullet was dug into your chest. You only caught Mizu’s worried form in the corner of your blurred vision as her palm rested along your crimson soaked chest, the warm blood only streaking along her hand as she attempted to ease your strained coughs.

“Stay with me, I- I’ll find Fowler soon and avenge you, just-“

A loud clank bruising against the back of her neck cut her words short, the broad Irish man towering over your twitching body as Mizu dragged her fingers against the bruised skin of her nape where Fowler had struck her with the stock of his rifle. His tall figure loomed over you as you lay helpless, soaked in your own blood spilled from where he had already fired a bullet into you.

All you could do was lay weakly in the pool of warm blood sticking to your clothes, the tint of red spreading up the fabric of your attire as that murderous emerald stare wrenched into your mind in a surge of fear. You desperately took in rapid, shallow breaths of air in an apprehensive, panicked state as Fowler drew closer to you, hyperventilating as the head of the rifle angled itself directly toward your chest once more.

Instead of firing another bullet to clash against the one already embedded into your flesh, he harshly jabbed the muzzle against your wound, earning a piercing yell from you at the excruciating pain.

Your agonizing screams twisted like a spear cranking deeper into Mizu’s chest, filling her with an aching wave of helplessness as her own wounds limited her to only being able to crawl toward you against her stomach slowly. The grotesque sight of Fowler taking pleasure in spilling more of your blood stung at her, mind nearly breaking in half as she drained her lungs dry with calls of your name in her incapacitated state.

Clawing her way against the floorboards, her fingers dug into the crevices of each plank of wood as leverage to hoist herself forward in your direction, reaching out. The sudden drive of adrenaline coursing through every vein in her body, dipping itself in her blood as it overtook her with nothing but desperation and anger was able to propel her forward, causing her to stagger to her wobbly feet as Fowler continued to torment you with that wicked grin.

Abruptly, the air fogged heavily with a tense atmosphere lingering in the area as the screams came to a sudden halt. Only the indistinct drip of damp flesh dragging against fresh blood bounced off the burning walls, ceasing as Fowler withdrew his rifle from your chest.

Once Mizu finally looked up, her heart nearly stopped in disbelief, dropping to the pits of her stomach as she felt her skin run cold, goosebumps blooming along it in contrast to the flames around her. Met with the sight of your lifeless body, still against the ground as your eyes lost any light that presided in them, while spread out against the ground unmoving.

…

“I’m sorry.”

…

…

…

————

“Hey, wake up.”

You groggily blinked open your eyes at the abrupt voice startling you awake, lashes sticking your eyes together as you struggled to wake back up. Back pressed to the bench, you took in the bright sights of the crowd moving forth in the complex, not paying any mind to your phone buzzing in your pocket and vibrating against your skin. Letting out a deep yawn, you pressed a hand to your eyelid, rubbing yourself awake in confusion.

Huh. You could’ve sworn you just had a strange dream, yet you couldn’t remember much from it—if anything at all in fact. It was hard to even piece together the blur of whether it was a happy or unpleasant dream. It felt like a mix of both, to be frank. Remembering the voice that woke you up, you swiftly darted your head in both directions, finding a stranger staring at you in confusion against your right shoulder.

Something about her seemed oddly familiar. You’re sure you’ve never met this person before, yet that dark hair let down as the front was neatly combed to the side…maybe her lowered expression accentuated by her thick eyebrows? Maybe those gorgeous blue eyes must have caught your attention, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

The stranger looked equally as bewildered as you, her mouth slightly parted as she stared intently with the same expression, as if she’d seen you before as well. You cleared your throat, breaking the awkward tension fostered between the two of you as you spoke.

“Ah. Sorry. Did you wake me up?”

She nodded bashfully, attempting to turn her fixated gaze away from you, but failing.

“Yeah. You were kind of leaning on my shoulder, and I wanted to walk around a bit.”

“Was I-? Shit, sorry that’s embarrassing-“

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. It’s not everyday you have a stranger sleeping on your shoulder.” She responded with a small laugh, flicking her pointer finger along the orange tinted glasses folded and tucked in the front hem of her shirt.

Still sensing you were embarrassed, she nudged your shoulder, offering you up as she rose to her feet.

“Come walk with me. It would be nice to have some company that I didn’t wanna depart with just yet.”

She urges you, to which you nod, moving side by side to catch up with her as you strolled around campus.

Right. You were currently in your college campus. How the hell did you even forget where you were?

“I never caught your name?”

“Mizu.” She replied firmly, following up almost in an instant. “Yours?”

“(Name).”

She nodded, eyes transfixed on you for a heartbeat as if she recalled your name somewhere.

Strangely enough, you felt at ease by this woman’s side, a peculiar twinge of comfort breathing like an aromatic oil diffused within you. Midway, you caught sight of a small stand constructed by a student paired with a line of others with cash bunched up in a fist, a thick stack of vermillion-orange covered books piled up as the student slid them towards others in exchange for cash.

Mizu clicked her tongue observantly, catching sight of the banner displayed. “Oh. They’re selling a book about Edo Japan. The Great Fire of 1657 specifically.” She blurted out, catching your attention to spin in her direction as she walked. You let out a small breath of laughter, spilling out that bizarre feeling building in you in the form of a joke.

“For some weird reason whenever someone mentions the great fire in Edo I get a weird sense of déjà vu.” You chuckle, hoping to not seem too weird in her eyes.

“Same here.”

…well that certainly caught your attention.

“Are- you being serious? Cause I was.”

She only nods, smiling faintly as you huffed in surprise. The two of you continued walking along the pavement in comfortable silence, the smile remaining on your face as you treaded along the stone shoulder to shoulder with Mizu, along with drags of your shoes against the ground grating in a satisfying noise. After a few eternities of silence, your voice cut through the quiet air.

“You know. I get reminded of this one poem when I think about it.”

“Enlighten me.”

“If I was born again, by Tsurayuki.”

“…I’ll have to check it out. Probably can’t find it online considering how old it may be.” She replies, amused. You found yourself once again growing attached to her upon hearing her charming laugh, taking in every aspect of her with that clouding sense of familiarity.

Maybe you have met this stranger before. In another life perhaps?

Whatever it is, you’ll probably find out what that random wave of affection is soon enough. Maybe it could be some supernatural stuff like the poem?

You recalled the poem’s lines within your head, putting the remaining energy you had left on your spent brain to remember the words strung out.

If I was born again,

I would have loved you longer.

If you’re reborn, wait for me.

Subconsciously reaching over, you took Mizu’s hand in your grasp, not uttering a word in hopes she wouldn’t pull away. Once more, it was an odd feeling. It felt almost natural to hold her hand like this, her skin soft, yet slight callouses defined along her palm ringing that puzzling familiarity again.

Her hand pressed into your touch further, lacing her fingers between yours casually in response.

Perhaps that feeling stems from something you may have shared with her in the past.

A/N: last fic before I go back to school now no more fics for a while because of fucking midterms anyway sorry for making yall cry im feeling evil (I sobbed like a baby making this ngl)

I TOOK SO LONG ITS 12 IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE SCHOOL WHAT also this was so hard to write towards the end so it got lazy because i couldn’t find a GOOD FUCKNG POEM ABOUT REINCARNATION we needed more mizu angst btw it’s necessary

Anyway goodnight me and Mizu are getting married after my midterm exams bring a fruit basket and flowers everyone 🕯️

[kotemilpl]

Kevin the Kitten and Satan the Cat 🖤 Artist: 📸@vanessastockard

[kotemilpl]

Bunny Mizu<3

Just forgot how to breath hehe🤤

art is also on my insta

[kotemilpl]

《Intro Post 》

★—☆

☆ — I'm kotemilpl but you can call me victoria or vic, my pronous are she/them. And I am from poland and my english is not that perfect.

instagram acc: @ kotyemilapl

polish wattpad acc: @ kotemilpl

discord acc: @ kotemilpl

☆ — mostly blue eye samurai content and oc stuff, one shots, arts.

☆ — Mizu's wife.

☆ — i'm an artist, i draw everything except nsfw artworks. i am also a writer so I can write(one shots) nsfw even on request if someone wish <3 from Bes of course.