krakenapologist - Tumblr blog

[krakenapologist]

its actually really well tenderised. you could be a chef. probably could. maybe i will. i can do anything. id come to your restaurant. well you might not get in. its going to be very popular. youd save me a seat wouldnt you. maybe. if you werent being a dick. what night do you wanna come. saturday night. thats a busy night. ill come on the monday. okay. i can probably get you in. its called blackbeards bar and grill. and other delicacies. and delights. and fishing equipment. yeah but who wants to go to dinner and walk past all this fishing gear you can buy. maybe a gift shop out the back. then you could say oh i hope you enjoyed your meal have you seen the gift shop. what would they say. oh no thanks ive just come for a nice meal. thats aw now theyre angry. no! theyre gonna leave a bad review. another guy from the other side of the room might go oh im into gifts! ill go and have a look! oh yeah well thats the guy im after i want him to come. whos he. thats me. awwwghh

[krakenapologist]

u guys the thing is i literally do not care abt izzy in the toe scene. like i only care abt ed its like ugh i j feel like it wasnt good for her mental health:( like sure ok izzy lost a toe or whatever and its like w/e… eds literally notokay….

[krakenapologist]

finally caught up on wwdits:)! how fun!:) ;starts tesring at the walls and scratching at the ceiling and killing so many;::

[krakenapologist]

[krakenapologist]

[ID: a digital drawing of marwa from “what we do in the shadows.” she is in her wedding dress, smiling wide, and holding her bouquet of red and black roses. below her, coming from shadow, faceless versions of nandor’s other wives are clawing up at her. the background is black. end ID.]

1 out of 37 gets the perfect ass !!

[krakenapologist]

ON LOVE AS A WEAPON

franz kafka // a.j. // ada limón // yves olade // margaret atwood // natalie wee // richard siken // hala alyan

[krakenapologist]

it also makes me kinda sad that the djinn must be so used to men in power who acquire his lamp and make wishes like. my wife will like what i like, my wife will have a perfect ass, etc…. like sure part of the fun of being a djinn is intentionally messing up the wishes and tricking the lamp barer but. also like wldnt you too when the dude is a massive dingus

[krakenapologist]

[id: clips of nandor and guillermo from “what we do in the shadows” fighting, from the episodes “the portrait” and “the night market”. the video is set to “horny angry tango” from “crazy ex girlfriend”. /end id]

each time we fight i crave you more

[krakenapologist]

when you call him crazy you’re just calling him in love 💕

[id: clips of guillermo from “what we do in the shadows” set to “i’m just a girl in love” from “crazy ex girlfriend” /end id]

[krakenapologist]

the djinn is sticking around bc he loves the drama

[krakenapologist]

ok. im all wwdits caught up. feeling a little insane

[krakenapologist]

nandor wanted to be human again so bad last season and he has said multiple times that he doesn't actually like being a vampire or being around vampires and he despises the idea of turning guillermo. i get that the arc in the show is probably over for good, but!!! now that nandor has a djinn, he could actually wish to be... human again

[krakenapologist]

see the nandermo /toxic is exactly what makes it so /pos

[krakenapologist]

thinking about how nandor calling all his partners wives is a clever way to have him very explicitly handwave heteronormativity and establishes him as someone who doesn’t even register the modern sexuality zeitgeist BUT still places him as the sole husband: still centers him as the man of the house, the one waited on hand and foot, the one in charge, and the one ultimately aloof from a relationship that is supposed to be a partnership (there being many wives notwithstanding).

and how if, in the end, guillermo refuses to be nandor’s wife and insists on being his husband that it sings in total synergy with the entire storyline thus far - it would be guillermo learning to own himself, his sexuality, his self worth, and refusing to be a doormat, and nandor accepting that change is part of life even when you are undying, and that he cannot always be dominant in order to avoid being vulnerable, and in fact needs a partner that will challenge him

in this essay i won’t

[krakenapologist]

Guillermo De La Cruz in  S4E01 + S4E02 of What We Do In The Shadows FX

[krakenapologist]

I've reblogged several posts about it but god it's only just sunk in that they canonized the fact it's a huge taboo/crime for a vampire to sleep with a vampire hunter and specifically uses Van Helsing as the example I'm gonna go insane. The punishment for sleeping with a vampire hunter is eternal servitude and a mind wipe. This is my Joker. I will never be normal again. We have canon forbidden romance. What the fuck.

[krakenapologist]

NO you guys the point is that guillermo is exactly the opposite of what nandor says he’s looking for in a perfect wife and it’s bc nandor cannot stand the fact that guillermo perpetually manages to get the upper hand in spite of everything, and to love someone like that obviously scares the shit out of him. and now that guillermo isn’t even pining anymore and seems to be pulling away…that was the one thing nandor had on guillermo (aside from putting off turning him into a vampire) and this petty bitch is just so desperate to get a win and feel like he has any semblance of power in this situation that he will resort to getting married to literally anybody else just to spite what he knows in his heart to be true lmao. anyway guillermo is the hottest best most important character of all time