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Whistleblower Claims U.S. Concealing ‘Multi-Decade’ UFO Program
Three military veterans testified before Congress claiming that the U.S. government is concealing a longstanding program that reverse engineers alien aircraft and has recovered non-human “biologics” from alleged crash sites. What do you think?
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Shohei Ohtani Announces Plans To Leave Angels For Team In MLB
LOS ANGELES—After months of speculation over his playing future, baseball phenom Shohei Ohtani announced Friday his plans to leave the Los Angeles Angels for a team in Major League Baseball. “It’s been an honor playing for the Angels, and I’ll be sad to leave, but like many great foreign players before me, I want to…
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New Charges Suggest Trump Asked Mar-A-Lago Employee To Tape Over Security Footage With Rerun Of ‘Hong Kong Phooey’
MIAMI—According to sources familiar with the case, new charges filed Thursday in the federal indictment against Donald Trump suggested that the former president instructed a Mar-a-Lago employee to tape over security footage with a rerun of Hong Kong Phooey. “Despite being more than aware that doing so would obstruct…
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Norman Rockwell Museum Returns Looted Paintings To Africa
STOCKBRIDGE, MA—Acknowledging the need to right historical wrongs, curators at the Norman Rockwell Museum announced Friday that they were returning dozens of looted paintings to Africa. “These artworks belong to the West African peoples they were taken from, and we have no right as a Western museum to continue to…
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Rhino Clearly Got Lip Filler Between Seasons Of Nature Docuseries
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Woman Will Always Remember Deceased Grandmother As Person Whose House Family Had To Visit Sometimes
BATTLE CREEK, MI—Vowing to never let her memory fade, local woman Victoria Caruso told reporters Friday that she would always remember her deceased grandmother as the person whose house her family had to visit sometimes. “Ever since I was a kid, my grandma was someone who had a house approximately 40 minutes away from…
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Congress Allocates $55 Billion In Infrastructure Funding To Fill Holes Angry Boyfriend Punched In Nation
WASHINGTON—Recognizing the need for funds to repair numerous damages after a night of drinking, Congress passed a $55 billion infrastructure bill Friday to fill the holes their angry boyfriend punched in the nation. “We’re enacting this legislation to patch up the thousands of miles of roads and bridges our boyfriend…
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Zealous American Patriot Draws Line At Women Playing Soccer
VALDOSTA, GA—Explaining that even his deeply ingrained support for his country had its limits, zealous American patriot Gabriel Bartlett told reporters this week that he drew the line at women playing soccer. “I don’t care that they represent America—I’m not watching that shit,” said the financial advisor and diehard…
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Greyhound Announces Successful Bus Voyage To View The Titanic
DALLAS—A milestone in private deep-sea travel was reportedly reached Friday when Greyhound Lines announced the completion of a successful bus voyage to view the wreck of the Titanic. “We’re pleased to share that Greyhound passengers were treated to the rare sight of the wreck of the Titanic some 12,500 feet down on…
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Zion Williamson Confident He Can Be In Basketball Shape By Late 30s
NEW ORLEANS—Responding to ongoing concerns from fans as well as the New Orleans Pelicans organization about his physical conditioning in a career thus far marred by injuries, power forward Zion Williamson expressed his confidence to reporters Friday that he could be in basketball shape by his late 30s. “I just need…
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Things To Never Say To A Fan Of Ben Shapiro
A conservative commentator and columnist, Ben Shapiro co-founded the Daily Wire website and is host of the podcast The Ben Shapiro Show. If you know someone who is a fan of Ben Shapiro, here are things you should never say.
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Real Estate Roundup
Take a closer look at all these gems still available to the right buyer!
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Staffer Waiting For Car Temporarily Leans Frozen Mitch McConnell Against Nearby Fire Hydrant
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DeSantis Involved In Car Crash In Tennessee
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) was involved in a multi-car accident on Tuesday in Tennessee as he traveled in a motorcade to a campaign stop for his 2024 presidential bid. He was uninjured. What do you think?
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Doctors Confirm McConnell Had A Stroke After Imagining A Happy Black Person
WASHINGTON—Having determined the cause of an episode in which the minority leader froze midway through remarks to the press and then remained silent for 19 seconds, doctors confirmed Thursday that Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) had suffered a stroke after imagining a happy Black person. “We ran some tests and discovered…
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Elderly Senators Amused To Discover Their Strokes Syncing Up
WASHINGTON—Discovering the phenomenon as they all received emergency medical attention at the same time, several elderly senators reportedly found it amusing Thursday that their strokes seemed to be syncing up. “I’ve heard of this happening, but I honestly thought it was a myth,” a distant, glassy-eyed Mitch McConnell…
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