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[krizzyyy-blog]

I could say that my life has been very unexpected and very frustrating. Since I was an only child, my parents expected great things from me, especially my mother. Even during my elementary days, she used to tutor me for my exams, made sure that I studied during the weekends and limited my computer time. She was very intimidating at the same time caring. My father , on the other hand was very carefree and approachable. He used to make hilarious faces and call me silly names. In this point in my life, I was contented. I got good grades, great friends and a happy family. However things could suddenly spiral out of control. My life went upside down when my mother got diagnosed with cancer. I was 10 at that time. I wasn’t sure of what’s really happening but I understood that it was grave and serious. Despite all the medications, the cancer still prevailed and claimed the life of my mother. I don’t know why but I didn’t cry a lot when she died. I think it was because it was all too sudden or I closed off all my emotions. It is very hard to suddenly lose a loved one, especially your mother. However, my dad’s behavior is what shocked me the most. After my mother died, he would sometimes come home late or even early in the morning. He wouldn’t let me borrow his phone and he started buying lots of stuff like polo shirts and shows for himself. It was as if he wasn’t affected by it. And it made me feel angry and lonely. I wanted to mourn with him and be comforted by him. Our relationship became rocky and even more so when I discovered that he had been seeing someone. It made me and my mother’s family so furious. My aunts and uncles brought up how he couldn’t even properly look after my mom when she was sick and in just a few months, he already had someone else. Eventually, he left me to the care of my mother’s grandmother. I remembered how my mother told me before she died that I shouldn’t go with my father. At that time, I never understood why. But then as I grew older, I remembered how my mother and father fought constantly. My father used to go out a lot on the weekends and met with his friends. I never saw them being intimate or being close which made me understand why my father could easily do those things. Our relationship worsened even more especially when they got married and had a kid. His new wife had two sons already from her previous relationships and my dad is the only provider for them including me. So they constantly fought about financial difficulties. And my father couldn’t provide most of my needs although he still paid my tuition fees. What angered me the most was that he still holds all of my mother’s retirement money as well as the pension on my behalf but he couldn’t even provide my needs properly. He would get angry when I would ask for financial aid telling me that he’s having a hard time and whatsoever. Now, we are not even talking anymore. I got hold of my pension and I’ve been using it as a payment for my tuition fees this college. My uncle, who’s staying abroad, is the one who’s giving me my weekly allowance. And my grandmother usually provides for my needs and other necessities. This experience made me very skeptical about relationships and even marriage. It made me unable to trust people easily but it also made me stronger and more resilient when I’m encountering any problems in life. It’s not easy to not have any parent to depend on but my relatives as well as my friends made me see the beauty in life and they keep me going.