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❝ Is that piss, mate? Did you just squirt piss in my mouth? We so are done, professionally! ❞

‘ it ain’t piss. trust me if it were my piss--- scratch that, if it were anyone’s piss from this flarkin’ ship you’d probably be deader than...well a very dead thing. you don’t wanna know the shit Drax puts down his throat on a daily basis. as for Groot? you’d assume sap but you’d be assumin’ wrong.  PH levels you humies ain’t never seen. ‘ 

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‘ i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me? ’

  ‘ you offerin’ sweetcheeks? because i don’t know if you’ve noticed but i am entirely made for domesticated livin’ and loungin’  it didn’t take much to attract him, especially not when someone with such a pretty face and distinguished ... features said such things.  sidling up to her with a mischievous grin making its way onto his face he’d attempt to flaunt his fluffy features.  ‘ y’know, i don’t even need t’ wear pants either. i think we’re onto somethin’ here, whaddya think? ‘

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agentvencm

  ‘ not to vent, but: fuck. ’

gfdi rocket

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‘ not to vent, but: fuck. ’

 ‘ it ain’t that bad, look at the bright side. ‘  so Quill had stormed off, Drax seemed to be utterly offended at Flash’s sudden outburst due to the absurdity of their entire situation. a mad Titan still chased them, Symbiotes running amuck trying to proclaim him to be some sort of hero of their people and  their ship needing heavy repairs if they hoped to go anywhere else than an early grave.   ‘ i wasn’t affected so--- it ain’t all shit. ‘

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✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’ ‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’ ‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’ ‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’ ‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’ ‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’ ‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’ ‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’ ‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’ ‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’ ‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’ ‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’ ‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’ ‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’ ‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’ ‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’ ‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’ ‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’ ‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’ ‘  i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’ ‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’ ‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’ ‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’ ‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’ ‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’ ‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’ ‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’ ‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’ ‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’ ‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’ ‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’ ‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’ ‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’ ‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’ ‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’ ‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’ ‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’ ‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’ ‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’ ‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’ ‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’ ‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’ ‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’ ‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’ ‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’ ‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’ ‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’ ‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’ ‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’ ‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’ ‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’ ‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’ ‘  honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’ ‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’ ‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’ ‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’ ‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’ ‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’ ‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’ ‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’ ‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’ ‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’ ‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’ ‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’ ‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’ ‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’ ‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’ ‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’ ‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’ ‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’ ‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’ ‘  you can start again anytime!  ’ ‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’ ‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’ ‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’ ‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’ ‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’ ‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’ ‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’ ‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’ ‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’ ‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’ ‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’ ‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’ ‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’ ‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’ ‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’ ‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’ ‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’ ‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’ ‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’ ‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’ ‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’ ‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’ ‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’ ‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’ ‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’ ‘  you son of a mumford!  ’ ‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’ ‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’ ‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’ ‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’ ‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’ ‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’ ‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’ ‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’ ‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’ ‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’ ‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’ ‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’ ‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’ ‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’ ‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’ ‘  i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over?  ’ ‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’ ‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’ ‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’ ‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

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    listen up !    ghost here with yet another mistake in a raccoon form.  please like / reblog this is you’re interested in interacting with a multiverse (MCU / COMIC) Rocket Raccoon.  i dont know what to write here actually so ! thanks

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retags

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★*ﾟ‘ﾟ･DC Comics Special (2012)

quotes taken from robot chicken’s dc comics special. 

❝ Last one at the party can’t fly. ❞ ❝ Oh God! Oh, my back just snapped like a pack of uncooked spaghetti! You just walk up and break my back without saying a word. ❞ ❝Booh! Booh on you, sir!❞ ❝ Why would that be one of your super powers? ❞ ❝I should really use that power more often. ❞ ❝ I can’t remember why I hate you. ❞ ❝ You might want to close your eyes. ❞ ❝ Let’s see if we can at least make it through a round of hors d'oeuvres before the first supervillain shows up. ❞ ❝ Come on! I thought we had a schedule worked out.This is my day. ❞ ❝ It’s German. ❞ ❝ Well, I ain’t changing, you dick. ❞ ❝ Everyone, freeze! Oh, for fuck’s sake! ❞ ❝ I completely forgot about Chillblaine. ❞ ❝ Why didn’t you tell me they look like cartoons. ❞ ❝ If you can’t keep it together, you need to leave. ❞ ❝ Hold on there, _________.You gotta do it in costume.❞ ❝ You bitches can pay for your own drinks. ❞ ❝ I do not just call when I’ve been drinking.❞ ❝ I’m literally the only one affected by that rule! ❞ ❝ I still have a scar in my forehead from Christmas 2004, you dumb butthole. ❞ ❝ My God, What was that? ❞ ❝This is so cool.Not quite “Independence Day” cool, but much cooler than “Battle Los Angeles” cool. ❞ ❝ Could you please stop screaming? ❞ ❝ Protect me, Selena Gomez! ❞ ❝ I am not sure that the earthlings are worthy of a ring. ❞ ❝ All we gonna do is go over to the Hall of Justice, plant a nega-bomb and kill them all at once. ❞ ❝ And it never hurts to leave a few riddles with embedded clues on how to diffuse the bomb. ❞ ❝ Riddle me this! Which losers are gonna be totally jealous when I defeat the JLA without them? It’s YOU GUYS!❞ ❝ I’m shutting down this turd factory before it gets any worse. ❞ ❝  That was an ancient relic passed down from my ancestors! ❞ ❝ And, who ever’s been picking their nose at the urinal and wiping it on the wall.Stop it. ❞ ❝ What is the wifi password in here again? ❞ ❝ It’s the Justice League. We’re under attack! ❞ ❝ Look, I don’t want to hurt your feelings… ❞ ❝ I have the codes to the Watch Tower service entrance. ❞ ❝ I didn’t join the forces of evil or anything. ❞ ❝ We give you a hard time but only because we love you, bro. ❞ ❝ We’ve been caked! ❞ ❝ I got a staph infection, I almost died. ❞ ❝ Is that piss, dude? Did you just squirt piss in my mouth? We so are done, professionally! ❞ ❝ I’m gonna kick your ass! ❞

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finally saw gotg2 so i can be here without fear of spoilers!

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:3

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' my trash can is over there if you want. or i got nachos, whatever you prefer lil' dude. '

‘ go on. keep talking. insinuate that i’m a fuckin’ rodent one more time. i dare ya.’ 

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dualitrix:

             You could at least accept the compliment. “You know, there’s definitely something to be said for brute strength. It paved the way for things long before your—” She lifted her hand in the air as though searching for a word. “—Toys came along.” No one knocked Hamlet and got away with it. “Sure, they’re technologically superior, I can’t argue that, but a whip doesn’t jam like a gun does. One day I’ll save your life with Hamlet, and then you’ll see what I mean.”

  ‘ you’ve obviously never held one of my guns then.  jammin’ on the battlefield means your deader than --well, somethin’ dead. so anything i make doesn’t jam. your little rope there ain’t gonna do much when there’s a kree squadron headed for ya, or when you’ve gotta make a shot from yards away. face it, you’re just holdin’ onto a bygone era in the form of a whip. ‘  no one trashed his gun’s and got away with it.  ‘ one day you’ll see you won’t have to save my life with Ham-shit because i’ll be too busy savin’ your ass in the middle of a firefight!  if you even survive that is. ‘

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dualitrix:

             “That’s actually…brilliant. How does that work? The activation. Did you build those yourself? Could you tea—no, never mind. Can’t make Hamlet jealous.” She gestured to the whip holstered to her thigh. Was there anything unusual about it? Not particularly. Its length tended to vary, but that wasn’t nearly as spectacular. “Now I can’t blow you off the ship, partially because I haven’t got my own pistol and partially because I believe in seniority, but…if you mess with Hammy, I’ll take you over my knee. He’s an heirloom, not a toy. So, I think we’ve reached a mutual understanding.”

  ‘it works because i made it work like that. s’all you need to know. ‘  a whip? nothing he’d want to get his hands on. the only reason he’d consider taking it would be if it was worth money, but then again she’s on the ship so he couldn’t exactly run anywhere with it. he’ll note it down for later however.   ‘ yeah yeah yeah, don’t care. so it’s a whip made by some Hamlet guy. don’t get all sentimental with me. i’m sure Drax would give more of a shit than i do. he’s a sucker for the more physical sort of weapons. ‘ 

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dualitrix:

              “I’d like to make it clear that rules are important and have their purpose. Also that the guns I’m interested in aren’t typically considered firearms.” She glances over the list. Nothing too disagreeable. “But just to be clear—if I do touch the guns, what’s the penalty? If it’s my own stupidity doing me in, I can handle that. I know how to handle a gun. I just prefer my whip. Leaves a nicer image for others to remember me by.”

 ‘ one of two things’ll happen if you touch my guns. ‘ he taps on his smaller firearm, watching it light up viciously before smacking it again, powering it down instantly.  ‘ well, let’s just say you needa special sorta touch to handle my weapons. after all, i can’t have just anyone usin’ them. so either it’s your hands get blown off. ‘ a pause , picking up the pistol and aiming it towards her, a small pew escaping him before speaking. ‘ or you get blown off the ship. by me.’

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’ stupid head. ’

  ‘ you wanna say that again , humie?  preferably into the barrel of my gun here? ‘  it’s not loaded, his latest shots were used to take down a few wandering omnics on the plains, anything else he has is mere talk. perhaps if she let him sit down and fix up his weapon, scavenging parts from nearby bots, his threat would hold some weight.    ‘ we’re both stuck here until one of us can think of something. and lucky for me, i’ve thought of something. so if you’d quit slowin’ me down, i can leave this flarkin’ planet in peace! ‘

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’ If you promise not to fight anymore, I promise not to yell at you, except on special occasions. ’

  ‘ no deal. you’re pretty and all but fightin’ what i do. it’s like takin’ away your fancy powers or cheap booze from Quill. Ain’t happenin’. ‘   he glares up at her, though she may be leagues stronger than anyone on her team, his pride would never let him back down from fighting.   ‘ unless you’ve got a better offer. ‘