ksxkwangshik-blog

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksdaewon:

The sight of his friend’s eyes glossing over had a lump appearing in Daewon’s throat and even though the only thing he wanted was to pull Kwangshik into a hug, he couldn’t because he didn’t know if the other would accept or want the hug.  Of course, when the other asked if Areum was better, he could only swallow hard because this wasn’t about him hiding the truth but about Kwangshik’s mother.  Speechless, Daewon could only look at him unsure of what to say about that.  It wasn’t because he thought Areum was better but he supposed Kwangshik’s mother had her reasons for leaving the way she did even if he didn’t know what they were.

“Hey, don’t think that way. We were too young back then, I am sure things happened that we were not aware of and there is a perfectly logical explanation for everything. You are as good as Areum, all right? Trust me on that, please.” The only thing the misfit wanted was to console his friend any way he could but he was not sure if his words would be enough or even be heard by the other.  “It might not be my place to say this but if you haven’t talked to your mother, maybe you should.” Something told him that maybe he should have kept his mouth shut but in his opinion, as he saw his friend lying on the bed, he needed to hear his mother if he hadn’t already.

At this point, all Kwang wanted to do was to put the blame on someone. Of course he knew he shouldn’t, but he didn’t know how else to console himself otherwise. Not only that, but he didn’t know who to place the blame on exactly. There were many people to shift it onto. On Daewon for hiding the truth for so long. On Areum for being born in the first place (typical sibling thing). On his mother for starting this in the first place. All petty reasons to shift blame onto someone for, but what else was he going to do?

Talking to his mom. It honestly sounded like the last thing on earth that the misfit wanted to do. “Do you honestly think I want to talk to her right now?” he spat. “For one, I don’t necessarily have the means of communication with her, considering she bailed eons ago and second, I wouldn’t even know how to start that conversation. Would you know how to bring it up?”

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksjaehyun:

Being snapped at like he was at fault for this situation had Jaehyun coming closer and closer to a line he knew it would be dangerous to cross. But the audacity of the other made it so hard to practice self control in this moment. After all it was Kwangshik who came into his dorm, interrupted his smoke, and now he was ripping into him for some bullshit he started? Not today, not while the misfit still had a pulse. 

“Shit I don’t know about?” Jaehyun challenged, getting up from his seat and taking a step towards Kwang. “Why don’t you stop talking about shit you don’t know about?” With every step closer he took, his voice raised itself. Jaehyun didn’t intend on letting the whole dorm in on their argument but he couldn’t help it with how quickly his control was slipping from him. “You have no fucking idea Kwang, and no, frankly I don’t think you gave a shit about us, any of us. If you did then maybe you’d still be leader.”

Kwang couldn’t help it. The anger was just bubbling inside of him and it wouldn’t be long until it boiled over. It was beyond repair at this point, now that practically everyone in Keisung could hear their screaming. When Jae had gotten up from his spot to fight back, the misfit absolutely knew it was too late to turn around and act like he never walked into there now. Way too late for that.

“I did care about you guys. I still do.” He started, his voice escalating with every word that came from his mouth. “There were other things I had to handle, more important than these petty cliques and you would never understand just what it was.” The ex-leader could feel his face heat up and it’s a shock he hadn’t blacked out from rage yet. He wasn’t there quite yet, but he was inching himself closer. “Don’t act like you were fucking hurt when I left, Jung Jaehyun. Don’t act like anyone was.”

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksdaewon:

When the other finally seemed to believe him, Daewon could only nod as he closed his eyes because he felt so guilty and sorry towards his friend.  The last thing he wanted was to hide something like that but there was nothing he could do now besides own up to what he did.  As he told his friend to hit him, he was just trying to find a way to make things right but even as the words left his lips, he knew that there was nothing he could do to fix this.

He had lowered his head but as the other spoke about hitting him, the misfit raised it to allow his friend to do it while he kept his eyes off of Kwangshik.  Of course, when his friend spoke again, he couldn’t stop himself from looking his way and he didn’t miss the way his eyes looked which had him looking away again as he bit his lower lip.  “I… am so sorry Kwang.” There was nothing he could say because no, he didn’t know what his friend went through when he found out and if he was honest, he was afraid to ask.

“What? No, Kwangshik. Why…? No, okay. I am not friends with you because I pity you. You’re my friend because I care about you and even if we don’t see you or hang out as often as when we were kids, I am always happy when we do. Damn it, I should have been a better friend and it’s okay if you don’t want to see me again or if you need time.”

Everything Dae was trying to explain to Kwang was falling onto deaf ears. Reason was definitely being block out at the moment. Of course Dae had to promise his mother he would keep the secret. It was the right thing to do. Of course Dae hadn’t meant to hurt him. However, his judgment was clouded from the moment the realization hit him that his friend had indeed been serious. Kwang’s eyes had glossed over, and he couldn’t help it. Ever since finding out about Areum, things spiraled. He figured out who lied and who didn’t and it was nothing short of painful.

“Was Areum better? I really don’t get it, Dae.” He mumbled under his breath, stepping back to fall onto the bed behind him. “The more I find out about this, the worse it gets.”

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksjaehyun:

That voice was unmistakable. The familiarity in the soft swell of his murmurs that sent a shiver down his spine so many times before now sat like a pit at the bottom of his stomach. Jaehyun’s head slowly rose as his eyes adjusted to the figure in front of him in the dim light, Kwangshik. Both the ex-misfit leader and his almost ex. What a great way to kill his buzz. Just seeing that face again was enough to have his heart ache and his blood boil at the same time. 

Jaehyun glanced at the newly closed door behind Kwangshik and then back to him. Swallowing dryly, he put out his joint on the ashtray in front of him. “I’m sooo fucking glad that our ex-leader is concerned for me,” he snorted, narrowing his gaze and looking him up and down from his seat. “You gave up that shit when you went mia Kwang. Don’t front like you give a shit about any of this clique stuff… or me…. I think you made both things very clear last time I saw you.” Jaehyun tried not to sound bitter but even now he couldn’t let it go. Being tossed asides like it was fucking nothing time after time took its toll. 

The misfit absolutely had to question why out of all the doors he could’ve found himself at, out of all the people he could’ve come into contact with, out of all the timing in the world, it had to be in Jaehyun’s dorm room at that exact moment. Just standing in that room had repressed memories of the two threatening to resurface, causing him to swallow hard just to keep his cool. Staring at the other’s face had his insides churning just at the mere sight of him. It was just too cruel, ending up there.

“Don’t talk about shit you don’t know about.” Kwang snapped, coming back to his senses. Although he had absolutely no defense for ending their would-be relationship (one Jaehyun was willing to listen to, for that matter), there was no way in hell he would let his situation with Areum and his birth mother be downplayed like Jaehyun was doing in that moment. “You don’t know anything about why I left, so don’t I didn’t care about the clique.”

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksxsuyeon:

Su waited as the other, who he assumed was also a student, approached the tree that he was in with the cat. This guy didn’t seem extremely interested in Su’s current situation, and he was giving him a nonchalant feeling, but Su brushed it off and maintained his motivation to get the other to help him. He was pleasantly surprised when the other reached out for the cat still, though. Of course Suyeon was thrilled that he wanted to help him, too.

“He was stuck and I saved him. Of course he wants down. Wouldn’t you want to be saved if you were stuck in a tree?” He questioned as he lowered the cat down into the stranger’s hands. The cat still seemed irritated though, it’s tail swishing from side to side as it let out a low sound of displeasure at being handled by the two. Su looked rather pleased with his act of kindness though, beaming from head to toe with pride. “You helped save him too. You’re a nice person. We should go do something together!” He rocked on his heels, his hands clasped behind his back as he waited impatiently for the response. Surely they’d figure out what to do with the cat as well, since he didn’t want it getting stuck up in the tree.

Kwangshik couldn’t help but chuckle, despite the displeased and anything but happy cat in his arms. “Stuck in a tree? I don’t see myself getting into that type of situation, so I’m going to have to say no comment.” The misfit steps down as the other male climbs back down from the tree, but is taken aback from the stranger’s eagerness to hang out with him. That was definitely new. With a cocked eyebrow, Kwang thought to himself for a moment and when realizing he had nothing better to do, he gave a nonchalant shrug. 

“I mean... I guess.” He finally replied, unable to find the willingness to destroy the light in the other’s eyes. No use in ruining the kid’s day, after all. He gave a sigh, holding the cat out from his person as it started to scratch some more. “But what do we do with this? I thought we would just let it go, unless you had other plans...” 

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

Now which fucking door could it have been? With an exasperated sigh, Kwangshik dragged himself down the corridors, trying to remember exactly which dorm room his friend resided in. Admittedly wasn’t the best at remembering things like that. After maybe close to 10 minutes of pacing in a vain attempt to jog his memory, he finally threw caution to the wind and said fuck it.

The misfit stumbled across a door with a number that seemed vaguely familiar, throwing it open carelessly. What he was met with was a cloud of smoke, weed that is. Just then, an even more familiar voice greeted his ears, making him tense up in the most unpleasant of ways. Out of all the rooms he could’ve stumbled upon. Waving the remaining smoke screen away, he finally saw the other misfit in front of him. Fucking Jaehyun of all people.

“Fuck me.” The ex-leader grumbled, rolling his eyes at the sight of his ex… well, ex-everything. “Was looking for someone and obviously came to the wrong place.” He huffed, wanting to be anywhere else but there, but didn’t move. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” Kwang shut the door behind him. “Happy with your new clique? Thanks for the heads up, by the way. Super sweet of you, dick.”

@ksxkwangshik​

The smoke danced around him in entrancing swirls, captivating his conciseness as he exhaled his troubles to the universe. The joint delicately held between his fingertips burned bright at the end, brighter so when he inhaled. The only solace to a day as shitty as today was this. The silence of an empty room keeping him company and the less than savory thoughts leaving his vessel with every puff he took. The door he thought he locked swinging open violently however wasn’t exactly part of the plan. The opposite in fact, and probably responsible for the sudden spike in his irritability levels. “What the fuck do you want?” Jaehyun snapped, not bothering to wave away the smoke shrouding the figure in front of him. No, instead he brought what was left of the nub back to his lips and inhaled sharply out of spite, letting his head tip back as he blew out the smoke haphazardly.

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksdaewon:

ksxkwangshik

It wasn’t that Kwangshik didn’t believe him, but more of he didn’t want to believe him. The thought of someone knowing about Areum other than his mother was enough to shake him to the core, but someone as close to him as Daewon was? It just seemed easier to pretend that Kwang didn’t hear anything. Or deny it. Whichever one was easiest. Processing it and piecing it all toegther sounded mentally draining and hurtful. 

“You’re good at this, man.” Kwang gave another chuckle, nudging Dae in the shoulder once more. “Of course I know you wouldn’t hurt me, so why would you have done it in the first place?” He snorted.

If it was any other situation, Daewon would not have kept a secret as precious and important but it had been a promise to his mother.  He couldn’t break that promise, especially after she was gone and so he kept quiet even after he met Kwangshik at Keisung after all of those years of separation.  Now as the other took his words as a joke, he didn’t know what to do because he knew that his friendship with the other misfit might be over when Kwangshik took him seriously.  “No, I am not. You know I suck at lying and that is the reason I don’t act even though I am in the drama club.”

He wanted nothing else than to nudge his friend back and laugh even if it would be pretty messed up to had made a joke about this but he just stood there as his friend spoke.  “Because she asked me to keep that secret and now she is gone. It’s stupid but I couldn’t do anything for her but keep this secret. I am sorry. Hit me, if you want, I won’t stop you because I know I deserve it.”

Maybe it wasn’t a joke after all. Kwang could feel the air start to thicken around him as he started to take what Daewon said into consideration. Is there a possibility that he could’ve known after all and Kwangshik was merely blind to it? Sure, their mothers were very close, but Daewon knowing about it just seemed really farfetched in his opinion. Then again, maybe it wasn’t?

“You… you’re serious.” Kwang’s voice had dropped down to a whisper, eyebrows furrowing as he stared at the other. Daewon wasn’t wrong, either. He was indeed a terrible liar and Kwang knew that. No inconsistencies with what his childhood friend was telling him. There was nothing for Kwang to ponder on.

>

“Hit you. You want me to hit you?” He mumbled, still not above a whisper. “You definitely deserve it, I’ll tell you that.” The stare he had on the other misfit hardened, eyes now daggers aimed at Dae. “You let that whole thing take me by surprise. Do you know just how much I went through when I found out?” His voice had started to escalate, fists balling as if to prevent him from grabbing Daewon. “So is that why we’re friends? Because you pitied me? You pitied me because you knew my mom picked another child over me?”

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

Bored. Just bored is how Kwangshik felt at the moment. Ever since returning, there wasn’t a lot for him to do. One would think class was an option, but some things remained the same. Instead of doing just that, he found himself strolling along campus grounds, flipping through a manga book with his infamous look of earbuds sticking out of his ears. A small yawn left his lips as he flipped through another page.

Despite any noise not reaching his ears and eyes downcast on his latest read, something did catch his attention. From the corner of his eye. Just barely. Curiously Kwang glanced up to see someone waving directly at him. If this were any other time, he would’ve walked on by, but he had already seen him. With a grunt, he sauntered over to the tree, yanking an earbud out to listen. The cat cradled in the other’s arms though, did cause a brow to raise. It’s hostile scratching looked anything but friendly. Did he not feel a thing?

“You… sure this cat wants to come down from there?” He finally spoke, giving a sigh before carefully reaching for the cat anyway. “He doesn’t look very happy right now, if you ask me.”

There was no way that Su could pass by a cat stuck in a tree and not try to help it. So, when he spotted the poor animal meowing in a panicked way, he immediately jumped into action. More like climbed into action really, as he scurried up the trunk of the tree and managed to reach the branch that the cat was on. He soon found that it was too high to climb down while clinging to the cat, so he sat helplessly and glanced around desperately for someone to help him with the cat.

When he spotted someone, his smile brightened and he called to them from his spot in the tree. Hopefully, they would notice him. “Hey!” He waved one of his arms, the other one clutching the confused cat to his chest. “Can you help me out here? I just need you to hold the cat while I climb down. I should be able to lower it down to you if you reach up for it, too.” The cat’s body language said it could decide to scratch Su and jump away from him, its tail swishing back and forth in an irritated manner. Su, on the other hand though, seemed to not notice it at all, airheaded enough to believe that the cat appreciated his attempts to save him and his clinging.

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksdaewon:

Daewon knew that his friend thought he was talking about how crazy the fact that he had a sister and found her here was but that was not what he meant when he told the other that he didn’t know what to say.  No, he meant that he didn’t know what to say because he already knew that and he had no idea how to tell his friend.  As his friend’s smile disappeared, Daewon looked away and even when Kwangshik was looking at him, he couldn’t meet his eyes.

He wanted to beg for forgiveness, kneel if that was what would fix this but he knew that he didn’t have the right to do that.  It was as his friend stood up that Daewon looked at him and standing as well, his face showed more guilt as the other shoved his shoulder.  “I know, Kwang. I know it’s serious and you know I wouldn’t play around with something like this.” He swallowed as he finished speaking and looking away, he bit the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know how to make it better or if I can make it better but know that I didn’t do it to hurt you. Please believe that.”

It wasn’t that Kwangshik didn’t believe him, but more of he didn’t want to believe him. The thought of someone knowing about Areum other than his mother was enough to shake him to the core, but someone as close to him as Daewon was? It just seemed easier to pretend that Kwang didn’t hear anything. Or deny it. Whichever one was easiest. Processing it and piecing it all toegther sounded mentally draining and hurtful. 

“You’re good at this, man.” Kwang gave another chuckle, nudging Dae in the shoulder once more. “Of course I know you wouldn’t hurt me, so why would you have done it in the first place?” He snorted.

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksdaewon:

Following Kwangshik once he closed the door, he watched the other with a smile as he settled on the floor and deciding to do the same, the misfit sat next to his friend.  Of course, the smile faltered on his lips and he went perfectly still when the other announced that he had a sister.  Daewon wasn’t supposed to know this but thanks to the fact that his mother and Kwangshik’s mother kept in contact even after Kwangshik’s mother left her family and Daewon’s family came to Korea, he had heard that his friend had a sister by eavesdropping.  His mother had caught him though and making him swear to never tell a soul about it, Daewon never told his friend about his sister.  “I really don’t know what to say.” It was true, he didn’t have a clue what to tell his leader and he knew that once he admitted that he had known the other might not want to talk to him ever again but it wasn’t like he could pretend like he didn’t know.

“Oh, Kwang, you are going to hate me.” He closed his eyes as he said this and taking a deep breath, he glanced at his friend.  “I already knew that you had a sister. I wanted to tell you, I should have but my mother… she said that it was not my secret to share and made me promise not to tell you.”

“You’re telling me, man.” The right side of his lips curled up into a half-smile, unable to believe that he was even having this conversation in the first place. At the other’s words, he cocked a brow and waved a hand dismissively. “What are you talking about?” Then the truth started to pour out of Daewon’s lips and into Kwangshik’s ears. His smile was quick to fade with the spew of new information. Honestly, there was no way he would think it was the truth.

Once Daewon was done speaking, Kwangshik stared. He just stared. Didn’t really know what to think of it. Instead of bursting, however, he just laughed. Stood up and laughed. “Quit playing, man.” He shoved his friend’s shoulder with a snicked. “This is serious.”

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksxyongjoon:

honestly, joon didn’t really know what he was walking into or what had happened with kwangshik when he’d disappeared, but if the other boy was willing to tell him– and apparently something else to do with areum, a girl he’d never really paid attention to, then joon would come round to listen. “hey.” he offered one of his usual, half sort of smiles. “it’s good to see you again, stranger.” his eyes rolled at that then, but it wasn’t like he was lying. kwang had completely dropped of the radar after all.

The misfit leader grinned in amusement before shutting the door after the other male entered. “You too.” He couldn’t exactly argue against the term coined for him. It was like he dropped off the face of the earth. “How’re things around here?” Although Kwang was willing to talk about it, it didn’t mean he was ready to at the given moment. Putting it off seemed like the easier option as he eased himself into it. “There’s a lot of... new people.” 

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksdaewon:

At his words and the grin on his friend’s face, Daewon tried to narrow his eyes but he failed miserably because he was too happy about the fact that Kwangshik was back.  Even the comment about taking his sweet time to come and see him died in his throat when the other said that something happened.  It was then that his happy expression disappeared and with a worried look, he watched as his friend bowed his head.  “It’s fine, I was worried but I am glad that you are back.” He offered the other a small smile as he said this but the worried look was still on his face as the other spoke again.  “Of course, come in. I have the whole day free so you can take your time.” With a nod, he opened the door wider and moving out of the way, he waited for his friend to enter the room.  “You are okay, right? Is there any way I can help?”

Kwangshik merely hummed in acknowledgement when stepping into Daewon’s dorm room. Again, it was not the top of the leader’s priority list to tell the other male exactly what had occurred months ago, but he owed him an explanation and it wouldn’t exactly make it better if he had lied about what happened. Besides, Dae and Kwang had been friends for a very long time. He trusted him. The misfit leader plopped down onto the floor next to Dae’s bed with a loud sigh, letting his head fall back against the mattress. “Dude, I don’t even know where to begin.” he began, “I have a fucking sister. Can you believe that? Hwang Areum is my sister.”

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ooc;

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksxyongjoon:

{ ✉️ → kwang } sounds serious then { ✉️ → kwang } i know of her, but not personally  { ✉️ → kwang } i’ll see you in a bit.

with that sent, joon sighed and forced himself to get up and out the bed, though being careful not to wake the sleeping boy that he’d previously been holding against him. his own body was protesting at the lack of warmth then as he got up, but he didn’t waste time in getting ready then– throwing on a pair of jeans and a shirt, before he was writing a quick note to for ryosuke when he woke up and leaving it on the nightstand. joon probably still looked half asleep then, hair dishevelled and hand muffling a yawn, as he left his room and started heading to his apparently newly appeared friend’s room. 

when he got there, he was quick to knock on the door, calling out a quick, “it’s me.” but hey, at least he’d been pretty accurate on how long it would take him to get over there.

Not a lot of people knew of Kwangshik’s discovery about Areum and himself and he intended to keep it that way. He wasn’t sure why he was adamant on keeping this fact so hidden. It wasn’t even worthy to be a secret, but it might’ve been connected to his pride or whatever. The misfit leader tossed his phone onto the bed after the last text received from the rebel leader, a heavy sigh drawn out from his mentally exhausted self. Where was he even going to begin with this? The misfit’s head snapped up at the knock of the door, followed by the familiar voice of Yongjoon. Here goes nothing. Swallowing any lingering fear he had, he willed himself to go over and open the door to reveal the rebel leader. “Hey.” 

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksdaewon:

Today was one of those super rare days that Daewon had the opportunity to have his room for himself and because of this, he had opted to stay in his dorm instead of being responsible.  After all, with a roommate that spent about 90% of his time in their shared room, the misfit had to take the rare times when he could just do whatever he wanted in his room like he used to do before Yeojeong became his roommate.  Of course, laying on his bed had him growing sleepy and it was as he was falling asleep that someone knocked on the door.

Startled, he thought that he had dreamt the knock but then a voice he thought he would hear again anytime soon called out for him to open up and it was then that he was sure he was dreaming.  Dazed and expecting to find no one outside, he opened the door slowly and when his eyes took in Oh Kwangshik, he had to rub his eyes to make sure he was not seeing things.  “What are you doing here?” The question left his lips before he could stop it and then he was pulling the misfit’s leader into a hug because as far as he could tell, he was gone for good.  “Yah! Where have you been? Do you know how worried I was?” Breaking the hug a few moments later, he narrowed his eyes at his friend and then punched him in the arm as he asked him those questions.

It wasn’t long until the door to Daewon’s room opened and Kwangshik was able to see his childhood friend after months of being gone. Before he could respond to the other’s question, he was pulled into a hug, which he returned with a pat on the back. “Came to see you, of course.” he chuckled before Daewon pulled back, and the punch to his arm that followed had him grinning. “I’m sorry. A lot had happened before I left and I needed to just get away.” Kwangshik bowed his head apologetically. “I know I must’ve worried you and a couple other people, but I’m here now.” It wasn’t like the misfit leader to apologize for his actions, but it was his childhood friend. There was no way he couldn’t leave for two months and not apologize. “I should’ve told you, but it got pretty damn insane. I’m willing to explain though, if you got time.”

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

ksxyongjoon:

{ ✉️ → kwang } i meant like properly left, not just disappeared { ✉️ → kwang } well i’m glad you’re not dead.  { ✉️ → kwang } you have explaining to do, or at least give me a good enough reason to why you took off { ✉️ → kwang } i’m coming over in ten minutes, maybe fifteen depending

{ ✉️ → joon } oh. right. that i did. { ✉️ → joon } alright.. i’ll explain when you get here { ✉️ → joon } but it stays between me, you, areum... { ✉️ → joon } i’ll explain the part about areum, too. if you know her.

[ksxkwangshik-blog]

“You!” Kwangshik payed no mind at first, eyes trained on the screen of his phone and willed the other presence to disappear. However, when was clear that he wouldn’t be left alone and it even started speaking to him, the misfit let out a small sigh and forced himself to look at her. The quicker he helped her, the faster he’d be left alone, he figured. “Science building, huh?” he grumbled, shoving his phone into his pocket. “Learn quick, squirt. You won’t be helped all the time.” With that, Kwangshik started off towards the designation in long strides. “Hurry up, shortie.” 

for @ksxkwangshik​

“You!” The girl exclaimed, but her voice was still gentle even when she attempted to sound louder than normal. Immediately after speaking though, she backed off a little and drew her arms close to her body. “Can you show me where the Science building is? I’m still trying to memorize everything and I don’t really have any classes there and I’m supposed to meet someone there soon.”