kurnutus86 - Tumblr blog

[kurnutus86]

Prince of Players, Pawn of none Born with steel reins on the heart of the Sun Gypsy explorer of the New Jersey Heights Exalted companion of cocaine nights

'Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld Dandy in the Underworld When will he come up for air, Will anybody ever care

At an old eighteen exiled he was To the deserted kingdoms of a mythical Oz Distraction he wanted, to destruction he fell Now he forever stalks the ancient Mansions of hell

Now his lovers have left him And his youth's ill spent He cries in the dungeons and tries to repent But change is a monster and changing is hard But he'll freeze away his summers in his Underground yard

[kurnutus86]

Fay Wray, c. 1929.

[kurnutus86]

I am wrong about most things. Being wrong Is just a day in a year and life is long set of sets I am wrong about my waist, which I think I hate In the mirror, for being all unbodily and old Or sometimes too invisible in the mirrors Which others hold up to me, smiling ... And my waist has it's own reasons to slide Into time as some Lamborghini of good reasons Yes, I know by now it is a very expensive vehicle. If I total it. What won't I tell my wife. What won't I tell my husband. What won't I tell my friends. What won't I tell my self? And alas, best speed is fast, it's fast as fate and Best to be hurtling at it with all the professionalism of "Not being the best at this". I am terrified of the cliché That something good will come out of it. I am terrified that I am wrong about life. To be wrong is not the end of the world But the world doesn't know that The world doesn't care That I care about you But most things in the world do not know us yet. Must we go so deep to where we may? I put my hand on your waist, and explore The engine purr, the oil darkening between us, The mind leaning it's head back on the seat With a head between it's dreams of coming I swear the horizon in us becomes red, thick with need.

[kurnutus86]

Hardware AKA MARK 13 (1990)

[kurnutus86]

It was a bad situation. Again sliding on the ice, helpless, On the slanted surface, towards a bottomless pit. And saw myself was walking upwards, easily And looking yes, quite happy. Yes he was folding Even all that time we spent together, sweetly As a red origami swan. And as I hurtled past him, I shouted for reprieve: "How did you make it back?" And he looked at me confused and before I fell in and Whispered: "What do you mean, "back", my love?"

[kurnutus86]

No weak men in the books at home The strong men who have made the world History lives on the books at home The books at home

It's not made by great men It's not made by great men It's not made by great men It's not made by great men

[kurnutus86]

01.

I met myself far younger at a dirt road, I was biking. It was any year, oh. and I stopped him and I asked myself what am I doing 'Tony hawkin'. Well you can't do that on a bike, I said. 'Not with my body' and 'Yeah I don't care', Younger me said, and he could because He hadn't yet gone through the divorce but had already got his face punched in. 'Ok, now i'm going To show you Your future, you might learn something' and I handed him the tarot card which was torn and so dark no-one could tell what was even left in there or what was it supposed to mean. And He looked at it and me and just kind of smiled, and Then I slid past him on my broken bike and he went Deeper into my future with his shiny new one.

[kurnutus86]

[kurnutus86]

I was washing at night out in the yard by Osip Mandelstam (translated by Peter France)

[kurnutus86]

The Baby of Macon (1993), dir. Peter Greenaway

[kurnutus86]

Teorema (1968) dir. Pier Paolo Pasolini

[kurnutus86]

Derek Jarman

- Caravaggio

1986

[kurnutus86]

feels like i have nothing good to give, so i'm shutting the fuck up until or maybe when i do. take care.

[kurnutus86]

Lily James and Emily Beecham in The Pursuit of Love (2021)

[kurnutus86]

difficult to live in a time, where you're compelled by some type of responsibility to understand just what the fuck is going on, and the going on's are like a part of the intro scrawl of an italian post-apocalyptic b-movie. but more seriously, it's very difficult to keep going. very difficult. when you're as low, alone, poor and incapable of effecting anything in any reasonable way, as i am. and, after having survived so much, the kind of natural expectation you get, about things getting more fair and easy. that you and everyone else deserves a break. that you get to sit at the bonfire as long as you want.