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kyluxlove-blog · 8 years

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A Kylo/Hux drabble

(I'm just insanely interested in the conflict of the dark and the light in them. Yes, I want to see it in Hux too)

Hux didn’t really know any other way than the way of the First Order. He had given his life to it, he had put aside everything and worked and worked and worked until he reached his goal. Until he was among the highest ranking officers, a general, in command of the biggest, best base and weapon there was. Until he perfected everything he did at work. That didn’t leave much room for anything else, but what else did you need? That’s what the First Order had wanted him and everyone else to think.

But then things had happened. Kylo Ren came to his life. They stayed hidden and violent, always fast and rough and never peaceful, never calm, never gentle. Hux didn’t think either of them even knew what gentle was. The closest they came to gentleness was a quick goodbye kiss after they were done, before Kylo’s helmet went back on and Hux buttoned up his jacket, before they became the sith and the general again.

They ended up together time after time. Again and again they found themselves in each other’s arms, embracing, touching, kissing. They had their moment of silence; not peace, not calm, but silence. It was all either of them realized to ask. Silence was a luxury in the First Order, in midst of fighting and weapons and armies and Snoke - and all they had was each other. No one else could understand. No one. They didn’t know what it was like, leading and ordering and planning, year after year, with no one to help.

With no one to tell you it was wrong. That they had missed and that they hadn’t managed to give each other. Bodies and touches, yes, kisses after kisses, but never what they needed. Hux didn’t know how they had managed to miss that. If only either of them had said out loud what they had hidden deep in their minds, hidden from Snoke. It couldn’t be right what they did. They were doing it the wrong way. It wasn’t possible to bring order and peace to the galaxy like this. Their way. But Hux had been in it for too long. He didn’t know any other way, after all.

Yes, if only they had said it out loud. Maybe they could have made it then. Both of them, he meant. Or them together. Hux wasn’t sure. His head felt dizzier every second and the pain was blinding, but he couldn’t give up yet. He knew Kylo was saying something. His eyes were wild and his black hair was a halo around his white face, and his mouth was moving frantically. There was a track of blood trickling out from his mouth. Hux reached up and wiped it away absent-mindedly. Kylo stopped talking then. Hux looked up at him, but he still couldn’t see enough. With the blood pouring out of him, everything else was going with it. He realized he had left a smeared trail of blood on Kylo’s jaw, the width of his thumb. The leather around his hand felt wrong. He wanted to feel Kylo.

“I’ll fix you”, Kylo said. His eyes were still wide. There was fear there, and panic.

“No need", Hux said. The voice came out weird, gurgled.

“No, I’ll fix you! And I’ll make Snoke pay. I’ll - I’ll make him suffer. He’ll pay", Kylo said. There were people around them, Hux realized. Not stormtroopers. Resistant fighters, then. But they didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

Kylo pulled him up again. He was holding Hux in his lap, with one arm behind his neck and the other… cupping his face? Hux didn’t know when it had moved there. He raised his hand and wrapped his fingers around Kylo’s wrist.

“No. I have done my job", Hux said. It wasn’t much louder than a whisper. “I did my job.”

“Hux -”

“No. We knew -” a fit of coughs forced Hux to stop and he had to gather his strength after that for a moment before he could speak again. “- we knew it would happen. To either of us. He would never let both of us get away.”

“But if I get you to the base -”

“Too late. It’s too late.”

Kylo didn’t answer. Maybe because he knew it was true, maybe because he didn’t believe but didn’t want to fight. Well, that would be fitting for them. To end it all with a fight. That’s how they had started, after all.

“If we had… back then… maybe. But it doesn’t… it doesn’t matter", Hux said, and he wanted to say so much more. But he couldn’t. He didn’t have enough left in him. Kylo’s hand wrapped around him tighter and pulled him up again. Hux wondered what the Resistance fighters were thinking of them: the mighty Kylo Ren, gone good, holding a First Order General. He wondered if the blood showed through the black clothes.

“When… he found out… was already… late. But we didn’t… care… and… I still don’t", Hux forced himself to say. There were things unsaid for too long, and they couldn’t be left unsaid forever.

“It didn’t matter. You… you did. You do", he breathed out. He was running out of time, but the countdown had been too long already.

“You were the only thing I came back for. You were the only one I wanted to get out of here alive", Kylo whispered. Hux smiled.

“I know. And… he knew.”

“You were the only one that mattered to me", Kylo said, even quieter than before. Hux had hard time hearing it, but he did.

“I… know", Hux said. Or tried to say. He didn’t know how it came out, and darkness had creeped up on the edges of his vision. It was closing in.

“Bring order… that… is the… only thing… and peace but… to… yourself…”

“Hux - no, don’t. Don’t!”

But Hux was good at following orders. He could give them, and he could obey them. Now, he knew he was being ordered by something far larger than Kylo or Snoke or anyone, and there wasn’t saying no. Life was chaos: order was something he had seeked but never known before, but there was nothing else left now.

And after all, Hux didn’t know any other way than the way of order.

#kylux #kylux fic #kylo/hux #kylo ren/hux #wtf #im in hell #you know i'm deep in a ship when i start writing fics #my trash sons

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