l1ttle-kitten - Tumblr blog

[l1ttle-kitten]

my least favorite part of having an eating disorder is the constant arguing and bargaining in your head. racing thoughts all the fuckin time like, “okay I’ve had 75 calories today. I can have a banana and still be under 200. wait, 1200 is still considered restriction. how much would I lose this week with a daily deficit of 500 calories? I can do that. I’ll still lose weight. but not as much as if I fasted. no. just have nothing. you could lose 3.5 lbs. this week! just have nothing. people do it every day. just have a fucking banana. you won’t even be at maintenance. but what if it triggers a binge? think about your jawline. why don’t I just have everything I want and purge? what percentage can you get back up when you purge? hey google…” AND IT NEVER STOPS.

[l1ttle-kitten]

[l1ttle-kitten]

hot girls have mommy issues

[l1ttle-kitten]

i don’t know how to ask for help i disappear and come back when i’m good

[l1ttle-kitten]

anyone feel like they’re too rational to have an ed sometimes? like i know to eat if i’m about to faint, i can act normal when eating out with other people. i can’t decide if i’m deceiving myself or my ed and since when did i become two different people and i hate it.

[l1ttle-kitten]

Meme from old deleted acc

[l1ttle-kitten]

i have control issues, mommy issues, adhd and im a perfectionist, it wasnt a question of IF i would develop an ED it was more of a WHEN would i develop it

[l1ttle-kitten]

[l1ttle-kitten]

😳🧍😔

i suspect october isnt going well for me huh

i had a vision last night before falling asleep that was basically "2, 4, 10" so your 2nd 4th and 10th emoji determine how your october's gonna go

[l1ttle-kitten]

im not quite at my ideal legspo moment but i sure do have the bruises for it

[l1ttle-kitten]

my tattoos are gonna look so much sexier when i’m thinner

[l1ttle-kitten]

waking up to stars on the ceiling and bruises on pale skin and battered feet on & off the scale and almonds in ziploc baggies and bite marks on fingers and hair down the drain and measuring crunches by the spots left on the spine and enough water to drown organs and eating an apple with a knife and fork and battered feet on & off the scale and desperate hands clutching ribs and standing up & the world goes dark and carrying an emergency rice cake in your purse for weak spells and enough green tea to drown organs and how many calories are in toothpaste and whatever nail polish color covers yellow and battered feet on & off the scale and is today the day my heart gives out and how many calories do you burn when you sneeze and pillows squeezed between thighs and waking up in a new body everyday and fingers clasped around wrists and notebooks filled with numbers and purple crescents below the eyes and accidentally knocking your elbow on your hip bone and being afraid of your own reflection and i’m not hungry or i already ate or i’ll eat later or i don’t feel well and oxygen that tastes like splenda and battered feet on & off the scale

[l1ttle-kitten]

“I’ve watched girls nibble away at half an apple, diced into little chunks to make it last longer. That’s all she’ll eat today. I’ve watched girls drink five litres of water because ‘sometimes you’re not actually hungry, it’s just thirst’. I’ve watched girls drink tea like it’s liquid gold, to pinch their stomachs and feel sick at the sight of the rolls. I’ve watched girls exercise until they faint, until their hearts threaten to beat straight out of their chest because it’s the only way they feel loved. I’ve watched girls do mental calculations of how much they’ve eaten, 110 calories from a large apple, only 55 from half. I’ve watched girls cry in front of the mirror because they’ll never be size 6, never mind size 4, or 2, or 0. I’ve watched girls hide in bulky clothing when all they’ve ever wanted is to wear dresses that don’t cover everything up. I’ve watched them flinch when people say, “I like girls who have big appetites.” I’ve watched them smile when people say, “you’ve lost weight, haven’t you?” I’ve watched girls who hate themselves so much they refuse to accept affection. I’ve heard their silence when people comment on how little they are eating - they think: ‘at least now I don’t have a reason to look this way’. I’ve watched girls measure their worth by the gap between their thighs, gripping skin and bone, convinced it’s fat that can be burned. I’ve watched girls, living skeletons, who laugh and smile just like everyone else, who needed someone to lend them a little strength when they couldn’t find their own, for someone to reach out and say: ‘can’t you see you don’t need to do this to be beautiful? You don’t need to do this to be loved.”

— S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #178 (via blossomfully)

[l1ttle-kitten]

Don't talk about weight loss and diets to your daughter, don't talk about weight loss and diets around your daughter, don't comment on your daughter's weight, don't tell her she has to weigh herself every once in a while, don't ruin your daughter's relationship with food, don't make her feel bad about the way she looks. I'm sorry if diet culture fucked you up but please try to break the cycle instead of perpetuating it. Thanks.

[l1ttle-kitten]

my bmi being under 20 especially has me so excited, this binge isnt even real

[l1ttle-kitten]

its been a while, but my collar bones are strong af, my ribs are really starting to make their full debut on both sides of my chest, and getting my wisdom teeth out really helped get those Cheekbones™️ so lets (not) get this breaaaad

[l1ttle-kitten]

gettiing my wisdom teeth out was such a fucking blessing, the soft foods made me lose a couple pounds and now i finally have a hint of cheekbones ✨