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how could one be so empty right now?

My dreams after sleeping are more vivid than my dreams, if I even still have one, in wakefulness. I find myself rummaging through hobbies that don't, or so I think, fit me. I'm barely holding on to the possibilities that I could still achieve something in this lifetime. I've given up on one of the biggest areas that made up who I am for the past 4 years, just to find answers on unstable work that could or could not save me.

I am convincing myself to commit to one thing, and maybe that will solve my problem. However, the thought of uncertainty of my future is holding me back. I am lost, and don't want to be further into the deep dark woods. So what do I do? I stop. I stop and figure where I am. Where I started. But it's really hard to decide on which path to take that I will get good progress of getting out of this.

I just want to see some glimpse of light. How did the successful ones feel that that is it for them? That they belong there? How come that in my 21 years of existing, never did I feel like I belonged into something? Or is this just a feeling that is persisting right now because I'm going through something?

It just perplexes me alot to find myself unable to do anything good when I think I have lived long enough to find something that I'm good at. I want to be passionate. I don't want to live in my own excuses. What is it? What is the thing that does define me? Or should I just accept that I am a pure mediocrity?

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I'm worried about something and I'm not certain what it is

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Don't forget this day that you have no one. Actually, it's kinda everyday. You've been very strong in overcoming it. Now, live for another day for yourself. 💗

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Di na ko makapagtweet ng honest internal thoughts coz I changed its privacy settings to public.

The person in me who's in its period of existential crisis is rising again. I am still myself but I haven't been myself. I can't laugh genuinely, not even smile. I'm trying to find hope, while losing it at the same time. The only thing that keeps me fighting is knowing that I won't be dead anytime soon, so I have to.

I don't see this as the end of my road.. because I don't see any road at all. Ako lang ba ',yung ganito? Probably not. But how did the others tind their way back? How did they manage to see a path that's for them to tread, that's where they were really meant to be.. Why do I feel so alone in this challenge that everyone says every person is going through anyways.

Hirap magkwento kasi una sa lahat, kanino? Pangalawa, some people either patronize or just plain invalidate. I'm tired of those. I need understanding ears and guiding words. I don't need pity, I don't need sympathy. That's why I reallly think I need therapy. Pero in this country, it's only affordable for the rich; in this house, it's just another expense, burden, a nuisance; in this family, they give you no choice.

I'm so tired, even though I haven't really done anything physically tiring. I'm tired of not having a personality of my own. I'm tired of depending my wants to my parents. I'm tired of being myself, and wanting things beyond what I can give for myself.

I'm tired of not being enough for myself.

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How do I fix my (shit)self

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Slowly deteriorating...

Slowly deteriorating...

Slowly deteriorating...

...

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success should not come from deprivation. studyblr community, this is a reminder.

my three idols in middle school — rory gilmore, spencer hastings, and hermione granger — were all bookish, type-a, deeply intelligent young women who were brilliant students and good role models, but they taught me from a young age that success requires suffering.

i am tired of seeing students forgo food and sleep and time to themselves. i am tired of seeing students use adderall to stay awake all night and make it through exams the next day. i am tired of seeing students live off of coffee and a bite of a muffin at six am. we see these narratives on tv and they play out in the dorm room next to me.

my friend has five meetings today after a full day of classes. “thank you so much,” he says when i offer to drop off food at his dorm. “i was just planning to not eat today.”

i am tired of the narrative that isolation and deprivation are the key to a good life, that high performance in school is key to a happy future, that painful sacrifice now will pay off later.

you are more important than your grades, your notes, your burning eyes in the morning when your alarm goes off far too early. you deserve a balanced life and a life that is enriched by your studies and not damaged by them.

you deserve to go to sleep when you are tired. you deserve to eat when you are hungry. you deserve to take a break from studying.

you are the most important thing in your life. please treat yourself with care.

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*click for better quality*

My other masterposts: • extensions pt.1  • study sounds • dealing with failure • how to gain traction • how to study when you’re struggling

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Kailangan ko ng matinding will para mag-aral kasi marami nang magbabago.

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Being here again means I must be feeling quite lonely

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Gara bat ganon, pakagago naman

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How do I fuckin overcome

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4 months since, and umiiyak pa rin ako over the same thing. How long.. when shall this pass?

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Anxietal attacks that you caused me and yet you'll never understand.

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Latin phrases to use as incantations.

This is gonna be a long list.

ab intra - from within

ab origine - from the source

absit iniuria - “let insult be absent”

absit invidia - “let envy be absent”

absit omen - “let omens be absent”

ab uno disce omnes - from one, learn all.

abyssus abyssum invocat - deep calleth unto deep

a capite ad calcem - from head to heel

acta non verba - actions not words

ad altiora tendo - “I strive to higher things”

ad astra - to the stars

ad fontes - to the sources

ad meliora - towards better things

ad oculos - to the eyes

ad undas - to the waves

ad victoriam - to victory

adsum - I am here

a fortiori - from the stronger/from strength

a mari usque ad mare - from sea to sea

audeamus - let us dare

audentes fortuna iuvat - fortune favors the bold

audi, vide, tace - hear, see, be silent

beatae memoriae - of blessed memory

bona fide - in good faith

bono malum superate - overcome evil with good

capax infiniti - holding the infinite

carpe diem - seize the day

carpe noctem - seize the night

cave - beware

ceteris paribus - all other things being equal

circa - around

citius, altius, fortius - faster, higher, stronger

clavis aurea - golden key

cogito ergo sum - I think, therefor I am

compos mentis - in control of the mind

concilio et labore - by wisdom and effort

concordia cum veritate - in harmony with truth

concordia salus - well-being through harmony

coniunctis viribus - with connected strength

consummatum est - it is complete

corruptus in extremis - corrupt to the extreme

crescit eundo - it grows as it goes

de novo - from the new

de profundis - from the depths

dies irae - day of wrath

dona nobis pacem - give us peace

ego te provoco - I challenge you

esse est percipi - to be is to be perceived  

esse quam videri - to be, rather than to seem

esto quod es - be what you are

ex animo - from the soul

ex luna scientia - from the moon, knowledge

ex scientia tridens - from knowledge, sea power

ex silentio - from silence

ex undis - from the waves of the sea

experientia docet - experience teaches

fac et spera - do and hope

fac fortia et patere - do brave deed and endure

faciam quodlibet quod necesse est - I’ll do whatever it takes

faciam ut mei memineris - I’ll make you remember me

facta, non verba - deeds, not words

fortis et liber - strong and free

fortis in arduis - strong in difficulties

gloriosus et liber - glorious and free

hic abundant leones - here lions abound

hic et nunc - here and now

hic sunt dracones - here there are dragons

hinc illae lacrimae - hence those tears

hinc itur ad astra - from here the way leads to the stars

igni ferroque - with fire and iron

in memoriam - into the memory

in nocte consilium - advice comes over night

libra - balance

littera scripta manet - the written words endure

locus standi - a right to stand

luceo non uro - I shine, not burn

luctor et emergo - I struggle and emerge

mare liberum - free sea

memento vivere - remember to live

more ferarum - like beasts

natura non contristatur - nature is not saddened

nec spe, nec metu - without hope, without fear

noli me tangere - do not touch me

ophidia in herba - a snake in the grass

pro se - for oneself

propria manu - by one’s own hand

quaere - to seek

quod abundat non obstat - what is abundant does not hinder

resurgam - I shall arise

semper ad meliora - always towards better things

semper anticus - always forward

semper apertus - always open

semper fortis - always brave

semper liber - always free

stet - let it stand

tuebor - I will protect

vera causa - true cause

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Hi! You don't need to answer this if you don't want to. I was wondering, how do you deal with specially bad days? (Again, you don't need to answer and also thank you in general)

shoutout to my discord squad for helping me put these together 

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