ladiestbug

[ladiestbug]

fic in progress teehee

[ladiestbug]

heyyy :33, do you have a janitor ai acc?

nope! i also no longer have access to my c.ai, forgot the password and my frontal lobe developed so

[ladiestbug]

uhhhhhhhhrjfhfdiejfjjsjr idk here's a silly thing I made LOL

[ladiestbug]

one dream, one life, one lover .

[ladiestbug]

day 202 - 4/13 countdown - day 1 - touching grass/doomscrolling

[ladiestbug]

step dad adam fic scrap :)

warning: this ends in the middle of sentence and has no real resolution. if you feel inclined to finish this for whatever reason, please go ahead, I just ask to be tagged :)

It’s not ideal — any of it really. No 8 year old girl expects her parents to split for any reason, Diana Gordon has been saddled with maybe God’s strangest reason. The twin towers fell, she was held at gunpoint by a frankly unusual looking man, her father sawed his foot off in a bathroom then cauterized it himself, and within a year of him returning home from his stay in the hospital he was filing divorce papers. Diana is a mean kid, she gets most of her time with her mom and while Alison tries to make things nice, they’re very noticeably weird even in her early teens. At 13 Diana thinks she has wrapped her head around it all, the Jigsaw bullshit, the divorce, Lawrence’s weird allegiance to John Kramer. Until one unassuming Sunday, she enters her father’s home to the smell of cigarettes — she panics internally because her friends smoke and she thinks it’s her, until she rounds a corner and finds… maybe a squatter?

“Adam, please, I told you no smoking in the house.” Larry interrupts her thoughts with an anxious, affectionate tone she’s more used to hearing over herself, bounding over to the scrawny man on their couch and pinching out his cigarette. “That’s really no first impression, I’m sorry.” Lawrence sighs, “Diana, princess, this is my new boyfriend, Adam.” He introduces. “He’s not as much trouble as he seems.”

Boyfriend. It makes sense, she supposes, her mom did say anything with a pulse. “Adam.” Diana nods, looking him over. She recognizes him as the other guy from the bathroom, she wants to ask — she’s not sure she should so she doesn’t. He isn’t dressed like he’s using Larry for money, and now that the cigarette smoke has dissipated he doesn’t really smell like it either. He’s ‘twenty-thirty-something’ like her mom always says dad’s type is, her biggest concern is that he probably knows how the computer works better than Larry. “You know how to download games on that thing?” She asks, pointing Adam towards the dusty family computer, unused since Lawrence only checks emails at work and Alison left.

“Uhh..” Adam seems to think real hard for a second, Diana worries this won’t work out, “yeah, yeah probably.” He nods. Diana takes a seat on the couch and Larry disappears upstairs with her bag. “What about CDs? Can you make music into CDs?” She continues to question while Adam plays with the butt of his cigarette. “Yeah, I can burn a CD.” Adam confirms, sounding slightly proud of himself, “I’ll even show you how.” And secretly, Diana is won over. She’s secretly won over frequently by her mother, her father, her teachers, her therapists, and frequently she is secretly let down — but Adam swears he saw some empty CDs sitting around and after a few minutes of searching he’s holding true to his word and showing her how to burn CDs. By the time Larry is grumbling at them to go get dinner, Adam has gifted her a CD with her favorite songs on it. Diana lets herself be won over a bit longer.

It lasts a few weeks, Adam is fun and interesting and caring and everything Larry can’t be. Then, he brings his camera over. It’s not like.. crazy, he talks about his photography a lot, but the click of his camera, the flash, it does something to her. She can’t breathe, like all the air in the world has gone and she’s crying before she’s even sure why. Her father panics like always, he’s gone for the landline to call Alison, or a therapist, or anyone better equipped than he is, while Adam is the one to try to comfort her.

In Adam’s arms, she’s just a little girl, waiting at a park across the street from a crappy hotel while her daddy attends to her business. She’s mostly alone, it’s chilly despite her winter clothes as sunset approaches, the other children are heading home with their parents and soon it’s just her, sitting up on top of the monkey bars. It’s just her, except for the loud click and the flash from behind her as her father finally reappears. He’ll tell her it was the streetlights coming on.

In Adam’s arms, she’s sitting on the porch, watching her dad load up for a fishing trip, her nose dry with snot, a cherry sucker between her lips as an apology for him leaving. Her attention is caught by the quick flash of a light across the street, he’ll say it was nothing and the ensuing argument will make her grateful he’s gone finishing.

When she’s calmed down, Adam goes home. She sits down with Larry at the landline and they talk it out with instructions from her therapist. She explains how the sound of Adam’s camera pulled those thoughts — thoughts that inevitably remind her of how much she was doubted about Zep being in their home — back up, how she’d been so sure someone was there and that his camera sounded just like theirs. Lawrence informs her that it’s the same camera, he apologizes and insists that he was going to tell her exactly what Adam’s involvement with them started as but she’s already gone for her room.

Sometimes — frequently — Diana questions her morals. She paces her room a little sad, a little angry, a little scared, and wonders how she keeps doing this. How is she so sure she’s being good, she’s maybe not kind but she’s considerate she thinks, she tries not to kick others while they’re down. Yet still, God insists on kicking her repeatedly in the fucking liver. Lawrence has been a freak her whole life, unable to love her and her mother properly but happy to dish it out to any secretary who wants it. He pretends, at least, more than Alison. Diana assumes something terrible happened to her mother, she sees it in her eyes, in the way her muscles and jaw are always locked tight, she doesn’t blame her. But Adam… Who forced Adam to be terrible? What did she do so wrong that the only adult she’s found real comfort in came into her life because he was hired to stalk her family?

She ends up moving into Larry’s mom’s. No longer wanting to stay at his house, Alison can’t really afford to have Diana full time. So, she moves into grandma’s guest room while they figure it out. She gets meaner, the other kids at school piss her off more everyday and she frequently comes home from school just to drop her bag off and take off again. Lawrence buys her a cellphone so she can always get ahold of him, by 14 she’s using it to arrange fights almost daily. She stacks up suspensions and referrals and for her 15th birthday she’s forced to work it out with her dad because her grandma’s heart just can’t take it.

She re-enters the Gordon family home reluctantly, she’s had minimal contact with Lawrence since she left but she’s had enough to know that Adam has moved in with him. Alone, Lawrence explains Adam’s circumstances to her, his shitty apartment and mostly abandoned dreams, he explains how Adam ended up getting paid to follow him — him alone, not the whole family — and not because of Jigsaw. It brings some comfort, not having Jigsaw’s camera man in her father’s house, but she doesn’t decide she’ll unpack her things until Larry leads her out of the entranceway and into the living room, where a large pile of photos sits.

“We’ve had them in a box since he moved in, he wouldn’t let me get rid of them without you.” Lawrence informs her gently while Diana cards through the photos; her father, mostly, occasionally with her, just a fraction of the time, primarily he’s photographed with women Diana doesn’t recognize and in places she hopes she never begins to recognize. “I was thinking we could have a barbecue, burn em.” Larry suggests.

That evening is nice and warm, the sun hangs high in the sky late into the day and Adam is home just in time for Larry to pull the grill out. Diana lingers inside, half because she’s still a little anxious and half because she missed the luxury of computer games, she’s had a million cook outs this summer and not a single hour on the computer.

When she forces herself outside, she’s not sure if she’s subconsciously avoiding Adam or if he’s avoiding her, either way she ends up on her old tire swing alone until she

hai guys wat u want next pls

also if you want to rq you can and i might get around to them :3

[ladiestbug]

lie. i cannot get thru this paragraph, taking another shot @ it tonight buuuuut otherwise will be posted as a scrap soon apologies

im still working on that fic i swear . my spring break starts thursday, getting it out before i go back to school

[ladiestbug]

would you rather have a

“for the first time, adam looks like the boy he is” son

or a

“it’s weird. i remember it felt like he was my brother or something in this scene. and… i felt like i was about eight years old” daughter

adam and amanda make me sick if you couldn’t tell. just discovered that from the saw iii commentary.

[ladiestbug]

[ladiestbug]

we could have had it all

[ladiestbug]

im still working on that fic i swear . my spring break starts thursday, getting it out before i go back to school

[ladiestbug]

hmmmmmmm

[ladiestbug]

whats homestuck?

[ladiestbug]

Anyone think the existence of those flower crown edits would be in the Saw universe? Not to go on to fucked up topics like when people put them on Ted Bundy and stuff… But like, if it can happen in real life?

Would Jigsaw have that sort of fanbase? Amanda Young photos get leaked out again and it’s over.

[ladiestbug]

Im so sorry for this he gets 5 big booms

[ladiestbug]

gonna post dat fic event chew ally :)

[ladiestbug]

not my usual content, but i absolutely love businesses and hobbies look at my baby