ladysparklefarts

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TIME TO THRASH FOR THE HOLIDAY

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Every friend group Jedi Lineage should include:

A bimbo:

A mean bisexual:

An even meaner lesbian:

She/theys:

He/theys:

A token straight that’s on thin ice:

An astrology bitch who has everyone’s birth chart memorized:

A short king:

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Time Travel is my favourite trope and I think we need more fics where both Obi-Wan AND Qui-Gon time travel together because no matter when they get sent it's chaos. They're saving the galaxy and being physic flash-bangs to everyone around them.

like before Bandomeer?

The entire council is baffled to watch as Qui-Gon 'never taking a padawan again' Jinn has suddenly cut off his post-Xanatos depression tour to return to the temple and beeline to the creche with a frantic energy. His wild eyes immediately single out a fluffy, red-haired initiate.

"You." he exhales with a pointed finger, slightly ominous as he towers over the child. Said child starts vibrating with delight. "Me." he agrees, launching himself at the man. Qui-Gon drops to his knees with a thud that cannot be healthy. Obi-Wan's attempts to clamber into Qui-Gon's robes and maybe onto his shoulders is thwarted by the fact that Qui-Gon's massive hands are cupping Obi-Wan's tiny squishy cheeks. He stares at the initiate for a few minutes with an intensity that is starting to worry people.

Finally, "You're so small." Qui-Gon sounds like he might cry.

'What the fuck?' Plo Koon projects at Mace.

"I'm 9! That tends to be the case!" the child chirps back.

"You're nine." Oh. Ah. Qui-Gon's eyes are distinctively misty. He squishes the boy in a hug so hard he squeaks. Mace makes a series of gestures that imply the need for a head-scan. Depa obligingly drifts off towards the halls. Qui-Gon scoops the child up onto his hip and claims him as his padawan on the spot. The assorted council members and creche-masters burst into noise. Mace tells Depa to bring some space ibuprofen as well.

after Naboo?

Anakin is a little apprehensive of his place in both the order and Obi-Wan's life, but then one day Obi-Wan wakes up and is suddenly a lot less sad in the force?? In fact, if Anakin didn't know better he'd say he was almost giddy, but he's watched Obi-Wan try to pretend his world hasn't fallen apart for the past few months so it can't be that, right? And um, Miss Bant? He knows grief is a funny thing that affects people differently but he's pretty sure 'massive mood swing' and 'having full conversations with invisible people' is not...great? and you said to tell you if Obi-Wan got really weird in any way.

Anyway after a lot of medical exams, intense consultation with the archives, and a couple exorcisms, Anakin ends up being raised by his 'real' master and his ghost master. He is far more well adjusted emotionally and far less well adjusted for what counts as normal people behavior(not talking to thin air). When questioned on this, all he ever says is that he's talking to Qui-Gon. Isn't he...dead? Well, yes. Wait, he's a ghost? Ghosts are real? ...Well this ghost is real.

This starts a great number of existential crises among non-force sensitives and incredibly heated theological arguments amongst the Jedi. Whenever Obi-Wan is questioned on this, all he ever says is some variation of "the force got to know him for 5 seconds and kicked him back out." Mace backs him up on this even though that reasoning is technically blasphemous. Qui-Gon is having the time of his un-life. He's ascended to his final form, his sheer existence is a heresy, this is truly all he has ever aspired towards.

the Clone Wars?

The minute they get dropped back Qui-Gon immediately goes and haunts the shit out of Dooku. They have a signed terms of surrender and promise of info on the Sith Lord within the year. Only half of it is because Qui-Gon's giving Dooku complexes that are only perceptible to shrimp, the other half is because they now have a ghost spy that is not bound by the laws of physics nor spacetime.

Obi-Wan only nominally pays attention to this as he immediately goes and implements his 19 step seduction plan with Cody (he had to focus on something on Tatooine to pass the time). It fails. Spectacularly. Publicly. Ah right. Tatooine was not exactly the height of his sanity. Everyone in the GAR and temple is now riveted by High General and Councilor Obi-Wan Kenobi's attempts to go on a date with his Commander, who bats him away him like a particularly annoying stray and seems one bouquet of cactus away from committing mutiny. Anakin is worrying if it means his master knows about his secret marriage and this is some sort of really weird power play. (It is, but not in the way he thinks)

The next time Dooku goes after Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon spends a good few months appearing tear-stained at the edge of Dooku's perception and only communicating in terrible wails and discordant mutterings of 'padawan. my padawan. my little one.' 24/7.

"Wait, you're annoying Dooku into surrendering?"

"Oh no Anakin, we're crushing his psyche like a bug. :)"

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Codywan Dad!Obi Tatooine Fam Clone Rebellion/Death Star Come Early Au

(I actually lost all my notes & wips on this one 😭 Jotting down from memory here)

The Death Star finishes like 10 years early. Mainly bc I watched the Obi-Wan show & wanted Uncle!Obi raising bb!Leia

Bail is in Leia's role in ANH, only he is executed after being forced to watch Alderaan destroyed. Leia stowed away on his ship & was also captured but is held prisoner after witnessing this

Obi-Wan manages to break into the Death Star & rescue her, in this 'verse making it out alive with her. Owen & Beru *also* survive, & he has them flee Tatooine with Luke, and takes Leia to meet up with them on—idk??? Somewhere. Just a rando stopping point, bc they lowkey become like space pirates for a while

Ok not really *pirates* but maybe more like Robin Hood? Or travellers who do odd jobs, or... idk

Basically the idea is they're gonna be living on a spaceship for the next year so however that comes about 👍

We get some tension btwn Owen & Obi-Wan. Like, reluctant brother bonding. They shared a brother—Owen never knew Anakin, but he knew Shmi, and she spoke about him so much Owen grew fond of him as well. As far as he knows, the Jedi, of which Obi-Wan is the face, are responsible for spiriting away a young boy with promises of escape from harsh circumstances and instead exploited him & got him killed.

This is not a Jedi hate fic, but Owen is biased against them. He's also very much got judgmental quiet middle child vibes.

It's also gonna play into how Obi-Wan feels about his Jedi culture. He's got a lot going on with every thing that's happened, and denial/shoving it down can only last so long.

Beru is a bamf, obviously. She also has a more nuanced view on Obi-Wan—or rather, she doesn't let hurt and resentment cloud her view on him, bc Owen *does* understand more of the nuanced view, he just denies it to himself bc he's hurt & worried for his family.

Beru draws Obi-Wan subtly more into the family dynamic, basically like oh I see him brooding on the edges probably thinks he can slip away on us again haha right "oh hey I *really* need you to help make the [Star Wars varient of mashed potatoes] 🥰"

Beautiful manipulative bamf. Honestly, she's the one carrying the braincells—Obi-Wan is reeling from the trauma of opening himself to the Force for the first time in a decade only to be hit with the screaming slaughter of Alderaan (another genocide from Anakin's hands), Owen is being a grumpy (stressed) fuss over the babies. She's got the coolest head on her shoulders.

(Codywan is coming we're establishing the FAMILY first; Clone Fam in part 2)

Beru immediately adopts Leia as well. Owen is a little wary but also that is a Baby she has Trauma he is grabbing the biggest fluffiest blanket for her already

Luke & Leia are in a weird position of being like cousins but also siblings, bc of the whole being raised apart thing & Leia kind of trauma bonded to Obi-Wan as her parental figure after everything, but they click immediately.

Luke thought of Obi-Wan as "that weird hermit Uncle Owen doesn't really like" and now is lowkey picking up on the Lore

Esp since the twins are terrible about eavesdropping on Serious Adult Conversations. Obi-Wan catches Owen & Beru up on what happened & they decide to avoid settling anywhere for a bit but instead hop around space in the Outer Rim to avoid detection

Obi-Wan intends to slip away actually & try to somehow destroy the Death Star (oh god just give Leia ALL the attachment issues), but at the first port they hit they're met with absolute shock—

The Emperor and Vader have been assassinated. The Clone troopers have taken charge of the galaxy.

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@oldfart-63 behold the mighty croc-o-weenie!

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Deleted Leia sass from The Empire Strikes Back

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If I had a nickel for every time Obi-Wan Kenobi cut off a guy’s legs and thought he was dead, and then it turned out the guy was still alive and now had a strong desire for revenge against him, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s very weird that it happened twice

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Mace just loving on his grandbaby

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reblog to give your headache to elon musk instead

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would it be okay if i request something from the gentle care please? i was thinking "It's okay if you fall asleep." with shaak ti where the reader (gn please) is their padawan?

A Mother's Love

Summary: Master Shaak is the best Master you could have asked for. She’s so kind and so patient, and you want to be just like her when you grow up. But that’s still ages away.

Characters: Master Shaak Ti, Jedi Padawan! GN Reader

Word Count: 1070

Warnings: None

A/N: So, ngl, this almost ended up as an Order 66 fic, where Shaak is telling her padawan that it's okay to fall asleep after they were shot bt a clone, but that's a level of sadness I'm not prepared for today, so you get this instead.

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You’re fairly certain that the planet you’re on is nothing but forest. And you’d think it was pretty, if not for the fact that you’ve been sneezing almost nonstop since landing nearly an hour ago.

At this point your nose is running, your eyes are watering, and your throat hurts.

All in all, you are a very miserable Padawan.

Another violent sneeze nearly sends you toppling backward, and it’s only your Master’s gentle touch on your shoulder that keeps you on your feet. You blink up at her through watery eyes, and she smiles kindly at you as she crouches so she’s closer to your level.

Gentle, yet calloused, fingers wipe a tear off your cheek. “You’re not having a good time at all, are you?”

“‘M sorry, Master,” You say as you wipe your nose with the sleeve of your robe.

“Nonsense, we had no way to know that you were going to be so allergic to those flowers,” She pulls a handkerchief from inside her robe and uses it to wipe your eyes, “It’s hardly your fault.”

“But I’m slowing us down,”

“Oh, my little one,” Master Shaak draws you closer and smooths her hand down your head, lightly moving your tiny padawan braid back behind your ear, “This is not a life or death mission, we’re just here to collect some data from the researchers who live here.” Her smile is kind, “We don’t send 10-year-olds on dangerous missions,”

Oh. That makes sense.

Master Shaak scans your face for a moment, and you can feel her gentle force-touch wash through your body. Someday you’re going to learn how to do that too, but you can’t do it yet.

“Hm, the reaction is getting worse,” She murmurs, “Your eyes are starting to swell. I bet it’s getting hard to see, isn’t it?”

You sneeze three times into your sleeve, “Yes, Master,” You reply, miserably.

“How’s your breathing?”

“It’s fine.”

“Alright, you must let me know if that changes,”

“Yes, Master.”

Master Shaak scoops you into her arms, and continues walking, “We’ll be at the camp shortly, Padawan. I’m sure they’ll have something to help you.” 

True to her words, less than fifteen minutes later she steps into a camp.

It’s not like any camp you’ve ever seen before. You expected canvas tents, or maybe a mobile home that wealthy people own, but this looks more like a temporary village than anything else.

A series of violent sneezes draws attention toward you and your Master, and you utter a miserable apology as a researcher hurries over to the pair of you. 

The man, a twi’lek wearing a stark white lab coat, takes a long look at you and nods, “Your Padawan appears to be allergic to the native flora, Master Jedi. We should have sent warning.”

“A warning?” Master Shaak asks as she lowers you back to the ground and hands you another cloth to wipe your eyes with.

“We’ve determined that human-based species have a 75% chance of having an allergic reaction to the native plants.”

Master Shaak’s eyes narrow, “And when was this determined?”

The Researcher has the grace to look ashamed, “A month ago, Master Jedi.”

You feel your Master release her annoyance into the force, and she sets her hand on your head, “Well, there’s nothing to be done for it now,” She says, her voice a little colder, “Is there someplace where my Padawan and I can wash the pollen off?”

“Yes, of course!” He gestures to a white building near the edge of the camp, “The showers are there. And I’ll get a dose of allergy medicine for the child.” He pauses, “And a mask.”

He hurries off as quickly as he can and Master Shaak guides you to the showers. She claims two showers near the end of the line, allowing you to take the one furthest from the entrance.

“Make sure you take your braid out as well,” She reminds you before she steps into her shower, “I’ll rebraid it later tonight.”

“Yes, Master,”

You step into the stall and look around. It’s decently sized, with an area separate from the actual shower. A place for you to store your clothes, you figure. There’s also a clean towel sitting folded on the bench, and a basket with shampoo, conditioner, and body soap.

By the time you finish showering, rush a brush through your hair, and pull on the clothes that haven’t been covered in pollen, Master Shaak has already finished and is waiting for you in the hall.

Everything is still a little blurry since your eyes are still swollen, but the sneezing has finally stopped. Master Shaak’s hand brushes over the top of your head, “I have some allergy medicine for you,” She says lightly, “It’s a liquid, so you don’t have to swallow a pill. I know that’s hard for you.”

She hands you a small cup and you scrunch up your nose but take the dose of medicine. The taste is foul enough that you shudder and you hear your Master laugh softly.

“Everyone is waiting for us around the campfire,” She continues, once she’s sure that you took all of the medicine, “Seems that that’s how they like to share their research at the end of the day.”

“So we’re staying for longer?”

“I’m afraid so,” Her hand moves to the back of your head, and she guides you out of the shower and over to the campfire.

Gracefully, she folds herself so she’s kneeling on a thick blanket on the ground, while you, much less gracefully, drop next to her, trying to mimic how she’s sitting.

You don’t quite pull it off, but warmth and pride radiate from her down your training bond.

As the adults around you start talking, you feel your eyelids grow heavy. You guess that the allergy medicine wasn’t non-drowsy.

You try to fight the sleepiness as much as you can, but it doesn’t take long before Master Shaak’s hand is resting on the top of your head. “It’s okay if you fall asleep,” She reassures you in a soft voice.And, slowly, she guides you so that your head is resting on her lap. She gently rubs your back while pushing warmth and comfort through your training bond, and you quickly sink into slumber, secure in the knowledge that none will harm you so long as Master Shaak is standing watch.

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Uhh, sir? All due respect, but they did say wrong answers only

Why does Crosshair have a red stick on his shoulder pad?

Wrong answers only

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shaak ti and her little clonelings :] i know it wouldve been impossible but all of them deserved a mama

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Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.

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I love the dynamic I have created on my mind between ghost Anakin and his children because with Luke is like, wacky! fun! adventure with my ghost dad, yay! That's lowkey my ghostly protector and guide! We gossip a lot!

While with Leia is like, gothic horror style stuff or like, Anakin is their personal banshee because he respects Leia's wishes and wont approach her unless there's something BAD about to happen that he can not not show up to at the very least give a warning; like Leia will see a ghost awkwardly standing on the corner and she already knows is bad news that she can't ignore

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sorry not sorry tbh

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