laezelsbff

[laezelsbff]

My little headcanon for this is that the wrinkles appeared as a result of the tadpole - like how it made him immune to the sun, it also counteracted vampirism's lack of aging so he physically aged suddenly to his actual age.

I think Astarion might be alot older than we think. Shadowheart is between 40 and 50 and she looks like THAT. And she's a half elf. There is absolutely no fucking way Astarion died in his 30s as a high elf having wrinkles like that. Even if the years as a spawn were brutal, that's not how vampirism works. He stays how he looked when he died.

[laezelsbff]

one concept im super into is that like. being a vampire is hard. there are ways to make this easier, but those mostly involve joining a coven. so young vampires are vulnerable to being preyed on (ha!) by the coven system and locked into a society created by people older and richer and much better connected.

like. getting a job is hard bc your movement is restricted during the day. the covens have agreements in place with multiple people across multiple industries. they can help you get a job that is remote work or night shift, but you have to join the coven (agree to abide by their rules and participate in their conflicts with other covens) and also agree to give them ten percent of your earnings.

finding food (assuming you’re a moral person who doesn’t want to kill people) is hard. you can eat animals. you can attack people and feed on them without killing them, which is assault. you can try and buy donated human blood from hospitals. but guess who controls most of the black market human blood trade and doesn’t want to sell it to you at a fair price? it’s the covens! also, the covens have arrangements with people they drink from directly, so it’s not like they need the human blood, but being in control of the trade gives them a lot of power in the community.

a lot of times, your options as a vampire are: live in a beautiful, luxurious base where you get free food and accommodations, are able to get a job, have protection from hunters, and have people around that you can talk to, OR, live in poverty, isolation, and fear. covens as organized crime families where it’s really, really hard not to join one of them.

[laezelsbff]

HUGE fan of the enemies forced to work together trope. not even in an enemies to lovers way just 2 ppl who absolutely despise each other being forced to tolerate the others presence and being like once we’re done with this i won’t fucking hesitate. top 10 tropes of all time

[laezelsbff]

where'd that horse girl lae'zel truther post go

edit: a sequel has manifested

[laezelsbff]

ok but that one “it can be true, if only for tonight” line rots my brain so bad too, i can’t believe you’re the only person i’ve seen actually mention it! the way he looks down at his hands and the whole act drops for just a second. that slightly puzzled expression on his face while he collects himself, right before slipping back into the rakish persona and looking back up at them. like what’s he thinking there, and why does tav saying it’s just too soon to call it love take him aback like that, in a way calling it an outright lie doesn’t? i pick it every time bc it’s so haunting lmao. what’s your take?

Brainrot mode activated.

I think the fake "I love you" scene is a mirror to the "who would you bite" scene. There, I think, he's trying to see just how accepting you are of him and his complications. If you straight up say "that is fucking rancid what is wrong with you", he feels a lot less safe with you (and hates your lack of a sense of humor). But if you play along with the joke and his shenanigans and a "oh, I would bite [companion name]", I think it definitely makes him feel more at ease and he starts seeing you as someone he could potentially be safe with.

People don't trust vampires, perhaps understandably, so having someone who he can just joke around with about it must be a huge relief.

With the fake I love you - asides from goofing around - Astarion is definitely testing something again. Is he actually safe with you? Are you ok with just playing along and laughing for now? Is this someone he can open up to and be honest with? Are you someone who is just blindly and fanatically in love with him without fully seeing anything beyond his pretty face or do you actually care for him?

And also, most importantly, he's just having fun. I don't think that at the tiefling party point he has developed any deep feelings yet, but I do think that at that point he's definitely comfortable with putting his guard down around you.

He's having fun and he knows you're having fun, and he doesn't want that to stop. He's also in a new world and with people who he does not know yet. You're the closest thing he's got to a friend then, the only person in camp he feels comfortable enough to goof around with like this. I think the devnotes say something along the lines of "doesn't want to commit to a long term thing". He doesn't want it to be a serious thing, but at the same time he's not trying to push you completely away with this joke.

TLDR, in words of Matt Berninger

[laezelsbff]

"Astarion doesn't do big romantic gestures."

My Durge still trying to get graveyard dirt out of her ass crack after being lovingly pounded into it by Astarion who wanted to share with her this deeply joyful and meaningful reclamation of himself after sharing a vulnerable declaration of his love, at this place he hasn't shown anyone else but her: "Then what the actual fuck was that???"

[laezelsbff]

the best of Astarion | HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAP ♡

bonus:

[laezelsbff]

having poor circulation is great because people will touch your hand and go 'oh! you're so cold!' and for a moment you get to experience what it's like to be a vampire in a romance novel

[laezelsbff]

[laezelsbff]

I swear to god Minthara is the smartest, most insightful companion of all. so much of what she says I’m like yes fucking exactly

and then she goes “btw some people don’t deserve rights” and it’s the most incredible whiplash lmao

she’s also the FUNNIEST companion, you ask her about people and she just fucking roasts them. “Take the child, Shadowheart. She does not even know who she is, but still manages to pity herself” ma’am

[laezelsbff]

When I say that "no one cares about/likes Astarion," you need to pay attention to storytelling and character development. It's part of Astarion's entire arc and EXTREMELY hard to miss.

He tells you several times that no one cares about him throughout the game, and because of his arc, he is right. He even has a rant about it after his siblings try to kidnap him in Act 3. No one is like Tav. No one gives a damn. Tav is the only one who remains at his side, going above and beyond for him, and is the only one making a change in his life. It could be why he's such a ride-or-die for them, no matter their decisions. This means that none of the other companions are all that interested in doing that for him. They are just there because Tav is there, not for him. Astarion only got as far as he did because Tav is the only one who cares. Without Tav, Astarion will die in a ditch, or worse.

Hell, the WHOLE REASON he's the way he is is because no one cares for him. He's spicy in the same way a feral cat is and will only warm up to people who actively make an effort to help him or he feels safe around. He doesn't like seeing Tav helping others because he didn't get help when he needed it. He hates hero types because of this. If someone cared about what happened to him, he most likely wouldn't be in the situation he's in now. Even if you like someone, you don't want bad things to happen to them. You can try to make an argument that the companions do care about him, but it's nowhere near enough for Astarion to take notice.

I would say not to hinge on gameplay to prove this, considering a lot of it is mechanics and how your companions will side with Tav no matter what they do minus a few situations, but there are hints of it here and there. No one gets angry if something happens to him or leaves to "go help him". It's "he was bound to be trouble," "he was useful, oh well," or "We have bigger things to worry about." Even then, there may be a "he will be missed" comment thrown in but nothing else. I'm not even sure if there's dialogue from the companions from his Act 3 kidnapping because even Astarion himself doesn't comment when you save him.

Warming up to him is not the same as caring about him. It just makes one more tolerable to be around and the only reason he's around them is they have a common goal. Gale was blunt about that after being told to blow up due to Mystra if you don't romance him (though that may have been softened due to one of the patches). These are just a random gaggle of people thrown together for a single purpose and if you don't make an effort to help them, they stay that way.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE seeing art of everyone in the camp chasing after Astarion to try to protect him from the sun, but it only reminds me that no one moved a muscle to go see if he was okay and just commented on it instead.

[laezelsbff]

what Sceleritas Fel says about each of the companions if the urge compels you to kill them:

Astarion: "He is so afraid. So, so afraid. Of everyone, besides you, who he ought to fear most."

Gale: "He thinks he might end the world. But you and I could do far worse."

Karlach: "She thinks she is finally away from the monsters. Poor fool."

Lae'zel: "She came all the way to this world, just to die here."

Shadowheart: "The gods fight over her, but is she truly that special?"

Wyll: "He has his own devil, just as you have me. Aren't you a foul pair?"

Wyll (if he's been turned into a devil): "He is an insult to the name of devils, posing as a monster with that sickly good heart."

and then, later, when you're arguing not to kill them:

Astarion: "You like him for more than his looks, but he will never believe that. Why not make him a pretty corpse?"

Gale: "He would forget his god for you. But you won't for him, of that I know."

Karlach: "She's as good as dead anyway. She won't be saved by the power of love. Not yours."

Lae'zel: "She is only using you. Don't you know that?"

Shadowheart: "She was starting to trust you. The only one she ever has. Pity it's coming to an end."

Wyll: "He adores you so blindly. Like a pup. Don't you find it sickening?"

[laezelsbff]

#JustAstarionThings

[laezelsbff]

do y ou know how badly i want the dark urge to also be an available romanceable companion like do you know the things i would do to get that option

[laezelsbff]

hardcore porn: massaging his scalp until he falls asleep in my arms

[laezelsbff]

So what do you think Astarion was like when he was alive?

Bless you, lmao

So for me in order to reconcile the fact that he was a magistrate (some people think this is a lie, but in origin Astarion playthroughs it feels pretty much confirmed)

But also all of the [Rogue] dialogue he has access to about recognizing scams, + his charlatan background

He definitely was actually a magistrate. But he fully lied his way into it. He's a scammer that went legit. He rolled up to Baldur's Gate like, yeah I totally passed the bar exam, actually I've been practicing law for 15 years now

Got his way into the magistrate position, was definitely corrupt, my headcanon is that Cazador was pulling strings on him before he died and paying him off to make rulings in Cazador's favor

(the Gur did not like this and it's why he was murdered)

Usually my headcanon is that he died at 139 and therefore 39 years as Astarion IE with his adult name. But sometimes when I think it's funnier I think that after he died people found out all his papers were fake and they had no idea when he was actually born so they just put the year he arrived in Baldur's Gate or some other year. You'd be surprised how often irl people's headstones are inaccurate.

[laezelsbff]

Astarion does not have a 10 Charisma score because he's not charming or he's not a good liar. He is both of those things! That's why he has proficiency in Persuasion and expertise in Deception! That is why thousands of people both in game and out of game are insane about him.

He has a 10 Charisma because he has basically no force of personality.

He could be the most charming person in the world and he'd still have 10 charisma because the second anyone with a stronger personality tells him to do what they say— doesn't even have to be a direct order, just a suggestion ("It's up to you, but...") — he's going to do it. Whether it's telling him to say please and thank you or to do something that he really and truly hates.