lambsearandlavender

[lambsearandlavender]

I wish they could invent a medical device that temporarily transfers your symptoms and pain to the doctor treating you and it worked like a shock collar. “I think light exercise would-.” and then bam they’re rolling around the floor clutching their stomach in agony and dry heaving.

[lambsearandlavender]

I think the best thing I could do for anyone I know is die and remove massive amounts of burden from their life

I really think... idk. I just want to be fucking done too. I had to throw away my dreams, I'm increasingly a burden and just making people's lives worse.

I don't think there's anything left for me to do, I just. Drain people. Or they drain me until I break. I... prefer that. But it wasn't sustainable and now idk what to do

[lambsearandlavender]

Some people deserve to be loved and cared about.. but unfortunately I’m not one of them.

[lambsearandlavender]

Dear diary...

So sick of making the same mistakes over and over and over again.

I really can't ever do anything right.

[lambsearandlavender]

At this point it is basically impossible to even think there’s a place for me in this world anymore

[lambsearandlavender]

You deserve every cut you give yourself you stupid worthless bitch. What part of your not allowed to eat that do you not fucking understand. Your so fucking disgusting!!!

[lambsearandlavender]

I don't deserve good things

[lambsearandlavender]

Dear diary...

I try to be enough.

I really do.

But I also know I will never be.

There's no point in me trying. Cause in the end I'm a failure, and that's all I will ever be.

[lambsearandlavender]

I just want to give up.

[lambsearandlavender]

Something was broken from the start.

[lambsearandlavender]

I just want to disappear from everything and everyone. I'm a failure of a productive functional adult. I'm sorry. I really can't do this anymore.

[lambsearandlavender]

I don't know what I am doing with my life.

[lambsearandlavender]

[lambsearandlavender]

I don't think I was ever this close to ending it all.

There is literally nothing keeping me alive anymore.

[lambsearandlavender]

Dear diary...

I wish I had the words to express the amount of pain I'm currently in.

[lambsearandlavender]

Will these thoughts ever stop?

[lambsearandlavender]

I don't think I'll ever get better. I am constantly thinking about suicide and ending it all. And I think I eventually will.