lameyaimee

[lameyaimee]

as the seasons change, there’s no reason to worry about if we’re leaving him behind in the winter. “just looking at you smiling, just watching over you, makes me feel at peace.” we’ll always be so grateful for you, jonghyun. ♥

[lameyaimee]

[lameyaimee]

(death tw) it has been confirmed that jonghyun’s funeral procession will begin on december 21st at 9am kst. onew, key, minho and taemin are listed as the chief mourners for the funeral hall service. they will be taking the traditional place of the biological / step-brother or father normally reserved for this position. please remember that shinee are also his brothers thought so this is suiting, albeit tradition. (source)

[lameyaimee]

“A few years ago, I was crying and whining at my mom and sister while I was really drunk. I asked my mom and sister… it wasn’t long after we’d moved. I asked them if they were happy. I got drunk and woke up my entire sleeping family, like some ahjussi. It had been my number one goal in life, you know, to make my mom and sister happy. They both woke up and told me they were happy. But I was so envious at the fact that they were able to reply that they were, indeed, happy. Because it wasn’t like that for me. I told them while sobbing: I want to be happy too. Then I felt like I’d done my mom and sister wrong. But from then on, I started contemplating about happiness. For about six months, I pondered specifically over what I would need to do to become happy. I think that time of transformation has come. I think I need to be happy, now. I must become happy. I am going to be happy.” 

Rest in Peace. You will be missed, our dear Jonghyun. Life may have been cruel now, but I hope you find another life where you’ll achieve your happiness. Sing on in heaven, and watch over the boys and shawols you left behind. We aren’t angry, we aren’t going to curse you, you won’t be remembered for how you died but for how you lived. You touched millions of hearts and graced a gift upon this world that can never be replaced. You’ll live on in our hearts and within the happiest memories we shared these last ten years. Go In peace, this is our final goodbye.Let’s meet again.

[lameyaimee]

to early emphasis: dear cloud’s nine has confirmed that she was asked by jonghyun to post his final note before passing to fans. she has also confirmed that she was given the blessing from his family to share it with the world. you can find confirmation of this here. below will be proper triggers for this post as it is not easy to read. i will also leave nine’s comment that she left on her post as it is important in regards to why she was asked to post it. if you feel that i have missed any please do not hesitation message me on my personal blog (jaekyung) and i will add them as quickly as i am able to. also thank you to sonexstella for translating. —- trigger warning(s): death tw, depression tw, suicide ideation tw, suicide tw nine: i said my final goodbye with jonghyunnie. even after seeing his smiling portrait of the deceased, it still feels like jonghyunnie will come to me and smile as if all of this was a dream. starting from awhile back, jonghyunnie told me his dark and deep internal stories. i think each day was very difficult for him. i kept having uneasy thoughts so i made it known to his family and tried my hardest to capture his heart but it only ended up postponing time and i could not block his last (action). i still cannot believe he is not in this world and it’s so painful. i’m still afraid, not knowing if it’s the right thing to upload these words but jonghyun himself asked me to please upload these words if he disappeared from this world. i wished this day would never come … after discussing with his family i am uploading his final note, according to his last wishes. i think that there must be a reason why he left this up to me. i worry that there will be controversy. however, i think that he predicted this and asked me, so i decided that i will do the one last thing i can do for jonghyunnie. i hope everyone knows now that jonghyun was not alone and that he worked hard … that he did really well … please thank him for withstanding well … beautiful jonghyun, i really love you a lot. going forward, i will love you a lot. in that place, please don’t be in pain and i hope you will be peaceful … —- i am broken from the inside. depression that slowly ate away at me ended up swallowing me. i couldn’t beat it. i hated myself. i held onto memories that have died out and, even though i shouted to snap out of it, there was no response. if suffocating breaths will not open up it’s better instead to stop. i asked who can take responsibility for myself. it’s you. i was completely alone. it’s easy to say you’ll end it. it’s hard to end it. i lived up to now admist that difficulty. you said i wanted to run away. that’s right. i wanted to run away. from myself. from you. i asked who was there. i said it was me. again, it was me. and once again, it was me. i asked why i kept losing memories. it’s my personality. i see. in the end, it’s all my fault. i hoped someone would notice, but no one knew. never met me, so of course, no one knew i was there. i asked why i was living. just. just. everyone just lives. if i asked why someone would die, you would say you’re exhausted. i suffered from concern. i never learned how to change tiresome pains into joy. pain is just pain. i urged myself not to be like that. why? why can’t i end it according to my own will? i tried to find out why i was in pain. i knew too well. i am in pain because of myself. it’s all because it’s my fault and because i’m foolish. teacher, did you want to hear these words? no. i did nothing wrong. when he blamed my personality with a quiet voice i thought it was so easy to be a doctor. it’s fascinating to see why i’m in this much pain. people who have more hardships than i do live well. people who are weaker than me live well. maybe that’s not it. of people who are alive, there is no one who has more hardships than i do, and who is weaker than i am. despite this, i was told to live. i asked why this is the case a hundred times, and it’s never for me. it’s for you. i wanted it to be for me. please don’t say things you don’t know. find out why it’s difficult. i told you many times why it’s difficult for me. with that, is it not possible for it to be this difficult? does there need to be more concrete drama? are you wanting more of a story? i already told you. did you not pay attention? what i can overcome doesn’t leave a scar. colliding with the world must not have been my fate. being known to the world must not have been my life. that’s why everything was difficult. colliding, and being known was difficult. why did i chose that. it’s a funny incident. it’s commendable that i was able to withstand up to this point. what more can i say? just tell me i worked hard. that i did a good job. that i went through a lot. even if you can’t smile, please don’t send me off in blame. you worked hard. you went through a lot. goodbye.

[lameyaimee]

to my dearest jonghyun,

you were in pain. you were hurting. you were in pain and hurting and upset and lonely and sad and many other things as you passed on. you were also an amazing singer, talented songwriter, an outstanding human being, an integral president in the shinee world, and a father to the sweetest little ‘roo’. although you are no longer on this earth, your legacy, your love for people who needed help, your love for music, your overall essence, will remain long after. you, kim jonghyun, gave shawols, sm, your family and everyone in this world a piece of your heart through your talented body and we can never repay you for your selfless services, even if it did cost you your own happiness in return. the sweet voice that enchanted many will forever play on, and the songs you wrote are eternal. we say goodbye to your physical presence, kim jonghyun, but never to your soul, your heart, your very being. you were in pain. you were hurting, and now you’re free. so i say goodbye to you, kim jonghyun; insole wearing, puppy-pokemon hybrid look-a-like, crybaby, always-so-extra, kim jonghyun. may we meet again.

your sweetest,

an eternal shawol. 

(900408 -  ∞)

[lameyaimee]

have you ever seen anything so beautiful?

[lameyaimee]

please pray for his mom, sister, roo, his members, his close friends, and everyone that holds him dear.

please take care of yourselves as well no matter what that looks like.

i’ve been thinking about what to say and all i keep saying is that i love him. and i will continue to love him, and that will never change.

[lameyaimee]

jjong + blue night radio quotes  [02.03.14 - 04.02-17] thank you jjongd. until we meet again ❤

[lameyaimee]

I want to thank Jonghyun. And, to apologize to him.

Thank you Jonghyun for everything you’ve done in your life.

Thank you for brightening so many of our own sad days when yours were still dark.

Thank you for sharing your creative, artistic vision with all of us.

Thank you for your words of suppprt to those students advocating for LGBT rights, those years ago.

Thank you for the songs you wrote for other artists in the industry.

Thank you for your radio show, Blue Night.

Thank you for supporting every member of SHINee. You all debuted so young and you helped each other stay strong and succeed.

Thank you for highlighting mental illness in various settings and conversations. We need more advocates in South Korea and your voice helped.

Thank you for supporting your family, your sister.

Thank you for sharing part of your life with us.

Thank you for making SHINee shine.

Thank you for making every day shine.

Now I want to apologize.

I am sorry we could not help you out of your own darkness.

I am sorry we could not get you the help you needed.

I am sorry so many of us took your gifts for granted.

I am sorry so many of us took you for granted.

I am sorry that we could not save you.

I am sorry that what you were stigmatized for in life, will only ve rectified in death.

I am sorry you found hell in living, when your smile, your words, your art, your existence were all heaven.

I am sorry we could not do better.

I am sorry your country did not do better.

I am sorry that so many people failed you.

I am so sorry that it all ended in this way.

You truly Inspired us all.

Rest in Peace, Kim Jonghyun.

[lameyaimee]

SHINee is five. SHINee always has been five. SHINee always will be five. no matter what.

[lameyaimee]

Is there anyone out there, from our Blue Night family, that is crying alone tonight? Not crying out of pity for something or someone, but instead because they cannot help asking why they are living in the way that they are? Is there anyone that is feeling sentimental or guilty, needlessly? Don’t be like that. I hope that you believe that these bitter days of crying alone will prove to be the most beautiful days of your life. You’ll realize, with time, that your life is actually pretty alright. I promise you. In fact, I’ll write you a guarantee! The most beautiful thing in all the world is right now. This moment. You. Don’t ever forget that.

Jonghyun’s closing words on ‘Blue Night’ on the 11th March, 2014.  (via hwaitinghwaiting)

[lameyaimee]

you’ll become the brightest star in the sky, Jonghyun, i’m sure about that

[lameyaimee]

Targeting the US by releasing an English song isn’t something in our plan. If you teach a KPop artist English and sign with an American company, that is just basically Asians debuting in the American market. That is not KPop. We believe in our fans who love us and they do not request that we write songs in English. When someone asks them why they listen to KPop, their answer is “Why do you listen to Despacito

Bang Pd (BTS’ CEO) - Tr firstsight_jk (via mimibtsghost)

[lameyaimee]

Happy Birthday! (trans)

[lameyaimee]

Jin’s B-Day Countdown | D-3: member, friend, and brother

[lameyaimee]

♡