lanaxch-blog

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

Their hurt and quite severely if Sera can tell from her own powers. She’s landing blow after blow, as if the shadow has stopped fighting back. She doesn’t care. Right now all she wants to do is released everything she’s ever pent up and kept inside of her, every little emotions she’s had to shove to the side because she needs to keep it together. Not anymore. Skeleton’s out of the closet, might as well purge everything else with it.

Suddenly everything clears. Water pouring over her and the figure make her stop. Her own weapon melts away slowly as does the figure. She brings a hand up to her cheek, checking to see if the feeling of dampness is from the dew that she assumes Lana pulled down onto them or her own tears. Sera’s unsure of when she started to cry. 

They’re writhing in pain, from slowly melting away and the wounds she inflicted. Still they have some fight and snarl at her. ‘Well, finish the job! Now’s your chance, do it!.’ And all she can do is let out a defeated sigh. “you know it’s never going to happen.” They tsk in disdain. ‘Fucking knew it, you weak fool.’ Still their form does not resist when she reaches a hand out to absorb them back into her being.

With the adrenaline slowly fading, her body collapses as exhaustion takes over. She’s on the floor for a good minute before she remembers that Lana is here. And was here for everything. There’s an audible groan as she drags her hands down her face, contemplating if she could ask Ava to do a mind wipe on her, maybe both of them. 

lana watches as sera lowers her weapons, as the shadow hurls one last insult back at her before sera absorbs them back into her own body. lana’s brow furrows as she watches -- this whole time, she’s known that the being must logically be made of paint, and therefore its mind and personality must have come from sera as well. but it’s still strange to see sera change from that ruthless anger and hatred of just a moment ago to this resigned sort of exhaustion. 

lana continues to watch as sera falls to her knees, and lana sits on the ground next to her -- close enough that with a reach of a hand, they can close the distance between them, but not so close that she’s crowding sera’s personal space. as sera lies there, either processing or crying or just resting, lana stares at the place where the shadow vanished, some of its words echoing in her head. she still loves you. 

and then sera moves, and lana’s eyes go to her, a thin, tired smile appearing on her face as sera drags her hands down her face and groans aloud. “that’s a mood,” she says, unable to speak louder than a little bit over a mutter, the energy for normal speech just not in her anymore as she sighs, turning her head back to stare at the spot where the shadow was just moments before. 

as the adrenaline continues to leach from her, seeming to seep down through her body and into the ground beneath her the longer they sit there, lana begins to sway a bit, the dizziness of her concussion finally returns to her. she presses a hand to her head, wincing as the movement tugs at her painful left side. “don’t ever,” she begins, her voice a bit louder now, “tell jace about this.” 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

Sera has well rehearsed retorts at the ready for Lana’s response. She can be just as stubborn when she pleases, but she doesn’t get the chance to use any of them as suddenly she’s been pushed aside and Lana’s figure goes flying. The action breaks something inside her, so much so that’s she doesn’t move for a good while.

They’re speaking but the words aren’t reaching her, all she can see, hear and feel is red. Any form of common sense and civility is now out the window. Lana’s suddenly in front of her again, but that doesn’t matter, her focus is solely on her shadow. So she pushes past her without a word, the staff in hand breaking into two pieces that slowly reform their shape. The pole arm extends and changes in mass until two swords take its place. 

As soon as the change in complete she leaps into action, swiping both swords at the figure with sheer ferocity. “Do not lay a hand on her.” The action takes the figure aback. They hadn’t been expecting for her to snap, rather to break down and beg for mercy. That they do nothing to harm her precious little Lana. 

The flurry of blows continues, the shadow begins to struggle to keep up with the onslaught and begins to receive cuts all along their body. This wasn’t good. ‘So you thought might as well show all your true colors today huh. This will give her a real scare. Show her that the monster isn’t just me in you, it is what you truly are.’ The words do nothing to faze Sera, if anything they renew her vigor. “I’ll end you, doesn’t matter if I have an audience or not.” The words are almost foreign to her own ears, but her mind doesn’t fully process and continues to battle it out with the shadow.

lana doesn’t stop sera as the elder pushes past her, and she just watches, her mouth open in surprise and awe as sera lands blow after devastating blow to the figure, pushing it backwards. lana hears the anger, the outright hatred in sera’s tone, and hears how different it is from the desperate pain of a moment ago -- the shadow crossed a line by hurting lana, it seems, and she struggles to wrap her head around it all. 

but she still manages to think strategy, and she summons her abandoned water from before to her, pushing it to form a wall to the shadow’s left, so that they’re forced to go to the other side, right under the low branch that lana hopes still holds evening dew on its leaves. she follows behind sera, not wanting to get in the way of those dangerous weapons. the figure is babbling, spewing more words about fear and monsters, but lana hardly listens, more focused on the position of the shadow under the leaves. 

when they’re standing beneath the biggest clump of leaves that’s low enough for lana’s power to reach, she drops to one knee, slamming her palms down into the ground as hard as she can. she feels the tug of her power follow her movements, the dew from the leaves falling as her hands do, many drops landing hard on the shadow. many miss, and it doesn’t melt the shadow immediately, but the sudden melting of various parts of their body draws a cry from their throat as they, too, fall to their knees. 

in contrast, lana rises, hovering a few feet behind sera and allowing her to have the final blow -- this is her demon, after all. her battle. lana watches her, waiting quietly, a silent pillar of support, even after all that’s just happened. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

Lana’s still speaking and good god why won’t she just leave. Sera can’t focus on fighting the painted form if she’s too busy making sure nothing happens to Lana. “Lana, it’s literally going to be me hurting you no matter what.” The wolf grins at the admission, tail languidly whipping back and forth. ‘Glad to see you’ll admit to that in front of her. Now to make sure she really stays away. Can’t do that with you here.’ It’s taunting her now, pacing back and forth as it speaks.

Sera’s not sure how to go about this, she’ll need more space to safely fight the monster without being slammed into her own wall, but she can’t bring them down with Lana just outside. She’s debating how to go about this when she sees from the corner of her eye, a portion of the wall is melting away. She’s shocked but the feeling passes when she sees who’s behind it. Welp, so much for keeping her out of the box. She could try moving to box Lana, but something tells her the effort’s going to be wasted.

Lana whips out her water and slices off a limb of the shadow, it barely shakes them as the arm is reformed. But it’s enough of a distraction for Sera to create her own weapon. A staff forms and she gives it a quick twirl before slamming it down double handed over the monster’s back. It’s not expecting a follow up to the attack from before and crumples to the floor, leaving an opening for Sera. She vaults over to Lana and seal the box back up, this time with only the shadow inside. Clocks ticking, she needs to be quick.

“I can handle this just fine. Please just don’t engage again. I appreciate the help, but I don’t need it. I’ve done this enough to know how to get rid of them. But I can’t fight them properly if I constantly worriy about you.” There’s thumping and scratching as it claws at her walls, angry that she’s once again locking them away. ‘Cut the crap, Sera, we both know I can get out of here.’ She can feel the paint starting to give with the shadow clawing at it physically and mentally trying to tear it down. She’s starting to sweat as she uses her own powers to try and keep the walls up and the monster at bay. “Lana please, I’m begging you. Go.”

lana takes a defensive stance when the figure turns back towards her, but soon watches in awe as sera hits them with a suddenly-formed staff, knocking them to the ground and giving sera the chance to run over to lana, another wall forming around the figure and giving them a chance to talk. 

her water bubble continues hovering behind her as lana moves forward to meet sera, her hands going to the elder’s arms as she checks her over for injuries. “i’m not going anywhere,” she says fiercely at the insistence that she leave. “i can’t just leave you to fight this, sera. i know you can do it alone, but you don’t have to,” she says, keeping an eye over sera’s shoulder on the wall keeping back the figure, behind which their frustrated shouts echo as they scramble to get the wall down. 

“i can’t walk away knowing that i’m leaving you alone to fight. i can’t do it, so stop asking me to,” she says, but at that moment the box holding the figure shatters, and they leap out, covering much more ground in one jump than lana expects them to. sera hasn’t turned yet, and lana can see the strike the figure is preparing — with sera off her guard, it’ll send her flying. 

lana acts without thinking, shoving forward and pushing sera behind her. she barely has time to pull her water with her and form a bit of a shield before the figure is upon her, striking hard with a staff of their own. the water shield helps slow it down, melting it a bit, but it wasn’t big enough to stop the blow completely — lana didn’t have time to form it properly. so while some of the staff melts away, the rest of it bursts through the shield. lana raises her arms to protect her head and face, but the staff strikes her in the ribs, knocking all the breath out of her as she falls to the side, landing about a meter away from where she was standing. 

“so noble,” the figure says as lana rolls over with a wince, a hand going to her surely bruised side as she tries to catch the breath that was knocked from her. “she just won’t leave, will she?” 

“no,” lana says between pants, pushing herself up into a sitting position. “i won’t.” she manages to rise to her feet, falling back into a fighting stance as she walks toward the figure, standing between them and sera. “i don’t care what you do to me,” she pants, wanting to glance over her shoulder at sera, apologize for making her watch lana get hurt, but knowing that she can’t take her eyes off the figure. “i will always fight for the people i love. i will always fight for her.” the words leave her before she gets a chance to think about them, her mind focused entirely on strategy, a new idea forming in her mind.

the water she used for her shield is puddled on the ground to the left of the figure, and a little ways further to their left is a low-hanging branch, hanging about seven feet from the ground. high enough for people to get under, but low enough that lana could pull the dew off the leaves if she could only get herself and the figure under them. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

Lana wasn’t leaving, why the hell wasn’t she leaving. Sera is by no means a doctor but she’s very certain that fighting a paint monster is not on the list of things you can do while recovering from a concussion. “you stupid, stubborn girl.” Her words are muttered as she pushes herself off the tree and peers around it, preparing to leap into action as soon as her shadow reacts to her not doing as they say.

They don’t take it well and make a sound of disdain. ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’ Sera isn’t sure who they’re speaking too in particular, perhaps both of them. And just like the last time, the humanoid figure morphs and again forms the pitch black wolf of viscous nature. They chuckles as the water surrounds Lana. ‘Cute, but you're still injured and I could easily take you on without the handicap.’ They prepare to pounce at Lana. Sera’s ready and raises a wall, letting the shadow slam straight into it.

There’s a pathetic whimper as it paws at it’s own nose and Sera knows she has only a few seconds and immediately boxes herself in with it. “Lana, you idiot, I said go! You shouldn’t even be out of bed.” Her voice is harsh and angry, unsure if Lana can even hear her through the walls. “I appreciate the sentiment, but you need to leave. I don’t know what i’d do if you got hurt because of me.” Her voice soften considerably at that last part. Sera would probably lose it if her shadow did anything to Lana and if she’s being honest, she might let it get the better of her. Consume her like it did once. The memory makes her shudder.

The whimpering turns into growling as the form lunges at Sera, she’s barely able to doge out of the way. She’s made the box a little too small, shit she’s in trouble. ‘You took away my prey, so looks like it’s me and you. Just like old times.’ The too human, sinister grin is back and Sera only hopes that maybe Lana listened too her and wobbling back to the cabin, something tells her that’s not what’s going on though. 

lana’s mind is nothing but strategy now. she braces for an attack as the shadow person comes toward her, but the sudden appearance of a wall has her blinking in surprise as she hears the shadow slam into it on the other side. 

lana can’t help but scowl at sera’s insistence that she go, that she shouldn’t be out of bed. this again. yes, sure, she technically has a concussion, but she can barely feel it now, the adrenaline pumping through her keeping all the pain and dizziness away. she can’t imagine leaving right now, when she’d willingly be leaving her friend behind to deal with this monster alone. lana can’t do that, won’t ever be able to do that. 

sera’s next words, however, have lana softening, a flash of understanding going through her at the realization of what her getting hurt here would mean. this figure, this shadow, it’s part of sera, a physical manifestation of her anxiety and fear and everything dark inside her. if lana got hurt fighting it, she can only imagine the kind of guilt that would plague sera. that thought, more than anything else, gives her pause, but after less than a second of thought lana knows that she still can’t leave, still can’t abandon sera to fight her demons alone. 

“i’m not here because of you, sera,” she calls through the wall, still hearing the shadow figure whimper, trying to recover from its encounter with the obstacle. “i’m here for you. i’m here to help you, and i’m not going anywhere. if i get hurt, it’s because i’m an idiot, not because you did it to me.” and with that, she pushes herself to her feet, hearing the shadow speak to sera. it’s just me and you. just like old times. the thought of this happening before, with sera actually alone to defend herself against the shadow’s verbal and physical onslaught, nearly makes lana throw up. 

she knows where sera was, and knows that’s surely the direction the shadow has moved or is facing, so lana goes the other way, to the opposite end of the wall. the water follows her in a large bubble, floating along as her right hand, held slightly behind her with the fingers extended, directs it to. when she reaches the edge of the wall, she checks to see if she can just move around it, but it seems to continue on for another edge, like sera was trying to box the creature in and lock lana out. like that’ll work, she thinks, and with a flick of her finger some of the water breaks from the bubble, the rest still hovering behind her. 

the bit of water she pulled away she presses against the wall at about chest height, making the water into a film about three feet wide. it slides down the wall, melting it as it goes, and she glances in to see sera trapped in a box of her own making, the shadow figure looming over her. lana ducks inside, the bubble changing its shape so it can fit in after her. she immediately forms it into a shield, and it hovers about a foot in front of her in a small wall of her own. she steps forward quietly, but quickly, wanting to distract the shadow from sera as soon as she gets in range. 

within a few strides, lana’s close enough to form a water whip while still keeping her watery shield in place. she takes one step back with her right foot, extending her right arm to the side to form the whip, then pulls her left arm sharply back while lunging forward on her right leg and swinging her right arm towards the shadow figure’s back. the whip slices through the shadow’s right arm, and the appendage falls away. lana grins, but it fades as the arm immediately begins to grow back. shit, she thinks. gotta get it all wet at once, then. i’m gonna need more water. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

{ ... }

The shadow watches from there, carefully analyzing the younger. ‘I don’t believe we’ve ever met, she likes to keep me neatly tucked away in her closet along with all the other skeletons. Although, I suppose I am technically all the skeletons.’ They catch the subtle movement of the hands and tsk in disappointment. ‘Oh sweetie, you can’t wash me away even if there was water. Yes physically you could, but I’ll always be a part of her. Nagging and waiting to come and ruin her. You best just go, she’s a lost cause and does more damage than good anyways.’

Sera wants to scream that it’s not true. She wants to yell she’s trying to get better. She wants to say something, anything. But her terror has a firm hold on her and it is not letting go. So the shadow rises and saunters between the two, looking back and forth. ‘You really should go before I make you leave. You’re in no shape to say no to me. I’m known for making her problems disappear, but she still loves you and as do I by extension, so leave. Before I do something she’ll regret.’ The threat is far from empty, Sera knows first hand. The shadow’s form is morphing and changing. It’s still vaguely human but she knows it’s steps away from becoming a monster.

Sera looks to Lana for the first time since leaving the cabin. “Lana you have to go. They’re going to hurt you. Just stay away from me and you’ll be fine.” Her pleads are desperate. Fights with her shadow leave her bruised and exhausted. Lana is injured and sera’s not sure she can do anything to help her.

lana is confused and scared. she’s still trying to figure out what this thing is, and why it looks so much like sera. in fact, most of her fear has been pushed to the side in favor of devoting her mind to observing it -- the way it looks, how it moves, what it says -- and trying to connect the dots, trying to figure out what it is and what it wants. 

it soon notices her fingers moving, just as lana feels a droplet of water land on her heel, freed from the puddle and proving to her that she isn’t wrong, there is water nearby. even as the figure dissuades her from using her powers, lana is already planning out the motions she’ll make when she does stand up. 

yes, physically you could, but i’ll always be a part of her. the figure’s words have everything coming together in lana’s mind, and she forces the realization not to show on her face. this monster is made of paint, and it’s a physical representation of sera’s anxiety -- a little water will wash it away, but it’s right, it’ll always be part of sera, just like lana’s nightmares and fears will always be a part of her. 

that doesn’t matter, though, not right now. lana looks to sera, and though the other isn’t looking at her, lana can see the pain in her expression, the torment caused by the figure’s words. the sight only hardens lana’s resolve to melt the thing and get sera the hell out of here. 

then the figure continues speaking, though, and its next words have lana freezing, her mind screeching to a half as her heart does a skip in her chest. she still loves you. 

lana hardly hears the rest of the figure’s words, those three of them bouncing around in her head and sending her heart racing faster and faster. she loves you. she loves you. she loves you. sera’s voice is what pulls lana from her daze, and she meets the elder’s eyes, suddenly shocked by the desperation and pain she sees there. lana has never heard sera sound like this before, like she’s broken and begging and just waiting for the pain to stop. the sound of it and the look in sera’s eyes, the silent plea and desperation there, sends a new wave of determination through lana. 

she sets aside the strange figure’s words, deciding to unpack them and her own reaction to them later, when this problem is behind them. she moves from kneeling on both knees to only kneeling on one, her right foot planted in the ground. as she sets it down, she feels the ground squelch beneath it, and the comfort of the wet soil helps calm her down. there is water all around her, a beautiful, natural defense she can mold and use as she wills. 

“i’m not going anywhere,” she growls, looking at the shadow figure as she spreads her hands out before her, calling water out of the muddy ground and the puddle behind her to form into a ring around her. turning her head, she softens her expression and her voice as she looks to sera. “i said i’d help you,” she says. “and i meant it. i’ll help you through this, sera. i won’t let you do it alone.” because lana knows what it’s like to get through a nightmare like this alone, what it’s like to have to experience a panic attack alone. to simply rock back and forth and try to breathe as the fear and panic wash over you in a constant onslaught, and you can do nothing but let them knock you down again and again. 

it’s always easier when there’s someone there to hold you up. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

{ ... }

She hears her name and so do they. ‘Tell her to go, to leave you alone. She’ll see you like this and want nothing to do with you. She doesn’t love you, let her go and save yourself the trouble.’ They slump down and sit across her, legs crisscrossed and looking far too comfortable in comparison to Sera’s own frantic expression. There’s more calling and yelling, she clamps her hands over her ears. ‘That works too, I suppose. Just don’t go to her. She’ll see me.’ The black mass gestures to themself. A dark figure looking much like herself, but their eyes were dead and hallow. Their face was gaunt and hid other unspeakable horrors. Horrors that would surely drive anyone away. Even someone as stubborn as Lana. ‘You wouldn’t want her to see me. You know I can be quite frightening whenever I please.’ 

Her emotions are a mess and it’s showing through her shadow. It’s being indecisive for once. They usually poke and prod with whatever has wrought her mind, picking one stance and hammering it into her over and over until she can’t take it anymore. But now it’s bouncing back and forth. Show her, don’t show her. Scare her off, let her see. They can’t decide. Much like she can’t decide. Does she bare herself to Lana and let out all the monster hiding in her closet. Does she finally release them in hopes that she’ll still be accepted. Or does she hide away into herself again much like she did the past two summers.Right now the latter is winning out. 

“Lana please just go, you shouldn’t be here.” Her own voice is hoarse as she yells out into the woods, hoping her words will carry to the other. The shadow merely look on, out into the trees. Maybe they’re looking at Lana. It looks like they want to speak, mulling over the correct choices of words. 

the response that filters through the trees has lana scowling, turning to the direction from which the shout came. “like hell i will,” she mutters. maybe sera’s right, and she shouldn’t be here, or maybe that’s just fear talking. there’s something in lana’s gut, an instinct or a feeling or something, telling her that she shouldn’t leave sera alone right now, that the look in the other’s eyes before she ran was important somehow, and that lana shouldn’t leave this alone. 

fortunately, lana is as stubborn as a mule and isn’t very good at leaving anything alone. 

taking a deep breath, she pushes herself away from the tree and immediately sways, having to steady herself with a hand on the next tree’s trunk. she moves forward like that, following the direction the shout had come from. it hadn’t sounded too far, so lana keeps looking around, even though the motion of moving her head from side to side makes it spin even more. 

when she does find sera, she’s so dizzy that she must be hallucinating or something. the shadows in her vision coalesce to form a humanoid form, but lana doesn’t even spare it a glance, figuring that it will disappear once her head clears. 

as soon as she’s a few feet from sera, lana collapses to her knees, closing her eyes and gripping her head with both hands, trying to take deep breaths to clear her head. “you know i can’t,” she pants, “move that fast. made me....dizzy again.”

‘oh, sera. look what you’ve done to her. can’t you see? she’s better off without you.’ the voice is sera’s, but the words are confusing. lana’s brows furrow, and she looks up, still holding a hand to her head and wincing as the motion sends a throb of tension through her brain. what she sees has her mouth dropping open and her eyes widening in shock and maybe a little bit of fear. 

the humanoid shape that lana had dismissed as a brief hallucination is real, as evidenced by the fact that sera can clearly see it too. it -- she? they? -- looks similar to sera, but as if she were consumed by shadows. their eyes are hollow, and the smile on their face is horrible. for a moment, lana is completely frozen by shock and fear, and she automatically moves her hands to her hip, where she usually has a bottle of water hooked to her belt. however, she’d run out after sera so quickly that she hadn’t grabbed anything except the flip flops she shoved on, and her water bottle is still abandoned on her bedside table. 

even as she kneels frozen, her mind races. it rained this afternoon -- there must be a puddle nearby. it’s hard for her to figure out where, though, without looking around for it: something she’s been working on is being able to sense the presence of nearby water, but she can’t do it yet. instead, she thinks harder, and realizes that her left foot is wet -- she’d stepped in a puddle right before reaching sera. it should be a couple feet behind her, though she doesn’t dare look. lowering her hands to the grass slowly, she casually hides them in the leaf cover on the ground as she moves her fingers, trying to create splashes so she can hear the water move and confirm that it’s there. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

{ ... }

When Lana brings a hand to cup her face, she can’t help but lean into the feeling. “I’m happy I could help. I know it’s hard to face alone” It’s nice. This is nice. Lana is nice. Nicer than Sera could ever deserve. It merely takes a thought to get it all started. She can here the voices and the thought start to rise. ‘No, not now please. Not in front of her.’ Her mind races in panic, trying to control her powers before she does something that can’t be unseen. Lana’s speaking but she can’t hear a thing, and mumbles some nonsense as she tries to keep everything together. But her grip on things begin to slip and Sera can see from the corner of her eye as a black inky mass morphs into a wolf’s face with a grin that’s too human. It taunts her as if to say ‘I will ruin you today.’

The walls shatter in an instant and Sera pushes Lana off her, rising from the bed to create room between them. “I’m sorry, I can’t be here.” Her words are rushed, the cabin felt too small. Like there wasn’t enough room to breathe. Now she can’t breathe. Her skin felt like it was burning and wasn’t her own. Everything’s too close. Lana’s too close. She needs space. Now. “I have to go.” She bolts out of the cabin and just runs, letting her legs take her far, far away from the chickadee cabin. From Lana.

lana smiles as she feels sera lean into her touch, and she rubs her thumb gently back and forth over the other’s cheekbone, reveling in the chance to touch her again. she has a hunch as to why she’s so happy like this, why she’s so eager to be close to sera like she hasn’t been in three years. lana isn’t an idiot -- she recognizes these feelings, and while they terrify her, she can’t bring herself to pull away. 

she knows she should, though. they’re different people than they were three years ago. lana is less innocent, more confident and daring. but at the same time, she feels more ruled by her own fears than ever, even as she tries so hard to cling to her strength. sera, meanwhile, grew darker and quieter the summer after their relationship ended. she avoided lana, avoided most everybody, and it drove a wedge between them. but towards the end of last summer and until now, lana’s sensed her coming out of her shell once again, and she’s ecstatic for it. because above all else, she’s missed sera’s friendship and company. 

but now, as they remain so close and holding each other, lana’s hand still on sera’s face and her thumb still stroking sera’s cheek, lana can’t deny that she wants more than just friendship. she wants -- or at least, she thinks she wants -- to go back to how they were all that time ago, and fuck all the changes they’ve both gone through. clearly they both still care, or they wouldn’t still be here -- clearly there’s still something between them, and lana doesn’t want to let it slip away. 

but apparently sera has different ideas. she suddenly pushes lana away, and lana has to blink several times as the sudden motion and influx of light as the painted walls disappear sends a wave of dizziness through the front of her head. her eyebrows furrow as she looks up at sera, and before she can even open her mouth to ask what’s wrong, the elder is gone. 

lana stands automatically, then sways a little, having been lying down all day. she’s hurt by sera suddenly running off -- she’d thought they’d had a connection there, but she wonders if she did something to cross a line, to scare sera away. but then, just as she’s about to sit back down on her bed, she remembers the look of fear in sera’s eyes just before she ran away, remembers maybe seeing a dark form in the paint wall next to them, just for a flash out of the corner of her eye, so fast she didn’t even register it at the time. maybe it had never been there at all and her mind is just playing tricks on her. 

whether lana imagined the darkness or not, sera is scared. lana doesn’t know if it’s something she did or not, but she just made a promise. i’m here for you, too. she’s not about to back out on it now, so she moves as quickly as she can to the cabin door, shoving her feet in some flip flops that have been abandoned there. she hurries ( or as close to hurrying as she can manage ) out the door, hearing it swing shut behind her. 

“sera!” she calls, looking around for any signs of where sera’s gone. “sera, where are you? please, i--i just want to help!” she continues as she starts walking around, avoiding the paths because she knows that’s what she usually does when she’s freaking out, and sera is likely no different. lana starts walking up the alley between her cabin and the robin cabin, moving towards the tree line behind the row of cabins. “sera!” she calls again, dimly wishing she’d thought to bring her phone for a flashlight. 

suddenly, the dizziness which has been swirling at the edges of her mind since she stood up overwhelms her, and her vision goes out. she stumbles backward, feeling her back hit a tree. she presses one hand behind her against its bark for support as she leans heavily on it, and her other hand presses to her head as she closes her eyes. “shit,” she whispers, waiting for the spell to pass. after a moment, though, it still hasn’t fully passed -- she can see, but she still doesn’t feel able to move, and she scowls as her legs betray her and she slides a little further down the tree. “sera!” she shouts again, wincing as the action makes her head hurt. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chjace:

{ ... }

and as he walks beside lana, holding tight to her hand and watching sharply for any sign that she was going to fall over, jace realizes he doesn’t regret it. he doesn’t regret coming to this camp–or allowing himself to let these kids into his heart. sure, he’s soften, but is that a bad thing? 

once outside, jace lets out a small breath. he hasn’t relaxed since he heard through the sharks that someone was hurt. and his tense level had skyrocketed when he realized who was hurt. he would have rushed for any kid–but lana holds a special place in his heart. she’s one of the few kiddos who he would literally die for if needed. and seeing her at the bottom of the lake has caused his heart to skip a few beats for sure. time to cover the bottom of the lake in bubble rap. 

“sure, yeah–usual spot? the one ‘round the east end of the lake. i showed you–what? two summers ago?” he replies, changing their direction from the cabins to the lake.keeping their pace slower in case she felt dizzy or anything. and he was read to catch her at a seconds notice. they still had a good hour or so of the free time today before the camp-wide field activity started. though jace was going to be sitting out this one with lana. “how your head? feeling any better?” his worry was seeping through, barely holding back the barrage of questions. 

lana manages a small nod, not voicing the worry that nags at her. she just got a concussion in the lake, and now she’s going back? one side of her mind screams at her, but the other side stands firm, and she stands with it. i refuse to be afraid of water. i refuse to fear my element. 

she does, however, feel a bit daunted by the thought of the walk to the lake, and even more, to the east side of the lake. they’ll have to walk around half the lake to get there, and while there are significantly fewer people on that side ( and the only thing lana wants right now is to be away from people ), it’s also a long way for someone who just got a concussion. but lana is nothing if not hardheaded and stubborn as a bull, so she begins the walk. 

“i’m fine,” she responds to his question with a wave of her hand, though her other hand remains in the crook of jace’s elbow, and she stares too hard at the ground in front of them as they walk. for a while it’s fine, if a bit slow. lana has discovered that turning or moving her head any faster than how a turtle might makes her incredibly dizzy, so she tries her best to keep her head in one spot. that’s hard to do while moving over the semi-uneven surface of the dirt path, so occasionally her hand tightens on jace’s arm as she tries to maintain balance. 

then, a splash from the lake to her left. lana reacts instinctively, her head whipping to the left as she tries to bring her arms up into a defensive pose. a few feet away, the water at the shore laps upward feebly in response to her before falling back down as lana does, her hand going to her forehead as she loses her balance and starts to fall. 

she feels familiar arms around her before she hits the ground, though she can’t quite support her weight yet, so jace drags her upright until she’s leaning forward onto him, her head still spinning. she blinks her eyes open, blinking rapidly to try to clear the black spots from her vision as she tries to look around, but moving her head around only makes the black spots worse. so instead of trying to observe her surroundings, she focuses on taking deep breaths and on orienting herself relative to jace. after a moment, she’s standing straighter, though she’s still blinking too often and isn’t quite able to see properly. 

“i think you should probably carry me the rest of the way,” she says simply. if she’s estimating right ( and she may not be -- directions aren’t her strong suit right now ) then they’re already more than halfway there, and jace is strong enough to carry her farther than that, anyway. 

after a moment of maneuvering ( the motions are completely familiar -- lana actually quite enjoys convincing jace to carry her around even when she’s not injured ), jace straightens up, lana draped over his back. she links her hands together over his chest and leans her head on his shoulder as he hoists her up by her thighs. “perfect,” she mutters. “onward, noble steed.”

to keep herself from giving in to the blackness and falling asleep ( she has to keep her eyes closed -- this is much more bumpy than walking, and all the sights will just make it worse from up here ), she thinks. she thinks about the only thing that she can right now, the first person who pops into her mind -- jace. and maybe not only because he’s right here. maybe because he just saved her life, which, to be fair, is his job, but he looked so panicked. there are no secrets between them, but it’s rare for even lana to see him look like that. 

maybe she thinks about him because he was one of the first people who truly cared about her. her biological parents didn’t care. no one at the orphanage truly cared about her -- they just cared that she was a child and an orphan. they never really knew her. her adoptive parents probably don’t care. but jace always has, from that first time she met him at haven academy. he’s always seen her for who she is, and he was the first to do so, the first to give her a gift that actually meant something. 

and as she thinks about that, about how he’s giving up the rest of his day to care for her because no other option has probably even occurred to him, she suddenly feels guilty for worrying him so much, for making him look so panicked as he rushed her to the infirmary. “i’m sorry,” she says quietly, opening her eyes as she senses that they stop. they’re in a shady spot on the east shore of the lake -- a secret spot that she doesn’t know if anyone else has ever been to. it’s impossible to climb directly out of the lake to here because of the steep rocks, and even after all her exploring lana never discovered the hidden path to this spot until jace showed her. 

she lowers herself from his back, placing her feet on the ground but still holding onto jace’s shoulders for balance. “i’m sorry,” she says again, staring down at her feet as she lowers her hands. “for making you worry.” it’s out of character for her to be so sincere all of a sudden, but she did hit her head, and the guilt is chewing at her insides, so much that she knows she can’t say anything else. 

lady of the lake.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

Sera’s aware of the walls and is vaguely aware of how she shouldn’t be this protective of someone who’s no longer her’s, so to speak. She’s aware of how her powers reflect her feelings and how they shouldn’t be reacting so much to this interaction. But she’s going to ignore them for a little longer, they’ll confront her eventually. Whether she wants to or not. She wants to revel in this feeling for just a little longer. It’s been a while since she was this comfortable being physically affectionate with anyone and this is just a reminder of how much she misses it. It’s hard when even the softest touches can send her recoiling back and on the edge of an anxiety attack.

She continues to hold her, whispering comfort and affirmations the whole time. It’s awful to see someone she cares so dearly about be utterly destroyed by the anxiety she carries. That the only thing she can do cradle her in hopes of being some sort of support. But still doing so brings a forth a feeling that blooms in her chest and spreads through out her being. It feels a lot like three summers ago. It’s nostalgic.

“There’s no need to thank me, that’s what friends are for.” Friends, huh. The words don’t sit well on her tongue and leave an odd taste in her mouth, it’s a little pathetic. “And hey, a little salt water never hurt anymore. You don’t have to apologize for what happened.” It’s not like one can will away their anxiety. Sera’s tried that before, didn’t work out too well. Actually, it made them really angry and just gave them a fistful of ammunition to throw back at her.

“I uh, I do.” There’s a split second debate about whether she should lie and make up some story about childhood nightmares that still follow her, or some other bullshit answer. But this is Lana. Sera feels a little obligated to tell the truth, she did kind of hide this from her when they were together (albeit the problem was not a prevalent three years ago). Besides, she could probably easily see through her lies. Sera always turns into an awful liar around her. “They happen every now and then, but the really bad ones are kinda infrequent.” Images of her last run in with the black nightmare bring cracks in the walls she’s produced and it takes some focus to seal them back so she won’t notice.

“friends,” lana repeats, though the word lingers on her tongue and leaves a strange taste in her mouth -- it’s not quite wrong, but it isn’t quite right either. “but i’m still sorry you had to see that,” she adds, moving on and ignoring the weird feeling. there are still stray tears trickling from her eyes every now and then, and she finally pulls one hand away from sera’s waist so she can wipe at them, scowling at herself. “and i hate that i can’t seem to stop crying,” she adds in a mutter, feeling her chest tighten in anticipation of more sobs, ironically building up from the frustration of not being able to stop crying. 

she looks back up at sera when the other responds to her question about the nightmares, though. lana hadn’t entirely expected a response to that, and sera’s trust in her is all at once surprising, heartwarming, and saddening. she listens to sera closely, lowering her hand from her face so she can focus on the other’s face, on her words, because this is more than they’ve revealed to each other in three years. 

even back then, things were lighthearted -- they were giddy kids, maybe in love but unable to truly tell, having fun together during an amazing summer. sera never witnessed one of lana’s nightmares, and lana never knew about sera’s, if they were even happening back then. there was no dark side to their relationship, no revealing of deeper emotional secrets, partly because they were too young to really be able to express those feelings. it was so much easier to just ignore them and have fun, enjoy some romantic dates and fun days. 

this is different, but not worse -- they’re older now, and have new demons to battle. lana is simply thankful that sera is letting her in, is giving lana the chance to fight both of their demons together. 

lana leans forward again, her arms once again wrapping around sera. this time, instead of burying her face in the elder’s shoulder, she rests her chin in the crook of sera’s neck, seeing the paint crack and reseal itself in the corner of her eye. sera is more upset than she’s letting on. 

“i’m here,” she whispers, but it’s loud in the small space, among all the shadows looming over them. “and you’re here. you....” she takes a deep breath, and it trembles slightly. she presses her nose into sera’s shoulder, and the familiar scent of the elder steadies her enough that she draws back, just enough to look in sera’s eyes, one hand moving from her waist to cup the other’s face gently. “you helped, sera. this wasn’t nearly as bad as the last nightmare, and it’s all because you were here.”

something -- a thought, a memory, an instinct, something -- stirs in lana, and her eyes flick down to sera’s lips before moving immediately back up to her eyes. it would be so easy, so natural, to close the space between them as they have so many times before. but they’re both emotional, and there’s already so much going on tonight. lana knows that it’d be stupid and rash, but she’s always stupid and rash. something, however, holds her back, keeps the instinct-something inside her on a tight leash. instead, she speaks again, focusing on sera’s eyes. “i want to help you, too.”

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

Sera listens intently to the other, still gently cupping her face as tears continue to fall. “it’s ok, take your time. Don’t rush to get the words out.” It’s only a matter of sentences before her heart breaks for Lana. She’s always been vaguely aware that her ex didn’t like fire. She foolishly believed that the reason was something silly, like oh she has an affinity for water, of course she dislikes fire. They’re opposites. Never did she imagine it would be something this serious. 

The mention of the lake no longer being safe does her in. “Hey, hey. No, that’s not true. The lake has always been your domain and it always will be. It’ll be your safe space again, even if we have to take baby steps to get it back there.” She’s not sure why she says we, if anyone is going to help Lana get comfortable with the lake again, it’s going to be Jace above all else. Water is her own weakness. It washes away the layers and layers of paint she uses to hide and mask her own scars. But part of her wants to make sure that the one place Lana loves so dearly doesn’t get sullied by some stupid injury.

She pulls her in, wrapping her arms tightly around Lana. Her hand goes back to rubbing slow circles while the other cradles the back of her head. In this moment, Sera would do and give anything to help Lana heal. Both from her current injuries and the ones that mar her past. “It’s alright, let it all out. I’ll be here for you as long as you need.” it’s inadvertent, but Sera begins to bring walls up and around the bed. Paint slowly floating off her arms in globs and collide together forming a barrier for privacy. A thin sliver remains between the top bunk and the wall to allow some light.

sera’s soothing voice is calming, something lana’s panicked mind latches onto to ground herself. she focuses on the sound of the other’s heartbeat, feeling tears continue to fall down her cheeks as she listens to her soft words of comfort and support. all of this -- sera’s gentle hands on her back and in her hair, her soft voice murmuring words of comfort, the familiar feeling of being wrapped up in her arms -- makes something in lana’s chest grow, something that has probably been there since they broke up that she just hasn’t felt until now. 

the sensation is odd, but familiar and comforting at the same time, and though her tears still fall, she can feel herself already starting to calm down. turning her head to the side, she finds a comfortable rest for it on sera’s shoulder, her face pointing inward to the side of the other’s neck. the memory of the dream still has her heart racing, but it’s starting to calm down now, the details slipping away as time passes, leaving only a memory of the fear lingering behind, and even that is soon chased away by the comfort of sera so nearby, holding lana so gingerly and whispering comforting reminders of it’s okay, i’m here for you. 

lana doesn’t know how long they stay like that, how long she keeps herself buried there, surrounded by the girl she once loved so fiercely, whose mere presence is enough to scare away the nightmares and keep lana calm, who still brings to lana’s chest the warm feelings that she did three years ago. it can’t be longer than ten minutes that lana stays like that, but it’s impossible for her to know, and she doesn’t really care anyway. she sits up when her tears have stopped falling, their tracks drying on her still-red cheeks. her hands linger near sera’s waist as she looks around, only just realizing that the darkness around them was because sera created it by blocking them in with walls of paint. the sight brings a small smile to lana’s face as she turns back to finally look sera in the face. 

“thank you,” she says, and though her voice is quiet and tired, it doesn’t tremble or break. “sorry for crying on you so much,” she adds, trying to resist the urge to wrap her arms around sera once more and resume their previous position. a thought occurs to her then, a memory from when she’d been too wrapped up in her panic and fear to comment. “you--you said you have nightmares too?” she asks, her eyebrows furrowed in concern as she continues looking at sera, not making any move to wipe the drying tear tracks from her face. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

lana’s house arrest is really starting to get to her. she’s physically incapable of sleeping for more than eight hours a day, and she’s already made it through more than half of her summer’s supply of books -- soon she’ll have to get some more sent from home, all because she’s been stuck in bed for most of the first week of camp. the books are good, yes, but she’s dying here. 

not literally. sometimes the boredom makes her wish she were literally dying a little bit, if only to make things less boring. 

the sound of the door opening has her setting her book down immediately, leaning over to see who’s entered. the sight of ej has her mouth stretching into a smirk. she watches her move to the bed across from lana’s, her smirk growing into a chuckle at the other’s words. 

her relationship with ej has always been beyond words -- what started as a friendly rivalry soon became littered with flirty quips and winks and smirks as punctuation. a couple summers ago, that flirting escalated, until the two of them knew every hidden area of the camp almost as well as they knew each other’s bodies.

even beyond the physical side of their relationship, ej is fun. ej’s arrival, barring anything else, proves that lana’s boredom has disappeared, and she turns her head to look at ej from the pillow, one eyebrow raised as she schools her expression into a deadpan. “the boredom is killing me. i need a hero to come save me,” she adds, her smirk returning as she gazes across the gap at ej’s own ( only semi-jokingly ) suggestive pose. 

* ❧ company ღ

euijin and lana are friends, of a sort– rivals too, though. they’ve both gone to camp haven since the start, and though lana is two years younger than her, they share the university campus during the school year as well. they’ve been in different cabins all of their years in haven though, always on opposing sides, and their competitive nature gets the best of them. there’s plenty of tension too, oh yes, and they very well know how to make the best of it now. euijin took it upon herself to flirt with lana to her heart’s content when she heard about lana’s breakup with her girlfriend a few years back (through the grapevine, of course. the plants and flies circling about tell her much.)

it’s all in good fun, of course. their mutual teasing continued, and fulfilled its natural progression, as far as euijin is concerned.

she heard about lana’s concussion, too. gossip spreads quickly in a camp full of young people with nothing better to do, and rivals or not, euijin quite likes lana; she’s spunky, and if euijin knows her at all, bored out of her mind while on some type of bedrest (euijin sure would be) so she decides to pay her a visit.

ej cracks the door to the chickadee cabin open carefully at first, like she’s on some secret infiltration mission, but she’s ultimately too gaudy of a character to keep her presence undercover for long. she saunters in once she confirms it’s only lana in the cabin, then throws herself onto the bed across the cabin from lana’s, laying on her side to face her, head propped up on her hand. 

“hey there chickadee,” she greets, nickname for lana rolling off her tongue with its usual condescendingly flirtatious lilt. “heard you were on house arrest. lucky for you, your fuckbuddy here has the greatest get out of jail free service in town.”

@lanaxch * ❧

[lanaxch-blog]

SENTENCE STARTER MEMES

Reblog this if you’d like fellow members to send one of the following to base a starter or drabble off of. Every posted meme is worth two points for the poster as well as two points for the sender of the meme. Memes that are not posted do not count for either party, as there’s no way to track it otherwise.

“Wait, when did I take off my clothes?”

“I am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarden.”

“Was there a scuffle?”

“I’m not here, actually, this is a projection from… Mars… I moved there recently.”

“This is going to sound controversial, but I think that went well.”

“You have no idea how to make a toast?!”

“I haven’t showered in four days.”

“Tell them how you screwed up.”

“Until the day you learn how to start a normal conversation, I will have to be there to fix the messes you make.”

“You’re more zombie than human.”

“I don’t know what the question was but without a doubt my answer is ‘I don’t know’.”

“We settle this the old fashion way, like real men: dance off.”

“Try not to gasp.”

“Well this just scrambles my eggs.”

“Look, I’m not the brightest tool in the… toolbox.”

“Am I doing it right?“

“I am the backbone of this household.”

”With all due respect, I’m going to ignore everything you just said.”

“You killed my box!”

“You have the audacity to wake me up but not actually die.”

“This is pretty funny, though.”

“That’s because of my complete and utter failure of being a well-mannered, functioning member of society.”

“No forts without me!”

“You got me detective… looks like I’m going to liars jail.”

“I have one speed: none.”

“You did this! You’re still doing it!”

“Don’t make it weird!”

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera: 

Sera takes slow, deep breaths for several minutes. In and out, in and out. Her gaze is locked on Lana, face now stained with tears, her breath ragged from the nightmare and the panic attack. “That’s it, keep going. In and out.” She squeezes her hands again, running her thumb over the other’s knuckles. “you’re doing good, Lana. Just focus on me.”

Normally something as intimate as this would drive Sera away. That last time something anything close to intimate happened was on a blind date. They reached to hold her hand, she immediately recoiled away and felt nauseated. She ghosted them after that, locked away in her room for a few days. Anything to not feel disgusted with herself. A shame, they were kind and sweet. But right now, in this moment, she was anything but ill.

When she falls forward, Sera easily catches her weight and without hesitation, wraps her arms around Lana. “There’s nothing to be sorry for Lana. Panic attacks aren’t a stranger to me.” She’s not going to elaborate any more than that, she’s far from ready to spill those dark secrets just yet. She rubs small circles on Lana’s back, trying her best to provide as much comfort as she can.

The motion soon halts though. “Wait, nightmares?” She brings Lana to face her, gently holding her face in her hands, thumbs rubbing away a few stray tears. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Sera’s voice is soft and unprying. She’s not going to force her to spill the problems that plague her, not when she would never do the same.

tears still fall unbidden from lana’s eyes, and she wishes they’d stop. with every moment that passes the embarrassment grows, and part of her continues to want to ask sera to leave, or to maybe see if she’ll find jace -- but at the same time, this is warm, and nice, and sera doesn’t seem upset -- just concerned. 

besides, the last thing lana really wants is to be alone for any stretch of time. the feeling of someone holding her, of human contact, gives her a way to anchor herself to reality, to keep herself from dissociating back into her own horrible thoughts. even as she grips the front of sera’s shirt in her hands -- clinging to it as the elder holds her -- lana feels memories of the dream pressing at her mind, memories of the fire and fears of the lake making things worse, not better. 

she vaguely registers the new knowledge that sera’s dealt with this kind of thing before too, and the knowledge tugs at something in lana that maybe shouldn’t be there, some instinct that says no, that’s not right, she should never feel this way, she should never have to feel this terrible, but she’s still too upset herself to properly respond, to see if these are something sera’s dealt with recently or if it’s been a while. 

lana easily follows sera’s gentle directions, leaning back and closing her eyes as she feels the elder’s thumbs on her cheeks, brushing away tears that are immediately replaced by more. the emotion threatens to overwhelm her, and this is why lana prefers to be either alone or with jace during these attacks, because she loses all semblance of control over her emotions. over sera’s shoulder, she sees the water in the glass on her nightstand trembling before slowly frosting over, affected by lana’s negative emotions. 

“i-i’ve a-always had them,” she says in response to sera’s question, though she feels more sobs welling up in her throat and avoids sera’s eyes, furiously wiping at her eyes to try in vain to stop the tears. “s-since i w-was a k-k-kid. th-there was a f-fire.” she breaks off then, holding her head in her hands and wondering if she’ll even be able to make it through the whole story before her inevitable breakdown. “i-it’s w-why. why i c-can’t get near the bonf-fires. why i d-don’t like it now. th-the lake h-has always been...s-safe. b-but it’s n-not a-anymore.” 

her voice breaks then, and she doesn’t know if sera pulls her in or if she falls forward herself, but the next thing she knows her face is once again buried in sera’s shoulder as lana trembles with sobs. it’s been ages since an attack has been this bad, since she’s broken down crying like this, but it’s also been ages since she’s voiced her fears aloud. her arms wrap around sera’s waist, clinging to her tightly as lana’s tears stain her shirt and she tries to muffle her sobs. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

To take try and take her mind off the sleeping form of her ex, Sera switches the tablet to an episode of Jessica Jones. It works well enough that she get lost in the episode, not realizing that at one point she starts rubbing small circles on Lana’s back. Instinctively, she pulls her closer when the other starts to tremble slightly. The whimpers, however, snap her to full attention.

“Lana?” The name is whispered softly, like she’s unsure if she’s hearing things or not. The sounds continue and her twitching increases. “Lana?” This time her name is spoken louder and it’s accompanied by a few shakes of the shoulder. Sera’s unsure what she should to. The other is not rousing from her nightmare and she doesn’t want to aggravate her injuries with more vigorous shaking that she’d normally do with anyone else.

She’s halfway to creating an animation to go grab Jace when Lana snaps awake, struggling enough that she basically shoves Sera off the bed. Quick reaction is what keeps her from being pushed all the way off as her hand shoots out to grab the bed post, yanking herself back on. She’s bewildered and a little unsure of what to do until she gets a good look at Lana. 

Sera knows what a panic attack looks like (she’s experienced a few too many herself) and so she positions herself in front of Lana, holding her hands in her own. “Hey, hey. I’m right here.” She squeezes them gently in reassurement. “Breathe with me. In and out.” 

[ tw: panic attack ]

lana takes a few hitching breaths, panic still filling her and making everything hard, including thinking and breathing. she blinks down at her hands as sera takes them in her own, and she slowly looks up at the elder, tears still staining her cheeks as she tries to calm her breathing. she copies sera’s own breathing, though it’s slow going. her breaths remain shallow the first few times, hitching as she chokes on more tears and fear, which only increases her panic. 

she stays focused on sera through it all, though, imitating her deep breaths and pushing through it, the warmth of the other’s hands in hers keeping lana grounded in reality as she slowly calms down. 

no one besides jace has ever seen her like this, so after a few minutes, when her breathing finally becomes easier and her chest feels less like it’s caving in on itself, the fear begins to be replaced by embarrassment, by an instinctive need to get out of this situation and be by herself instead of with sera. with her exhaustion and sera’s calming voice, though, it’s easy to ignore that instinct, and she continues to focus on deep breaths as she leans forward, her forehead falling onto sera’s shoulder, hiding her tear-stained face and giving her a chance to close her eyes. 

“s-sorry,” she says, her voice barely louder than a whisper. her head suddenly throbs, reminding her that she hit it and should probably go to basil to get it checked, but all she wants right now is to go back to sleep. she didn’t hit it that hard, so it should be fine. “i just.....getting hurt in the lake. it’s not something i ever thought would happen. made my nightmares come back.” she doesn’t have the energy to realize that she’s never told sera about her nightmares before, or to explain anything further than that. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

{ ... }

It takes her much longer than normal for Sera to realize that Lana’s asleep and suddenly the voices of her mind quiet down. She smiles at her fondly, reminiscing of summers ago where Sera would sneak into Lana’s cabin so they could cuddle and sleep in the same bed. Waking up bleary eyed at 5 am to avoid getting caught was always a pain, but worth it every time.

And nostalgia is a powerful drug, but not strong enough to stop her from realizing ‘oh shit, she’s half on top of me.’ Her cheeks immediately heat up. And now, we return to our regularly scheduled panic. Haha fuck, she was trying to avoid something like this. She can’t just toss her ex off her, Sera’s an asshole but she’s not rude. At this rate, she’s going to combust before Lana wakes up. ‘Please end me.’

[ tw: panic attack ]

on the outside, lana sleeps peacefully, occasionally twitching, but for the most part enjoying a pleasantly dreamless nap. however, some time after she falls asleep -- it’s impossible for her to know how long -- her twitching intensifies with her dream, and she clings to whatever ( whoever ) is next to her, small whimpers escaping her every now and then as she loses herself in another nightmare.

the heat is suffocating, pressing in on her from all sides, and smoke burns her lungs. she coughs violently, her eyes watering both from the smoke getting into them and from tears of pure terror. she realizes that she’s standing up, so she starts running, doubling over and putting her arms over her head to protect herself from falling debris. all around her are screams of familiar voices, though instead of being from excited campers having fun, they’re terrified. she doesn’t know where any of her friends are, only that they’re in as much danger as she is, if they’re even still alive. 

in reality, there are no buildings close enough to the lake to jump out directly into it. if she were thinking straight, this, among other things, would clue her in to this dream. she sees a window and knows that her only hope of safety, of maybe saving the ones she cares about, is to get in the lake. she jumps out the window, glass weirdly not present, and free-falls for a second before landing in the lake. the heat immediately turns to icy cold, and when lana tries to take a breath she realizes that she forgot to put her air bubble around her mouth, water and panic filling her chest.

as she scrambles for the surface, she wakes, struggling away from the bed and the warm form next to her as she sits up, a small shout leaving her throat as she shoots up. her head smacks the underside of the top bunk above her, and she yelps in pain and shock, holding it in her hands as tears run unhindered down her cheeks and her breaths come too fast, her chest still burning as though filled with smoke and water. she curls in on herself, trying to get her bearings and separate reality from the dream. 

after a few seconds she blinks several times and realizes that she isn’t alone in bed, and her breath hitches as she sees sera. “s-sera?” she stutters, her voice and breaths trembling. she doesn’t know what to do, what to think -- no one besides jace has ever seen her in a panic like this, and she’s frozen in a different kind of fear now. 

meeting in my dreams.

[lanaxch-blog]

chxsera:

“No, no! I really like the outfit, plus you and the girls put a lot of effort into choosing this one already!” She’s pretty sure that the dress isn’t Lana’s. Mostly because Sera’s certain she’s seen one of the counselors wear that exact dress before. “But, if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t mind a fashion show. ‘Specially a private one.” A sly grin pulls her at her lips, before chuckling to herself. “I jest, mostly.” The sentence is punctuated with a wink. “Besides, if you go back and change, it might be past curfew before they let you out again.”

The hike isn’t too bad, one that the campers have done a few times over the summers, and Sera’s never had a problem before so she hopes Lana doesn’t either. “Alrighty, but if you ever feel uncomfortable or something, let me know. I’ll even carry you, if you ask nice enough.” She gently teases with a lopsided grin, but stops short when she hears the other’s comment. “Whoa wait princess? Nu-uh sweetie. If anyone’s the princess, it’s you. You can call me prince charming if you’d like.” Ok that last part was a tad greasy, but she really didn’t mean it. Mostly. The charming part is a little true.

 The hike is as easy as Sera remembers and they arrive with little issue. As they near their destination, Sera stops them in the middle of the trail. “Ok, so I’m going to ask you to close your eyes. I promise I’m not going to do anything weird, but I do have a surprise ready.” Said surprise is hidden in a small set of bushes and behind a few trees, assuming none of the nosy campers have messed around with the stuff since she set it up. “Do you trust me?”

the banter about which one of them is the princess brings a laugh to lana’s lips, and she does a mock curtsey, her eyes sparkling with amusement and mischief. “well then, lead the way, my prince,” she says, offering her hand to sera in a fancy-looking way -- the way the rich people always do it in the movies, with her wrist bent and fingers extended, as if she’s expecting either a kiss on her hand or for sera to take it and lead her off into the sunset. 

the latter is actually what happens, the hike is as easy as lana expected, though at a couple points she ends up getting mud on her shoes or dress. she’s not as worried about the shoes as the dress, but every time she stops and takes a second to focus on pulling the water component off the fabric, leaving behind only dry dirt that can be easily brushed off. when she isn’t doing that, she holds sera’s hand as they walk, chatting and making jokes, their occasional laughter filling the forest and making it feel like they’re the only two people in the world. 

when they stop she blinks up at sera before smiling and nodding easily. “of course i do,” she says, taking both of sera’s hands in hers and closing her eyes. she wouldn’t do this with just anyone, but this night has been incredible so far, and she isn’t lying: she does trust sera. in this moment, she doesn’t think that trust will ever fully disappear, no matter what happens between them. 

Kiss the Girl [SA+LT]

[lanaxch-blog]

though it’s perfectly predictable, lana’s favorite place at camp haven has always been the lake. it’s different at night, too, the water dark and still, the noises of the day long gone as everybody sleeps. the soundtrack of the night is all nature sounds -- an owl hooting as it hunts, cicadas chirping, a bush rustling as some nocturnal animal rushes into it. jace’s sharks still swim around the lake, keeping an eye on lana, jace himself, or anyone else who might decide to go for a midnight swim. 

mostly it’s only ever lana and jace out here, though she’s a little surprised to not find him here already. both of them struggle against nightmares and come here when sleep is too much to deal with, and lana has countless memories of nights spent here with jace, working on the sharks or swimming the lake or just sitting in silence. 

instead she sees someone else, and she squints to try to recognize the figure in the darkness. the girl’s blonde hair is easily distinguishable even from a distance, and as lana gets closer she recognizes gowon, a girl a couple years younger than herself but who’s been coming to camp almost as long as lana has. lana approaches slowly, unsure if the other has seen her yet. she isn’t really trying to hide, but there aren’t many lights still on near the lake, so it’s hard not to hide within the darkness, really. 

one of her motions has a bush next to her rustling, and the noise seems to startle gowon into speech, the other’s eyes roaming over the area where lana is standing. she steps closer to the water, kicking her flip flops off on the shore as she wades into it, the familiar feeling of water lapping at her ankles comforting and enjoyable. “i wasn’t really trying to hide,” she says with a shrug. by now her eyes have adjusted to the moon’s lighting, and she can see how gowon is floating not far out, holding onto the fin of one of jace’s sharks -- salmon, lana thinks, but from this distance it’s hard to be sure. 

lana starts moving out further, swimming easily out to where gowon is. automatically, she runs a hand over the shark’s head when she gets close enough, rubbing it in a similar way to how you might pet a dog or cat. this close, she can confirm that it is salmon, and she silently wonders if jace will notice her in the monitoring feeds and come out here himself. 

“so what brings you out here so late?” lana asks, treading water as easily as she would walk. 

late night dip,

@lanaxch

stop standing around and just get in, 

was what her mind constantly tells her as both her feet were just dancing in the water while the rest of her body was completely dry. gowon stares out a few distances and she spots those little inflatable shark fins sticking out of the water as if he knew she was gonna come out to the lake at one point or another.

she tells herself, no fear… no fear as she steps deeper into the water, body drenched before reaching up towards her hair, loosening her ribbon to let her blonde hair fall down her back. she wasn’t supposed to be out here as everyone else had already gone to sleep but she couldn’t help that she was much more comfortable swimming when she was alone. guess the practice really helped because she didn’t feel like retreating or anything.

the lake was strangely relaxing, without the drowning part. she just hoped that she doesn’t begin turning into metal while she was in the water or else she’d start panicking. 

swimming over to the closest shark, she grabs onto it’s squishy fin while resting her body as well as her chin on top of it as it floats on by. gowon didn’t know how long it has been, only around twenty minutes at most? thirty? but she was no longer thinking about time, when she thinks she hears a group of nearby bushes brush up against each other assuming it can’t be the wind. does she want them to see her floating around like this? “jesus… might as well come out now.” ignoring how slightly shaken her voice was.