lapucianprincess

[lapucianprincess]

Jason Drake

Ok I have one for you that I think is hilarious to think about.

As always expect no cannon here. 

It starts a month or two after Tim Drake, age 9, started to take pictures of Batman and Robin (Still Dick Grayson).  Tim very much wants a sibling, but has not gathered the courage to ask his parents.  

He is out, taking pictures, thinking about how he wants a sibling as his path crosses Jason Todd (six months homeless). Tim takes this as a sign and, over the course of about three weeks, lures Jason home (treating him much like a feral cat). Once Jason is safely in Drake Manor, Tim semi- forcibly (Jason is not against it per say, but is a little confused) adopts him.  

Tim’s hacking is good enough that he is able to get back dated adoption records, a news announcement, Two interviews with Jack and Janet Drake about adopting Jason (credited to a journalist who died a month later in a rogue attack) inserted into all the correct places, and got Jason enrolled in Gotham Academy with Tim (backdated the enrollment records too).  

They live together in Drake manor for four months before Tim’s parents get back. Tim straight up gaslights them. Without even flinching “What do you mean you don’t remember Jason?” and “Of course Jason has been here for years, here’s the interview you did” and “Adopting him was such good optics for the company”

And it works (By the by, Mrs. Mac fully supports Tim’s slow abduction and adoption of Jason and is pleased to lie to the Drake parents about it). 

Within two days Janet Drake is half convinced that Jack tricked her into adopting his illegitimate son.  They go to a gala and, due to elite Gothamite weirdness, no one is willing to admit they had never met the older Drake boy before, Jason playing along seamlessly.  By the time the Drakes leave again, Janet is congratulating herself on convincing Jack to take in his illegitimate child (who has impeccable grades, and apparently inherited her appreciation for literature) to accompany her son. Particularly since Jason was good enough to understand that Tim was the Drake industry heir. 

Jack tends to hyper focus on archaeology and lives in a near constant state of ‘That sounds fake, but I don’t know enough to dispute it’. Loves his family though. Janet accidentally convinces him that Jason must be his, never mind that Janet was his highschool sweetheart and the only person he had ever had sex with.  He is not stupid, but is used to being around his genius wife and son and not understanding how they reach their correct conclusions. So just goes with it. 

Both boys go out to watch/take pictures of/ stalk Batman and Robin.  A few years after Dick becomes Nightwing, Stephanie is adopted by Bruce and becomes Robin. Meanwhile two unknown vigilantes, BlueJay  and Ketu (named for the Hindu Winged Serpent that represent Karmic collections both good and bad) start to operate solely in Crime Alley and seem to make a game of evading the Bats and Birds.  

Jason and Tim Drake take a particular interest in bettering Crime Alley, creating outreach programs and hiring for Drake industries and education programs with their parents' bemused backing (When Jason is 16 and Tim is 14, Tim discovers that several of the board members had been embezzling funds and prove it. The resulting shakeup still leaves Janet and Jack in charge on paper, but their instructions are ‘do whatever Jason and Tim say’)

[lapucianprincess]

Gotta admit, any one of these would work on me.

Love me some burritos.

Source: could be worse comics

[lapucianprincess]

Because sometimes we all just need to see a guy head-bump a beautiful Beluga whale

[lapucianprincess]

What I love about The Good Place is that Eleanor was proven right. In the first two episodes, Eleanor declared that the system by which the afterlife runs - one in a million going to heaven while everyone else, even the morally okay people, face eternal torture - is not fair. At the moment it just looks like she’s complaining to justify her being in the Good Place, even if the viewer agrees with her.

But the narrative proves that Eleanor was completely right. Even if the audience agrees with Eleanor, that means nothing unless the narrative agrees as well, and it does. It shows that the elitist method by which the afterlife is run is so corrupt that no one has gotten into the good place for over five hundred years. It shows that holding people to ridiculously high moral standards, like how Tahani was deemed bad despite her good deeds just because she didn’t do anything for the right reasons, is not right, and it isn’t fair for people to be tormented for eternity just because they didn’t have the means to do some incredible thing such as ending slavery, or because they were just an average person, or because they were born in a certain place (those throwaway lines about Florida and France are funny but deeply disturbing).

The narrative begins with Chidi responding to Eleanor’s complaint with “Apparently, that’s not the way things work around here,” essentially saying “The system isn’t fair but this is just how it is.” The narrative is now saying “The system isn’t fair, so we have to change it.”

[lapucianprincess]

For Pride Month, I would like to throw my very long and pointy green hat in the ring.

[Disclaimer: this is 100% a joke and not a real audition unless you like me, in which case, I am very serious]

[lapucianprincess]

Hey man, ahead of this heatwave I'm gonna go ahead and rip the veil off of something for you:

The reason American Southerners have the luxury of saying that 90 ain't that bad and it's not unbearable until it's 100 is 1) prolonged exposure to high temperatures over multiple decades 2) our mindset for these living conditions.

You don't have number 1, and you can't just acquire it, so I need you to adopt number 2 immediately. How do you live like a Southerner in the heat?

Don't be a hero.

Stay inside. Buy a box fan, put it next to a bucket of ice, and wrap your arms around it like a lover. Do not leave the shade under any circumstances. If a dude makes fun of you for getting out of the sun, don't get mad, just think of a funnier insult to call him while you flip him off and go stand under a tree.

Southerners love nothing more than to exaggerate and lie to each other. Like I think we got off on the wrong foot when you walked in on us saying things like "It was only 110, I didn't even take my damn jacket off" when really, last week it was 95 at 10 PM and we were on the bed buck nekkid in front of the fan moaning incoherently and praying to die. So yeah, we can take extreme heat. We also want you to think we can take ludicrous heat. You must learn to talk shit and then be a hypocrite and a coward in your actions, because this will serve you best.

It sounds like I am joking but I cannot express to you how much I am not. Do not fuck with Mother Nature, because that bitch will kill you. Take every opportunity to lower your body temperature and drink water, because that is what all of us in hot climates are doing all the time, and that is why we are not dead, even when it seems like we should be.

(And yeah, we do go through like two and a half ugly weeks in April every year where everyone wants to absolutely just goddamn drop dead because none of us have our heat tolerance back, but we must go to work anyway, which must be a crime. And yes, when it gets below 70 we really all do short circuit and cover ourselves in seven jackets, except for Shorts Guy.)

[lapucianprincess]

[lapucianprincess]

[lapucianprincess]

they’re so cute?? 😭 oh to be an edgy little flapper with a femme boyfriend sittin on the ground together

[lapucianprincess]

shoutout to whoever stole my amazon package containing nothing but a single pair of shoelaces.

[lapucianprincess]

tumblr is basically a gay bar in a mental institute

[lapucianprincess]

[lapucianprincess]

A 14 year old girl flushing her miscarriage down the toilet can be charged with mutilating a corpse, but keeping a dead woman on life support for 120 days then cutting her open to extract a 2 pound fetus because her dead body was decaying too fast to sustain the pregnancy any longer is not only legal but compelled by law. America/the world/men hate women so much.

[lapucianprincess]

Hey. Look at me. Please leave yourself a note somewhere you'll see it later that says "it is going to take years if not decades to get the United States government to the level of functionality it had in November of 2024." If we elect a democrat in 2028, we are not going to be up and running by 2032.

Please make sure you have a reminder in your phone reminding you to not look at 2028/32/36 Democratic candidates and say "why are they not promising/delivering Cool Shit?" because you are going to understand that to get Cool Shit we must have competent people running a decently funded government, and we are not going to have that.

We are not getting UBI. We are not getting single payer healthcare. We are not getting free college or free preschool. We are not redistributing wealth on a large scale. We are not getting free internet. We are not getting ranked choice voting.

If we are lucky, we are going to get an IRS that can collect taxes, qualified schoolteachers, research grants, Social Security, and a government that thinks maybe it should be a priority for people around the worlds to not have AIDS, malaria or TB.

[lapucianprincess]

PARIS WAS NOT NAMED AFTER PARIS HILTON YOU DIPSHIT

source?

[lapucianprincess]

Conversation that Tumblr is not ready for:

A Vampire's fangs are also it's reproductive organs