larathehuman

[larathehuman]

[larathehuman]

can tongues in fanfiction stop fighting each other for dominance, let them come home from war

[larathehuman]

words only cut through when they're sharp

it's been almost a week, and to be honest, what happened has been killing me emotionally. it's like i'm back in june 2017 again, except now i don't ride trains or drive aimlessly. i've been in my room for the past few days watching dodie clark's vlogs, crying, feeling sorry for myself--it's been a vicious cycle.

but what always kept me up at night is a question that's been burning through my mind for the past week; "if people really cared, then why would they take this against me?"

a voice inside me would answer, "well, they wanted to help you, but you wouldn't let them."

i'd argue back with, "i didn't want to shut down or get hurt just because i let people in."

and then that asshole of a voice would answer me and say, "well now you shut down and got hurt because you didn't let people in."

after that i'd cry myself back to sleep.

and it sucks. it sucks how alone i feel right now. all because i built walls and was already too late when i broke them all down. now i'm vulnerable and there's no turning back. i'm vulnerable again and things are worse. things have never been this worse.

all i want is my best friend. i want her back. badly. there's another void in my chest that no one else can fill ever since she left. now, there's no chance it would disappear because she's never coming back. i've lost the anna to my elsa. i can never look at snowmen the same way again and it's killing me.

it's killing me how i always promised i'd be a better friend, better than the best, a superfriend but i never accomplished anything. now, it's too late. she's gone. she's fucking gone. and i have no one else to blame but myself. i will never forgive myself for this.

the last time we talked she was asking me if she was lacking. if she was never enough for me to start trusting people again. but the thing is, it was never her fault why i'm like this, why i chose to build walls as a coping mechanism. my heart was tired of being hurt, and i was tired of being left behind. it was never her fault. i'll never get to tell her that, but it was never her fault.

i chose to not trust anyone to protect my heart and now everything has backfired. my heart is broken once more, and i don't know if it will ever be fixed.

words really only cut through when they're sharp.

[larathehuman]

“At some point, you gotta leave it to the kids.”

[larathehuman]

[larathehuman]

fawn british shorthair

[larathehuman]

[larathehuman]

Today’s mental health reminder: a relapse, a sudden series of attacks, a string of awful days, (or whatever your step back may be) does not decrease your value. Take your time, do some self care, reflect on the progress that you have made. You are strong; one step back is nothing when you look at the journey you have already made.

[larathehuman]

The D - 1, Nicole - 0.

Last night, I felt positive. I thought the worst was over, that I could fight the monsters in my head.

Tonight, they're back again, stronger than ever.

Right now, all I could think of is, I want to disappear, I want to leave, I want to say goodbye.

But none of you would let me. Not even when I am tired from the battle. And it baffles me. It baffles me how important I could be for all of you tell me this.

How could I deserve your support when I've been a shitty friend? When I've been a shitty lover? When I've been nothing but a burden? How could you want to keep someone like me alive?

I don't understand, make me understand.

[larathehuman]

[larathehuman]

[larathehuman]

[larathehuman]

Mildly Interesting

[larathehuman]

┏┓ ┃┃╱╲ in this ┃╱╱╲╲ house ╱╱╭╮╲╲ we ▔▏┗┛▕▔ appreciate ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲             lin  beifong ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

[larathehuman]

Getting older and then looking at all these teenagers who have to save the world…..why did I ever think that was acceptable……..they’re so young….let Katniss sleep…….let Harry Potter have a normal school year……..Aang is literally 12, I’m twice his age and incapable of 1 percent of his plot duties, these poor children, these poor acne encrusted puberty enduring babies

[larathehuman]

[larathehuman]

🌈