launchtime

[launchtime]

HARSHLYCRITICAL PLAYS THE LAST OF US: SENTENCE STARTERS 🍄

“Well I’m ashamed that’s gonna be immortalised on the internet forever.”

“Guess you musta threw it up when I was beating the shit out of you.”

“Shotgun sooooong!”

“I would totally try and loot this house, so that’s what we’re gonna do.”

“Watch out for the freaking cardboard box of DEATH.”

“What was that?! You guys are so loud!”

““[Name], don’t make any sound”, we’re gonna make a shit-ton of sound, though.”

“It’s okay, I’ll beat the shit outta this guy.”

“Yeah, I shot you in the head. Somehow you lived through that. Not sure how.”

“I see ya over there being stupid.”

“Don’t downplay how awesome that was.”

“Don’t tell me about the fucking bridge, tell me the rest of the joke!”

“I was asking for it, though. I really was asking for it.”

“Hey, guess what? All your friends are dead! How’s it feel?”

“How many more complaints can I stuff in there? My toe hurts. My ankle’s not feeling great.”

“I’ll just be honest, it’s because I was hungover.”

“I didn’t realise it was going to take so long to get through this gauntlet of fuckheads over here.”

“I dare you, motherfucker.”

“That’s right, “woah!” I just bashed your head in!”

“Yeah I do have a gun, you’re right.”

“Men first, children later.”

“I’m not exactly of the soundest mind.”

“I mean, you don’t HAVE to, I could just run in there guns blazing. You know what, fuck it.” [Fires gun]

“No no no no no, that’s my upgraded one! I want it!”

“Two ways out of this, huh? I just found a third.”

“Fuck [name]! Right after I gave him the best friend song, too.”

“Go [name]! Make him feel bad about himself! Crush his dreams!!”

“If I just keep saying it, eventually I’ll be right.”

“Sorry, that wasn’t really “hey-oh!!” worthy.”

“How convenient that you happened to record that precise moment.”

“How would you like to be set on fire?”

“That’s kinda mean. Then again…”

“Come here so I can strangle ya. It’ll be funny. We’ll laugh about it later.”

“Did he say “I’d fuck that”?”

“Come here, stupid, you’re supposed to die.”

“You’re a rockstar, you really are.”

“We’re just acting out of mutual desperation at the moment.”

“And if he tries anything, you shoot him in the head. Right between the eyes.”

“You guys came in there runnin’ and gunnin’, so I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Man, it’s the same threat every time. You’ll make me real sorry, I get it.”

“I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t wanna hear it.”

“You suck—you are terrible at your job.”

[launchtime]

Manhandling symbol starters

Send one for your muse to…

★ - drag my muse by the arm ⁂ - grab my muse by the front of their shirt, possibly shoving them back ✱ - take my muse by the hips to carefully move them out of their way ➜ - smack my muse upside the head ⌧ - grip my muse by the back of the neck © - put a hand on my muse’s back to steer them somewhere ✂ - point sternly at a chair and tell my muse to sit down ✉ - push my muse back down when they try to get out of bed (perhaps involving illness, injury, or sleep deprivation) ☛ - press a finger to my muse’s lips to shut them up ♚ - put a hand on my muse’s knee while sitting next to them, to discourage them from standing up ♧ - slap my muse’s hand away from something they shouldn’t touch ♦ - grab my muse’s hair and yank ♤ - slam a door shut before my muse can leave the room ♞ - physically pick my muse up and carry them ♭ - grip my muse’s jaw to make them look yours in the eye ♨ - rub my muse down with a sponge/wet cloth  ☀ - pin my muse with their arms behind their back ☠ - slam my muse into a wall ☾ - wrestle/pin my muse to the ground

Add as much or as little context as you’d like!

[launchtime]

UNSOLICITED HELP SENTENCE STARTERS 🤬🖕

“Uh, thanks, but no thanks.”

“No offence but this is above you.”

“Fucking super, you broke the thing I never wanted you to fix.”

“Do you ever stop to consider that you’re not always right?”

“Now my boss thinks that I have a drinking problem. Thanks for that.”

“I told you not to come.”

“Sort your own issues out before you go after other people’s.”

“That empty corner’s messing up the Feng shui and throwing me off my game, why don’t you go stand in it for me.”

“All you do is fuck things up and make me look stupid.”

“I bet your classmates just LOVED group projects with you back in school.”

“I should ask my boss to pay me for this mentorship programme I never asked to be enrolled in.”

“You’ll only slow us down.”

“Aw. You didn’t have to do that for me. Can you undo it?”

“My personal life is not your gossip magazine, so keep your fingers out of my relationships.”

“Don’t bother, I got this.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

“Nobody fucking asked you.”

“You wanna put in the leg work that badly, go take a long walk off of a short cliff.”

“This matter needs to be handled sensitively. Are you sure you’re up to task?”

“You have all the precision of a bowling ball being thrown off the back of a swerving truck.”

“Violating my privacy is help to you?”