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[lavendaarbunny-blog]

Great thoughts! Hadn't really thought about it that way before.

polysexual =/= polyamorous

polysexual = being attracted to multiple genders (as an alternative to bisexual, which can have the implication of liking just two genders. of course this is not true of all bisexuals, but some people prefer poly because of its nonspecificity)

if you are looking to describe yourself as someone who prefers polyamorous relationships vs monogamous ones, you gotta specify polyamorous, because poly/polysexual is its own sexual identity already. 

this isn’t like, a callout post or anything, i’ve just seen some confusion surrounding the usage of these terms.

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

This includes long relationships. When your needs aren't being met and you express them and no changes are made. It's time to end it.

Breaking up when you’re polyamorous can be extra hard sometimes. You can let so many things slide because you have other partners. Having a partner who never texts back, is bad at communication, doesn’t give you enough affection, or does things that make you unhappy is easier to forget about when you have other partners who love and support you. It’s easy to forget to hold your partners to your standards when they don’t necessarily need to for you to be happy. But remember, you have standards for a reason, if a partner doesn’t fit the standards you have for that relationship you shouldn’t be together. If they don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated and won’t hear you when you ask them for your needs, you can’t be together. Breaking it off can be hard, but you can do it. And you’ll be better for it.

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

It’s not always NRE

As a newly poly person, I was determined to be a good metamour and be patient with my husband’s behaviour, because all the books talk about that shiny New Relationship Energy, and I didn’t want to be the one who couldn’t handle it. And so I was patient, and patient, then less so, until I broke and things came crashing down.

Looking back, I see that managing NRE should have been my husband’s responsibility, and when I did find the courage to point out things that he did that hurt me, his response should not have been to tell me that I was being selfish and insecure, or to say that he understood but couldn’t change. Instead it should have been to listen to me and talk with me and work on treating me with more respect.

It is not ok to stop talking and blame it on NRE. It is not ok to stop considering your other partner(s) feelings and needs, and just blame it on NRE. I discounted some serious gaslighting for a long time before I realised that it was not a new relationship that was the problem. I didn’t trust my own feelings, because poly was new, and I didn’t know how I should feel. Let me tell anyone reading this- you should not be made to feel unimportant, abandoned, unheard, or unworthy.

A healthy poly relationship, brand new or well established, is one in which all partner’s needs and feelings matter and are heard and cared for.

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

Some times we need to be reminded that expressing our needs or wants or emotions is important and need our partner(s) to help us think it through.

POLYMYTHS: “Polyamorous people don’t get jealous”.

Keep Kimchi Cuddles (and my other projects) going strong by becoming a patron! Thank you SO MUCH for your support!! ♥ https://www.patreon.com/kimchicuddles

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

This show has me rolling on the floor all the time.

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.

Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (via asyoulikeitnow)

So true!

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

I know for my children, especially my oldest who has depression/anxiety, they have the opportunity to escape and get outside of themselves. It also let's them connect with their friends and learn about things. I watch my kids play games with their friends from our home and learn to interact with other people and how to be polite and understanding. They tell stories, build things, and visit with people that would usually be out of their circle.

I hate it when people say technology is taking away kids’ childhoods If anything, it’s actually giving kids more of an opportunity to let their imagination out

A lot of times when I let kids play on my phone, they go for the drawing app. I watched a girl on the bus write a silly poem about her friends and then laugh as she made Siri read it I hear children say to their friends “hey, FaceTime me later” because they still want to talk face to face even when they’re far away. I see kids sitting, who would feel lonely and ignored if it weren’t for the fact that they’re texting their friends who are far away. Children still climb trees. They might just take a selfie from the top to show off how high they’ve gotten. They can immediately read the next book of their favorite series on their Kindles. Most kids would still be up for a game of cops and robbers. Or maybe they’d google rules to another game they haven’t played yet. When children wonder why the sky is blue, they don’t get an exasperated “I don’t know” from tired adults. They can go on Wikipedia and read about light waves and our atmosphere. They show off the elaborate buildings they created on Minecraft.

Technology isn’t ruining childhoods, it’s enhancing them.

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

New meds

I think we finally got the right dosage and combination. Feeling much better! So glad things are looking up.

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

I need my meds. I've tried on my own, making it with out... That didn't work. Now I get meds and use them!

Medication is often stigmatized and that really bothers me. I’ve taken meds on and off for years to supplement my focus and combat my anxiety. I’ve adapted because of prescriptions. None of us are weak for this, we’re simply helping our brains get the chemicals they need to function better.

Available on RedBubble!

© Megan Fabbri 2017

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

When I ask for hugs/cuddles, this is usually what I really need.

What I say: “I’m touch-starved.”

What you think I mean: “I need a hug.”

What I truly mean: “I need someone to platonically lie across me with their full weight, crushing my body and providing deep pressure until my errant soul is reabsorbed into my flesh. Also, a hug would be nice.”

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

Meds

I hate days after I've missed a dose of my medication..it's not immediately. It's days later, once I've been back on my medication. I'm over sensitive and not wanting to do anything. Sigh. I have got to not miss doses.

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

Ugh!

Today is one of those days just starting out was horrible and really didn't get better. I'm glad work is done for now. It's time to relax and just be for a while. Spend time alone and with people that love me. I just need to be reminded i am cared for and I am loved and I am someone who has value.

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

Yep!

“what the fuck is wrong with me?” i ask, fully aware of the mood, personality, and anxiety disorders i have

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

I hate these times.

[lavendaarbunny-blog]

In our house we have me (bi), my hubs (strait), and his gf(bi). Our oldest child is 15 and pan and gender fluid. We don't "discuss" things with the younger ones. It's just how it is.

Another thing that I hate is the idea that my identity isn’t “age appropriate” for children. Like, my mom described my girlfriend as “a friend of mine” to my 10 year old sister (who unbeknownst to my mom, knows that I am gay have a gf). That shit hurts! It’s really fucking hurtful that people I love think of my being gay as something that children “wouldn’t understand” and should therefore be shielded from. Surprise: children are generally uninterested in the particulars of adult dating/relationships. So if you tell them two people are together they will just take your word for it and not immediately launch into questions about gay sex. Incredible!