lavenderteablankets

[lavenderteablankets]

Grounding Tips

It’s been awhile, but I’ve been struggling with severe, chronic dissociation in connection with some little t trauma for some time, and it’s been getting worse and worse so I’ve really been trying to put a lot of focus on working through that and finding things that actually make a difference and bring me back because trying to work, navigate relationships, and generally make decisions while feeling you don’t exist is in my experience not ideal.

1. TIPP skill. This is a DBT skill that physiologically helps to bring your mind and body back into balance. There’s a lot of variations of this so if you can’t do this whole thing as suggested remember you can engage temperature by holding an ice cube, turning the AC full blast in your car, taking a cold shower for like 10 seconds (or longer if you’re less of a baby than me), going outside when it’s frosty, using one of the freezable face masks (dollar tree heck yeah!) because getting the eye area is the most effective. Use gifs or any other tools that you know help you for breathing and remember exercise can be 20 jumping jacks.

Some breathing gifs to get you started: https://www.doyouyoga.com/10-awesome-gifs-for-calm-breathing-59450/

2. Dry brushing. Okay I just learned about this one and finally picked up a vegan dry brush at Target for like $6. THIS SHIT IS AMAZING. Truly can’t say enough good things for myself anyways this was surprisingly helpful.

3.Five to one Grounding exercise

4. Sensory bathing/self soothe skills this plays into the above but really trying to surround yourself with things you love engaging all the sense. Example: I dry brushed (touch), while listening to George Winston’s summer album (sound), while burning a coconut candle (smell), while sipping on bedtime yogi tea and eating ginger chews (taste), while gazing at the candle, sun coming through the window slats (sight)

5. Body ground exercises - viniyoga sequences that lead to a leg balance, wall sits, this video

https://vimeo.com/144947366

Hope some of these might help someone 

xoxo lovelies

[lavenderteablankets]

Suicidal Ideation

One thing I’ve noticed with my severe, obsessive, long-term suicidal ideation is that I like having a date in the back of my head. I tend to struggle the most during breaks in my schedule such as the end of a semester. Try scheduling activities you’re genuinely looking forward to in the time periods or any time period that you’ve noticed is a struggle for you. Not something that might be stressful, but maybe go on a mini vacation or attend an event or class you’ve always wanted to try. It’s wonderful if you can get someone close who knows how to support you to join in this way someone else is counting on you.

Examples: day trip,  a cooking class, tickets to a musical or concert, even just scheduling a massage or coffee date with an old friend can be helpful when talking yourself into postponing suicide

[lavenderteablankets]

Offering Self-Love Tip

I often struggle to offer myself love because my self-esteem is so poor. I feel undeserving and inauthentic. I received this beautiful tip during a surprisingly lovely support group meeting I attended.

Instead of trying to force yourself into loving yourself when you are truly angry and disgusted with yourself currently or just giving up and beating yourself up. Try picturing a little you. Picture yourself as a child. If that little child came to you feeling all the hurt and pain you’re feeling currently would you berate them and demean them in the way you currently are treating yourself? Or would you hold them, comfort them, and listen? Would you show that child the love and empathy they needed? Of course you would. 4 year old you is fucking adorable and precious. 

This might not help everyone, but I really loved it. It seemed like a great way to offer myself compassion genuinely. It also seems helpful in processing and dealing with trauma. One lady suggested getting some cute baby/childhood pictures of yourself to put by your bed/journal etc. as a reminder.

[lavenderteablankets]

Dissociation and Sex

Dissociation is a symptom related to several mental illnesses including PTSD, BPD, Depersonalization Disorder,  Dissociative Identity Disorder, and sometimes anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. According to NAMI “It’s estimated that 2% of people experience dissociative disorders, with women being more likely than men to be diagnosed. Almost half of adults in the United States experience at least one depersonalization/derealization episode in their lives, with only 2% meeting the full criteria for chronic episodes.” With that many people experiencing dissociation, I think it’s important to discuss. One thing that’s often left out is the many nuances when it comes to mental illnesses and sexual activity so today I wanted to touch on dissociation and sex.

I’m going to address two different sub-types of dissociation during sex because I feel like it’s important to address each separately. I would like to say that I am not a survivor of sexual abuse. Although I know people personally who have, and have researched the topic, listened to survivors stories, etc., I can’t speak from personal experience. I do have experience with extreme dissociation due to BPD (a diagnosis unrelated to any past abuse in my case though not most), and this massively affects my sex life so I can speak from that experience. 

1) Dissociating during sex can be related to past sexual abuse

- Firstly, get professional help if you are not already. Contact NAMI or a local nonprofit if you can’t afford therapy, but it is vitally important that you seek the help and healing you deserve

- Consent, consent, consent. It must be vocalized clearly and directly - not simply saying not saying no but saying yes without hesitation without being coerced and without being under the influence of any substance. It is so important no matter who is involved in any sort of physical, sexual act no matter how small kissing for instance without permission is less likely to feel spontaneous and fun if your a survivor of assault and especially if you are a female, and your partner is male there is a practical physical power dynamic at play. Make sure you feel safe and comfortable with a partner (p.s. this still absolutely applies if it’s more casual or a one night stand rather than a longer term romantic relationship)

-  Realize that you can still be turned on during sex if you feel threatened, frightened, panicked, or dissociated. There is no need to feel shame or guilt. You are not “asking” for anything. That’s victim-blaming logic. It is perfectly normal for a penis to remain erect or a vagina to remain wet despite not really wanting to have sex. This is a natural response related to the fight, flight, freeze response. Another reaction would be “friend”. Basically your body recognizing, perceiving, remembering danger will protect itself by following along and conforming to threatening party’s desires and expectations. 

- Talk with partners as much as you are able to. Discuss boundaries and warning signs of dissociation during sex. Ask for your needs.

- Make sure your partners are respectful of you as a person and your experiences. However casual or long-term a sexual relationship is, respect regardless of your race, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, disability is absolutely required. 

2) Dissociation as a symptom of another mental illness (when no abuse has occurred, though it probably still applies to abuse survivors too as it all overlaps)

- Get professional help if you at all possibly can. If you can’t, utilize forums and sites such as 7cups.com

- Learn to recognize when you’re dissociating. I have found that I’m absoutely awful at realizing I’m dissociating until after the fact. Start trying to pay attention to triggers and what happens physically to your body when you dissociated

- Inform partners if you feel comfortable and like it would be constructive

- Ask for your needs. I’m re-stating this because it is so so so important. I am honestly the worst at this. For instance, I really struggle with leaving my partner due to my BPD and fear of abandonment. I have recognized that I need to cuddle or do something non-sexual before leaving because I hate leaving immediately after sex. This is a need I am working up the courage to ask for and express. DEAR-MAN is a useful DBT skill for communicating needs to a partner (or anyone for that matter).

- Use grounding techniques and get yourself present again. This can mean simply breathing or noticing/labeling colors in the room or maybe you need to get up and get a glass of water or go for a walk take an intermittently hot then cold shower, etc.. This takes practice and dedication. Involve your partner if that helps/works for you.

- Self-care after the fact. Oftentimes I don’t even notice how dissociative I was until later when I “pop out of it”. It is very easy for me to get ruminating on the issues this symptom is causing, and I sometimes have panic attacks or intense self-loathing manifesting in self-harming behaviors/urges. Be gentle with yourself and practice self-care afterwards to help stabilize and not send yourself either right back into dissociation or into intense emotional pain.

Some links:

General Dissociation/Dissociation Disorders:

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders

https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-conditions/dissociative-disorders

More on dissociation and sexual abuse: https://information.pods-online.org.uk/no-sex-please-were-dissociative/

 https://restforresistance.com/zine/dissociating-when-triggered-by-intimacy-a-guide

Coping with dissociation:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMzN6Cxnxlg

https://themighty.com/2016/06/self-care-tips-for-dissociation/

DEAR-MAN DBT Skill:

https://www.sunrisertc.com/dear-man/

Grounding Techniques:

http://www.anxietyslayer.com/journal/grounding-technique-for-anxiety-dissociation.html

https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/blog/grounding101

[lavenderteablankets]

When hygiene isn’t happening

So getting raw and gritty here many people with severe depressive symptoms can struggle to get out of bed, shower, brush their teeth, change clothes etc. If the whole get up and get ready isn’t happening, it’s important to not just give up entirely. If all I can do is pop a mint in my mouth at 8pm after sleeping all day, that’s a tiny victory even if it doesn’t really feel like it. Here are some ideas you can adapt/play with depending on how bad of day you’re having/your particular situation.

- Dry shampoo, deodorant and clean, fresh smelling perfume work wonders when you aren’t up to showering.

- Having an extra blanket under your bed to switch out with an old blanket you’ve been sleeping under 3 days straight. I don’t know what it is about clean sheets and blankets, but they just feel better so if you remember on a less-bad day this is nice. Or spray some lavender/eucalyptus/citrus/whatever you like on a new or old blanket for a clean, uplifting scent. I think I’m going to start keeping a bottle of essential oil room spray by my bed for these cases.

- Mouthwash. I don’t know why this seems easier than brushing teeth but for me it’s way more feasible. Even if I immediately go back to bed, I try to do this at the very least.

- Mints. Try keeping mints (or gum) within arms length of your bed in a nightstand so you can feel the clean, fresh feeling without having to make yourself stand up.

- It doesn’t hurt to keep a protein/granola bar and tiny water bottle in your nightstand either in order to make it a little easier to stay hydrated and get yourself to eat a little something. Some days the kitchen is way too far.

- Baby wipes for when you can’t shower.

- Side note it’s totally acceptable to sit in the shower staring into space for 20 min. or just let the water run over you and not shampoo/condition your hair.

- Shop for hygiene products you love when your out so you look forward to using them. My little brother picked me out lavender shampoo and conditioner because he knows how much I love the calming scent of lavender (he’s so sweet), but it truly makes showering more enjoyable (they weren’t crazy expensive either so that’s a win).

- Hats and sunglasses for no makeup/unwashed hair days

- If you can only do one thing whether that’s washing or dry-shampooing your hair or putting on lotion or brushing your teeth, that’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up. Getting up for 15 min. or going out one day or whatever you’re capable is ok. Keep seeking help. Talk to loved ones, talk to professionals, keep getting stronger. Healing takes time and you’re a badass for dealing with this crap. Be gentle with yourself.

xoxo,

Kara

[lavenderteablankets]

Hey loves!

New blog here ... this is just going to be my dumping place for tiny self-care things. It can be very difficult to shower let alone do something nice for yourself when you have severe depression, anxiety, OCD schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder, a personality disorder, or any other chronic mental illness. These are just some of my suggestions, thoughts, things that have worked for me etc.

xoxo,

Kara