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[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 23

Once inside, Lilly pointed the spare room to me, so I could unpack. For now, I would stay here until after the funeral. Then I will have to look for a job and a home of my own. For dinner, we kept it easy and had pizza delivered. It must have been around nine thirty that I sent Jake a message.

Layana: Hey, am I interrupting?

Jake: No.

Layana: Great, because I have some questions. I got a call just now, and the body has been released. Tomorrow I can start arranging the burial with the funeral home.

Jake: Okay.

Layana: But before I talk to them...

Jake: Where are you now? Is everything okay?

Jake: You were gone quite abruptly this morning. Are we still okay?

I have to think about his question. Are we still okay? No idea actually. When I left, we were. Only when I stepped into my house, the doubts hit me again. Am I okay, with how the past year has gone? No. Am I happy that he is in my life? Yes. Can I forgive him? No idea. Actually, I was seething again, at him, the situation and also at myself. How I have behaved towards him over the past few days. I wanted to be with him so badly. But I can't let what happened pass me by like that, can I?

Jake: Are you still there?

Layana: Yes, I'm still here.

Jake: I take it it's not okay between us? You've been quiet for too long.

Layana: I wish I could say everything is okay. But it's not, when I got home and saw again what hell I've been living in for the past year. I can't just put that aside and carry on as if nothing is wrong. Everything is wrong about this, Jake.

Jake: I know. I just don't know how to make it right.

Layana: Neither do I.

Jake: Didn't it feel good to finally be together?

Layana: Yes it did, but it also felt like a lie. Like I was fooling myself.

Jake: I just...

Layana: You just? What?

Jake: I thought I would be able to live without you. As far as normal is possible, that I could also get on with my life, just like I hoped you could. It's just, I can't.

Layana: Jake...

Jake: No wait, I see that how I handled this was the most wrong way I could have done it. And that in doing so I caused you tremendous pain and misery. Something I will regret for the rest of my life. That's not what I want to deny either, my actions.

Jake: Only, because of this, I hurt myself just as much. And now that I've had a taste of what it's like to be with you, I can't live without it.

Jake: What I actually want to say is. That even I don't know how long it will take, but as long as you need, I'll wait.

Layana: I don't know what to say.

Jake: You don't have to.

It remained silent for a while. Staring at the screen, I wondered how I now could ask my question, which I had actually wanted to ask.

Jake: Sorry for interrupting you. You wanted to ask me something?

Layana: Yes, I did.

Layana: I'm actually not very sure how to word this. But, are there people I should inform that you... are no longer here? I don't know if your mother, for example, is still alive, she might also be uncertain and worried about how her son is doing.

The silence was deafening, I know he had once said Hannah and Lilly were his only family left. But I know little to nothing about his life or his life before his time on the run. Then suddenly the penny dropped. For me, it made sense to take all this as 'real'. I had been thinking about it all since I had heard that the body would be released. But if the people in his old life heard that he had died, then that part of his life would be closed, forever.

Layana: Sorry, that was insensitive of me. Take your time to think about it okay, what you want to do.

Jake: It's fine. My mother is still alive, although we haven't been in touch for over six years. As long as I was in the hacker scene, she wanted nothing to do with me.

Layana: Seriously? I'm sorry.

Jake: Yup. We had a huge fight about the things I did, but she never listened why I did it in the first place. Then she kicked me out of the house and slammed the door in my face. And that was that.

Jake: You can tell my mother I died. If you want to do that of course.

Layana: I will do that.

Layana: I'm sorry you were treated that way.

Layana: I have two more questions. Very crazy maybe, but do you happen to know what Mark's wish was, cremation or being buried? I want to stay as close as possible to his wishes.

Jake: I would have to look that up, I remember seeing something in one of his documents somewhere about a cremation.

Layana: Okay, thank you.

Layana: And last question. What is your mother's first name and your last name?

[layanasstories]

Count me in as well!! 👁

I dreamed that we all, every single one from the fandom, had Nymo’s eye as a profile picture and I was absolutely confused about it. But it was also kinda cool. xD

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 22

Lilly was already waiting on the platform, she had insisted on picking me up from Colville station, she can be quite stubborn so I agreed. The surprise she had on her face, while trying to hide it, when she saw me getting off the train with my suitcases and backpack, she failed to do so. "I understand your surprise Lilly, I'll explain." I laugh a little uncomfortably. As we walk to her car, I already start talking about what my past year was like. From the moment Jake had entered the mine and from then on there was radio silence. I stop explaining for a moment as we put my suitcases in the back of the car, only to continue as soon as she leaves the car park.

I tell her how I lost my job, that because I was so absorbed in the search, I was sleeping at my desk, too often late or not showing up at all. The warnings had started just after Christmas, and continued for two months. Until, for them, that was enough and they fired me. Even that did not really signal to myself that I was not doing well. That moment was a few weeks back. I no longer slept or ate, all I did was sit in the corner of my room, jumping up jerkily at any sound and seeing things that weren't there. Purely due to lack of sleep and hunger. Only then did the light bulb go on, that I had to give up.

"But you looked so rested and stable that night at Dan's house?" Questioningly, she looks at me. Before answering her, I thought for a moment, where did I flip the switch? "You know, I had given myself one last chance. As one last goal. That was to go to the mine. And I had let Jake know that. Well, the rest is known.". She nods in agreement "And now what? What's your plan now? You can't fall back into the depression you've had.". "Let's give the real Mark a dignified burial first. That's the least he deserves." I sigh. "And then I'll have to look for work and housing." "Until then, you can stay with me, okay?" She gives my leg a small reassuring rub. "And what about Jake?" She asks her question very gently. "Don't know yet. When I got home, my anger flared up again. Everything that happened could have been prevented, with one simple message. 'I am safe, but have to go into hiding.' That would have been enough, only he didn't even do that." I let out an even deeper sigh "He has apologised, he says he sees what he did wrong. Only I can't let it go yet.".

"You need a fresh start. And time, especially time." Uplifting, she gives me her advice. "Yes that would be nice. But don't want to lose him either." I lean my elbow against the door and my head on my hand. "You'll never lose that man." The tone in her voice tells me there's more, so I hear her out "What do you mean?". "Urgh, now I have to confess for sure? I already feel so stupid!" She laughs a bit. "Yes, now you have too!" I laugh along. "Fine! I did like Mark, and asked him out once. But every attempt at a flirtation he turned down. I understand why now, but not then. I never saw him doing anything even remotely flirtatious with anyone." She shrugs her shoulders. "Ooooh! That's why you sounded a bit jealous when I came out of Jake's bedroom yesterday." I blurt out. "Shit, you noticed that?" Startled, she looks at me again. "Yup. Thought it was a bit strange. But must confess I hadn't considered, just for a moment, that he was Mark to you and not your brother." I giggle. "Oh my god this is sooo embarrassing." She laughs, uncomfortably. "Don't worry. To you, he was just a nice guy who hooked up with the friend group." I try to cheer her up. "You're right but still. Different topic please?" She sighs at that.

When we arrive in Duskwood, it is already early evening. And as soon as we drive down her street, my phone rings. "It's Layana" I answer the phone. "Good evening, sorry to call you so late. I want to let you know that the body has been released. You can visit the funeral home tomorrow, they will help you arrange the burial." The man on the phone speaks calmly and respectfully. "Thank you for that." I thank the man. "No thanks ma'am. Much strength in the time ahead, and my sincere condolences." He concludes and hangs up.

In the mean time Lilly had parked the car, she is looking at me curiously, and had already turned towards me in her car seat. "Who was that?". "The coroner. The body has been released. Tomorrow we can start arranging the burial." I answer her somewhat nervously. It's now real, well real. A real funeral, not the real Jake. Oh dear, I have some questions to ask him.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 21

Despite my great desire, I had backed out from the intimacy. I couldn't do it, it wasn't because of him. He was patient and sweet. It did feel dickish to cut it off at the heat of the moment, only I couldn't do otherwise. He wasn't even disappointed, understandingly he stopped and we went to sleep. At least he was asleep, I was fretting. Just before I could no longer stay awake, I had decided to go home tomorrow morning. It had to happen sometime and I could use some more clothes and such.

Looking at my clock, it is almost 11 o'clock. In two stops I will be at the bus stop where I need to get off, then it will be about a ten-minute walk until I get home. I do like having my own stuff again, but somewhere I also dread it. Knowing what my little flat looks like. How all the newspaper cuttings are scattered across the floor, the files laid out on my table. My walls plastered with clues that lead nowhere. Not to mention the remaining clutter, from empty takeaways, clothes thrown where ever I wanted. It is a mess, a huge big depressed mess, a house full of sadness and anger.

The bus driver announces my stop, at which I get off. I have lived in this neighbourhood for a while and can dream my way home, so I know that halfway along my route there is a grocery shop, where I get a few rolls of rubbish bags and also cleaning supplies. Now that the truth has come out, all the information lying in my house is of no use to me anymore.

Standing in front of my building, I take a deep breath. What no one knows is that I lost my job three months ago. I do have some money in my account, mostly from the benefit I get. But I mainly use that to get food, and am now two months behind on my rent. As quietly as I can, I walk into the building to avoid the landlord. But it won't be my luck that when I take my first step inside the landlord opens his door. "Aha, there you are! I still get two months' rent from you, if you don't have it within an hour, I will evicting you." His irritation dripped off of him, there was no point in negotiating with him now. He has made up his mind. After his berating, he turns and walks into his house, with a bang his door closes.

My flat is on the third floor; there is no lift in the building, so I have to climb six flights of stairs. Closing the door behind me, I keep leaning against it for a moment. The heavy dank atmosphere overwhelms me. Everything in this house reminds me of the past year, the tears, the search, the hopelessness. Everything here makes me feel like I can't breathe. Which also makes me think about the past days, how easily I went along with being with Jake. It makes me angry again, looking at the mess, it could have been avoided, all of this. With a deep sigh, I put my backpack down when I realise that my sleeping bag is still with Dan. I shrug, that thing I will see again some time. And as for my rent, I clean and tidy up here, then I leave myself.

First I pulled everything off my walls, then everything off the floor and table. Every clipping, file or piece of string went into the rubbish bag. Fortunately, I finished fairly quickly. The flat is not big, one bedroom, living room, bathroom and a kitchenette that sits in the living room. After getting rid of everything regarding the search, I gathered all of my clothes and took them to the laundry, in the basement of the building. While my laundry was running, I got to work on the rest of the mess.

Around five-thirty, as I am folding the last few pieces of clothing and preparing to put them in my suitcase, there is a knock on my front door. Cautiously, I open it. Pasted on my front door is the eviction notice. "Your hour is long gone, enough is enough. You have twenty minutes to leave the premises, if you don't I will call the police." The landlord is less irritated, but clear. "No problem. I have tidied and cleaned everything, in twenty minutes I will hand in my keys. I'll see you downstairs." I answer him as I close the door in his face.

With two full suitcases and with my backpack on my back, I stand outside. Now I am homeless, and panic strikes slightly. There is only one person I can think of to ask if I can stay there. I grab my phone and dial the number, it takes a while for it to be answered. "Hey Layana, are you OK?".

"Hey Lilly."

[layanasstories]

OMG!! HE WAS AT THE UNI WHEN THE MURDERS HAPPENED!!! 😱😱

SOOO... GROVE SPRINGS YOU SAY?!?!👀

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 20

When we had sat down in the garden again, I had told Dan a vague cock-and-bull story, bit of truth, but mostly a lot of nonsense. That we had indeed known each other from the incident. And we hadn't really gotten to know each other back then, but that after Sunday night we clicked immediately. I also told him about today, and how that turned out. But that despite of course being very sad that Jake was no longer alive, I had already accepted that possibility for some time.

The grieving process I had already gone through, sort of. And that it's kind of nice to have Mark with me like this. He took it as sweet candy and really had no questions. Even Lilly was impressed by my acting skills, or at least that is what she had whispered to me as they were leaving. Anyway, the stories are now complete and we will soon have to start making funeral preparations. Just not tonight yet. It is near midnight, and fatigue is beating in. Tomorrow I have to look after myself, I have to wear the clothes for the third day and come up with something for that. Either I go home or I have to go shopping. That is a problem to solve tomorrow, for now I would like to go to bed. 

When I think of the bed, the thought pops up again that it looks so immensely neat and not slept on. Then I suddenly realise why. Together, we cleaned up the dishes before getting ready for bed. As befits a true gentleman, he leaves me alone in the bedroom to change my clothes. This time more carefully and neatly, I remove the duvet from the bed again. And step out of the room with the blanket in my arms. "Where do you normally sleep?" my question is somewhat unexpected and when he looks my way and sees me standing with the blanket his face changes to somewhat embarrassed. "What do you mean?" the attempt to hide the answer fails. "No Jake, don't talk nonsense. Be honest. Is it the sofa or the ground you're lying on?" I clarify. "Mostly the sofa, sometimes the ground." Almost whispering, he replies. "Fine, then we'll take the sofa." I shrug and drape the blanket over it like I had done the night before. "How?" he stammers. "I must confess it took me a bit to make the connection with your far too neatly made bed. It's not surprising that you are not comfortable with sleeping in a bed, after all those years of having to sleep in the strangest places." I stroke his arm for a moment to let him know it's okay. "That's right yes. But why don't you just sleep in the bed then, you are tired and have had a long day?" oblivious to his own naivety, he looks at me. "Really?" I shake my head. "Where you sleep I sleep tonight." and with that, for me, the matter was done.

Gently, I feel his chest rising and falling with his breathing. Like me, he is not asleep yet, but lying still waiting for sleep to catch us. His arm lies over me and with his thumb he strokes my arm. I crawl a little closer, he helps with pulling me closer to him, and then he places his hand just below the edge my shirt on my stomach. The touch of his skin on mine causes some tingles in that spot. Very subtly, he circles his finger over my skin, it's more of a gentle caress than a trace. I feel little kisses on my neck, bringing goosebumps to my skin. "Jake?" very quietly I try to get his attention. "Mhm" I hear between kisses. "Never mind." I cut off my thought. "Is something wrong?" his voice is as quiet as mine and his kisses don't stop. "No." I reply a little quizzical to myself. "Sure?" he stops his kissing, with this question. Now that he has stopped, I am sure I did not mean to say what I thought at first. The desire that his lips would not just stay on my neck grew considerably now. "Yes, I'm sure," I sigh. "Good, where was I?" and with his statement, his hand finds its way further under my shirt on my bare skin.

[layanasstories]

Cause of Pain

Part 19

As soon as we return to the living room, both men have disappeared outside. They have taken a seat in the lazy garden chairs, on the table between them are two glasses and a half-empty bottle of rum. The garden lights give just enough light to see each other, giving it a cosy scenery. Lilly and I look at each other for a moment "They should be a couple huh?" she jokes a little. "Did you ever think those two would have a drink with each other?" I ask her under my breath. She laughs, "No, not now I know.". she sighs for a moment "But I do think it's nice to see those two getting along so well.". I have to agree, I never thought Jake would have wanted anything to do with Dan at all.

Or that Dan would see Jake as a friend. It's a good thing if he never finds out it's Jake. Unintentionally, Lilly and I stare at the men for a bit too long. "Do you see anything you like?" I suddenly hear Dan ask. I'm right back in the now "Absolutely" I answer him and look at Jake. "Seriously? You're picking him over me already?" a fake pout shows, only to laugh. Jake gets up to grab two chairs for us. "Here, sit down" he says as he sets them down. "Then I'll grab two more glasses". "I think I should eat something first before I drink that. I'm afraid if I don't, I'll drop down on the spot.".

In the kitchen, I stare into the fridge searching for something to fill my stomach with. When I feel two hands slide around my stomach from behind me. "I can also just order a take away?" Jake leans his chin on my shoulder as he says this. "But that always takes so long." I complain somewhat excessively. His laughter I can feel against my back "Sure, whatever you want. My kitchen is your kitchen.". He has not yet spoken the words or Dan is behind us. "Uhm, what's going on here?" his tone was not meant to be funny, but serious. Jake immediately lets go of me and turns to face him. "What do you mean?" "You can't really fool me, how long have you two known each other?" The way you get along is strange when you've only known each other for two days." he is not angry, just a little upset. I could beat myself up because he is right. We were too familiar with each other, for two people who have just met.

Jake and I look at each other, assessing what we should do. I don't know if we can trust Dan to really keep his mouth shut, he's shown before that he would notify the police with ease. That was maybe a year and a half ago now, but still. "Well?" urges Dan. "Can I grab some food before I tell you how it is?" I ask him. My stomach doesn't even rumble anymore, but it really hurts now. "Fine! I need more drinks!" he snorts as he stomps out of the kitchen again. "What are you going to tell him?" Jake leans against the kitchen counter as he follows me while I spread some sandwiched. "Well not that." I start to then clean the knife with my finger and put it in my mouth to clean the spread of my finger. "I don't know how much we can really trust him. He has said things to the police before, which is why Phil was detained." I let my shoulders hang for a moment, thinking what we can tell him. "And the half-truth?" he turns and grabs a glass from the cupboard to pour me a drink. "As in?" confused, I look at him, taking my first bite. My stomach immediately knows what's coming and starts bubbling like crazy. "As in, we've known each other since the incident." he shrugs and leans back against the kitchen counter. "But that doesn't explain our behaviour, does it?" I argue. "That's true. How did my sister react, by the way?" with his arms crossed he looks at me, waiting for me to finish my sandwich. "Pretty calm. Although, I think you should prepare for a scolding, if you guys are together one day." I can't suppress a laugh. "Great!" he sighs for a moment. "But I'm glad she takes it oke-like.".  "Anyway, how do we tackle Dan then?" I ask him as I put my glass, which I have just emptied, in the sink. "Do we have much of a choice, to tell him?" with his hand rubbing his forehead. "I'll make something up okay, and then just hope he believes it." I let out a deep sigh.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Question...

Dearest readers,

I am in doubt... do I write a happy ending or a sad one? 🤔 The story is not to its end yet of course. But I can't decide to which ending I have to go...

So what do you want? 🤔😁

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 18

She wants to open the door to the bathroom when I stop her and open the bedroom door. "Easier to talk here.". She nods and follows me into the room. Then she takes a seat on the bed and as soon as I sit down next to her she takes my hands in hers "It's him isn't it?". Tears spring to her eyes, which only makes me realise more that Jake is right. She needs to know the real truth. "No, it's not him. Although that's not what I told the FBI." I give her a nervous smile. The relief in her is obvious, but I also see the questions bubbling up immediately. "I'm going to tell you. Only on one very clear condition.". She nods in agreement. "What I am going to tell you is more than a secret, it's a life or death situation for real. And that after today we can and must never speak about it again. Do you understand?" I make her clear. "Yes. I understand that.". To confirm, I ask again "Sure it's clear?". "Yes, crystal." She replies.

"Good, because first of all, your brother is alive and safe." I gently squeeze her hand, her eyes getting big and mostly relieved. "And secondly, he's here." I wait to speak for a moment until she makes the connection. "No!" The single word contained everything I too felt when I made the conclusion, angry and happy at the same time. "I know." I tell her to reassure her. "Believe me when I tell you, he is lucky that I love him otherwise I would have personally killed him.".

I continue the explanation "The body found is Mark Dewinter. And Jake his only option to go unnoticed. What exactly happened to Mark in the mine we may never know, but it did help Jake.". I don't want to tell her that her brother had committed murder, unintentional or not. She nods, understanding what I just told her. "At first I thought it was Jake too. I had gone to the mine, as a last chance to hear from him. That, I had let him know.". Now somewhat confused, she asks a question "Did you have contact with him then?". "No, but I sent him many messages. Hoping for any sign of life at all. I thought I was going crazy. And this was my last attempt.".

"Oh, I see. Go on." Affirming that my explanation was understandable. "Jake has taken over Mark's identity, that's obvious. And I have declared Jake dead, so to speak. Because the FBI now thinks the body belongs to their wanted hacker. Jake cemented his new identity shut, as far as he could, on his part. And with my statement and identification of the body, the circle is now complete." I sigh deeply as I think back to this afternoon and the warning I had given Alan. "What is it?" She asks. "There are now four people who know about this. And we need to keep it that way. Nobody else can know, not even your sister." I answer her and again my thoughts wander and this time to the things I still have to do. "Four? Who is the fourth person?" Puzzled, she tries to think of who it could be, when I tell her "Alan. He knows about it and is complicit in it.".

"Yes, that makes sense." She sighs deeply, and she remains silent. I give her time to process what she has just heard. And then she starts talking again "Do you think I can talk to Jake about it?". "If it's just the two of you, I think you can." I answer her. Relieved, she breathes "And now? No one else should know about this, I get that. But what will happen next?". "That's a difficult thing. I have a funeral to arrange for Jake. At least, that's what everyone else must think." I rub my eyes for a moment as I answer her. "Okay, I can help with that. And also with informing the others from the group. Jake is dead, and we need to give him a dignified farewell." She nods as if it's all settled and okay. "Thank you Lilly. I wouldn't know how to do it alone. Or who I can talk to about it, besides Jake or Alan." I put my arms around her to give her a hug. "We can do this. Just like we did once before." She says confidently.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 17

Before Jake can even open the door, there is another loud banging. "Jesus! Calm down!" He sticks his head out into the hall as he shouts at the front door. Then he looks at me again "Wait here okay, let's see what they say first.". My cheeks bulge and I nod yes. Once Jake has closed the room door behind him, I finally exhale. Silently I listen to what is going on in the hall. "Finally you open!" It's Dan who doesn't even greet.

The voices get louder and closer, then I hear the door close. "Hi Mark, I tried to calm him down, but he's on a mission." Lilly's voice is somewhat subdued, although her tone is making it clear that she thinks Dan is exaggerating a bit. "It's all right, I've known him for a while now." Jake jokes a little. "Hey, there are more important things! Have you heard from Layana today?" The fearfulness in Dan's voice makes me open the room door and step out into the hall. "Oh." There is an undertone of jealousy in the way she says this.

Neither man noticed, but I did, raising my eyebrow at her. "Thank God!" Exclaims Dan with relief, only to then chew me out. "Why didn't you let me know, where you were? I've been worried all day. And then only now do I find out you're here? Who knows what could have happened!". Before he can continue his tirade Jake steps between us. "That's enough, Dan." His deep authoritarian but protective tone makes my heart skip a beat. This is exactly how he must have sounded when he stopped Thomas from begging me to go to the mine. The same thing is happening now too. Dan looks at him in surprise; as far as he is concerned, I have known Mark for just a day. Lilly looks just as surprised, she had been silent the whole time until now. "Sorry Mark, but we have known Layana for a long time, much longer than you have known her. And what she had to do today is not just anything. It affects us too.".

The panic I had been feeling had finally subsided a little, but by her words it returned just as hard. "Seriously Dan?" frustrated, I slap my hand to my forehead "You told her about today?". "What else was I supposed to do? She spontaneously showed up at my doorstep to help me clean up. Only I was so distracted that she kept asking me why." he wanted to start the discussion but I interrupt him. "Mark?" I turn to Jake "If we make some drinks in the kitchen and then we can tell them everything?". Dan and Lilly look surprised again, first at us and then at each other. "That seems like a good idea." Says Jake to me before turning to the other two "You know the way, take a seat.".

When the two are in the living room, we step into the kitchen. We don't do anything with drinks yet but look at each other. "Jake" I start whispering while getting a little closer to him, only he interrupts me whispering too. "You have to tell Lilly.". A little panicked I try to get clarity on what he means "What exactly should I tell? That you're alive or that you're ...". He doesn't let me finish the sentence "That I'm alive. Tell her the real truth. But only her. Then we can tell Dan today's 'truth'.". Questioningly, I pinch the bridge of my nose "Are you sure? The more people know about this, the more likely it will leak out.". "Yes, she has almost as much right to an answer as you had.". I let out a sigh "You're right.". He wraps his arms around me in a hug and kisses my head. "It will be fine, okay. Let me take care of Dan.".

We both walk into the living room with two drinks in our hands. Dan and Lilly are waiting for us expectantly. Immediately Dan starts trying to get information out of us as soon as we step inside. My hands tremble a little as I set the drinks down on the table. Lilly notices right away "Are you OK?" She asks me almost soundlessly. "Not really." I answer her just as quietly. "Dan, can you shut up for once?" She sneered at him. "You know what, Layana come with me." She gets up and walks into the hall, towards the bathroom. As a goody two shoes I follow her, as this was exactly what I needed to split the two.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 16

"Are you happy?" He asks realising the question is not quite right and corrects himself "Happy is not the right word.". "No it isn't. Happy, not really, relieved a bit." I reply. "We cannot forget that the blood of an innocent man, sticking to our hands, has given you your freedom." As I say this, I look at my hands while I rub them. "You are right." I hear him say as he moves closer to me. Then I feel his thumb and finger against my chin and he lifts it, forcing me to look at him "Thank you."

From his sudden touch, I start to blush a little. His lips move, but I don't hear what he says. I am totally captivated by his eyes. They are bright blue like the sky on a clear sunny day, warm and inviting. As if they are looking into me, searching for my soul. My stomach begins to tingle and my heart beats in my throat. The desire to kiss his lips grows the longer I look. Very delicately, I tiptoe and bring my face closer to his. Our gaze is locked as I place my lips against his, a gentle kiss. Frozen, he stares at me. He remains quiet, doesn't move, he does nothing. Doubtful, due to the lack of his participation, I want to take a step back, when suddenly he takes my face in his two hands and presses his lips to mine and kisses me full. At first my eyes widen in surprise, only to close them and allow myself to be completely absorbed in the kiss.

His bed was as neatly made as it was yesterday. Even the pile of clothes lay neatly on the corner of the bed. I had sat down next to the pile, stroking my lips with my thumb, still slightly in a haze from the kiss. But the rumbling of my stomach pulls me out of thought. It is already close to ten, and the only thing I have eaten today is what Jake had brought me in the interrogation room. Hoping to be able to get some food, I quickly put on whatever I had put on last night.

I was standing on one leg struggling with the last sock I still had to put on, when there was a soft knock on the room door. "Are you dressed?" Jake's voice sounds from behind the door. "Yes come in." I put my bare foot down next to my other one, that does have a sock on. He takes a moment to observe the scene he has before him. Then, shaking his head, a smile appears on his face. With his hand, he gestured for me to sit down. "What did you want to ask me?" I sit down as I ask the question. He takes the sock I was frolicking with out of my hand and crouches in front of me. "Dan just called me. That he will be here in ten minutes." He replies as he takes my ankle and put the sock on my foot.

""Okay?" questioningly, I look at him. "I think he tried to call me like twenty times tonight. And when I finally answered all I could hear him say is he's coming here." Shrugging, he stands up again "Oh and Lilly is coming with him.". "What?" with a bounce I stand up "No no no, that's not good." I feel slight panic rising. "What's wrong?" Confused, he looks at me as he grabs my shoulders so I don't fall over. "Through everything today, I forgot about that whole man and that I had promised to fill him in on how it went." the panic doesn't ease, it just gets worse. "Yes, and that's not good? I'm not following you." Frowning, he continues to look at me. "In short. Dan thinks you are no longer alive. He has Lilly with him, your sister. And Dan doesn't know that, be she does. If he told Lilly I had to identify your body. What do you think is going through Lilly's head right now?" the panic now hits full force. "Ooooh..." is all he can respond because there is a banging on the front door.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 15

The coroner had told me that he will not show the face or the whole body, but only parts of that had markings that would allow me to recognise Jake. The body had nothing left that could give anything of recognition to me. Except for the build. That was indeed similar to Jake's. On the table next to the bed were a number of objects, clothes that had been put together like a jigsaw puzzle. Shoes, a rucksack, keys and some other objects that I couldn't place exactly what they were. I was missing something though, Jake's laptop and his phone. He had told me he had left these behind on purpose, well fully formatted of course.

I look up at Alan, with eyes full of tears "It's him, and those are his clothes he was wearing." I confirm sobbingly. "Is this all you were able to recover?" I ask next. Suprised, he looks at me. "What is it that you are missing?". "Nym-0S was attached to his phone and laptop. I assumed he had these with him." I try to explain. "Did you see these items?" he asks me doubtfully. "No, I didn't. But he did tell me that." my explanation is somewhat weak, but enough to receive a glimpse of acceptance. "Okay." He puts his finger up in the air and make a circle kind of gesture to the coroner, at which the curtain closes again.

"You did well. Shall we step outside for some air?" He asks. I nod yes and also ask if I can have a cup of water. Once outside, I take a very deep breath. The fresh air makes my heart rate drop a little again. "Are you doing better?" He asks me. I nod again. "Good." He replies to that in a much softer tone. "You are an amazing actor. Andrew is buying everything you put in front of him.". Sideways, I look at him with a look that could kill him. "You know damn well that basically everything you've just seen is real. And you, you better keep your deal with Jake too." I bite at him. "And then what, you're going to make sure I do?" With his ridiculing tone, he only makes me angry.

I give him a look where I drill straight through him into his soul. "I have just identified a charred corpse, a corpse he is responsible for. And you think I won't walk through fire to give him freedom. And that I'm afraid of a little police officer like you?" I snort disapprovingly "Think again before you say such stupid things.". "Is that a threat or something?" He laughs somewhat insecure. "No. That's a warning that you know I can live up to." I snarl.

That was the last thing we could say about it to each other, as Andrew stepped outside. "Layana, how are you feeling?" His question was sincere. "Much better with the fresh air, thanks." That was no lie, I really do feel better now that I am outside. "I want to thank you for your cooperation. Even though I cannot share many details, I can tell you that we will close the case. The coroner will soon release the body so that a proper burial can take place. He will contact you, if you want to arrange this yourself of course, given your relationship with Nym-0s." He explains. "Thank you." I say and shake his hand.

Both men had offered to take me where I was staying, but I declined. Apart from the fact that I had slept at Jake's place last night and it would look very strange if I were dropped off at his house. I was eager to walk the stretch, to get my thoughts in order. Because what I hadn't dared to think about yet had to happen. Lilly and Hannah, I had to inform them that for one her brother and for the other a friend, had died.

Before heading towards Jake's house, I had taken a detour to the lake. I know it's actually Jessy's spot to come to herself, but I was bold enough to borrow the spot. I sat there until it started to dusk. It was almost dark when I knocked on Jake's front door. When he opens the door, he looks at me tormented. "I'm glad you chose to come back here." The relief is clear in his voice. He moves aside so I can step inside. As he closes the door behind me, I look at him. "You have your freedom." I say with an iffy smile.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 14

"Yes, that is certainly possible. Then I have to inform the coroner to prepare for identification." answered Alan Andrew's question. "Good, arrange that right away." he turns to me again "Can we get you something, drinks or something to eat?". "Water would be fine, thank you," I say as I pull another tissue from the carton. "Mark can you make sure she gets that?" he says as he stands up. "I will leave you alone for now, if there is anything we are close by.". Together with Mark, he walks out of the interrogation room.

I am not stupid, I know exactly what he was trying to do. Many times they put suspects alone, to see how they behave. Whether they start talking to themselves and betraying secrets. In my case, they won't find anything. There are no holes in my story. I am not surprised that they see me as a suspect or accomplice. Especially not after I just told them that Jake and I had a romantic relationship. And in their mind, I may be using this story to further distract them from Jake.

After Jake brought me some water and also something to eat, I had to wait for almost two hours. Only then could I join Alan and Andrew, by car, to the morgue. This time I did get a bit nervous, because Andrew started asking questions. "Before you actually get to see the body, it is important for us that you answer some questions first." Andrew turns to me from the front seat. "I understand that. Do you want to ask them here or when we get there?" I ask him. "Oh I can ask you here." he says. "It's purely to verify that what you tell us matches what we have found ourselves.". "I understand that very well. I'll do what I can." I shift a little in the back seat so I can look at Andrew better. I take a deep breath, because actually the idea of seeing a corpse that supposed to represents Jake, makes me a bit uneasy.

"Are you alright?" he asks worriedly. "Yes, I'm fine. It's that I'm dreading doing this. The identification I mean," I sigh. "That's quite understandable. You are not alone, we will be there too." he tries to reassure me. "But I still have a few questions. Can you tell me what Nym-0S was wearing on this particular night?". "Yes I can. An hour or so before Nym-0S entered the mine, he called me via video call. I never got a good look at his face. But I did see what he was wearing.” I am silent for a moment, thinking about what had Jake told me. “I remember that like yesterday. He was wearing a green hoodie, dark grey t-shirt. What kind of trousers I don't know, I only saw the upper half of his body. He also had a mouth mask on, so I only saw his eyes." I rattle off everything. Then I stop talking for a moment, thinking about his eyes. "His eyes were blue. I guess, I will never see those eyes ever again." The lump in my throat rises again, making my voice skip a little. I know he's alive, but that feeling I've had for a year is still deep.

"I’m sorry, I understand this can be very though. I would like to prepare you for what is to come, though. "Please." I respond, I really do want to know what I can expect. "You will be standing behind a window with a curtain closed, on the other side of the window is a bed on which the body is presented. When you tell us you are ready to see the body the curtain will open. You will not be immediately confronted with the body. A sheet will cover it. Only when you are ready can you give a signal and the coroner will partially remove the sheet." With his brows and eyes, he asks if I am following. "I am following you." I confirm. "Okay. Next to the bed, there is a table with all the things we found with the body. If you recognise anything, it is good to let us know." he ends the explaining with this. "I will do that." I make sure I sound confident.

The rest of the ride remained silent; it didn't last much longer anyway. The mortuary was next to the church, so on the other side of Duskwood. After I stood behind the window, the coroner once again went over with me what to expect. After taking a deep breath, I gave my consent that the curtain could be opened.

Everyone thinks they are prepared for something like this, but no one is. The moment I see the silhouette of the body, my heartbeat races. I feel my blood draw from my head, and I feel the acid coming up from my stomach. Of all the possibilities I imagined what could have happened to Jake, this was the worst. He could have been lying there. Under a white sheet with the life pulled out of him. The very idea brought chills down my spine. I slap a hand in front of my mouth, then gasp for a moment. Alan stands next to me and gently rubs my back to reassure me. "Deep breaths okay. These are very difficult things." Somehow I feel bad, bad that I'm fooling everyone. But on the other hand I am selfish, because with this I have Jake back in my life. Unfortunately for the man lying there, I can't do anything more. While I can for me and Jake. He was right, the responsibilities and consequences rest on both our shoulders the moment I had answered his message.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 13

With too little sleep, it was hard to wake up. Jake was still deep asleep when I woke up and carefully crawled out from under his arm off the sofa. I had, to be precise, twenty minutes to get myself ready. It would be over half an hour's walk to the police station. Quickly I had dressed and searched the bathroom for something to wash my face with. Fortunately, I had packed my toothbrush, so I could just do my teeth without any worries. For food I was not so worried, on the way I might get something somewhere. In fifteen minutes I was ready to go outside, but not before saying goodbye.

I crouch down next to the sofa and stroke some hair out of his face "Good morning, I have to hurry or I'll be late." I say softly. With a few groans, he opens his eyes "What time is it?" he asks in a cracking voice. "It's ten to ten-thirty and at eleven I have to be at the police station." I answer him as I brush a few more hairs away from his face. "Should I take you?" he asks, not realising that is not a good plan. "I think that will raise too many questions, don't you?" I have to laugh a little at his sleepy behaviour. Normally, he is always very calculated and knows exactly what can and cannot be done. He turns on his back and rubs his eyes "I think you're right." he sighs deeply "Shit, I have to be there soon too.". "Then I'll see you later." Yes he looks cute like this, and maybe it's a force of habit. But never the less, I lean forward and thoughtlessly place a kiss on his forehead. Only when I walk outside do I realise what I did. With a smile, I scold myself. ‘You were angry, weren't you? A kiss? You stupid!’.

Andrew Morrison is a big burly man, his hair in a short military haircut, tight in a suit and speaks with a deep cordial tone. I imagine many people are intimidated by his appearance. The funny thing is, it doesn't do much for me. He looks a lot like my father when he was alive. And besides, I have a buttoned-up statement. He sat down opposite me at the table in the interrogation room after introducing himself. "It is important for Alan to be here. The cases are intermingled, his missing persons case and my search.". "I understand that." I answer him as Alan enters, with Jake uhm Mark, walking in behind him. "Good morning Layana" Alan greets me. Then Mark steps forward and shakes my hand "Mark Dewinter, we have met yesterday, I'm just here to observe." I nod at him "Yes, I remember." I greet back. I am surprised he looks so fresh, this morning it was a very different picture. Neat in suit, his hair well-groomed and he even shaved. Surely he should tell me his secret to me later, how he managed this in less time than I had.

"I understand that you requested to speak to me." Andrew gets straight to the point. "That's right, I think I can help you with your case." I sit up a little straighter. "Well get started I would say" he leans back in his chair with an expectant attitude. "I am aware of your search for a highly sought-after hacker." I begin. "That's right" is his reply. "I don't know by what name you know him. I assume he uses several aliases, although I think you also know him as Nym-0S." Questioningly, I look at him. "That's right too." he confirms, doubtfully. "Good, then we are talking about the same person." I let out a sigh and continue "Over a year back, I was involved in a missing person case. At first, I was reluctant to get involved. But I was approached by Nym-0S. Of course, it was clear to me that he was suspicious, especially his behaviour. Only with time, we grew closer and I got to know him a lot better.”.

Without too many interruptions, I do my whole story. I tell about Hannah's missing. How desperate the group of friends was, and desperately needed help. That Jake, Nym-0S, had convinced me that I could solve the case and so I stayed to help. In the many weeks we worked together, we grew close and a romance blossomed. I also told them about the hashtag movement, that because of my blinding infatuation I had set up this action. Eventually, my story got to the point where Nym-0S entered the mine. Again, like last night, my story falters. Tears welled up, this time I did nothing to stop them. Crying, I told them how I spent a year worrying whether he was alive. And that yesterday I found out that a body had been found, right at the entrance where Nym-0S went in.

"I am sure that the body you found belongs to Nym-0S. And I would like to see him. So that I can confirm my suspicion." I wipe tears from my face, and sob a little. None of my sadness is fake, all the tears running are from the worry and pain of last year. Andrew is silent for a moment, jotting something down on his notebook. "That's quite a lot." his whole attitude of aloofness has changed a bit. "I think you can help us immensely with this." he rubs his chin a little. "Alan, is it possible for her to see the body?".

[layanasstories]

Moonvale first clue / theory...

Dont read if you dont wanna know!!

A few weeks ago I made a guess at what the new game would be about. I told my guess to other Duskwooders, just out of fun of course!

So... then the name announcement happened... and this...

My guess was... "what if the game is about the murders of the students." It was a post on the dark forum.

Sooo check this out...

And then this...

So you tell me.... Am I right? Or Am I right? 😁😁

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 12

"And what did it look like?" These are the details I need for later. "Why do you want to know?" He asks. "Well, because I have a body to identify later." Actually, I would have liked to say this more appropriately, because his reaction to this is as expected. "Sorry. What?" with big eyes he looks at me. "It's really not that difficult. Look, the FBI doesn't have a clue what you look like. Otherwise they would have shown your mug shot everywhere. Besides, I'm the only one you had close contact with, they know that." I explain and wait a moment. "This is what I am going to do. I'm going to tell them the whole story. That Thomas let me into the group. That you convinced me to help search for Hannah. That she was a friend from before. And she had asked you for help. Probably suspecting you could hack. At first I was a bit reluctant to be in contact with you, but we quickly grew close." I wait to continue talking for a moment to see if he can follow me. "I'm still following you." He confirms.

"Well, after I tell them some details about our theories and findings. Will I tell them that Richy actually wanted to lure me to the mine. But that instead, I convinced Alan to go. I found out that you had also chosen to go and you were already in the mine when Alan finally got there." Now I fell silent, this time not to see if he was still following. But because this is the part that had torn me apart for a year. The thought of it, makes me sad again. "Are you OK?" His caring tone makes me feel the tears come up again. Quickly I wipe my eyes dry with my sleeve. "Yeah, no. I don't know." I answer quickly. "Anyway, I will tell them that after your last message, the mine went up in flames. That I heard nothing from you after that and my worst nightmare came true yesterday. You never left the mine."

Even though I had wiped my eyes dry several times by now, they were streaming freely. "I really thought you were dead, you know. That I would never see you again. It felt like I was going crazy from not knowing." With difficulty, I can say the words out loud. "I'm so sorry. I should never have assumed you'd be over me within no time. I should have let you know something." He uncertainly puts his hand on my knee. "You really were convinced I could forget you so easily?" I shake my head slightly in disbelief "You thought you were in love with me. While the other way around it is just the same.". He remains silent, though his eyes tell me enough. "So that's why I need all those details, you see." I talk on quickly. "Somewhere in the story I tell them that not long before you went to the mine, you called me by a video call. Therefore I know what you were wearing." This is where I stop my explanation.

He cleared his throat a little, to get rid of the lump he was probably feeling. "That's genius. Bizarre, but genius." He blinks his eyes a bit to process what I just had said and then continues "They won't find anything of me, I know they have already started a DNA search. But I beat them to that. The DNA they find will not be linked to... Mark..." he sighs "To spare you the details of that, I'll just say that my name is above Mark's DNA in the systems and visa versa.". "So in other words, they can only rely on my statement?" I complement him. "Yes, that's what it comes down to." He confirms.

It is dark in the bedroom, only a small stream of light from the lamppost in front of the window shimmers past the curtain. Jake had offered that I could sleep in his bed and he would take the sofa. That was about three quarters of an hour ago and I can't get a wink of sleep. Apart from all the details he had told me that go through my head, it feels strange lying here alone. Very quietly, I crawl out of bed and open the door of the room. Looking towards the sofa, I see Jake lying down, with no blankets or anything. His breathing sounds restless and occasionally I see a shiver pass over his body.

I don't know what comes over me, but a huge desire to crawl against him overpowers me. I turn to the bed and carefully pull off the duvet and take it with me to the living room. As quietly as I can, I place the blanket over him and crawl on the sofa to lay next to him. As if we have always done these things, I feel him shift a little to make more room for me and put his arm around me. I wiggle a little to lie more snugly on which he disappears with his face into my neck. "I didn't think I was in love with you, I am still in love with you." He whispers softly against my skin.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 11

"You're confusing me." Jake sits down on the edge of the sofa, bewildered he looks at me. "You don't want to rat me out, but you want to close the case? How do you want to do that?". I feel a satisfied smile appear on my face. "That seems pretty simple to me." I turn towards him on the sofa and slide one leg under me.

"Listen, as far as I know the FBI is still looking for you right?" He nods, without saying anything. "Perfect!" I want to continue, but his face asks a question, confused. "Okay, okay, I'm going to explain." I try to reassure him when he interrupts me again "Uhm, before you go any further.". Slightly annoyed, I want to roll my eyes, although I can stop myself in time. Only how I answer him is a bit gruff "What?". "Well I thought maybe you'd like a drink before continuing this conversation?" He shrugs innocently. "Oh. Sure, please. Just a soda or something." I answer him and because for an umknown reason of feeling at home I suggest "You know what, let's get into something more relaxed anyway." The moment I suggested it, I realise that's not really in the cards for me. I only had one set of clean clothes with me. I am wearing those now and comfortable they are not. "Good idea. Then I'll quickly put on something else and pour drinks for us." As he speaks, he walks towards the hall and, I assume, into his bedroom.

Within a few minutes he is back into the living room. He changed his jeans, shirt and t-shirt for sweatpants with a pullover. In his hands, he has a pile of clothes, which he places next to me on the sofa. "Assuming you haven't packed much, these are some easier clothes for you, that you can borrow. Unless you find that skinny jeans and shirt you're wearing relaxed of course.". Speechless, I look at him. "I may be an asshole, but I certainly do have an eye for detail." He winks and then points to the hall. "You can choose whatever you like to wear. The right door is my bedroom, the left one is the bathroom. Just choose whichever you feel most comfortable with, to get changed in.".

He had already turned around and walked towards the kitchen. Gratefully, I grab the pile of clothes and walk towards the hall, the choice was pretty quick. His bedroom, secretly but tremendously curious to see what it will look like. The room, like the rest of his house, is modestly dressed, but extremely neat. The bed is against the neighbouring wall and opposite is a large wardrobe, with long sliding doors, one of which is a mirror. The curtains in front of the window are closed, giving me enough privacy. There is nothing exceptional in the room per se, except that it looks like the bed is never slept in. It is too neatly made.

The idea of him sleeping somewhere other than in his bed still lingers in my mind a bit as I put the pile of clothes on the bed. He has given a few items of clothes to choose from, a pair of shorts, two t-shirts, the same kind of sweatpants he wears himself and two hoodies. To my surprise, a ball of socks rolls out from among the pile. He really has thought of everything. I choose to put on the sweatpants and hoodie, and will ask if it's OK if I borrow one of the t-shirt and the shorts to sleep in.

When I have changed I make a neat little pile of my own clothes, I have to wear them tomorrow. And leave them on the bed, I put my shoes in the hallway under the coat rack where his shoes are also. Then I walk into the living room. He has nestled in a corner of the sofa, when I sit down opposite him, cross-legged, I see a smile appear on his face. "What is it?" The insecurity in me shimmers through. His smile only widens "I never thought I would ever see you in that hoodie.".

"This hoodie?" Surprised, I tug a little at the fabric as I look at it "What is it about this one then?". When I look up he stares at me leaning his elbow against his knee and his mouth against the back of his fingers. "It's the one I wore when you surprised me with your small talk. Or when when you caught me off guard, that you said you liked me. And it was the one I was wearing when I saw your hashtag movement everywhere to fool my pursuers.". His confession makes me a little quiet; of all the things he could have said, this was not what I expected. He continues to stare at me waiting for a response. "And not the one you wore when you said you loved me?" I already knew the answer to the question, given the circumstances, but asked it deliberately. "Love. And no, that one stayed in the mine." The way he answered I could not doubt that his feelings towards me never changed.