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S A G E OLIVER LASSITER ; a playlist.

- ̗̀ ⊹ ⁚ ✫ ⁎ * ⋄ ✦  the gambler - fun. ✧ supermarket flowers - ed sheeran ✧ white plank page - mumford and sons ✧ maps - the front bottoms ✧ trees - twenty one pilots ✧ room with no windows - the maine ✧ mercury - sleeping at last ✧ me - the 1975 ✧ heaven - troye sivan ✧ from eden - hozier ✧ youth - daughter ✧ fast car - tracy chapman ✧ laughter lines - bastille

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- - JOEY !!

johanna put an small smile on her face as sage opened the door. she missed him, she realized. the jolt realization causing her smile to FALL momentarily. and the inevitable g u i l t that she’s been feeling for months on end began pulsating through her veins. “o - oh, again, not a big deal.” she assured him. “also they weren’t terribly heavy.” johanna added, but still handed him a few to carry. with that, she knew she wasn’t going to be heading back to her apartment for a bit. which was fine. it was all going to be fine. jo repeated it like a mantra in her head. “no, no. i’m free. i can come in -” the words felt TWISTED and WRONG in jo’s mouth. she could hardly b e l i e v e she was talking to sage like this - out of everyone in this building, she and sage must’ve been the closest. “… if you’ll have me ?” she added softly then. johanna wasn’t known to be soft or quiet too. she really only ever was around him. maybe it was the guilt of leaving someone as wonderful as sage. she had a gut feeling that her OLD habits were coming back to slap her in the face just from one interaction with the boy.

truthfully, he had plenty of reason to be upset. he had plenty of reason to tell her to just go, thank her for returning the books, and lock the door as she left. DESPITE all of that, he couldn’t bring himself to stop from inviting her inside. it was habitual, almost, like it was a second instinct to offer her a glass of water and a snack and turn on the television. except they hadn’t spoken, or rather, johanna hadn’t responded in a while. he had given up at one point until he noticed the HOLES on his shelves. he hadn’t expected to feel an overwhelming sense of need to invite her in, but here they were, standing in his and kenny’s living room, tension thick enough that it was getting hard to breathe. he began his sentence with a deep breath, “ it’s been awhile, ” he coughs, moving toward the couch to put the books down on the coffee table. he was sure she’d follow, know exactly where to go. “ do you - erm - do you want a water or anything ?? ” 

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90% of the time I just wanna go home.

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- - LUNA !!

“i mean, i was gonna order myself some pizza anyway. i’ll just order you an extra box. pepperoni, right? no other toppings? oh my god, please don’t tell me you like pineapples on pizza.”

“ oh, god, no. not a pineapple on pizza kinda person. just pepperoni and original crust. i can’t deal with the thin crust, either. i need all the gluten i can get. ”

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- - KAZ !!

“order a pizza for a whiny stranger? — nah..don’t think so. why don’t you go outside and beg like the rest of the homeless people?”

" oh, i - i’m sorry. i was just talking. i didn’t actually expect you to buy me a pizza . . . i’m not homeless, either. so m’not sure what you’re getting at, but . . . sorry ?? ”

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- - CONOR !!

“You want baby broccoli?” Conor fired back, “You’re lucky she had kale and not mustard greens.” He could never place whether or not he was overcompensating for something with Sage — guilt nearly always weighed heavy on him in the boy’s presence, seeping into his words and staining their interactions. Conor wanted the best for him. He didn’t need to be Sage’s lost parents either. He was still trying to separate those two things when it came to watching his friends, and his job made it worse. The medic sighed, gently, more like a misplaced exhale. “Pepperoni pizza, right? Which place? Actually, if you’re going to say a chain, I’m choosing. Movie’s on you, my Netflix queue is too large.”

sage watched conor with his mouth agape, a pink high on his cheeks. “ what the hell are mustard greens ?! ” he knew conor meant no harm, not ever. when he was saying stuff like this, he knew he was just trying to help him out. maybe he’d give him the benefit of the doubt sometime and try the food he offered. when conor brought the pizza back up, his face lit up and he moved forward slightly, his lips turning upward. “ wait, really ?? anywhere’s fine !! ” he was practically beaming at the other male, his hands interlocked in front of him. “ do you have a genre preference ?? preferably not horror. not feeling any kind of triggers tonight. ”

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- - KENNY !!

“ sweetheart, this is what tinder’s for. i would happily rub your feet if that’s what you’re into any time of the day, baby, but. like, come on. have i taught you nothing ?? i’ve used tinder to get us dinner before. put your damn twinky winky-ass skills to use for once in your life, boo. “

“ you should know that tinder is a last resort, ken. besides, the last thing i want right now is some stranger rubbing my feet. i just want my best friend to share a pizza with me and tell me i’m pretty. ”

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- - KIT !!

“trust me, i’d much rather hang out with you over those frat assholes,” he promised the other boy. “i have weed too somewhere…” he said, patting his pockets to find it before reaching into his back pocket and producing a little baggie, shaking it in the air proudly. “hm, i’d be too afraid to get catfished and kidnapped or something, but suit yourself,” he shrugged, tossing the bag to the other lightly.

sage scuffed his foot on the ground, feeling a bit guilty for making kit stay back, but his gaze brightened up when kit brought out the small baggie. “ oh, you’ve got your own ?? all ht more fun, then, yeah ?? ” he bit at the corner of his lip, but shook his head. “ i mean, i don’t get on it for sex, if that’s what you’re thinking. you’d be surprised how many guys just want to buy you dinner. ” he caught the bag in his hands and nodded toward the inside of his apartment, going toward his bedroom where he knew a baggie was tucked in his sock drawer. “ pizza or anything ?? chinese ?? what’re you feeling ?? ” 

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- - JOEY !!

johanna’s throat went dry as she pocketed her phone into her pocket after sending the last message to sage. she hasn’t talked to him in months, she vaguely remembers saying a soft hey in the hallway before she cut off all communication. and all his texts did was remind her of that, a part of her wishes he never lent her the books — just so she maybe wouldn’t have to confront him and what she did. johanna left the living room, quickly moing to the kitchen to grab a glass of water to try and calm herself down. she shouldn’t feel this nervous. you were the one who left, she reminded herself as she began chugging the water. no reason for you to freak out. besides the immense guilt you feel at the mere thought of him. jo groaned out loud at that and put the glass into the sink. it’s just returning books, she reasoned as she walked back into the living room to grab the pile on the coffee table. all five were sitting there and ready to go. she’s glad they weren’t too heavy. she picked them up and situated them against her hip, one arm holding tightly onto them. she grabbed her keys and made her to her front door. johanna opened it, revelling in the heat from the humid hallway. she shut the door, and not quietly either as she wasn’t really focused on caring about how loud she was. johanna braved a glance down the hallway, her eyes automatically zeroing in on where sage and kennedy’s apartment stood. with a shaky breath, she walked towards the apartment that she used to be in all the time. it was a second home to her, like sage was. but she wasn’t going to be scared, she decided as she knocked three times on the door with the letters 2b nailed below the peep hole.

he was completely, absolutely, totally anxious. like, palms sweating, could use a drink, counting backwards from ONE HUNDRED anxious. if his heart was running a marathon, it would have already b e a t everyone to the finish. for the first time in months, if not longer, he’d told johanna to come to his place. voluntarily. like, here he was, feeling like he should clean up or something. DESPITE the fact she’d seen him at his absolute worst, he felt like he still had to impress her - had to make her think he was fine. when there was a knock at the door, sage jumped, but was quick to run to open it. he stopped in front of the door and took in a silent, deep breath, before twisting the knob and opening to door to reveal a face, however comforting and familiar, that he hadn’t seen so close for ages. he gave her a nod and a little bit of a sad kind of smile. “ hey. uh, do you - thanks for bringing the books to me. was really worried about ‘em . . . ” he could keep talking to her, knows he could if he didn’t have to stop, but quickly remembered the five books in her arms that couldn’t be light. “ oh !! ” he nearly chirped, reaching his hands out for the books, “ sorry, those must be really heavy. do you want to come in, or, uh - do you have somewhere to be ?? ”

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- - TEXT ✉ → joey 🐻🌹💛

johanna: right. well i got 5 of them. i can look around the living room or see if fray has it.

johanna: soo do you want me to like stop by your apartment or you come to mine or?

sage: 5 is perfect, jo, thanks i really can't tell you what that means and i doubt fray will have any... i don't think i ever leant him any ? i may've thoug, idk

sage: i mean. i'm here all the time so you can just come knock on the door. im home rn if you want to come bring them or smth.

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- - TEXT ✉ → joey 🐻🌹💛

johanna: of course. it's no problem.

johanna: how many books were there exactly? i'm pretty sure i found them but i wanna make sure it's all of them.

sage: oh fuck

sage: 6. there's 6 of them that i don't have. i'd have been happy if you'd have just found one.

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- - TEXT ✉ → joey 🐻🌹💛

johanna: hi. yeah, i can definitely look around the apartment. ....i know i'm shit at getting stuff back to people.

johanna: also it isn't a bother at all. i know how much they mean to you.

johanna: looking through my bookcase right now.

sage: i really hope that they're there. i don't know where else to check.

sage: they're nowhere at my place. i cleaned the whole thing. ken's stuff too and it's just. they're gone and i really can't lose them you know

sage: so thanks for looking. it means a lot.

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Which vegetable do you hate the most?

“ is kale a vegetable ?? because kale. or spinach. or asparagus. no thank you. sorry conor. ”

✵ . * ✧   ˚ ·  * ✦  HONESTY HOUR !!

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If you have friends coming over, what would you cook?

“ depends on the friend, but usually i’ll go for a good chicken and pasta and, assuming they drink, some wine, probably. i’ll throw in a dessert, too, because i’m not a bad host. ”

✵ . * ✧   ˚ ·  * ✦  HONESTY HOUR !!

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Which three things would you take to a deserted island?

“ i would probably my phone, one of those filtered water bottles, a blanket, and my medicine. i need that, to, like, be okay surrounded by people. imagine it’d be worse all alone, yeah ?? ”

✵ . * ✧   ˚ ·  * ✦  HONESTY HOUR !!