leemongrass

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Obsessed with this little house on the way to Taos

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“..how intricately love crosses love; love makes knots; love brutally tears them apart. I have been knotted; I have been torn apart.”

— Virginia Woolf, The Waves

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‘I feel the same way too’

camille soulat, 2021

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MICAO embroidery illustrations for Ukatama magazine.

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❣️🌅🧴🍈🦌☔️

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“I don’t want to be fixed, if being fixed means being bleached of memory, untaught by what I have learned through this miracle of surviving. My survivorhood is not an individual problem. I want the communion of all of us who have survived, and the knowledge. I do not want to be fixed. I want to change the world. I want to be alive, awake, grieving, and full of joy. And I am.”

— Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice

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“I’m just, you know, kind of happy in the doing of things. Even just having a great cup of coffee is happiness. Getting an idea, or realizing an idea. Working on a painting…working on a piece of sculpture, working on a film. One thing I noticed is that many of us, we do what we call work for a goal. For a result. And in the doing, it’s not that much happiness. And yet that’s our life going by. If you’re transcending every day, building up that happiness, it eventually comes to: it doesn’t matter what your work is. You just get happy in the work. You get happy in the little things and the big things. And if the result isn’t what you dreamed of, it doesn’t kill you, if you enjoyed the doing of it. It’s important that we enjoy the doing of our life.”

— David Lynch

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Bambou Gili (American, 1996) - Just a Girl (2024)

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Caroline Bachmann

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I miss doing bodywork oh so much. My body has been stuck in a thick sticky taut spiral that always feels its needs unwinding and when I do unwind it lasts maybe less than an hour. nerves are jolty and sharp and I quite honestly feel the static under and throughout my fascia. blood flow stagnant due to nerve and vein compression I would simply like to poke a tiny needle in my arm to release all the pressure that is TOS … one of the descriptions I tell others is that my arm constantly feels like it has a blood pressure cuff at the top of my arm, intermittently tightening and subtly loosening, but most always tight. I want to start a YouTube channel, Instagram, blog on my journey w TOS and my research I’ve done, my experience with being diagnosed, shit the journey itself to actually BE diagnosed, the surgeries, the procedures, the everything under the sun therapies / modalities I’ve tried, the corrupt healthcare systems, the over diagnosing and underdiagnosing and so many healthcare providers lack of the commitment to “do not harm” , the shifting of the body and mind and heart and soul, meds, herbs, the loneliness, the people who leave you bc they refuse to acknowledge and understand someone’s life changing w chronic pain, the one step forward ten steps back, the community and others also navigating this condition, the providers who see me and hear me and validate me, etc etc etc. I want to immerse myself in a medium that speaks about my chronic pain and this condition that is still so dismissed and pushed off. I want to make art or of something, the very condition that took my ability to make art and the mediums I used to use to make art. idk. rants. hoping this reaches someone I guess.

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omgggg … this was crazy to see today. As a girlie who suffers from TOS - thank you for giving this condition recognition and care!! while the majority of the medical system disregards it.. wowooow. and also as a massage therapist who had to quit doing bodywork due to TOS / chronic pain, I feel this on a soul level. fuck yes.

I'm so interested in subtly disengaging from imagined pressures to be productive, especially in the body where the smallest movements can put you in an activated "on-call" state. We learned orthopedic techniques for thoracic outlet syndrome in last night's class and I realized how many of us across all lifestyles have our arms in front of us most of the time, even though our arms have the strongest structural integrity when they are at our sides. The shoulder joint cavity is actually quite shallow, and the head of the humerus is less likely to dislocate when the arm isn't reaching in front of you. And while my teacher was talking, I realized that my arms were in front of me, as if prepared to do work, but there wasn't work to be done, and the subtle shift of putting my hands at my side is like clocking out

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Harajuku, Tokyo

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Imitate the trees. Learn to lose in order to recover, and remember that nothing stays the same for long, not even pain, psychic pain. Sit it out. Let it all pass. Let it go.

May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

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quitting my job to paint every inch of my house

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it’s my birthday and I’ve definitely cried at least three times thus far <3

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