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Need to Get Away? 6 Tips to Help Break the Cycle of Poverty

I'm poor. I grew up poorer. Not dirt poor, but poor enough to have couch-surfed for a couple years of my high school education. I was lucky to have couches. Not everyone has luck. Not everyone gets a steady job. Not everyone has a good yellow car like I do.

Some people get lower than I ever have. Escaping the shadow of your parents' bad decisions can be difficult, but it's not impossible. For many teenagers fresh out of high school, no one is out there to say "Hey! Get a job! Open a bank account! Don't get a credit card just yet!"

Yes, it's sad to say, but many of our generation don't really have someone setting them down the good path. I've been there. I'd like to help if I can.

Disclaimer: I am only 20 years old myself, so my own self-improvement is a work in progress, but I consider myself a better authority than many older people out there because I've actually gone through it. I went from homeless high school grad to self-supporting college student in a matter of years. Here are some of the steps I took (simplified) to get where I am now:

1. Get a job. Any job.

No one wants to flip burgers and work the drive-thru, but I tell you what: McDonald's is hiring.

My first job started me near minimum wage, but it was something. No matter what, you cannot save a dime if no one is giving you dimes to begin with. Can you have reservations about working for a dubious corporation with a mixed and even scandalous history of representing the rights of its workers? Absolutely. Can you afford to do anything about it yet? Probably not. If so, good for you.

Listen, I'm all for overthrowing the bourgeoisie, but for now you need to focus on putting food on the table.

And yeah, it sucks letting people yell at you in the lobby of Joe's French Fry Hut or whatever it may be, but if you hold out long enough these places will actually reward you for your patience. Like I said, my first wage was $7.50 and I make almost twice as much hourly now.

Working hard at a place like that might feel counterproductive, but if they offer you a shiny new title with a couple extra dollars to multiply your paycheck for little to no extra effort on your part, you might as well take it while you can.

2. Set up that direct deposit.

Banks will mostly be interested in helping you. Local banks or regional banks tend to be a bit brighter on the customer service side, and some banks have better reputations for being especially user-friendly. Your banker wants you to know about savings accounts and the like because that means you are using another one of their services.

While some banks are bad and nasty, websites like ConsumerReports and NerdWallet can help you root through the garbage, so to speak. 

You need a checkings AND a savings account. This is important. Ask your banker if you can set up automatic transfer of funds into your savings account. For example, if you make $200 every week, try having the machine automatically put $25-$50 of that into savings. Make sure you can turn it off or change the amount at any time, just in case you need to make your available money stretch a little bit.

Sooner or later, that weekly transfer adds up into something substantial. The next time your car breaks down or you get sick and can't work you'll be able to last a little longer before going into disaster-mode.

3. Focus on one big goal at a time.

Big goals have this peculiar way of creating smaller in-between goals. For example: want to go to college? Where will you live during the semester? Will you still work? If not, will you have enough money to eat until winter break?

By selecting a single task to work towards, you are able to dedicate yourself fully to that goal. If it's monetary, like saving up for an education or an apartment, you already have a number to shoot for.

Some goals are a little more ambiguous: want to start a crafting business?

Asking the right questions is a little more complicated, but as long as you're prioritizing your big goal over miscellaneous activities you will inevitably make progress.

4. Learn how to say no.

When you're in high school, most of us have little choice but to stick with our parents. As you age, sometimes your parents start sticking to you.

It's hard if you love your parents, but you can't let them rely on you if you can't rely on yourself.

When your parents start asking you for money, think about it: is this to pay rent? Is this for food? Are they buying weed for themselves? Are they asking you to pay for something you'll never benefit from?

For example, my mom took a thousand dollars from my bank account without saying a word to me, hoping that I'd never find out. I'm still not sure what she spent it on specifically, but that's a thousand dollars I needed to get to college.

If you're doing well for yourself and everyone else in your family is struggling, it'd be great to be able to help them. But when helping them out jeopardizes your own success, you need to start putting your foot down and helping them in ways other than opening up your pocketbook.

5. Distance yourself from what's dragging you down.

Parents. Abusers. Bad memories. High cost of living. Moving away is the only way to escape the negativity sometimes.

Getting out on your own is a complex process, but it can help your mental state. It's not impossible, so don't rule it out. It's a lot harder for people to track you down and ask you for money when you no longer live in a small town where everyone knows one another.

In desperate times, ask yourself if you know anyone in the next county over, or maybe someone who's going to school out-of-state. Can they help you get settled? Can you rent with them? Are they responsible enough to be trusted?

Moving can't solve everything, but it can put a lot of problems on the periphery.

6. Don't burn your bridges.

Remember that one high school teacher who always had your back? They'd listen to you when you needed someone. They'd give you responsible adult advice in ways your family couldn't. Maybe they'd give you cards during the holidays.

They probably remember you, too. Reaching out to positive authority figures might sound easier said than done, but worst-case scenario they shrug off your email and you never have to see them again. Right?

Remember and appreciate the people who have helped you in the past. Not only might they offer you more valuable advice in the future, but they probably would like to hear from you again.

Although it's easy to let your heart grow bitter when people refuse to extend a helping hand, remember a "no" today might mean a "yes" tomorrow. Try your best not to lash out at those who can't help you out—they might be living check-to-check as well.

Recent studies (links to study/links to summary of study) have shown poorer people tend to have more empathy than their richer counterparts. They theorize this is because poor people have a greater need to be likable than someone who can just fix problems with dollar bills.

Once you get out of the mess, you can remember who didn’t treat you so kindly.

When you're poor, you see the worst in people, mostly because a lot of people act nicer when they think they have something to gain from you. You see the way people regard you like you don't matter. It’s discouraging. It’s overwhelming. Try breaking it up into smaller pieces, week by week, day by day, and you’ll find yourself making progress all the time.

So what, it might have be easier for you to get to law school if you’d come from a family of wealth. Fuck it, to be quite honest. Despite the seemingly insurmountable odds, the one sure way to bust your dreams wide open is to stop trying.

Being poor is about playing life on hard mode, so to speak, and you have to min-max to make things work. It’s good for all of us that there’s a figurative strategy guide out there for some of the steps to breaking generations of poverty.

I’m planning on outlining some other aspects of growin’ up the old-fashioned way in later posts, so be sure to stop by or drop into my inbox if you’ve got specific questions or requests. Good luck out there!