leighadarbyliving - Tumblr blog

[leighadarbyliving]

A Different Kind of Loss

13 years ago you joined a team and began you love of playing softball. You grew each year, made new friends, and created some really good memories. You had the privilege of continuing to play in college and learned to balance school & softball. You had to deal with coaching changes, team frustrations, and time management. I watched you grow each year and learn how to adjust to every curveball that came your way. To say I’m proud of you doesn’t even come close to what I feel. You never cease to amaze me. You completed your bachelor’s degree in 3 years. You finished your first year of grad school with a 4.0. You started all four years and made some amazing plays.

I always thought you would play your last year. When I watched you play in senior day, I didn’t realize it would be the last time I would see you in a Bears uniform in person. I was looking forward to the next season. Going to Myrtle Beach and spending the week watching you play the game you have loved for so many years. Watching you be a leader to all your teammates. I was so happy when you said you would play your Covid 5th year.

Then so many things had changed in a matter of days. I had prayed for you to figure out the financial side of your last year of grad school. I didn’t expect it to come from where it did. An offer to live somewhere for free. Truly a gift from God. Then the rest of it seemed to be falling into place - carpooling with classmates and carpooling with teammates. I thought it was the answer to my prayers. But God had other plans. Through the exit meetings for softball, you learned some things about the coaching staff that didn’t sit well with you. One of the things I love about you the most is your heart for other people. You saw things on the team you didn’t like or agree with and you made the decision to not to take your last year. As sad as it is to think that your last game was you last game, it is your decision. You have to do what is best for you and what makes you happy.

As I reflect on the loss that I feel in not being able to see you play softball anymore, I look forward to your amazing future. I look forward to you enjoying this last year of college. I look forward to you preparing for your career. I look forward to you continuing to build on your friendships. I look forward to you being the amazing person that you are. I am still proud of you and I love you more than you will ever know.

[leighadarbyliving]

Today I checked my “baby” into college for his first year. Can’t imagine not having a child in the house anymore, but I am about to live it. Not sure if I’m ready. Hasn’t really hit me yet - not having him home. Kind of feels like he is at his friends and he will be home soon. I know I’m going to miss him a lot. I’m excited for this next phase in his life. I’m excited to watch him further develop as a football player. I can’t wait to hear about his long days and crazy schedule. I’m looking forward to hearing about the new friends he’s made. Go get ‘em Bubba! I am so proud of you. I love you!

[leighadarbyliving]

Senior Year Football State Championship Game Day After Party

Congratulations to the MHSAA Division 2 Football State Champions!!!!💜💛💜💛💜💛 What an amazing season! What an amazing day!

I’m sure you and your brothers are riding high after your 41-14 win over TCC. Your coaches challenged you to “Bring the Wood” and you guys did just that. Your team played physical. Your offense worked hard. Your defense was was strong. Your teammates proved who was the better team. Enjoy this moment. Cherish these memories. I am so happy for you and your brothers. I love you more!

[leighadarbyliving]

Senior Year Football State Championship Day

Here we are again - in the state championship football game - the second time in the year 2021 (thanks to Covid). Last year did not end the way you and your team wanted, but being so close has given you all a hunger that has yet to be satisfied. 12-0 going into your final game of your high school career. I’m sure this week has been a roller coaster of emotions for you - just as it has been for me. I’m so excited for you and your team. This has been an amazing journey. I’m nervous - those boys from TCC look huge. I’m sad because I don’t have a game to look forward to next week or the week after that - or any more while you are in high school. Today you will put on that purple #40 jersey, purple pants and white “BYE” socks for the last time. You will leave it all on the field and Leave No Doubt. These young men started as teammates and evolved into your brothers. When it looked like injury was going to keep you off the field for the rest of the season, you stood on that sideline and cheered your brothers on. You fired them up. You continued to give of yourself even though you were struggling with your injury. You continued to fight and grind it out. You were determined to get back on the field and you did. You gave it your all game after game. I am so proud of you and the young man that you are growing into. #40 - you will always have my heart and I will always be your biggest fan. Go out there today and play with all your heart and soul. Leave it all on that field and Leave No Doubt. I love you Son!!💜💛

[leighadarbyliving]

To My Son on Championship Day

The last 15 months have been a whirlwind. Coming off an amazing season where you scored 7 touchdowns and rushed for a lot of yards and got called to up to varsity for the playoffs just for the school to cancel your team’s playoffs due to an alleged hazing scandal. I know you were angry and upset at that time and I think I still am a little. Whether it was school politics or something that actually happened, you persevered.

Then COVID hit and everything got turned upside down. You had to move to virtual school. You spent everyday doing school and working with your dad. You weren’t allowed to go do anything because we were shut down. It was a time like we’ve never experienced before and you persevered.

We spent many nights driving around the neighborhood while you learned to drive a manual transmission. I cherish those times. You were so happy because you were doing something that not many kids your age do and you were mastering it. I am so proud of your perseverance.

Fall comes and so does the start of school. At least you got to go face to face. But, football was being postponed until spring. Made no sense to many, but others thought it was best to stop the spread of the virus. You continued to work out - to get stronger - to keep your mind going and you persevered. Three weeks later, football was back on for the fall and boy, what a season it would be. You continued to persevere.

Regular season wasn’t as pretty on paper with a 2-4 record but thankfully all teams would make it to the playoffs. Your team became a different story in the playoffs. Four of the five games you played to get to today were blowouts. It became evident early on who the winner would be and that train kept moving until the end. The last game was memorable in its own right. The only varsity game to be played on the schools field and will probably remain that way unless the school moves. A win that was fought hard for. A win in overtime that meant a trip to the state championship. Your team persevered.

As I sit here this morning and think of all these things, I am brought to tears because I am so proud of you. I am more proud of who you are as a young man off the field. You are going to be an amazing husband and father some day (after you are married😘). I am amazed by your perseverance. You don’t give up. You fight hard.

My hope for you today is that your team is able to persevere enough to bring home the state championship. It’s going to be a battle. It’s going to be tough. The other team (defending state champions) want it too so they are coming in prepared to fight. Your team has been in a battle for the last 15 months and you guys have persevered to get to where you are today. Persevere my son! My heart is full of love for you! Go Pilots!

[leighadarbyliving]

2021 - The Year of New Beginnings

During 2020, I started making myself my priority. I have spent 23 years putting my husband first and then my kids. Don’t get me wrong, I still serve them as I should but I started putting my needs and wants ahead of theirs at times. Someone once said to me that you can’t pour from an empty cup. I have been an empty cup for way too long.

In early 2020, I started getting some exercise everyday. My goal was to get 30 minutes of exercise everyday or at least 10,000 steps. I made it for 30 days and decided to keep going. If I missed a day, I would do an extra workout to catch up. In March, I decided I needed to start eating healthier. The weight started coming off. I started feeling better health wise. I started feeling better mentally. I realized that food shouldn’t be my emotional support. Previously I had turned to food because I was hurt, upset, stressed, frustrated - any reason to eat chocolate, baked goods, ice cream, just about any processed food. Now I’m learning to allow my self to feel emotions - and to let them go. I’m not dwelling on them anymore. I am also working on telling myself that if someone doesn’t want to be actively in my life, then I will let them go their path and I will go mine. I’ve de used that if you want to be with me, walk beside me. If you don’t want to be with me, thank you for helping me learn things and figure out what I want with my life.

Many changes coming this year - still getting healthy, working on a career change to better myself and my family, learning to say no to some things and still saying yes to others - but I choose my answers now.

[leighadarbyliving]

Exhausted by the Battle

Lately I feel like I am fighting a battle that I will never win. I’m struggling because my husband has once again found a friendship with a woman and her daughter that I feel is inappropriate. He tends to find young ladies to play for his team that have relationship issues with their own dads. These girls (and the moms) tend to gravitate to him and he feels the need to be some type of father figure to them. This would be fine and dandy if he didn’t bond with the mom and spend most of his days communicating with her.

I just want my husband to pay attention to me. I want him to care about me more than the players and their families. We’ve been married 23 years and for the majority of that time, I have not been his first priority. Whether it was playing softball or basketball, or going to high school basketball games, or even leaving the nighttime/sick care of the kids to me, he has always rated himself as more important. I can’t even have a conversation with him without him having to text someone else right in the middle of me talking to him.

The woman that he has befriended is also working for him. There have been multiple times that she has made comments in my presence that seem like little jabs towards me. It’s like she is trying to get under my skin on purpose. Don’t know what kind of relationship she has with her own husband, but there isn’t really a need to be texting my husband early in the morning and late at night or mentioning that she needs to take a shower. Apparently some people don’t know boundaries and want what others have.

Not sure how much more I can take.

[leighadarbyliving]

For Better or For Worse

Do people even pay attention to the marriage vows they make and actually adhere to them? I challenge you to really think about them - for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. For better: in the really good times - life is going great - we’re getting along - we agree on everything - he/she treats me great - he/she respects me - he/she takes care of me and meets all my needs - life is perfect. For worse: LIFE SUCKS - he’s a jerk - all she does is nag me - he doesn’t pay attention to me - she never wants to be intimate - all we ever do is argue. For richer: we have ample savings - we can pay all our bills on time - we can travel - we want brand new cars - we want that new (fill in the blank) - life is Grand! For poorer - there isn’t enough money for the house/rent payment - we don’t have any food in the house - how am I going to put gas in the car to get to work - the house is in foreclosure- the car is being repo’d - the creditors won’t stop calling - filing for bankruptcy. In sickness: not just your cold or flu - could be an auto immune disease - a stroke - heart attack - diabetes - cancer - any debilitating disease - could’ve been prevented by better choices or could be genetic - mental illness. In health: I’m healthy - you’re healthy - we are both free from disease and so are our children. I’m sure most couples don’t really examine the vows and dig into the actual meaning. I’ve been tested and it is hard. Divorce would be so much easier. Mental illness is difficult to deal with. When you’ve been raised to stick it out - it’s hard. It’s really hard - especially when children are involved. I try to make the right decision - but many will tell me I’m making the wrong one. People say you should love your spouse more than your kids - in some cases - that is dang near impossible. The vows also include to love and to cherish - until death do you part - which means that even with all the negative - you are to still love and cherish each other - until you die. Easier said than done!

[leighadarbyliving]

Blessing or Curse

I don’t know about you, but there have been times in my life where I have wanted something so bad that I thought was going to be the greatest thing ever - only to receive it and it became one of the worst things that could happen to me. 

My son loves sports. My son loves football. His goal is to play college football. His dream would be to make it to the NFL. Some things are a reality and some things are a dream. I know he is a good player. I know he has the ability to play beyond high school. I’m not sure he would have the drive and dedication to play beyond college. He had an amazing season this year - and for that I am very proud of him. 

He asked to be able to try out for a competitive 7 v 7 team. We let him try out and received the official offer. I am overly excited for him. Looking at the schedule, it might not be a real possibility. There is a lot of travel involved - which means more financial burden on an already stretched account. There could be a possibility that he could travel with one of the other families for a lot of the tournaments. As his mother, I would sacrifice seeing him play all the time if it means he can pursue his passion for football.

What worries me is that this will always be the thing his father holds over his head. If you don’t do this, no 7 v 7. If you keep doing this, no 7 v 7. The invite to play is a great opportunity to play the sport he loves at a higher level, but it will also become the carrot that gets dangled in front of him - for this, I am sad. I hope and pray that his dad sees the light and turns a corner on developing the right relationship with his son. This is his Blessing and his Curse.

[leighadarbyliving]

End of An Era

Today is the end of so many things. It’s the end of a month - the end of a year - and the end of a decade. This just means that tomorrow is the beginning of a new month, a new year and a new decade. I hope that tomorrow is also the beginning of a new era. 2019 has been such a weird year. I’ve dealt with several illnesses with my spouse - which have been a strain on me, our relationship, our children and our finances. I really thought at the beginning of 2019, it was going to be a great year because for once, we were actually on track where we needed to be financially, but of course, life happened and all that changed. I’ve developed some really great relationships with some new people - and for that, I am very grateful. I got to watch my firstborn graduate from high school and start college - I couldn’t be more proud of her. I watched my boy play the sport he loves and excel at it - to the point where his coaches are talking about playing in college - which is amazing. I am so proud of him. These two are the ones who keep me going. They are the faces I see when I want to get away from the madness. They are the ones that keep me planted where I am. I could not imagine leaving them to fight the madness alone. 

I hope 2020 brings renewed relationships. I pray those that are lost will find their way back. I hope to see relationships restored. It isn’t an easy path to walk when you are struggling with the very relationships that are supposed to ground you. 

So 2019 - thank you for bringing opportunities for me to grow and change as a person. 2020 - you have a lot of high expectations - just hope that you can live up to them. End of an era is the beginning of another! 

[leighadarbyliving]

Friends for Life

I remember going for my first ultrasound with my first pregnancy. For so long I wished to have only boys - not because I don’t like girls - I’ve always been just one of the guys. While I laid on the exam table, I convinced myself I was having a boy. Imagine my surprise when the ultrasound tech said “It’s a girl.” I admit - I cried. Not because I didn’t want a daughter - but because I was scared to death. I was not a girlie girl. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t care about the latest fashion. I’m not into princess parties and spa trips. Let’s watch football or baseball or basketball. Having a daughter changed my life forever. 

What I didn’t realize back then was that I gained a life long friend. She is an amazing gift from God. I can’t imagine my life without her. Even though I thought that having all boys was the path I wanted to go down, God knew that I needed a daughter. Not only did I get a daughter - I got a Friend for Life. Wouldn’t trade her for the world!

[leighadarbyliving]

Just Breathe

Some days you’re just living. We all have days where we feel that nothing else can go wrong or maybe we feel it will never get better. Life is hard. Some days it’s just putting one foot in front of the other and that’s all you have the energy for and some days you are sprinting through the day without a thought. 

As a mother of two, life can be difficult. Raising my daughter had it’s challenges, but it was easy compared to others. She is a strong and determined first year college student. She knows what she wants and she is focused on reaching her goal. I thought she would be the most difficult of the two to raise. Not saying she doesn’t have her moments, but for the most part, it has been relatively “easy”. As a mother of a 15 year old son who has just started really dating, my life has been turned upside down. He’s had interest in girls before that didn’t bother me. I gladly picked them up and took them places so they could spend time together, but this is different. I am at a loss for what to do. His dad has decided to take the reins on directing his son in this new moment of life and guide him on dating. My husband and I definitely disagree on how to handle the situation. He has the opinion that it’s ok to be exclusive and committed to only this young lady. I feel that at 15, my son should be more concerned about getting to know her as a friend first and then build on that. 

With my husband being so involved in our son’s relationship, there has been quite a bit of contention between us. I don’t feel that at 15 they should be in such a committed, exclusive relationship and my husband on the other hand is encouraging the commitment. This is evidenced by the choice of gifts he has instructed my son to get for his girlfriend - such as a necklace, a ring with their initials and an infinity bracelet with their names. What happened to the silly tacky stuffed animals or the homemade jewelry items - not items bought from a jewelry store. To top it off, the mother of the girlfriend is the same way as my husband. I am fighting a losing battle. 

My heart breaks for my son. I think he likes the girl. He has told her he loves her, but it’s apparent he doesn’t really know what that word means and what it means to her. He is a 15 year old boy. He expressed to me that he likes her but isn’t sure if he loves her. He says other things to me that indicate he doesn’t feel the way his dad says he feels. I’m not sure if he is lying to me because he is afraid of disappointing me or if he lies to his dad because he just wants to be accepted by his dad, but I know that I don’t want to put my son in the middle of struggle between his father and me. 

It would be so much easier if my husband and I were on the same page about this, but we are not. I have to make the choice to step back and let my son navigate this new stage in life. If he asks for advice, i will share my thoughts with him - and let him make the decisions. 

Dating isn’t easy. Watching your son date is even harder. Sometimes all I can do is Just Breathe.