lellikellyy

[lellikellyy]

[lellikellyy]

I will consider this suggestion

[lellikellyy]

[lellikellyy]

Photo: “The Sultan Of Swat” @elmakias

[lellikellyy]

[lellikellyy]

Victorian Lover’s Eye Jewels 

[lellikellyy]

@odaryadarya.ceramic

[lellikellyy]

i wanna tell oomf why i softblocked them@bc they really were like super sucky and it was in such a stupid hypocritical way and just bcof@that i wanna be like ???@(@:& look!! look how it didn't make sense and look how u contradicted urself and look how u didn't do what u always said u would !! look how terrible it was but i'm not going to because they're my friend and friends get softblocked off this account for a few months instead of me@maybe telling them what they did wrong and hurting their feelings <3 LOL like i would tell them if they could deal with it but they for sure couldn't and also honestly i don't even want to talk to them like i want them to be unaware of what they did so they can just hate me and keep their image of themselves and i also want to tell them what they did so they'll know why i've been ghosting them but mostly i just don't want to be around them or talk to them or remember they exist because i have a mental block. i have ..... like one of the things that made me think i have osdd was that in osdd parts have different opinions or wants and normally i'd be like whatever people can have that too just regularly but like whether u love or hate or give a shit about a persons existence that feels like a little more than just an opinion and there are a few opinions. in my brain about them... anyway idk what's going on in my brain rn but the gist of it is that whoever gives a shit about their existence is a dramatic whiny bitch and everyone else ljke Doesnt care like at all and so most of the time i don't care like at all about them either so it's like eh. just have to wait for me to be someone else maybe i'll care thenaybe i'll do something about it then. hfhhffj like the emotional amnesia is so unreal also osdd is so. weird like god like a while ago i had this weird experience where it was one of those times where i felt like i wasn't controlling my actions and it felt like i was doing just what someone else wanted me to do and i was typing a thread and i was like wait. i ... Don't care. like i don't care or think or believe any of these things that i'm typing like they have nothing to do with me at all like the person that i think i am... i wouldn't even ever think like this and it was so weird and this was when i was trying to like figure out who was all up there in my brain and i was like a littlw bit aware of like presences ?? (which i m not anymore bc i am trying to like be in denial) and i felt like. that thing ?? up there like freeze and then suddenly just retreat reallt dar god i can't even explain it but it was just so fucking weird anyway what was i even saying. so wait yeah anyway whatever that thing was they care but i haven't really seen a lot of them lately so whatever. it just kinda feels unresolved to me rn that's what i care about most like i think there's meant to be more like i'm meant to care more or something bc i did like talk to them every single day almost all day for over a year but i just Don't care and it's weird. i care more about not caring than anything tbh like it's as if i never talked to tjem@in my life that's what o feel rn like i feel like i only know them secondhand because whoever knew them isn't here at all and no one else gave a shit. ... weird. anyway. ????? like just what the fuck even you know it's just weird more than anything like i feel like i'm noy even me because the emotional amnesia is so strong like ... i've never had it to this extent before with anyone else and it's just weird idk and u know what else i'm thinking of those old tweets on this acc thatre ljke... [osdd1a GLARING SYMPTOMS] like hfhgjkfksj jesus christ and um also thinking of all the proof jusy in my life that i have it and i'm thinking of when. i... like just really glaringly obvious things thatve happened like i'm thinking of the most two things one of them i'm thinking of when i was writing a tweet thread or something and i didn't care or want to write it and i wrote in it something like "also i don't even care i'm just writing this because [memory block] wants this to be like tweeted

[lellikellyy]

[lellikellyy]

[lellikellyy]

@gossipstyle

[lellikellyy]

@odaryadarya.ceramic