lelonli

[lelonli]

I’d like to be sought out

that sounds nice

I thought I would be, but it turned out to be something else

That makes me really sad

I had a lovely moment before

It was so simple

I simply sat upon a set of steps, a bit early before lunchtime

my class prior to that ended early, you see

and i had a sandwhich packed, which i had eaten many times before

but that time was different

it was silent, a few cars passed by without much noise

i wonder if they wondered, or found it any kind of odd that i sat there alone

i didnt much care, but i wondered

there was also the sky, the air

it was so silent without anyone else trudging about their way to get lunch or make conversation

it was so simple

so lovely

i tasted my salmon-egg-dill sandwhich i had brought the morning of that day

the bread became a bit stiffer to chew

but i could really focus

and taste the salmon in it, 

it had never been so prominent

i wondered if the egg in it lent any taste

would i like it better with cheese? I had had it many times before with it

but without it, it was very different

a good different, perhaps

someone said i didnt seem the sort to cry

im not really, not that much

there was once upon a balcony, during a silent night

i sat upon a swaying bench, the sound of its creak and the gentle brush of wind 

being all i heard

i pondered that day on a person i sat beside, but scarcely spoke to

was it peaceful? perhaps, maybe, maybe for them

but i wasnt sure

i couldnt help but think i could have made conversation

i wanted to, kind of

i wondered if they were lonely

i felt so lonely, i realized

i did not weep, i never do

but a pair of lines made its way across my otherwise lax expression

it was subtle

it was little

I’d like to be petty and pathetic

and cry about all the littlest things

instead i stew silent

i retreat, i say nothing,

secretly hoping my absence would amount to anything

that i would be sought

maybe i am

but i dont feel like it

i feel drained