lemmeblog - Tumblr blog

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waiting on the sidelines . . .

There are unsaid thoughts on my mind but can't even spill the words towards this plain sheet. I feel so empty yet so full.

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Silence is bliss when one finds peace.

too much to hold on, a.b.p.

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This blog holds so much memories when I was younger.

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I'm zo tired of being disappointed all the time. At the end of the day, I really have myself.

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They say that first month of the year should be full of bright day skies and glittering night skies for it would make one lucid throughout the year. This could help. But, does it? I’m tired in this world full of uncertainties. I’m entitled to feel this way. But home isn’t welcoming this kind of way. I don’t have the right to feel pain. I’m not allowed to take a rest. They just acknowledge how I sleep often but they don’t know that this is the only way that I could escape reality. The reality of me trying to survive to fit in to their expectations. 

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Don’t we die multiple times while trying to live in this world?

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I feel so empty. It's scaring me.

not so me, a.b.p.

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I miss how I play with my words. 

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I heal through sleeping and procrastinating.

coping up with my episodes, a.b.p.

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The moon was in love with her.

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Chaos and disturbances always struck us therefore wherever and whenever we step our feet on the ground, there's something in our veins that yearn for serendipity in our highs and lows; which is softness that work both in rural and urban in every day of our lives. I find comfort in the rural with the smell of freshly baked cinnamon bread, saltiness of a calm ocean,  fully - grown crops and trees; the fascinating sight of beach waves and clouds behind the hills; the warm breeze of air that welcomes me like home; the sound of tweeting birds and the waves of the ocean that moves my heart and soul. These remind me that I can camouflage with them when I need to breathe out the blocks on my heart and breathe in the wonderful scenery vibe that consoles my humanity. I want to live in the middle of the ocean  and float there forever whilst watching the darkness invades the light and sun-rays overpower the darkness. I find comfort with the sound of busy streets of urban whilst I am in the one of the highest floor levels of a building; the sounds of horns of every rushing car, in hurry footsteps, radio stations on air, dinner with an orchestra and popping popcorn; the sight of dancing city lights, and fast moving cars. These tell me that I'm not the only one that the world gives earthquakes and tsunamis. It makes my soul float with the clouds and hear the rhythm of disturbances of every one's fighting soul - so my soul can keep up. It consoles my heart that I'm not the only one who is in a battlefield. It makes me braver to marvel my life because the sound of urban makes me feel I'm not the only one who is struggling with the world that revolves endlessly and squeezes me out - trying to leave me red -handed.

in my softness 0.2, ab.p.

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Watch: The Young Turks’ Cenk Uygur nailed why millennials get so much sh*t. 

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Sanity is a skill. Not everyone can compose themselves when the world is outrunning our lives. Sanity is something that every soul should posses because if one doesn't have, they may go crazy but it is a tough thing to dwell on. Keeping composure is not easy. Even we try, sometimes the frustrations and depressions keep haunting us that we tend to lose ourselves. Sanity make us mask ourselves from reality to refrain further self-destruction. Ergo, for me, sanity is our little haven. We find sanity in this world inside our brave heart . We are the left survivors and warriors of this insane world.

human’s lighthouse, a.b.p.

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My mother and I went to Makati yesterday to visit my elder bother’s son. It was quite comforting that I left my frustrations for couple of hours in the province and had a blast in the city. As we went home, my elder brother and I shared some thoughts whilst heading to Taft Avenue by a train. It is a big heave out to know that we both know our priorities in our lives which one of those are to reciprocate the love and effort that our parents lent to us since infancy. I was really furious to my elder brother since the 1st of the month. But our conversation went well that night that made me realize that all his rants to me are only produced by love and care. That he didn’t want me to become like him as I marvel my life. I’d been thinking of the reasons why he was scolding me and now, I know. He knew that I adore him so much from being athletic to being sociable. The verbatim of his thoughts were simply mean that it is enough that he was the only one who experienced those things that happened in his life. Now, I appreciate his scolding moments to me. I think I wouldn't forget the conversation that we had in the train. We even imagined our future that our parents are always with it. I know that I was the only child of my parents who is very family - oriented but I’m glad to know that I have one sibling who also loves spending quality time with the family. To my dearest kuya, even you won’t able to read this, I am so grateful to have you in my life. I wouldn’t be this brave without you. I wouldn’t realize the mistakes that I did last year. Thank you for your never ending care and love for me and for scolding me just to make me a better person. I will always be your bebe and always be here for you just like the old days. Your lil sister is always proud of you from your small to large achievements. I love you so much.

an appreciation for the toughest guy I know, a.b.p.

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I’m trying to coerce myself to spill some inks from my heart. It is clogged with frustrations and depressions that perhaps one night, I will be bursting like an asteroid bumped on the earth's atmosphere. I can still manage to hold my bones and collect my thoughts but I'm worried that someday, I'll lose myself from the abyss of destruction.

keep up my lil soul, a.b.p.