lemon-ams111

[lemon-ams111]

offstage (part 2 of secret no more)

after the spotlight fades, billie and reader navigate the price of being seen

no warnings, fem!reader but i don’t think it’s specified anywhere

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Billie’s show was amazing as always, i spent most of it in the stands, shouting along to the lyrics and joining her fans in freaking about her doing as little as drinking water. I had the biggest smile on my face as i watched my girl performed, Billie really shined on stage and i absolutely loved watching how her face lit up when she interacted with fans and saw their faces.

After the nearly two hour performance, while Billie was saying goodbye to her fans, i sneakily made my way backstage to be able to greet the brunette once she gets there.

The blue eyed woman has been rolled backstage in a black box and after being opened she got out of it and jumped into my arms, i smiled widely and embraced her, kissing her shoulder gently.

‘you did so freaking good, angel, i’m so proud of you’ i whisper to her as i squeeze her slightly.

‘thank you, babe, i’m so freaking tired tho’ she says into my shoulder before pulling back slightly to look at me

My hands immediately find her waist as hers land on my shoulders, my eyes scanned her face with a look of pure love and admiration

‘gosh you’re beautiful’ i whisper as i look at her and shake my head as if not believing her beauty

‘and sweaty as fuck, but thank you’ she laughs

‘oh come on, makes you look even hotter’ i say with a grin and wink at her playfully

‘dork’ she simply states before leaning in to place a soft peck on my lips and grabs my hand to lead me to her green room

We met with Ava, Jane and the rest of her band, i congratulated them on a great show and we talked while they got ready to leave. The black van was waiting for us under the arena and we all got into it, me sitting next to Billie of course, her hand immediately finding my thigh as we all talk.

‘sorry to mention it now, but it’s so fucking shitty that they posted pictures of you’ Jane says after a moment of casual conversation

‘oh don’t get me started’ i say and roll my eyes, annoyed at the mere thought of that situation

‘it’s fucked up, i don’t even want to know what’s going on on twitter now’ Billie says and rolls her eyes as well as she glances at me, squeezing my thigh lightly

I look back at Billie with a soft smile and place my hand on top of hers, squeezing it back.

‘how are y’all gonna handle it?’ Abe asks

‘no idea, we haven’t gotten to that yet’ Billie says and lets out a frustrated sigh as she runs her free hand through her hair

‘yeah, but it’s probably best to leave it be’ i say and shrug as i lean my head on my girlfriend’s shoulder

‘it would’ve been all fine, but the fact that they took our choice from us is so goddamn infuriating’ Billie adds after a moment and i can see how upset she is about it, i squeeze her hand again and nod in agreement with her.

‘true, fuck paparazzi’ Ava says and we all echo her words.

After a while we arrive back at our hotel and say our goodnights, Billie and i get into our room and do our routines, shower, take our makeup off, brush our teeth, do our skincares, with the quiet hum of our favourite playlist playing on my phone.

Once we were both dressed in our pyjamas the brunette laid down on our bed with her phone in hand, and i could see her eyebrows furrow, i laid down next to her with my head on her shoulder as i looked at her phone with her, noticing that she’s reading twitter posts, we laughed about them, but some of them were pretty hateful. Not that we cared that much, we were secure in our relationship so it was funny to us, that strangers had opinions about this, but this was the internet.

‘oh hell nah, they don’t even deserve to get black screened after this’ she grumbles and rolls her eyes after reading some homophobic posts

‘i date men, i’m straight, i date women so i’m a lesbian, jesus christ, fucking morons, can’t i just be?’ she groans and switches her phone off, placing it on the nightstand

‘people are just fucked up’ i say and nod as i looked at her, adjusting to sit up to be able to look at her comfortable and i start running my fingers through her hair ‘let’s just not do anything about them knowing’

‘sounds good to me’ she says as she closes her eyes and lets out a quiet hum of contentment while leaning into my touch

‘great’ i whisper and lean down to place a soft kiss on her forehead which brings a small smile to her lips, so i place a kiss on her brow, wanting to get a full genuine smile, her smile widens, i kiss her other brow, smile widened once again, then i kiss her nose and both cheeks and linger over her lips, she opens her eyes and chuckles as she looks at me

‘kiss me you dork’ she says, her eyes glimmering, and who am i to say no to that woman? my lips finally land on hers as we kiss softly and slowly, and after a moment she starts chuckling.

‘why are you laughing?’ i ask her against her lips and i can’t help but laugh a bit too

‘i just love you so much’ she whispers and pecks my lips a couple of times, my heart fluttered at her words

‘i love you too, Bilbo’ i say with a smile and i watch as she shakes her head at the nickname, then i move to lay back down and she immediately places her head on my chest, we start talking about random things and after exchanging our ‚goodnights’ and a kiss, okay maybe lots of kisses, we both fall asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i really wish billie would’ve blackscreened us😭

hope you enjoyed!!!❤️

[lemon-ams111]

guys… i’m so freaking gay for that woman (i’ve been watching this on loop for the past 10 minutes) THE WINK?! THE TONGUE CLICK?! THE SMILE?! EXCUSE ME?!

[lemon-ams111]

photo dump

reader and billie reveal their relationship

no warnings, fem!reader

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June 15th, exactly a week after our 3rd anniversary, Billie and i were laying down in the hotel bed, wrapped up in each others arms, her body in between my legs, her head hidden under my shirt with her cheek pressed against my stomach, her arms wrapped around my waist, one of my hands on her back under her shirt and my other one holding my phone as i scrolled through TikTok.

‘you know, i was thinking…’ i start speaking and pause for a moment, tapping the tiktok that i was just watching for it to stop ‘i was thinking of posting a photo dump on instagram, and- maybe i could post a photo of us? lika a hard launch hidden in between other pictures’ say quietly, telling her about my recent thoughts, the tips of my fingers tracing patterns in between her shoulder blades

‘you wanna tell them?’ Billie asks as she takes her head out from under my shirt and rests her chin on my stomach to be able to look at me

‘yeah’ i whisper and bite my lip, nodding as i look at her, my hand that was holding my phone now cupping her cheek ‘i mean- obviously no pressure, i was just thinking that it would be a cool way to announce our relationship, you know? i mean- feels pretty casual’ i say as i look into her eyes, trying to guess what she’s thinking, i see a smile forming on her lips so i take it as a good sign

‘god, i love you’ she whispers with a lovesick grin

‘so, i’m guessing that’s a yes?’ i ask, my grin now matching hers as my thumb rubs her skin

‘duuuh, it’s time the world knows you’re mine’ she says as she leans into my touch, her own hands tracing small circles on my waist

‘kay, we gotta pick the picture then’ as soon as i say that, Billie moves from between my legs and lays down by my side instead, her hand reaching for my phone as she unlocks it and opens my photos app and we start scrolling through the folder with our pictures, trying to find the perfect one.

After quite a while of looking for it, we find a picture of our photo booth strips from about about a month ago, we took the pictures on one of my friend’s birthday party, we spent a lot of time in that photo booth, we might’ve gotten too caught up in kissing, but that’s whole different story.

‘perfect’ i whisper with a grin and nod in approval of the picture

‘i think so too’ the blue eyed woman says as she looks at me with a smile

‘it’s funny cause there’ll be people still calling us friends’ i say and chuckle softly

‘oh yeah, just two friends kissing’ she says and laughs with me, i shake my head in amusement and start gathering pictures for the photo dump, and once i have everything, i click the “post” button

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

y/ny/l/n: ☀️📷🌸💋

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘done’ i whisper and Billie moves to place a soft kiss on my lips, i kiss her back with the same softness and then give her a few quick pecks ‘i love you, Bee’ i whisper against her lips

‘i love you too, baby’ she whispers back and then moves away ‘kay, i’m going back to my favourite spot now’ she says with a smile and moves to settle in between my legs again, her head under my shirt as we go back to our favourite cuddling position.

[lemon-ams111]

secret no more

offstage (part two)

We were in Venice, Italy, enjoying a beautiful day out with Billie’s bandmates and friends — grabbing ice cream, visiting landmarks, taking pictures, talking, laughing. Billie had her little digital camera with her, capturing everything. It felt so simple, so free. Just us, soaking in the moment.

When we got back to our hotel, we ordered a bottle of champagne to celebrate our anniversary quietly — just the two of us, in the comfort of our room. The weather was too perfect to ignore, so we stepped out onto the balcony.

I leaned against the railing, glass in hand, as Billie pointed the camera at me.

“’Kay, now pose for me,” she said with a silly grin.

I smiled, holding the glass toward the camera as she snapped a picture.

“So pretty,” she whispered, peeking at me over the lens.

My smile softened. The world seemed to pause as she set the camera down on the railing and stepped closer.

“You really are adorable. And beautiful. You know that, right?” I whispered.

She didn’t answer — just closed the distance between us. Her hand found my cheek, thumb brushing my skin. Mine landed naturally on her waist.

“Happy three years, Y/N,” she murmured, leaning in to kiss me.

I met her lips with the same tenderness, fingers curling lightly into the fabric of her skirt.

“Happy three years, Bil baby,” I whispered against her mouth as we pulled apart.

She smiled and took a sip of her champagne. We stayed on the balcony a while longer, talking quietly and savoring the moment, just the two of us under the soft Venice light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Billie had a show in Bologna, so we spent most of it at the arena.

I sat on the pit floor with some of her team during rehearsals, singing along, watching every detail, offering thoughts when Billie asked how things looked from my perspective.

Later, we were backstage. Billie, Jane, and Ava were doing their makeup while I lounged on the couch, camera in hand, filming them just as they started teasing Abe — again. We laughed so hard, I almost dropped the camera.

Once everyone was ready, we headed out to a secluded section of the stands to watch Tom Odell’s set. Billie’s arm wrapped around my shoulders; mine snuck around her waist. The Horner sisters flanked us, arms linked as we swayed softly to the music.

About ten minutes before Billie’s set, we were backstage again. She was going over last-minute details with her band, while I stood off to the side texting one of my best friends.

Then I got a message:

“Y/N, check Twitter. Now.”

I frowned. The reception in the arena was awful — too many people — but I managed to open the app. The first thing I saw was a loading image. It wasn’t even visible yet, but the caption was enough:

“Billie Eilish and Y/N Y/L/N confirm romance with a steamy balcony kiss.”

All the blood drained from my face.

I looked up at Billie, who was still in conversation. My hands were shaking. I didn’t have time to think, because her manager suddenly appeared.

“Billie, Y/N — we need to talk,” he said, serious.

I walked over, placing my hand on the small of her back. He led us away from everyone and showed us his phone.

Billie furrowed her brow, then sighed, her eyes meeting mine.

“They caught us,” I whispered.

She nodded, squeezing my hand. I could tell she was holding it together — trying not to let the frustration show.

“This was bound to happen,” she said quietly.

It wasn’t about people finding out. We’d planned to go public soon anyway. What stung was that the choice — our choice — had been taken from us.

I slipped my arm around her shoulders as we both looked to her manager.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do about this,” he said. “I’ll help if you want, but I trust you two to handle it the right way. I’m sorry it happened like this.”

He gave Billie’s shoulder a squeeze before someone called his name and he stepped away.

I turned to her, frowning, my hand running gently down her arm.

“Okay. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

“At least we’re in this together,” she said softly, her smile small but real.

I smiled back, leaning in to kiss her.

“Come on,” I said, tugging her hand gently. “You’ve got a show to do.”

We returned to the group. They’d seen the tweets. They already knew.

“Those fucking paparazzi, I swear to God,” Ava muttered when we joined them, rolling her eyes.

Billie and I both smiled, nodding to let them know we were okay — or at least trying to be.

Soon someone came over to tell Billie it was time. She had to get into the box that would take her under the stage.

I cupped her cheeks gently, thumbs brushing along her skin.

“You’re gonna do amazing, love. I’ll be watching the whole time.”

“Thank you, baby girl,” she whispered, leaning in for one last kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Bee.”

She climbed in. The team wheeled her away, and I made my way up into the stands — ready to watch her light up the world.

part 2???

[lemon-ams111]

after the music fades

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There was noise and people surrounding me, the sound of ‚Everything is romantic’, sang by Charli xcx who stood on the coachella stage giving one of her best performances, loud and clear, my girlfriend standing right next to me, Claudia on my other side, Alex somewhere behind us, Maggie in front of us, all jumping and having fun to the live music, Billie leaning closer to me to whisper, or rather shout, something in my ear.

After the song finished, Billie leaned closer to me.

„time for me to go get this show going” she says loud enough for me to hear and pecks my cheek lightly

„good luck, i’ll be watching you from here” i say back with a grin and squeeze her arm lightly before she walks away with her security guard

another song passes, i’m having fun with Claudia, jumping around together and grinning in excitement that i’ll see my girlfriend on stage in a moment, just as guess starts, Claudia leans closer to me.

„how’s Bil holding up?” she asks me, i look at her slightly confused, my eyebrows furrowed almost unnoticeably

„huh? she’s okay” i tell her, i was extremely confused, yes, Billie has been acting a little bit differently lately, but i’ve assumed that it was because she couldn’t get a song right, she told me about that, and that’s why she’s been spending more time in the studio with Finneas

„really? so she overcame her anxiety, she’s not feeling so overwhelmed anymore, huh?” she asks, and i look at her even more baffled now

„oh yeah, i- i guess she did” i say, trying not to show her that i had no idea what she was talking about, Billie has been feeling this way and haven’t told me? i felt hurt, really hurt, why didn’t she tell me?

„wait- she didn’t tell you?” Claudia asks, of course she noticed, she knew me too well not to notice, but before i could reply to her, Billie came onto the stage, joining Charli as they sang ‚Guess’ so i tried to push all of my thoughts and feelings to the side as i watched my girlfriend perform, jumping around and trying to have fun.

Billie’s performance was amazing, she got off stage and ‚365’ started playing, Claudia and i continued having fun, i knew that the brunette would be hyped and happy after her performance, and that she’d be happy with our friends and watching other artists perform, so i decided to keep my feelings to myself for now.

After a moment Billie came back to us and walked straight over to me with the biggest grin on her face, i couldn’t help but smile back, even though i was still hurt and upset, gosh i loved seeing her happy. She placed a kiss on my cheek as soon as she was close enough and then took my face into her hands.

„how was i? did you have fun?” she asked excitedly, my smile widened at her questions and i nodded

„of course i had fun, you were amazing, as always” i tell her and lean closer to her to place a soft, quick peck on her lips and when i move away, she wraps her arm around me and we continue watching Charli perform. I was having fun but Claudia’s words were still in the back of my mind.

Once Charli’s performance was over, we started walking to a different stage for another performance from a different artist, i wasn’t even sure where we were going to be honest, but Billie kept her arm around me as we walked and talked to our friends, i stayed silent, my mind swarmed with thoughts about why Billie didn’t tell me she had been feeling bad recently, i could tell that Billie was glancing at me from time to time, she squeezed my shoulder, and that’s when i knew that she noticed, of course she did, she always does, i smiled at her softly to reassure her and then joined in on the conversation, wanting to act as normal as i could, trying not to make it show that i had a storm in my mind.

We had a lot of fun that day, Billie kept stealing glances at me, squeezing my hand, shoulder, observing me, she knew that something was wrong, so when we came back to her house, her first question, after we took our shoes off, greeted the dogs and sat down on the couch, was:

„Y/n, love, are you okay?” the question left her lips as she tilted her head to the side and observed me intently „you’ve been incredibly quiet after my performance with Charli, and- i just- what’s wrong?” she continues as she scanned my face

„i-„ i sighed, looking down, i didn’t know how to start the conversation „well, i talked to Claudia, while you were performing, and she asked me something, about you” i start, gathering the courage to look at her „she asked if you were okay, and then implied that you’ve been struggling mentally recently, with anxiety and that you’ve been feeling overwhelmed” i tell her with a frown as i look at her

„oh” she whispers and looks down at her hands, fidgeting with her rings

„why didn’t you tell me, Billie?” i ask her quietly, my voice breaking „and why did you lie to me? when i asked you what’s wrong, you told me it was a song you couldn’t get right, why didn’t you tell me that you’ve been struggling?” i ask her, my tone hurt, my eyebrows furrowed slightly

Billie stayed quiet, didn’t look at me, continued fidgeting with her rings, her thumb running over the silver jewellery and i could see that she was biting her lip slightly

„i didn’t mean to lie to you” she said after a moment, her voice small, still not looking at me „i thought that it would be easier to lie, because then you wouldn’t have to worry, and i didn’t want you to think that i’m too much to handle, or worse, that you have to… fix me” she adds and finally looks at me, for a spare second, but she does, i frowned at her words

„don’t look at me like that” she whispered before continuing „i know i should’ve told you, it wasn’t about not trusting you at all, i trust you more than i trust anyone” she says, her voice quiet „i didn’t want to ruin the good moments we had lately, i didn’t want you to see me all anxious, depressed and overwhelmed, i wanted to be okay. For you” she says, her voice breaking slightly and she shakes her head and scoffs

„Billie, you don’t have to be okay for me, you have to be honest” i tell her in a soft tone after a moment of silence, i reach out and grab her hand lightly „i know that i’m your girlfriend, and you didn’t want to worry me, but above all that, i’m still your best friend, and i will always be” i tell her, my tone gentle as my thumb rubs her knuckles lightly „you can always, and i really do mean always talk to me” i continue as i look at her and she finally lifts up her head to look at me

„i’m sorry” she whispers and i notice that her eyes are tearing up slightly

„you don’t have to apologise, my love, just please be honest with me in the future” i whisper and then open my arms for her „now come here” i say softly and she immediately moves closer, resting her head on my chest as i wrap my arms around her

„okay” she whispers

„do you want to talk about how you’ve been feeling lately?” i ask her in a soft tone as i rub her back in slow circular motions

„not really” she whispers and shakes her head against my chest

„okay” i whisper back and squeeze her a little tighter

„i love you, you know that, right?” she asks as she lifts her head up to look at me

i smile softly at her words as i look at her „i know, and i love you too” i reply and we spend the rest of the evening in the comfort of our presence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~