lenasbraindump - Tumblr blog

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Okay, but the treatise on the hardware store ecosystem is leaving out the keystone species of the Covert Kinkster. I know they try very hard to not get noticed while roaming the aisles for things to modify and use as BDSM gear, but they've been there at least as long as the Lesbians. There are several known cases of hybridization between the two!

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

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no multi option, agonize and choose, no results option, pick one to find out or scroll onward

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The "I don't have autism -> I have some autism symtoms but they're from other disorders -> I might be autistic but I won't self diagnose -> I might be autistic but the symtoms don't really go that far back in my life -> I keep finding more symtoms that link my behavior with autism -> oh my god so many things I do are autism symtoms -> jesus christ these go back as far as i remember" pipeline is real and it happened to me

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do me a solid and just reblog this saying what time it is where you are and what you’re thinking about in the tags.

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

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Ever since I have gotten on here I have been wondering why I didn't get on here much earlier.

Because YES to all of the above.

Having tumblr is fun cause it’s really just “I’m mentally ill, sleep deprived, and hyperfixating on something and I’m gonna make it everyone else’s problem.”

Then I’ll post shit that’s gets notes and I’m like “oh, good to know other people are in the same boat. Dear god are these people okay? Therapy should really be easier to access”

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Anyway if you see this you have to reblog and tag with a delight from ur day -- even the littlest thing counts

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3 flying foxes, one of which is a pup and a broken train station clock. Well, I'd love co-parenting the lil flying fox (I'd have to get vaccinated first tho), but beyond that not much relationship potential tbh...

You’re married to your phone background/lockscreen how fucked are you

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YES

I had an interview with a local paper this week about this rock snake I started on the longest street of a nearby city (where I work) because it's bringing people so much joy:

I said something during the interview that the interviewer seemed really shocked by, so in case it's important for anyone else to hear: When asked about the rock snake and some scavenger hunts that I've hosted for adults, I said -

"We don't stop enjoying the things we liked as kids; they just stop being offered to us. And when you're a kid, fun things like art projects and scavenger hunts are always brought to you, so you're not taught to make a habit of seeking them out as and adult."

She said "Wow yeah... life is so stressful... and you don't think to... wow."

So if anyone else needs direct permission to be a whimsical adult child today, I hereby grant it to everyone. ❤️

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THIS!

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Contrary to popular belief, “hating praise” is not just a PDA thing. There are many reasons it could not sit right with someone.

It’s also assumed that people like this just hate all praise, but that’s not true either. What we hate is feeling manipulated, or lied to, or monitored, etc.

I mean, do you realize how much adults are encouraged to use praise to manipulate kids and people in care?? We’re supposed to use it to get more of the behaviors we like, and to promote a “growth mindset,” and to encourage them to stick with activities we think are good for them, and so on and so on.

That’s so much trying to get people to do what we want them to do! Is it really any wonder that praise could end up feeling disingenuous and manipulative after a while? How often are we just genuinely appreciating something they’ve done or who they are as a person, and how are they to know the difference?

If you have someone in your life who reacts badly when you praise them, maybe take a look at your motivations or the way you’re doing it instead of assuming they are the one with the problem. Maybe there’s something like low self esteem or rejection sensitivity skewing their perception, or maybe their perception is just fine and they’re picking up on your ulterior motives (and they don’t appreciate it!).

And please know that you don’t have to withdraw all praise. Everyone wants to feel like they’re good at *something* and that people like what they do. Just wait until it’s wanted, and make sure it’s genuine, with no expectations attached.

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Employee at the phone shop today clocked me as autistic after less than two minutes of talking to me. They discreetly asked me if I was autistic, and I replied that I was, at which point I also remarked that I usually thought I masked pretty good.

They replied "oh, you do, but I just kind of have a sense for this kind of thing."

It just left me thinking about how I had immediately clocked them as autistic too. NDs just be doing this

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NOPE.

no no no no no. NO.

Don't you dare.

Yes, pushing past the depression and anxiety and life being a drag and not having the time and resources and all the other crap deserves to be celebrated. BUT Celebrating others is not a reason to look down on yourself. So, your anxiety or depression or just life or whatever has won today. And maybe it will win tomorrow as well and many more days after that. You still belong. You're still an artist, a creative. You became one the first time you picked up that pencil and you will stay one as long as the desire to pick up that pencil is still there (or whatever other medium is yours), whether you're in a place to act upon that desire right now or not.

Be kind to yourself. You wouldn't say "but you're not an artist" to a friend that hasn't been able to create in a while, would you? So don't say it to yourself. I know that being kind to oneself is incredibly hard, but if you want life to become better at some point that is the one thing you will have to learn. Being kind to yourself. Being a friend to yourself.

Plus I am willing to bet you create plenty, your brain is just telling you it's not enough. Not good enough, not artsy enough not enough amount.

It is enough. You are enough. You are a creative for as long as you still want to create, whether you get to do it or not. You're an artist. You will probably be one for the rest of your life.

I just want to commend you artists, you writers, you game designers and cosplayers and anyone who does creative stuff out there on finding the courage to create. Many of you out there are plagued with depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, imposter syndrome and so many other worries and doubts about your ability to create. I am one such person, and though I have so many ideas and stories in my head i could explode, I lose confidence in my ideas and skill so rapidly from just holding a pen, basically nothing ever gets put on page. I'll tell myself I'm lucky if I even get a single drawing done in a year, frankly calling myself an artist is more a fraud than anything.

But you people, you creative amazing people manage to overcome that. No matter how good you think your work is or your level of skill, you draw and write and do it anyway, some of you even post it online for people to see, something I'm almost always ashamed about doing in fear of someone I know seeing it (why do u think I'm hiding here on tumblr where none of the much more talented people I know go). I've always admired yet envy you amazing people, who are passionate about art, who sit down and still make stuff after a long day of work because it makes u relax, who see art as joy than something you need to do because it's work, who would draw and create despite all the hardships and doubts and worries the world and yourself have place upon you.

The fact that you're able to get pass all that and get a sketch, a word, an idea down on a page, I think you all are so very incredibly brave. Much braver than me at least. No matter where you are on your creative journey right now, keep doing what you're doing and create. It is those that keep going that make it to success in the end. I unfortunately will not be one those people, but I hope that I can keep cheering others on instead.

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That reminds me of when someone from north America visited me in Germany and his flight had a stopover in some other European country. He was SO CONFUSED that no one wanted to see his passport again at the German airport and I was just like "uh, yeah, once you were traveling within the EU, that is normal"

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NO.

NO NO NO NO NO!

I came here because DeviantArt tried to pull that BS.

Don't make the BS follow me!

What is this about the tumblr staff wanting to sell art data to midjourney?

An ex-colleague of mine mentioned yesterday that there may be contacts between Automattic and midjourney in that direction, but nothing is public yet and I don't have any more info. They probably won't have anything specific to share either, since they left the company weeks ago too. That being said:

I have no reason to doubt my ex-coworker word, they are a trustworthy person.

Tumblr's CEO has been absurdly enthusiastic (comically, even) about AI, and is a big fan of LLMs and 'AI' companies.

A deal with midjourney could solve tumblr financial issues (not the same company, but openAi is paying up to 5 million/year to news companies to use their content as training data... tumblr generates several orders of magnitude more content than any newspaper or any media company and it only would need a 20 to 30 million per year deal to be profitable)

So I don't have any extra info yet, but I'm keeping my ears open.

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Das Ende von Spatort sollte sein, dass rauskommt, dass Adam eigentlich gar kein Polizist ist und nie auch nur irgendwie in die Nähe einer Polizeiausbildung gekommen ist

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We now have an account on Bluesky! Our handle is @foxes-in-love.bsky.social and from now on we'll also be posting there!