lennylocalloco

[lennylocalloco]

Hello.

Listen i hate myself. Ish. Well. I don't know how to feel about myself anymore. I feel like I abandoned everyone. Everything. I feel nothing anymore. No motivation. No happiness, no sadness. Nothing. I don't really know what to do anymore. I loved talking to my online friends but I couldn't handle it anyway but now I'm back but now I still just wanna fucking kill myself. I don't even feel useless anymore I just feel fucking empty and bored. Kinda like I'm just. There.

I really want to cry but I can't really. I kinda wishes the voices and illusions would get out my head. I wish I could go back to before all this. And chat to my friends on here daily and go back to art and my insane reginald au (which I kinda am) but I like. I feel like I've fucked everything up. I just. No matter who's there for me I feel like nothing, I feel like a bother. I can't live with myself anymore but I don't want to die. But I also do. It's just so complicated. And I can't handle my attachment issues. I'm sure you may know Ash well he's my ex and I'm attached and I don't want to fucking be. I hate him. DESPISE HIM. I wish I could break free. I want to. I just wish I could fucking go back. I never wanted to be like this.

I didn't ask for this. I never wanted this yet here I am. Feeling alone but feeling like it's deserved.

..God please next time let me die..

[lennylocalloco]

Kill me

[lennylocalloco]

@insanereginaldc-thscau2

Is the new blog

[lennylocalloco]

why is this so fucking hard and hurtful..

quitting Tumblr because it's no longer fun or it doesn't even feels like a safe space anymore. Despite having no conflict. I don't feel happiness anymore going on Tumblr.

[lennylocalloco]

quitting Tumblr because it's no longer fun or it doesn't even feels like a safe space anymore. Despite having no conflict. I don't feel happiness anymore going on Tumblr.

[lennylocalloco]

ive gotta to 26 and just realised only I might be adopted

[lennylocalloco]

im beginning to find alternatives from self harm until my urges go away.

I found that I shouldn't need to bring pain on myself for something I can't control anymore.

I usually just squish some squishy, stress ball thing till I feel better but I still do things that can cause very limited harm or pain

[lennylocalloco]

ive been out for 12 hoursss *cries*

I hate being outside for so loonngggg

[lennylocalloco]

My phobias :

Emetophobia

Acrophobia

Aerophobia

Trypanophobia

[lennylocalloco]

Discord user - BoopableBlonde

Nickname from someone ig just first thing that came to mind.

Tiktok - Leon.loco_Slayzpink (probably be kinda cringe)

I'd do that website text thing where if you click on the word it takes you to the site but it won't work so whatever

i might be moving off Tumblr but not for definite.

If you're wondering how I'm alive

This post

[lennylocalloco]

Hello.

Alright I said I wouldn't make any more 'negative' or confession posts but I am. For a friend. A roomate.

A roommate? Yeah. So some may have heard ages ago and seen @mrleonard-wishesfreedom suicide post.

Well. He's alive. Now.

Let me explain from what I know.

(also to answer it the reason I am making the post and not him is because he's really anxious too and has suffered several panic attacks.)

Also warning this could contain touchy subjects

Leon did commit suicide. Well he definitely attempted. I saw it, his niece @the-eternal8watcher saw it.

I literally saw him bleed. Practically to death.

However he isn't and we don't know how necessarily, he said perhaps god was giving him another chance at life to be greater/better.

He had fled to an apartment and requested that we weren't informed of his living. Due to reasons I will not disclose as of now. And I found him the other day completely wasted in this apartment. Unconscious, a pile of vomit beside him. And he has Emetophobia which isn't exactly good. He was having a PTSD episode I believe however I will not entirely claim it as one as he's never really suffered from PTSD before. And a panic attack. When he awoke. I will as of now not show the image I received but if I do names will be blacked out/blurred. Before I found Leon at this apartment he had sent a message to a friend. I will not say who but if they wish to make themselves know they may. Saying how he was alive but he was full of regret and guilt as if he shouldn't be alive. Why hasn't he spoke sooner? He feared being judged, being called a liar and being disregarded for any possible hurt or betrayal someone may feel. He also didn't know how to turn back as many had basically wished him a good death/well in heaven. However Leon is alive and sorting of well. For now I will say nothing else.

However note no I do not expect this to sound believable nor you believe it. But it is the truth. You may block, rant, 'expose' but know we'll probably briefly acknowledge it. As Leon really wants to try go back into the community, get his skills back of drawing and possibly work on AUs.

If you have something to say feel free to DM me.

[lennylocalloco]

I wasn't playing on scheduling any visibility days.

But today is schizophrenia. Well. Did. Can't really have it now, Awareness day.

That's what I have/had.

And it sucked I suffered from it. Who knows.

Maybe I still do.

[lennylocalloco]

.

[lennylocalloco]

I'll tell ya what I want what I really really want!

Nothing really.

[lennylocalloco]

if you asked my roomates my favourite song they will all give different and probably wrong answers