leratomoloi-blog

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I've been so obsessed with Bantu knots lately! Even though they are a protective hairstyle, they've caused a lot of hair breakage, leaving my hair frizzy and brittle. I was never one to use natural hair products, but I gave @ecoessentials_sa a try and my hair is slowly restoring itself. Get the Hair Mask to strengthen and repair your hair. And to protect your hair from getting damaged throw in the Hair Butter just to seal the deal. Use my Discount Code LERATO20 to get 10% OFF your purchase. Shop at: www.ecoessentials.co.za #ecoessentials #beautywithconscious

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Celebrating my heritage.

On the 24th of September, we celebrate Heritage Day in South Africa. It’s the only day South Africans proudly wear their full African attire besides at “traditional weddings”. I had to write traditional weddings in inverted commas because we refer to weddings celebrated the African way as that. While we refer to weddings celebrated the Western way as “white weddings”. When did this distinction come about and when did we decide that we needed both? Do Western people have African weddings and call them “traditional weddings”? No, because their weddings are part of their Western traditions.

This is not a post about weddings or even about the outfits people wear at weddings. It is about celebrating our heritage. I think it’s weird how we as Africans, particularly South Africans, engage with our culture and traditions. It’s weird because I see the weirdness in me. What’s weird is how we switch our cultural persona on and off. We treat our heritage as a dress up theme. Our culture is not always a part of us so we wear it the same way we wear our African attires, which happens at our convenience.

Yes, we have been colonized for centuries so we have lost the essence of our African culture along the way. And I agree that culture is a way of life and just as life and circumstances change, we also need to evolve and alter our lives. However, the fundamental values and ideals should always be a part of us because that is our heritage. Africans share a common consciousness and that is why we can relate to each other across the continent. We have hashtags that trend on social media like #GrowingUpWithAfricanParents which is something only African children raised by African parents can understand.

Being African is something that should be celebrated everyday. We should be free to express that wherever we find ourselves as Africans. It should be so explicit that it becomes part of the status quo and it is mainstream. Everything else that is not African should take second preference. We shouldn’t be weird about celebrating our culture, we should find it more weird that we are celebrating other people’s cultures more than our own.

These are the kind of conversations I have in my inner circles with authors, creatives, academics, photographers, business men and women. This is a norm that is craved by most African children. To be acknowledged, accommodated and represented in the grand scheme of things. Let us continue to pass down African wisdom and knowledge to every generation so that our heritage is sustainable. It starts with our language and discourse, that is how culture travels and how it is maintained. And then we should document it, that is how culture is preserved and archived. When those two things are done, it will be easy to practice our culture in our daily lives.

This is a challenge to us Africans to be bold in our beautiful African heritage. Happy Heritage Day!

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A short clip of my T.V. interview on Sistahood. The theme was self love and self care. It’s very much an internal job just as much as it is external.

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Channel your sexy

I hate it when big girls say things like “I’m so fat, I can’t even get a boyfriend”. You being fat has nothing to do with you not being able to get a boyfriend. The negative energy towards yourself is unattractive, that is why you don’t have a boyfriend. I naively think everyone has someone made for them. I say this because at some point I thought you had to be perfect to be loved. Then I saw how many guys are in to big girls. And not in a weird fetish way, but in a I think big girls are cute as fuck type of way. Not everyone is in to the same thing. We can agree on mainstream standards of beauty but attraction is another thing all together. I know guys who are content with grabbing a big butt, fat rolls and thick thighs. And you show them a perfect skinny girl and they don’t get excited. It just reinforces the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.

Being sexy is a personal thing, and I think personality plays a big role in sexiness. Your character is more sustainable than your looks. And in the long run, it will be your strongest currency for being sexy. Being the best version of yourself is sexy.

Channelling your sexy is not only about looking good in a piece of garment or having the perfect aesthetic. But it’s owning it. What does that mean? It means that you have to be the best version of yourself and be completely confident and comfortable with that. And everything else will fall into place. So when you wear sexy clothing or when you show off your aesthetic. Your inner beauty radiates through that as well. So it becomes an emic etic phenomenon.

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If only it was just hair!

I’ve recently started growing my natural hair. The decision wasn’t based on political reasons more than it being about self-knowledge (which can ironically appear political). I believe that I need to know my hair in its natural state and stop relying on products and enhancers. It’s so important for me to think of myself as beautiful in my bare and natural state. And that is a self taught lesson that comes with self-acceptance, positive self-esteem, self-awareness and self-love. And all this takes time! I’m new in this “self-love” thing. I say that because I remember being self-aware at 16. After that I had to learn to love myself. I’m not saying that I didn’t love myself before that but I wasn’t actively aware of the love I was giving to myself.

I think that black women are not patient enough with their beauty. So that is why we do not take the time to nurture it. We relax and straighten our hair and we bleach our skin. We’re one of the only races that don’t mind putting other race’s hair on our head. We’re lazy when it comes to self-knowledge and self-appreciation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging anyone for putting on a weave or anything of the sort. If anything, I am just as conditioned as any other woman. Like Mos Def would say “even my conditioning has been conditioned”.

Every human being experiences an existentialism crisis and ours, as woman is magnified because our bodies are constantly objectified. We’re so self-conscious, it’s actually ridiculous at times. It feels like society says, you’re a woman, now go and turn yourself into a beautiful THING. We are seen as things and not people. And we have accepted the norm and some woman are cashing in on being objectified and people want to get upset.

Okay, I degrees, but I hope you see what I’m saying about your self-knowledge. And that comes with understanding these crazy standards and notions of beauty and where you fall on the spectrum. And as a black woman it’s harder for us. Our beauty is continuously being compared with other races. As soon as people see a gorgeous light skin black girl, people ask whether she’s coloured or mixed race. Like the only time you can be a gorgeous black girl is if you look anything but BLACK. It’s tough in these streets, and that is why self-knowledge and self-love is so important because without that foundation, you will crash.

We live in a generation of instant gratification and it comes as no surprise that we treat ourselves in the same way. We want fast results and we want to see them now. And this is when I understand why a weave doesn’t seem like a bad option. Especially when you have to do so much prep to get your ‘fro on point every single day. Natural hair will humble you, shrinkage is real!

But with that said, I’m also aware that our hair doesn’t grow the same. And that it’s not all about instant gratification. Some people have hair disorders or diseases that create hair loss. This post is by no means disregarding woman with real hair struggles. This post is presenting contradiction and self-affliction that comes with self-knowledge. And hair might seem like a minor thing but it is truly significant. What makes it important is that it is at the apex of your physical structure as a human being, which makes it the most noticeable thing about your physical appearance. Your hair is your crown and everyone has the freedom to wear their crown as they please. All I’m urging you to do, is to try out your God-given crown nurture it and be patient with it. I know, it’s hard and it sounds like loving a black man and everyone is telling you to bekezela (zulu meaning of withstanding pain) and you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. But this time bekezela for your crown, I promise you it will be worthwhile.

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One Shirt, Three Outfits

Before I buy an item of clothing I consider the different ways it can be worn. The simpler the piece the more versatile the outfits. The material of the clothing is a contributing factor to how you can wear it. Demin, like leather, has limitless options of ways in which you can wear the item of clothing including the different types of clothing available. My demin shirt is an exemplar of diversity because I can wear it in so many ways. I wear it as a jacket, an accessory, a shirt - and it’s baggyness allows me to wear it as a short dress. It’s my default look, when in doubt, I grab my demin shirt.

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I wear what I like

The question I ask myself before I get dressed is not “what am I going to wear” but rather “what do I FEEL like wearing”. It’s all about the feels - your mood, energy and aura have a huge influence on how you look in clothing.

Dressing according to your feels could also be quite frustrating. I for one do not have enough clothing to match all my different moods. And honestly, sometimes it’s better that way. I’d end up looking like a hipster Sunday school teacher who recently joined a rock band. Yes, It doesn’t make sense and I can’t imagine it myself - my point exactly.

Another thing that restricts me from dressing according to my feels is the places I go. The places I find myself play a big role on your mood and the outfits I wear. The environment creates a certain ambience on its own. And there’s nothing more annoying than traveling with public transport while I look really good. And I’ve experienced this so many times, this is my life, a continuous paradox of being over or under dressed.

For this look, I was wearing a white basketball mesh top with white high waist cotton pants. I felt unique, eccentric, like a trendsetter and all the words the judges on Project Runway use to describe a distinct look. And for a minute I felt like I was on some Riri tip? No? Okay maybe I’m pushing it.

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The politics of the colour nude.

Yeah - I know, I know. I’ve mention nude on my page before when “I leaked my nudes”. But now I’m just talking about the politics of the colour. When I was younger I always referred to nude as a pink beige colour without internalizing the real meaning of “nude”. Nude is means naked, unclothed, bare, uncovered. Essentially, it is how you look without clothing. Which means the colour nude is not just one shade, but a variety of shades. And now it makes so much sense why black girls have self-esteem and identity issues because the only acceptable bare and unclothed colour is a pale, pinkish beige.

As a black woman who has gone from different types of nude tones I have struggled to find my type of nude. When I go shopping and I ask for nude, I get a pale pinkish beige and not a toffee, chocolate brown or caramel. So when I wear a nude colour that matches my nude or comes close to it, I feel great! It makes me feel like I’ve met my match. And there’s nothing more fulfilling. It feels like matching a hottie on Tinder, or someone finishing your sentences. Yes, it’s that deep, especially in a world where not everyone’s appearance is celebrated.

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Pink Feeling

I just turned 23 and similar to when I was born I wore pink on birthday. And of course, the difference this time around was that the intention of wearing pink clothing wasn’t for people to easily identify my gender.

I say this because pink is a highly contested colour amongst both males and females. It’s an unwritten rule that you can buy something in almost any colour except pink. Just as if the only thing it’s good for as a colour is identifying a baby's gender or for breast cancer awareness. And God forbid you use it for other purposes.

I wore pink because it’s a perfect combination of white and red, which have contradicting connotations. Red signifies passion and power, it demands attention. While white signifies softness, purity and openess. Pink is a great colour because it tames the harshness of red and makes it gentle.

But then again, I could be looking at it too deep. Maybe it’s just another colour and there’s nothing more to it.

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Thick thighs save lives

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Baggy isn't always bad I love clothing that has a loose fit. But it can a bit of challenge to get just the right type of loose. If you want to play it safe, opt for a single loose item in an outfit. But if you want to be risky and wear something loose fitting from head to toe, make sure you choose your colours wisely. Monochrome is usually the best option because the outfit is defined by the different structures of the items of clothing, while it focuses less on the bagginess and busyness of another colour. This is what makes the outfit easy on the eyes and doable. And that is what I did with this outfit.

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Summer Sultry

The amazing thing about summer is that you have the opportunity to wear bright and bold colours relentlessly. And you get to show some skin while you’re at it! I had so much fun wearing this dress, every time I had an encounter with the wind, my legs and thighs would get exposed. I can’t explain why that excited me, but it did 😂

For those of you who are shy to reveal your bodies but occasionally gather the confidence, like me, this dress is great. It gives you a sense security and comfort because it comes across as a normal maxi dress. At the same time, it presents to you the option to flaunt your assets.

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"Black is modest and arrogant at the same time. Black is lazy and easy - but mysterious. But above all black says this: I don't bother you - you don't bother me" - Yohji Yamamoto

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Dare to be different… be yourself

Being different can sometimes come across as inauthentic, especially when it’s forced. The aim is to first be yourself, then automatically you will be different, because there can only be one of you. And that’s what makes you different.

When you are unapologetically, candidly and completely yourself. You stand out as a true version of yourself. Dare to be different, be yourself.

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Demin Skirts! I love denim skirts! But I was a bit skeptical of wearing one in 2016! There's something about it that screams 90's fashion. Either way, I got over myself and I wore it. And I must admit, denim is timeless, no matter how you wear it. Which makes denim skirts timeless as well. Here is how I wore my denim skirt, with a off-shoulder top and a high-waist demin skirt. It didn't turn out too bad. Now I'm convinced that a denim skirt is a must have in any girls wardrobe. You can dress it down and it can definitely make a sexy impression on your look when you dress it up. Denim skirts are easy to dress, it can be a tank top, body suit or crop top. I LOVE DEMIN SKIRTS!

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Change is constant, change is inevitable. It waits for no one because it is predetermined and paved in the journey of your life. My number one rule in life: “Never get too comfortable”. And that applies to everything relationships, your career, with your goals, finances and personal growth. And that’s what change does. It makes you regret why you got comfortable in a situation. Change has the ability create discomfort, particularly when you gravitate to the unknown. I’m experiencing a major change in my life. I am not only being taken out of my comfort zone. I’m forced to change at the end of the year when I’ve already prepared myself mentally for how the end is going to end. With change the end is the beginning and the being is the end. Sometimes change presents itself as a curve ball and other times it manifests as a great opportunity. Whatever it is, how you embrace it will be the decider of your fate. And in every situation, good or bad, I choose to regard change as a great opportunity for a great beginning or great end.

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My Nudes Got Leaked! I love nude! It suits everyone. The tricky thing about it is finding the right shade that works for you and compliments your skin tone. The exciting part is that nude is for all seasons! This is how I love to play around with nude: 1. An outfit with different shades of nude looks great. Colour blocking with nude is a great idea because the nude shades aren't overwhelming and one shade doesn't overshadow another. 2. Having nude lipstick that's the same colour as your foundation gives you a clean, more natural and fresh look. 3. A good pair of nude shoes is just as important as having a good pair of black shoes. They can easily turn a simple outfit glamorous.