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192
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60
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127
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Time Between Posts
12 days
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1
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La Vie En Rose
How it is that time is said to go by slowly, when in reality, you wake up and suddenly you are an adult.
The beating of the heart pounding in the protective cavity instills each breath you take until suddenly your time is up. Misperception is brought forth into young minds daily that your heart, ever-beating, ever-pumping, symbolizes love, when really it is your mind. No doctor, no psychologist, no sociologist can pin point the true meaning. Many people have tried to figure out the mystery of love. You ask a fool if he’s been in love, he responds, “Yes. Why I’ve fallen in love many times; too many to count on one hand!” Can it be true? How do you know? Love is so strong, but there are different meanings to the word. You can have love for someone, but not be in love with him/her; but so many strive to be wanted, to be felt, to be understood, to be loved. We can’t simply be born with those types of feelings. We must acquire to them and learn from others. Observe what’s around us and adapt to the suggested society we live in. Confusion starts to come into play into all relationships and trust issues and other types of aspects of life. Time is essential to loving. Loving is endless. But opportunity may not be. When you see one, don’t let it pass by like the ticking second-hand on your watch.
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Wise Words from Dad
"Life is a roller coaster. There are going to be turns and detours along the way and its up to the person to eventually find the right path back to the main road to where he wants to go. Sometimes this person needs some help in the form of a GPS to get back to where he wants to go or he tries to do this by himself which could take him longer or shorter depending on his choices. WE GOT YOUR BACK NO MATTER WHAT ; EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT DISAPPOINT US AND MAKE BAD DECISIONS WHICH CAN MAKE OTHERS SAY TO THEMSELVES, 'WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE THINKING WHEN SHE DID THAT,' you're stuck with us for the rest of your life and hopefully in your eyes, that's the a good thing; BECAUSE WE ARE STUCK WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES AND WE WOULDN'T WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY!!!"
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Listen up World...
There is no use in trying anymore. When someone clearly wants to talk to you, they talk to you. When someone wants to dance with you, they dance with you. When they want to go back with you...they will. You see my point here then. I've come to realize that people just have to let things happen. There is no more trying for this girl because when a person tries too hard and there isn't a response, then it's pathetic. Whatever comes, comes and that's all I have to say about that. Take it or leave it - this is me.
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A Heavy Heart
I can’t help but think about the What If’s. I know I shouldn’t be, but here I am… thinking. If I had stayed with him would I have still been able to find me? Who knows really, except for myself? So far I’ve learned quite a bit, but not enough to say that I know myself 100%. I have spent more time with my family, effortlessly and willingly spent time with each member of my family in the past four years and I’m just turning 20. That’s sad. I feel like a horrible person, but now I have the chance. Yet, everyone around me has someone to hold and kiss and swoon over. I had my chances, twice, but why do I still feel like I NEED it. Is it in human nature to be wanted? Or are our minds manipulated into believed we do. Damn society and advertisements selling us false information about love. But I was in love once and I think I still am. I see him in my dreams and I catch myself thinking about him and even talking about him. But I know he doesn’t want anything to do with me and that’s understandable. I just wish I could reach out and not be ignored. I havn’t seen him since September and it’s spring already; I texted once to say happy birthday, but no response. I don’t even know if it was read or not. All I can do is be patient I guess and wait for the time comes when either he has moved on or possibly starting fresh…with me.
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Is it possible that if you screw up once, you'll screw up again? I did the worst thing one can do in a relationship: cheat. I hate myself for it. There is one side of me saying, you have never been single and experienced that life before and the other is pulling me back toward him. Such a great relationship and here comes my stupid ass and ruin everything. I believe in "Everything happens for a reason," but I want to know what reason? Is my life going to turn out like The Notebook and my true love will still be there after 7 years even though I'm engaged to another man? Who knows. It still hurts and I think about him often and what I could of done to prevent myself from having this happen. Unfortuantly this is the real world and we're not people in the movie Clockstoppers or we don't have Fairy God Parents to wish us a re-do watch and start over. It sucks to go through pain and make mistakes. In the end it gets us closer to who we are and what we really want out of this life we're creating.
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I would greatly appreciate it if for a week, I could just step into a guy’s mind. They have interesting ways of thinking. So far I’ve observed the following:
1. I text you back, an automatic lightbulb goes off in your head thinking she like, likes me
2. You offer me free beverages and or food and I take it, she must like me
3. You buy me beverages and or food and I take it, she really likes me
4. She touched my arm, we’re going to do it!
These are just a few of the incidents I have experienced in the past month. I am getting tired of it. When I say we’re just friends, WE’RE JUST FRIENDS. Is that so hard to understand? Not for me. It is getting me frustrated. No I don’t want your number, no I don’t want to go to dinner with you, no I will not go to a movie with you. I’m sorry.
I am at a point right now where I don’t feel the need to get your number or let others have mine. I’m not ready to jump back into a relationship and yes there are needs, but that’s exactly it- it is just a need I desire, nothing more. Friends is the level I will most likely be on until I meet someone who I have a strong connection with. But for now, a shout out to all the guys I meet: you're just a friend.
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To What Does This All Mean?
"The peak of the obsidian mountain swarms with red snow."
The red trickles down the mountian,
creating a path to the end.
But the end of what?
We can only know by joining the journey.
Taking that leap into the unkown,
the clustered forests of demons,
the dark caves of mystery,
where am I?
Lost in a world of mountain peaks,
when will I find mine?
When will I prevail?
Let us fly with no destination.
The sounds of silence flow as I soar.
I look ahead to the cotton ball cloud;
it awaits my arrival.
He knows I'm coming.
The threads entwtined create this whole.
Without starting from the bottom,
you will never reach the top.
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Poem from Nothing
Time seems to never pass.
I sit here and I don’t understand why.
My body is heavy just looking at the clock.
The winds outside push through with a roar.
They pick up so quickly and scream in my face.
As bullies they push, throw and thrash.
Why can’t they leave me alone?
That’s the time of vulnerablity,
when you don’t see the postives and only the negatives.
The shine in my ring is faded,
creating a dusty green around my finger.
The dark marroon nail polish peels away like that of an old wall.
I’m a tangled wire in this place called life.
People walk by and don’t even notice.
The lights beam down and they still don’t look this way.
On and off.
The light switch to my head is broken.
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Breathe
A slow exhale is all that’s needed
To begin the process back to being.
In and out.
Lay in stillness,
Focus on the mind.
Erase the thoughts that run.
Just be.
In and out.
Close the eyes, the window to the soul.
Open up your ears and fill them with silence.
Allow your heart to dance to the rhythm of your breath.
In and out.
Each nerve will trickle
Each twitch will peel
All the noise will fade.
You are now one.
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Why must people feel the need to distance themselves from those who understand them the most? By putting a guard up, the people and the world around can't experience the individual for who he truly is. I understand being shy, but once you let go of your thoughts on how others see you, you are able to see yourself. Why hide when there is so much of you to be seen?.... especially from those who already know so much.
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The Words.
The choices we make to the people we meet all have an affect in our lives. It's the decisions what we have to live with. So many pretend to be something we are not and dream of a life where perfection exists. "Fiction and reality, the two are so very close, but never touch." We struggle to find the right answers and seem to always learn through the wrong ones. By seeking out truth, then reality will set in and no longer have to hide behind a curtain of shame.
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You can't erase the past no matter how much you want to
The Words
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Life has me confused and lost. But I just watched the movie Silver Linings with Bradley Cooper and it taught me a valuable lesson: one day it will all fall into place. The moments created now will only build up to that silver lining. It will come, there is no need to fear. The curve balls are going to be thrown, but it will eventually be hit right out of the park! For those who feel they have lost all hope and are stuck; you're not. Think positive! Start doing things that you used to, but more importantly start doing things you never thought you would. That's the beauty of life. Make memories worthwhile because one day it might lead you to greater things.
Excelsior: Ever upward
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Cheers to the new year!
As another year ends and a new one approaches, people start to reminisce on their pasts. I have to tell you, it's been a bumpy one. Each year brings happiness with its share of disappointments and regret. Mine surely did, but at the same time, if I hadn't made the descisions I did, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Our actions define our futures. We must live every day full of life and try not to think too much on the past. This year will be one filled with more experiences and chances. More opportunities to be daring and invincible. But who's to say that it won't? We can only rely on ourselves to become what we desire. So here is to the new year. May 2013 bring more positivity and opportunity!
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