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Barbara Dietzsch A Branch of Gooseberries and Dragonfly, 1725

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BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER — 5x12: Checkpoint.

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discovered this beautiful flower today called sweet william and after reading what it represents....there is spike everywhere for those with eyes to see....truly..

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very normal behaviour between two enemies

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lost s03e21

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I was supposed to leave everything that mattered behind, sacrifice all of it, for a greater calling. I’m sorry for whatever happened that made you stop believing. But it’s all real.

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LOOK AT HER THUMB CLASPING, CARESSING

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The Visual Bible: The Gospel of John Director Philip Saville

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This parallel haunts me!

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Are you real?

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Return to Murder House (healed something in me)

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...and apparently la petite mort is in Spike's own vocabulary as well.

Forgive me, but I HAVE to let it out on here because there's no other place than Tumblr, where anyone would ever understand how my mind and body reacts to this kind of situation (being obsessed with fictional characters and their romantic relationship). I'm letting it all out, because I haven't been this crazy about a fictional character since the death of Sybil Branson in 2012. It's safe to say BtVS is making me INSANE. I still have season 7 to watch and don't worry, I don't care about spoilers usually so I already know how it's going to end. But I also can't watch it yet; I need to take a serious break for the sake of my health... However, I need to write my heart out, like NOW. I don't care if my analysis is not aligned with canon knowledge. These are mere feelings, and I also happily block out every cruelly written stupid scene that isn't in line with this beautiful ship(wreck).

Why can't we just preach it from the rooftops that Buffy is in love with Spike, even and especially in season 6. She doesn't believe he's able to feel true love towards anyone, which is why she would never admit hers, not even to herself. She's also traumatized by her previous romantic endeavour with a vamp, who happened to go completely nuts because of loving her. That fucks a girl up, I tell you. Plus the whole "I tasted sweet death and now I'm full of impenetrable (almost; pun intended) cosmic melancholia" affects her behaviour, obviously. Spike is the only one who understands her Thanatos (psychoanalysis babes back me up). Spike is the only one who she can be brutally wild, carnal and insanely strong with without hurting him or breaking his bones. And he can be like that with her. She can be fully herself with him, all sides, dark and violent included, something she perhaps couldn't safely be with her latest, human boyfriend. It terrifies Buffy to have these feelings of lust and affection towards something soulless, which is why she sees her sexual behaviour as reckless and self destructive. And there is a disruptive aspect to it, sure - him being a bloodthirsty vampire and all - but she continually seeks him out from pure desire. Emphasis on pure, something Buffy thinks a soulless being could never be. Ironically, their dark, feral bond happens to be just that: pure as what it is. A revelation, as Spike said. They have much deeper connection than "only" a sexual attraction. It's primal yearning. It's love in its deepest, scariest depth. Like death itself, but a little one.

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THE SHOULDER GRAB a.k.a. the most intimate scene of the season thus far (only to be topped by THE BROKEN RIBS scene in the following episode).

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last song: How Bad Do U Want Me by Lady Gaga

favorite color: Orange atm

last movie: .......Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Foul

last tv show: Must be Buffy

sweet, savory, or spicy: Savory

relationship status: Singularis so ready to mingularis

last google search: Something about stainless steel pans (just bought one)

looking forward to: Longer days & more sunlight, which hopefully means more energy and more hunger for life. Also somebody falling in love with me (manifesting).

Thank you for the tag @schoolhard 💘 I haven't done these fun answering thingies in like ten years. Actual ten years wtf!