let-it-all-out7

[let-it-all-out7]

Not a rant

Wanted to thank you for this blog, providing people for a place to get everything out. It's helped a lot. You did an awesome thing when you made this blog. Thank you for your service o7

( thank you!! It was my pleasure and I’m so so glad I could make a difference. )

[let-it-all-out7]

im just constanlty starving myself. and i cant even do it right. and i never sleep nowadys, and we have to go to the beach on the weekend. and ppl r gonna see my scars and im scared. idk but instead of not really answering this with just "." could you try to encourage me? im sorry if thats too much. no pressure

( you’ve got this! It feels scary, but this too shall pass. And remember, you’ve only got one body- treat it with love. It’s beautiful. )

[let-it-all-out7]

I fucking hate how I work in every single way.

I’m hungry but one look at my body will kill any need to eat because my stupid add thoughts convince me that the magic bmi number is 17. I want to pay attention in class but I get hit with a double whammy of ADHD and dissociative disorder, and I either can’t pay attention or I’m so freaked out that I can’t do anything but try to calm down. I’ll try to do performing arts like theatre but I get the worst thoughts of failing or falling and being a disappointment that I never end up doing what I want to do because I get so anxious I almost throw up at the idea of going on stage alone. And all of my friends have it worse than me, so I can’t complain without someone pitching in with their horrible trauma and it just makes it feel like I’m not hurt or broken enough to deserve therapy or sympathy. Some of my friends have depression and all of this horrible things that has happened to them like getting hurt daily so if i try to tell anyone about my fear of being touched just because i heard moans through walls just makes me feel like I’m faking all of it, or that I’m not severe enough to talk about it. It feels like I’m comparing accidentally skipping breakfast to someone who hasn’t eaten in days. I’ve finally stopped getting therapy for my anxiety because there was “nothing else to really do” and now it’s coming back full force. Almost daily I have nightmares and thoughts about someone shooting up the school or forcing themself onto me but I don’t want to ask my parent for my therapist again because money is tight and it’s just not big enough problems to drop 30-70 dollars a week for my problems.

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[let-it-all-out7]

my main, @diary-of-a-loser-boy is going on possibly permanent hiatus, which includes this account unfortunately. I might be back, but I’m not making promises. I hope I was able to help some of you a bit, and you can still fill up my inbox!! I’ll miss you all very much. The last day I’ll be answering messages is June 8th.

[let-it-all-out7]

I don't know, man. The only ever interaction I get anymore is when someone needs something, or my special interest is talked over, or I'm interrupted by meaningless things when I'm fuckin venting.

I'm either the attack dog friend or apparently not worth listening to. I don't even get a check in without it being turned to something about the other person.

Am I only good for being kept on a fuckin leash or being ignored?

Am I even important?

Do I even matter?

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[let-it-all-out7]

cw sui mention

when the fuck will it get better? everyone says it will. It doesn't seem like it. "It get's better!" but "Just wait until you're an adult" if you aren't feeling great. I don't want to kms but I'm really just tired of living. Just let me dissolve. The pros never outweigh the cons long term

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[let-it-all-out7]

i can’t with illness anymore. why must it hurt everyone around me so slowly

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[let-it-all-out7]

IM GONNA FUCKING KMS, ITS NOT A JOKE ANYMORE.

all over a boy, isnt that just fucking pathetic?

( please don’t, life gets better )

[let-it-all-out7]

I want to want to tell him how much i like him but i cant HES STRAIGHT WHY WONT HE JS LIKE ME BACK AUGH.

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[let-it-all-out7]

this might seem immature but im 13 so like what can i say?? anyway on wednesday (14th of may) i hung out w my friend after school. ive been saving up on money for a while to buy a digicam. keep in mind i alr have 2. i'm pretty passionate about photography and stuff so i love my cameras (one is for vlogging the other one is for photography). my mom hates it when i talk about cameras bc she thinks i'm being "ungrateful" when i'm really just passionate. so during the hangout i bought a digicam for like $73 which was a really good price bc it has a good flash and works well. anyway i got home a bit late and then she screamed at me and when i told her i got a digicam she got even angrier and demanded i return my camera. i find it stupid bc i bought it w my own money that ive been saving up for and it just really pmo bc she thinks that she owns me (technically yes bc im legally her daughter but like IM 13 I CAN BUY ALL THE CAMERAS I WANT WITH MY OWN MONEY). and she wont let me hangout w any of my friends for a month and she's just being really hard on me.

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[let-it-all-out7]

Tw attempted suicide

Got back from the hospital a few weeks ago because I tried to kill myself I'm really trying to get better I realized I don't want to die yet there's still so much I want to do before I die like get married go clubbing travel the world play my guitar infront of a big audience

( I believe in you, keep going )

[let-it-all-out7]

[let-it-all-out7]

I finally lost weight after starving myself for a week

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[let-it-all-out7]

IM SO SORDY I SENG THAT ASK WITHOUT A TW I MISSED THE SPOT WHERE YOU SAID TO ADD ONE

um tw self harm

( all good! I add tags anyway so it’s not the end of the world )

[let-it-all-out7]

Im starting college in the fall but its so expensive and such a burden on me and my parents even tho i really want to do it, and I get good grades, im scared ill mess it up

My ex best friend knows to much about me and wants to hurt me.

I relapsed after like 2 months clean yesterday and im scared of how not scared I am about that. I cant even try to resist rn like im not fighting and my coping skills aren't working, im literally not bothering, cause i know I'm gonna walk into my bathroom in a couple minutes and do it again.

I know thats a lot. But I cant tell anyone any of those three thjngs so. Here ya go

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[let-it-all-out7]

i love him and he doesn’t love me back. he said he only likes me as a friend.

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[let-it-all-out7]

wait fuck if either one of those weren’t on anon js delete them pls

( don’t worry, they were! )