leulah

[leulah]

if any new yorkers follow me and care i just wanna say rank mamdani no1 today and if he wins i'll post some porn tomorrow

[leulah]

glancing down at mens chest hair while theyre talking like it's cleavage

[leulah]

The Pitt Interview: Taylor Dearden on Mel & Langdon

[leulah]

The Pitt — 1.09 “3:00PM”

[leulah]

this is kind of the craziest part of that interview to me

[leulah]

the pitt + taylor swift songs mel king - "you're on your own, kid"

[leulah]

langdon slipping up and calling mel baby at work in front of a lot of people and he plays it off like he doesn’t know where that came from but mel’s face was beet red. and she had responded. 🫢

[leulah]

THE PITT season one posters

[insp.]

[leulah]

Q: From episode 3, it's the conversation she has with Santos where she says to Mel, "you see a family and I see every man for himself." Why do you think that Mel is so quick to see family even with that loneliness?

Taylor: I think because it was taken away from her. There's this thing that I've noticed where children of divorce go two ways. They either don't believe in marriage at all, or family. Or they become the most family ever. And it's this interesting thing. So, it's either they believe what happened and they're like, "yeah, no one should be together ever." Or they're like, "I'll prove I can do it." The reason Mel sees family is because she doesn't have it anymore. She's got her sister, but they've been alone for a long time. And so I think, the craving to create it, especially when it's not divorce, it was illness and death both times. And it's like, just trying to find and make it. I think that's why anyone who showed anything to Mel, she would latch on so quickly.

...still going insane about this btw

[leulah]

libbing out but like. for langdonmel

[leulah]

no one:

taylor: mel is ALONE she’s SO ALONE and her family is DEAD and her and becca are ALONE and she has NO friends NO family she’s ON HER OWN she feels ABANDONED and LANGDON CAN TAKE CARE OF HER

[leulah]

still laughing at taylor saying langdon is an adult who can take care of mel and everyone got real freaky on tumblr real fast

[leulah]

these texts i got from my friend when she was watching the show for the first time

langdonmel are horse girl movie coded.. like that’s a girl and her horse

[leulah]

the pitt + textposts pt. 1

[leulah]

trying to come up with a personality for abby langdon based on the scraps of information we have about her and it really feels like this

[leulah]

mel being a caretaker making sure everyone else is taken care of before her and then she meets frank someone who within hours of meeting mel sees as a person who can take care of HER and someone she felt so strongly about that she felt abandoned by him when he left. and it felt great when he came back. yeah sorry she is taking that woman’s husband and he’s putting her through the fucking mattress

[leulah]

10, 29, or 31

10. things you said that made me feel like shit / 31. things you said right before goodbye

Mel doesn’t mean to— she doesn’t want to— she’s not this type of person, usually— But right now…

She’s just so horribly envious.

She has learned, in twenty eight years, that most of her desires are out of her reach. Usurious things that need to be tamped down, deep, before they impede her ability to function. If she had to bear the weight of everything she wants and can not, can not, have— It would be crushing. She would fold underneath it all.

Frank Langdon fits right into that box. He’s the latest in a line of things that are decidedly not Mel’s. She can work with him, and stare, and pine, but there’s— distance.

They’re friends, she would say. Good friends, even. Close enough that they’re out for lunch on a day off. You’ll like this place, he’d said, when he brought it up at work. He likes forcing her to do things she wouldn’t normally, like karaoke with their coworkers, or impromptu mini golfing on a weekend, or taking her to hole in the wall restaurants because They have the best street tacos, Mel.

Frank moves like a whirlwind, picking her up and leaving her unsteady and untethered, floating in the air until he decides to bring her back down. It’s unfair, sometimes. He slots so nicely into her empty spaces, all warmth and understanding, the type of connection she’s always yearned for and never quite been able to grasp. She still can’t grasp him.

Frank slips right out of her hands at all the wrong times.

He’s here with her, eating too many of her tortilla chips, probably because she always lets him, leaning into her personal space like he wants— wants it too, like they’re on the same page— and then he’s, all of a sudden, very far away from Mel.

His phone rings and Frank’s attention snaps like a rubber band, harsh against her wrist, a welt in its wake. He answers immediately, and Mel doesn’t have to wonder who it is. She can tell from the soft tone in his voice.

“Hi, baby, what’s up?”

Mel bites hard on the inside of her cheek, expression neutral. Or maybe he’ll mistake her grimace for concern.

“Oh fuck, are you okay? Are the kids— Okay, okay, calm down, Abs, tell me where you are…Alright, I’ll be there, okay, love you too. I’ll be right there, baby.”

Mel sucks in a breath when he hangs up the phone. “Is…is everything okay?”

He flicks his eyes towards her, a little vacant, like he’d forgotten she was there. He shakes his head, “Abby was gonna take the kids to the mall, but they got a flat tire on the freeway. I’ve gotta go change it for her.”

“Oh,” Mel says, carefully. “Of course. I’m glad she’s alright.”

“Yeah, she’s close by at least. Last year she was taking a trip to see her sister in New York. On the way back her engine stalled right outside of Shippensburg and I had to drive, like, three hours in the middle of the night to pick her up,” he says this half laughing, fond in retrospect.

Mel’s going to be sick with jealousy. The last time she had car major problems, she was moving across the country with Becca. Her father had just died, and Mel had to take care of the dregs of his estate. It was going to take a full two days to drive all the way from Lansing back to Seattle, where she was going to school. They broke down somewhere halfway through. Becca had a melt down, crying and screaming at Mel while she desperately tried to figure out what was wrong with the car, smoke coiling out of the hood. Mel had nearly broke down herself, hot tears slipping down her cheeks, with no one to call.

The thought of Frank, willing and capable, a phone call away—

Not for the first time, Mel thinks of Abby Langdon and resentment brews in her stomach, all the way up her chest until she’s sure it must be all over her face.

Frank pulls away from their table, patting down his pockets for his wallet and keys, absently tossing a twenty down for their meal. Mel wants, avariciously, to tell him not to leave. It’s ridiculous.

“Hey,” he says, catching her eye, like he sees all the way through her, “You good?”

That’s the worst part, the one that really leaves her self piteous, riddled with greed. Frank is a perfect friend, really, but— for all that she wants him— is not hers.

“Yes,” Mel murmurs, “Just… worried for Abby. Let me know how it goes.”

He smiles at her, “I’ll tell her you were worried. Sorry we had to cut this short, by the way. Rain check?”

“For sure.”

“You’re the best, Mel. I’ll see you.”

She waits until he turns out of the building to press her head pathetically against the sticky table.

Wanting is a horrible thing. Mel would cut it out of herself, surgically, if it meant she didn’t have to feel like shit every time Frank says goodbye.