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leyla-dopp · 2 months ago

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leyla-dopp · 2 months ago

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It's been one year.

It was so difficult to make this fanart. 1) I didn't have the time or energy because of work, 2) I hadn't made any The Gazette fanart in about 15 years, and 3) I couldn't draw without crying, haha.

I think you never realize how you live life on autopilot until something snaps you out of that loop and reminds you, or rather, forces you to take the time to feel, even if that feeling it's a wound that should have opened up a year ago.

When I found out about Reita's death a year ago, I had to go to work, and I remember not wanting to get out of bed because I was catatonic and my stomach was tight. In my mind, The Gazette still had five members.

I left that day listening to Devouring One Another on the subway and for me the gazette was still 5. I went on with my life, listening to them, watching videos and for me Reita's death was still a lucid dream, I never cried, I never got depressed, in my mind they were still 5.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago when I saw videos of the anniversary that it hit me hard. There were five champagne glasses on the table, but only four people. They announced a new album. I'd hear five instruments in the songs, but I'd only see four people in the videos, only four people at the concerts, and only four social media updates. Reita's account had been frozen in time, just like I was on April 16, 2024.

And that's when I started crying in fetal position on my bed for an hour lmao

I've always said that I'm who I am thanks to J-Rock, but specifically thanks to L'arc and The Gazette. They motivated me to draw and learn music, to enjoy music. Thanks to Reita, I decided to learn to play bass, and I think 90% of my drawings at that time were The Gazette fanarts, haha. They always accompanied me. Even when I was away from JRock, I would always go back to L'arc and the Gazette, trying to return to that time in school where I was happy drawing, listening to music, and playing bass.

Losing an important part of that safe place has been painful, especially now that I'm aware of that void, but I try not to let the grief get the better of me. Reita wouldn't want me on the floor crying, haha 🥲

I'm grateful to have seen them live in 2013 in Chile, and I hope life (and working my ass off) allows me to relive one of their concerts. Even if I only see four people, I'll always hear the bass in the background and I'll always think of the blond guy with no nose who almost knocked over a microphone at the Caupolican Theater after hitting it while spinning around with his bass playing Ruder 🖤

Besito al cielo, Suzuki Akira 🖤🎸

#the gazette #the gazette reita #reita #akira suzuki #suzuki akira #gazette #my art

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leyla-dopp · 2 months ago

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