lgcmjun - Tumblr blog

[lgcmjun]

this was a LOOK™

[lgcmjun]

gyeseung thread anyone?

so, now that i finally managed to write minjun's backstory, is there anyone there that would like to thread for the event? this boy here is an assassin from the shadow woods sect FYI ♥

[lgcmjun]

gyeseung backstory: kang minjun, from the shadow woods sect

“ i know how you became…you”

when minjun was younger and inexperienced, his first response would be just to track down that person and make sure they never spoke about that - and anything else - anymore. he was terrified the truth might come to light and he’d face an awful judgment, especially from his parents.

kang minjun was born in the depths of the shadow woods, in a family where tradition was the rule and anything different from obedience would be punished harshly. despite what people might think, there was still room for love and admiration, and those were traits young minjun offered in response to his many faults as he grew up.

he was the second son of his family and his brother was someone the family always trusted - he was supposed to be the best son, the one who had no faults and who would serve as an inspiration for minjun. his faults were to be tolerated because he was someone who was still learning, unlike minjun who was to be punished. after all, he had a person to look up to and faults would not be accepted.

but minjun knew better - he had seen it, several times, hidden in the shadows, watching his brother’s every move. he witnessed when the supposed mistakes were committed with harm, his brother wanted to skip class, he wanted to steal and hurt people who stood in his way. when minjun expressed these concerns to his family, he was severely reprimanded and accused of wanting to take his brother’s place in the family hierarchy.

and Minjun wanted nothing of the sort. Of course he wanted to be recognized as someone who was committed to the family, who sought the approval of the family and the sect, but not at the cost of exposing his brother. he truly believed there was room for them both, but unfortunately that was not the end he would get.

the kusarigama was one of the most difficult weapons for somoene to master, but with minjun’s fierce dedication and sacrificing coming injuries, he found a way to make the weapon a part of his body; his size and body proportions were also an important part of his development into a master of this weapon.

minjun lived his life without further problems, the responsibility for the family always resting on his brother’s shoulders while he stayed in the shadows, lurking and watching everything he did so as not to make the same mistakes - not because his family told him to, but because he knew better, he was better than that. it was probably when he turned sixteen that things changed for him.

he will always claim it was an accident, but you can’t say that when his weapon found the neck of an unknown man, a man lying on top of a very familiar girl to minjun. he didn’t even question it, not even when the man begged for his life, his instinct was to pull the chains, the power he had when the man’s life stopped somehow made him smile in the end.

news of the death spread quickly - there were many assassins in their sect, and some of them were proud of their kills, but this one was not yet known. when the victim's identity was revealed, minjun knew he could never let people know it was him.

he had killed none other than his brother.

the thrill of hunting and killing was probably too strong for him not to recognize his own blood and flesh, or maybe minjun had enough, enough of his brother always being favored, always getting away with whatever he did. no one would know and he didn’t think about it. the shadows protected him that fateful night and for that he would always be grateful.

his family mourned for months until they realized they had another son, another person who could fill the family with pride. by this time, however, minjun was already 20 years old and his parents’ plans for him did not matter to him. his abilities were noticed by far more important people and he was hired from time to time to travel to other sects and fulfill missions, always staying in the shadows and never questioning his targets because they weren’t important.

so when the stranger fished for an answer, Minjun just laughed and threw his head back, the chain of his kusarigama vibrating around his arm, which was covered by his cloak, and the almost blissful sting of the spikes piercing his skin made him stare hard at the man.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

[lgcmjun]

and so begins your journey into GYESEUNG –– what will be YOUR LEGACY ?

[lgcmjun]

suppose that scene came right out of a drama cut. in that case, it’d be one of those moments where one of the characters just stood there with their hand hanging in the air, a surprised expression on their face as they slowly allowed the words to sink in and make sense. “y-you do? of me? why?” minjun still held the same amused expression, eyes wide as he stared at a very unfazed rowon, who seemed more interested in eating the whole trail of cookies. 

he could feel his cheeks heat up a bit and it’d be easy if minjun just decided to turn around and ignore the question, change the subject to something else, but he didn’t want to. he brought that issue to the table and wouldn’t forget it - couldn’t, in fact. “i hate when they grab your attention, when some of them seem to know all about you and get proud of that, hate it that sometimes you smile at some people in a way…” the words were left hanging and minjun sighed, shoulders falling dramatically, proving he had been holding his breath the entire time when he spilled those words.

finally, he turned around, a little ashamed that he let out all those thoughts that so very often plagued his head. when he didn’t get any reaction from rowon, he just assumed the older male was ready to make fun of him and minjun immediately tried to find something to occupy his thoughts now - the sink with dishes to be washed seemed to be a good choice. “i’m sorry hyung. i shouldn’t have…”

his perception of minjun has certainly changed through the years. he once thought of him as intimidating, aloof in attitude, and wanting nothing to do with him whenever he was over to visit jimin. but the more they spoke, the more he realized just how wrong his initial impression was. minjun is vibrant, an enigma, his mind a brilliant puzzle that rowon wants to pick apart piece by piece. he’s passionate, compassionate, and fiercely competitive. jealous is a newer discovery.

rowon can’t deny the twinge of delight in hearing the confession. he has spent the better half of his days wrangling this green-eyed beast so it wouldn’t rear its ugly head — but every time he yanks at the leash, he’s left feeling rather foolish. there’s some comfort in knowing that he’s not the only one.

“who says you shouldn’t? nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. sometimes i feel it too.” he tries to keep it casual, all while going for a second cookie because he has the fullest, stupidest intent to eat the entire tray so no one else can have them. “what exactly are you jealous of?”

[lgcmjun]

“i can’t wait to see my mom and dad!”

“mom cooks the best of foods for chuseok!”

“are you excited to go home, minjun?”

“yeah of course”, his reply came almost automatically as he adjusted the bag on his shoulder, saying goodbye to a group of trainees outside the legacy building. it was easier for him to lie about it instead of telling them where he was truly going.

and minjun wasn’t sad he was going to spend chuseok alone that year. he had held great expectations the previous year and even if rowon made everything better in the end, it was still one of the most stressful experiences in his life. 

so this year he decided to make things different - starting with blocking his family’s number and booking a room for him to spend the next few days (nothing too fancy, he escaped from hyuk’s curious questionnaire like a pro this time). food and other things, he’d think about it later, most important this year was to finally feel safe, even if it was on his own.

the subway ride was faster than he imagined and he took that time to unblock his brother to send him a voice message, asking him to tell their parents he wouldn’t be spending chuseok with them. he didn’t wait for his reply, even if he knew he was online, he didn’t want to deal with him gaslighting him into feeling guilty about something their parents did his entire life.

minjun had decided to move on without expecting any support from his family, he knew he deserved better and wouldn’t wait for crumbles when he could have a whole meal.

his final stop was at a small market he found just across the street the place he was staying. he didn’t have much, but enough to cook something good for the following days - he thought about messaging rowon and asking for a recipe of fried chicken they tried the last time but ended up distracted by an unknown number calling him.

“hello?”

“are you crazy about not going home? stop acting like a kid, kang minjun!”

jimin’s voice made his skin crawl and he could almost feel the panic threatening to take over, but minjun sighed deeply, thinking of something else. he wasn’t going to let him win, he wasn’t going to have the last word; not this time.

“they won’t even notice my absence and you can be the star of the holiday, as usual. let’s not make this more dramatic, hyung. i’m blocking your number as soon as i end this call. see you never.”

as he cut the call, he could hear his brother complaining, and even if his hands were shaking as he tried to find a home for his phone in one of his pockets, he never felt more confident. 

he sighed deeply and opened a small smile - chuseok was just around the corner and he knew this year things would be better. 

now onto shopping.

[lgcmjun]

always attentive, minjun couldn’t help but pay attention to rowon’s words, his eyes shifting from the older male’s to the way his fingers ventured inside his pockets and came out with candy. the color was different from the one he held inside the back pocket of his pants and even if he knew exactly the pair for him, minjun didn’t feel like searching for them.

instead, his attention was once again on rowon and how he made his explanation sound like a lure, and minjun one more time felt like falling, his voice was somehow low and warm enough to capture his attention like a spider’s web; lucky for them, minjun didn’t feel trapped, on the other hand, he felt brave enough to explore more.

“no i didn’t.” his answer came out in a whisper and it wasn’t said in a shy tone, more like an obvious statement. “didn’t feel like searching for a match someone decided for me.” there was a slight move of his shoulders, a shrug, but minjun took a step forward, as he watched more intently how rowon maneuvered the candy; he wasn’t going to ask for it, he was-

it tasted spicy and sweet at the same time, when minjun closed his eyes and accepted the candy, one of his hands closing around rowon’s wrist, keeping his fingers almost touching his lips. it was only after a handful of seconds that minjun looked up to catch the older’s stare and he was sure he saw something there, but he wasn’t going to question, not now, at least.

“guess i made it pretty obvious, hyung.” there was a light tone in minjun’s voice, but also a mix of confidence and tease. to prove his point, he fished for the candy gifted earlier that night and offered it to rowon; their colors didn’t match, but that didn’t seem to be a problem. “how about we leave the party early?” an invitation, “unless i’m misinterpreting”.

  they’ve been here before. he recognizes it all too well: this tension, this very temptation. it’s the same beck and call, the same pull and lure, the same gamble, and the same dare. back then, he’d played the wrong hand; he folded. but something in minjun’s tone this time, even when his words sound as sweet, tells him to answer.

  “it wasn’t all in vain,” he muses, gaze falling upon the black cherry candy he’d retrieved from his inner coat pocket. “y’know, you can learn a lot about people just by watching. take this, for example. as innocuous as it is, this told me all that i needed to know about who’s interested in who.” he starts to toy with the wrapper by untwisting it, then twisting it back up. “most people aren’t brave. they’re always looking for an excuse to talk to the person they fancy, and this gave them that excuse. it was cute. some of them were so nervous, offering up their candies as if it were their hearts.”

  “but you didn’t approach anyone, did you? in fact, you seemed more intent in leaving me a trail of feathers than finding your match.” he peers up, his eyes striking. “that tells me something very interesting about you, minjun, and i do hope that i’m not misinterpreting.”

  the wrapper crinkles in a closed palm. he presses the black cherry candy to his lips – pauses, changes his mind – and pushes it against minjun’s lips instead.

[lgcmjun]

{ call it by its name, feat @rowonlgc }

this is not what you think it is, minjun is still mentally chanting that thought over and over as he checks the time once again, wondering if he’s overly dressed or maybe too early for their meeting. he still remembers rowon’s voicemail very clearly but, as usual, minjun wants to be sure nothing will go wrong. 

he remembers clearly what happened the last time they met at an amusement park - quite frankly he doesn’t want to return to that moment.

so minjun waits in front of the main entrance of everland. nervously, he covers and uncovers his head with the hoodie (afraid rowon might not recognize him if his head is covered), and finds some distraction picking the skin around his nails as the weight of the minutes passing starts to get some advantage on him.

[lgcmjun]

it's almost heartwarming the way rowon gripped his hand, minjun wanted to notice, wanted to spend more time thinking about the weight of his hand, but he was surprised with a memory, one that was still very much alive, even if it happened more than one year ago.

"it was the first thing i cooked for you", there was pride in his voice when he fondly looked at rowon, watching him eat the cookies. did he notice when something - a thought maybe? - crossed his eyes but he suddenly returned to where they were. the question made minjun feel cornered for a moment but he thought there was no room for hiding things anymore.

"sometimes i'm jealous. i know maybe i shouldn't but i do get jealous. of them. all of them" his last words came out in a whisper and he avoided rowon's eyes for a second, a small smile overcoming his doubts. "that's why i'm happy you're going to stay. i get to have you for me, at least this christmas."

  it’s a brief consideration. a fun little thought experiment. if minjun were to steal hyuk away from him, then — well, hyuk would be eating better. that’s a given. and if hyuk’s eating better, then he’d ask for seconds, and if he asks for seconds, then there wouldn’t be enough for rowon. and god forbid, if there’s not enough for rowon, he’d throw a bitch fit at hyuk ( not minjun, never minjun ), which would inevitably end in him getting blocked for the umpteenth time. and then — and then, hyuk would go to minjun, because in this fake scenario, they’re ‘best friends,’ and minjun would comfort him by … by doing what? holding his hand? telling him, ‘it’s okay, hyung’? oh.

  suddenly, this fun little thought experiment isn’t fun anymore.

  his grip tightens around minjun’s hand as he leads them out. the smell of fresh-baked cookies greets them once more, drawing them back to the kitchen where they first found each other. he helps himself to a sugar-dusted one. “you made these for me once,” rowon muses, leaning against the counter and picking at the treat piece by piece. it’s only on his third bite that he realizes just how much minjun has made. he wants to ask. he wants to know. but he swallows it down along with his fourth. no.

  “what were you thinking about?” he asks instead.

[lgcmjun]

after evaluations - @ his favorite place

the evaluations come and minjun doesn’t look pleased. he hides his feelings with a smile, his head nodding in understanding and respect, but as soon as the trainees are dismissed, he hops the outside staircase that will take him to the rooftop.

and it’s because he needs to breathe. After all, he needs to be alone, and above all, he needs to think. he’s been all over the place lately, with too many decisions to be made and he doesn’t want to bother people, he doesn’t want to be a burden; in the end, it's his decision, his future.

this time he’s alone upstairs and he allows his mind to wander and take him to dark places, where he’s mentally being beaten, where the only voices he hears are the ones belonging to this mom and brother - jimin laughs, actually, saying he’ll never be as good as him, while his mom is still screaming words, downgrading minjun, saying he’s just a waste of money and time.

minjun sighs, the pain making things stir inside him, a fire that starts to burn and make his guts twist; it’s almost good and he wonders if he’s a certified masochist, but he also understands that’s part of the process. the process of growing, of maturing, of creating a shell.

of becoming someone better.

once he lets out the scream that’s been caged inside, it’s almost cathartic and he’s tearing up, at the same time he laughs - once again, he’s sad he’s alone but also thankful no one is there to witness the mess he’s become.

”time for phase two, minjun. you’re not a quitter and you’re definitely going to debut.”, he tells himself as he wipes his face and sighs deeply.

he checks his wristwatch again and smiles, it’s time to go to practice.

no time to be sad anymore.

[lgcmjun]

the answer calmed him and minjun only realized he had been holding an expectant breath when rowon pulled his hand and asked for a tour. minjun blushed unceremoniously as he soundly allowed said breath to come out and allowed himself to be dragged along, letting the older man explore the hotel suite the way he wanted.

the place was decadent if one wished to describe it, too big for one person, but cozy enough for said person to want to live there for a good time. the walls were painted in an ivory shade, elegant and minimalist, and a decent living room with a big tv and a large couch. the bathroom, just by the tone in rowon’s voice, was also a highlight and one of minjun’s favorite places. “don’t speak nonsense, hyung.” there was a light tone in the younger’s tone, followed by a chuckle.

“the bathroom is crazy, the hot tube is a yes.” minjun gave rowon’s hand a shake before frowning. “i think he pities me, that’s all. i’m not going to steal your best friend, don’t be jealous of me.” he spoke with a soft smile, silence falling between them for a moment, minjun lost in his own thoughts

  in the back of his mind, there’s a list: visit this person, check in with that person, make sure the strays behind the legacy building are well-fed – but the moment minjun looks at him with those eyes, that list disappears. none of it matters. everyone who’s waiting, everything that needs to be done – none of it matters more than being here tonight. “nowhere else,” rowon says. “i’ll stay for as long as you’ll have me.”

  ( he wonders why. he thinks about his old classmate, who probably spent the entire afternoon cleaning their apartment to make it more presentable for his arrival. he thinks about his close friend, who’s likely on their third bottle of soju, broken down and homesick. and he thinks about the strays starving in the alleyways, pathetically mewling at the empty corner where he typically leaves several cans. they all need him. minjun doesn’t. and yet – he’s choosing minjun. he’s choosing to stay. he likes it better here, hands intertwined, his heart light. it feels a lot like – )

  “i want to see the rest.” rowon pulls him along. if the bedroom with the large window overlooking the city lights isn’t impressive enough, the bathroom makes its mark. marble flooring, crystal sinks, and is that a hot tub? “hyuk doesn’t treat me this well,” he muses, his tone tinged with obvious jest. “do you have something going on with him? should i be jealous?” though the idea is humorous, he still feels that pinch; he didn’t miss how minjun called hyuk by name.

[lgcmjun]

“minjun”, he replied almost immediately as he kept his gaze on her. "kang minjun!"

minjun didn’t want to look as if he had been hypnotized or something like that, but it was exactly how he felt. despite working for the same company, he, as a trainee didn’t have the chance to talk often to the debuted girls, unlike the male groups, who seemed to be more friendly with other men. 

so he did look like a fool, staring at ichika with fond eyes, still surprised that she even stopped whatever she was doing to pay attention to him. he then remembered what was her first question and he tried to not look like a stupid fanboy - again.

“been trying to get these done for some time. my roommate, wenjun likes them a lot and i wanted to cook them as a treat, he does feel homesick, so i guess cooking something from their homeland might help them out.” he babbled, only stopping when he felt her gaze briefly on him. “sorry i speak too much.” he excused himself, once again, running a hand through his hair.

The fact that she brought this on herself is the worst part. She could be happy right now, completely immersed in end-of-year preparations, but she ruined it. And for what? She knows why, but it’s still not something she can actually voice out loud because it’s ugly and scary, and she’s not ready to unpack it now… if ever. She really is her father’s daughter. What is the point of acknowledging a fault or bettering herself mentally when she can bury it down and hope it won't sprout again. But weeds always come back; she’s smart enough to know that, though not smart enough to do much else. 

“You’re not interrupting me. I am on break,” she replies, somewhat dully in both voice and expression. She knows she’s not known for being overly exuberant when speaking with others, but she normally usually she can manage something along the lines of a soft smile. But she can’t force herself right now. She needs that energy for practice or for facing her managers. She knows they’re not stupid enough to be fooled by her, but it’s better than telling anyone the truth. 

She tilts her head to the spot across from her because she knows that it’ll look better if she’s seemingly looking at another person blindly out a window. Carefully opening the boxes, she takes a moment to look down at the threats. “You said you made these for a friend?” She inquires, partially forgetting what he had said before. 

“What was your name, again?”

[lgcmjun]

“maybe some people are just too eager to please others and not to disappoint them, so it’s better to keep living a lie than trying to face the truth and take the next step”. minjun didn’t want to sound as if he was talking about himself when in fact he was. he knew there were so many things going on inside his head lately, and he didn’t want to disappoint the people he cared about the most, but at the same time he didn’t see them making the same effort when it came to him.

so it was tiring, but facing them and fighting against them seemed to be just a bigger fight he wasn’t sure he had the strength to face alone.

the seconds they remained in silence were enough for the air to clear a bit and minjun even giggled at the worried tone in max’s voice. “no worries, i learned to be sneaky with a friend of mine…hyukjae, you know him? he’s another trainee and he’s a crazy hyung.”

but still, minjun didn’t seem possible to have time freezing like that when max mentioned them debuting and having a collaboration. his eyes involuntarily grew wide and he knew that for a fact because they started to tingle after a few seconds. “holy shit, of course! i never thought you’d say yes but yes, of course. let’s debut fast hyung, please!”

[ X ]

"you'd be surprised. sometimes stating the obvious is the hardest thing to do," he muses with a wistful smile. "there are plenty of things people aren't willing to see or give up on and would rather string themselves along with white lies to keep faith in something or someone that is long gone." sometimes max wonders if his dream to be an idol was one of those things but he didn't want to see it like that- not when he was yet again so close to debut.

"so I think you're very brave for being ready to face reality so nonchalantly. reality isn't always kind to us," max continues, a subtle praise that also inspires him to be a bit more honest himself. especially hearing that he was an inspiration to minjun- he felt it was only just to find some inspiration in the younger in turn.

"well as long as you didn't get in trouble... just be sure you won't be caught," he muses. "and i'd love to perform with you one day. When we're both debuted we should definitely get together to work on a collab cover- what do you say?" The reasoning has him grinning, biting back a shocked laugh not because of the curse but because he truly hadn't realized how far minjun had strayed from his older brother.

[lgcmjun]

you’re damn right i’m upset.

minjun wanted to reply almost immediately but kept the air between them thick and dense as his eyes were still on rowon, studying him. sometimes he felt he spoke too much and didn’t notice things happening between them, sometimes he knew he was too eager to please the older male, which was probably why rowon didn’t seem to miss him there during the party.

perhaps rowon was glad he could breathe and socialize with other people.

as fast as those intrusive thoughts came, they went because minjun didn’t want to let them take over, after all, they were at a party and he promised himself he was going to have a great night, enjoying his favorite holiday.

“it’s okay”, he chose not to answer the previous questions, instead minjun followed rowon’s hand as his fingers touched his hair and very lightly his lips - closed in a tight line - split a little, hints of an upcoming smile. “better late than never, i’ll forgive you if make the rest of the night memorable.” his teasing was never that obvious but minjun felt like daring a bit.

after all, rowon did say he was looking at him now.

“do you think you’re up for this challenge?”

  about us?

  his eyes narrow.

  “you’re upset.” the lighthearted air settles like a thick blanket – or perhaps it’s been this way the entire time, and he’s only now noticing. that would explain minjun’s rather indifferent, if not somewhat dismissive, reaction to him. “is it because i didn’t recognize you at first glance? most people would’ve taken that as a compliment. you did well with your costuming.” minjun is in makeup and a mask and a mesh shirt – deceptive, as it drastically differs from rowon’s impression of him, which is casual, boyish, and at times a little shy.

  ( as if that’s any real justification. maybe minjun’s right. maybe he hasn’t been paying enough attention. )

  “or is it because i didn’t look for you?” the three feathers tucked in his inner coat pocket indicate otherwise, though he supposes that’s him chasing this mysterious dark angel and not minjun specifically. but he digresses. the air constricts around them as he closes in with a step. he cuts through it by reaching over and brushing the hair out of minjun’s face. “i’m looking at you now,” he says, his eyes drifting along the familiar features softened by the moonlight. they dip for a moment before drawing back up, slow. “and i like what i’m seeing.”

  a challenge – no, an invitation.

  “forgive me for wasting my time with everyone else.”

[lgcmjun]

team unknown mission - hands up if you're a boss

it was finally time for minjun’s performance and he wasn’t nervous, he was excited. the past weeks had been tiring, with him trying to find a way to mix his two songs - he had made sure to try similar arrangements so his two songs could mix well and be one whole song but in the end, his friendly advice brought him back to reality.

focus on your best skills, and have fun.

he might have added his advice of making things simple into consideration as well.

picking “hands up” was easier for minjun, after all, it was a song he listened to from time to time and it was the only one he assumed he could make it his own without butchering the original version. even with the coach’s suggestion to pick another one, there was no way he could let that song go. 

his idea to make the bass and arrangement heavier was mandatory, turning the key point more focused on the choreography, removing the beethoven reference on the original song, and making it more hip hop, which would intertwine with the new steps he requested. he wanted a hand choreography, with some tutting but also hip hop, a challenge that took his breath away (quite literally sometimes). he was lucky to be allowed (little) intervention in what the coaches came up with.

the second song, “boss”, was minjun’s favorite, even if hands up was good. boss was chosen because he wanted to show the coaches the language bootcamp was good enough for him, that he could be trusted to be an idol with good communication in different languages. 

with a little help from a friend, he came up with english verses and an arrangement to the original song, he didn’t want to replace it fully, so he chose parts that already had english parts and added more to it, just to show he did understand the assignment. for this task he decided not to change anything else, the song itself was perfect for him - from the rapping part to the vocal; it was a song that he felt comfortable performing and he wanted to show that to the coaches, once it was his time.

“i’m ready to start”, he finally found his voice, not shaky this time, but confident, after explaining the coaches which approach he would make on the songs he should be evaluated. 

when the first note started, minjun started his performance. it was time to shine.

[lgcmjun]

team unknown pt.2

when minjun decided it was time for him to make his song choice and which direction he wanted to take, he knew it was risky. The coaches might probably think it wasn’t the best choice but he was (at last!) confident enough to come inside the practice room prepared, his phone in hand along with a few sheets of paper, proof of his dedication.

“i picked ‘hands up’”, he started showing the coach what he had in mind, the arrangement heavier than the original song, with an equally heavier choreography.

minjun was expecting to be discouraged of the song choice, but when the coach just nodded and started working out on a way to help him out, he felt, validated.

practices on that approach, on the other hand, were hard. most of the day he was sweaty, tired, and frustrated when his own performance didn’t go the way he planned. when he thought about a heavier performance, he didn’t think the coaches would come up with a portion that would leave him breathless, gasping for air, and almost with no condition to perform and be suitable for the evaluations.

”damn it!”, he cursed, under his breath, finally allowing frustration to take over once again as he fell on his knees, sighing tiredly. only when a water bottle was placed on his shoulder, the coldness coming from it being pleasant enough, was that minjun decided he could show more of what was going on inside his head.

”you just need to learn how to have fun”, he heard the person in front of him saying. “maybe prioritize what you do best”, they suggested and the idea was good at first but minjun was still hesitant. “the coaches wouldn’t allow you to go through that path if they didn’t think you weren’t capable of pulling that off. think about it.”

minjun didn’t know how they managed to entice a sparkle inside him but those words were all he needed at the moment. a piece of advice he should always follow - have fun, trust your skills, be more confident.

he stood up and started his own version of his chosen song - this time, no interruptions until he got it all right.

[lgcmjun]

minjun never thought he’d enjoy the silence so much, never thought about having someone beside him just breathing would be comforting enough, but it was, especially during the past months. as soon as rowon entered the rooftop, he immediately felt less anxious, as if he could slowly breathe and finally find a way to organize his thoughts.

rowon wouldn’t push, minjun was aware of that. they had been in that situation a few times and it’s exactly why he chose him to send that message, because no one but rowon could give him the time necessary for him to start talking.

and minjun had a lot to talk about, he just didn’t know which path he should go first. 

rowon also gave him that opening - he was someone the younger could trust.

“they…” his voice came out hoarse as if he had been silent for too long and needed to learn to speak again, “they cut me off the team. i don’t belong there anymore.”

i don’t belong anywhere anymore, i guess, he wanted to say but was afraid he’d sound too dramatic. his eyes remained on the building in front of them, not because he was ashamed to look at rowon or because he thought he’d look pitifully at minjun; he just…didn’t want to move. 

he felt numb.

he had a lot going inside his head but didn’t know what to do first. he spoke about the first thing first and now…was he really ready to keep going? to take that one last step?

“i wanna quit.”

  at this hour, on this day, there are two types of people who reach out to him – the drunken and the despaired. usually, rowon would jump at the opportunity to take care of others, but for the past few weekends, his phone has been on silent. messages are left on read, calls go straight to voicemail. he’s about to clear these notifications when he sees it: his only exception.

  minjun is not a part of that crowd. arguably, minjun has always been in his own special category. their saturday nights typically comprise of long walks, so when the voice note plays, rowon expects an invitation to do just that. what he hears instead draws a knot deep into the pit of his stomach. he’s been … busy. distracted. and as such, he has – admittedly – set minjun aside.

  still, it’s easy for him to fall back into place. he fills the space to minjun’s left, eyes sweeping the cityscape. months and months ago, rowon was unable to recognize him on this very rooftop – but a lot has changed since then. he can now identify minjun by silhouette alone. he knows what his footsteps sound like. he knows how he takes his breaths. he knows his likes, his dislikes, what makes him tick, and even his schedule.

  “did something happen at practice?” … because at this hour, on this day, minjun’s supposed to be at the swimming pool.