liam-hart

[liam-hart]

Liam couldn’t look at Jesse when the older boy spoke, disagreeing with the false words he hadn’t even been able to bring himself to say. Jesse was right; he did mean them. But he hadn’t meant to say them. He hadn’t meant to be so harsh with the one person in the world he still cared about. The one person in the world he believed actually cared about him. 

What right did Liam have to be angry, anyways? His anger was selfish. Jesse had put himself at risk to help save someone else. So what right did Liam have to claim he was more important? He wasn’t. If anything, a lot of the people at this camp were probably better than him. Not all -- Liam knew better than to believe that, knew better than to trust most of their intentions. But there were some, surely. People like Evan. People like Jesse, who would always put the needs of the group before their own. 

Knowing that did very little to ease the anger Liam felt, though it helped him direct a lot of it inwardly. As if he didn’t already have enough reasons to hate himself. Reasons that sat comfortably in his lap, save for the one page of the notebook he’d already destroyed. It was tempting to destroy the whole thing, but something had made Liam hold onto the book for so long. Made him write everything down, even when he hated what he’d done. Maybe he wanted someone to find it and read it. Maybe he wanted someone to know he wasn’t just some scared, innocent kid. He didn’t deserve the trust or the kindness so many people here had given him. 

It was surprise that had his eyes flickering back up to his brother when Jesse spoke. So...that was it? Jesse was just going to leave? Liam had been ready for something more of a fight. Maybe not a fight, per se, but at the very least he’d have expected Jesse to go back to poking and prodding him as to why there was a piece of his notebook -- a piece of himself -- shredded into pieces on the floor. And rather than being relieved that wasn’t happening, Liam just felt empty. Like something had been broken. Lost. If even Jesse didn’t want to be around him...who would?

He held his brother’s gaze for a moment. Desperate to say something, anything -- but no words came to mind. He felt like he was making things worse every time he opened his mouth. So he just nodded, eyes dropping back down to his notebook. “....Okay.”

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

[liam-hart]

It hadn’t been Liam’s intention when he spoke to accuse Jesse of anything. He was angry -- he was angry about a lot of things -- but he’d never planned on voicing that anger to his brother. Jesse had saved someone’s life; what would he think if he knew Liam was mad at him for that? And that was only the tip of the iceberg, really, when it came to how much worse of a person Liam was. A fact he was reminded of as Jesse deflated right before his eyes. Liam had wanted to distract Jesse, not completely deflate him. Not add to the weight the older boy carried around on his shoulders; the weight of the world, because he didn’t think Liam could bear it. Maybe he was right.

It seemed Liam had successfully stopped the interrogation he didn’t want any part of, but now he felt even worse. Now he had further evidence that he could do nothing more than leave pain and destruction behind everywhere he went. The anger seeped out of him, replaced by the heavy, uncomfortable guilt he’d been carrying with him for months. He looked down at his notebook, at the edge of the page he’d ripped out that looked like a wound now, and swallowed hard past the lump that settled in his throat. 

“Sorry...” He murmured, unable to look back up at his brother. “I didn’t...” Liam trailed off. He did mean what he’d said, even if he hadn’t meant to say it. “You’ve just always been a better person than me.”

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

[liam-hart]

Jesse’s words caught Liam by surprise, if only because he sounded more upset at the shredded up bits of paper than Liam did. That was only because he didn’t know what was written on them. If he did, he would probably want to rip the whole thing up himself. Maybe that was what Liam should do, but he wasn’t sure he had it in him to rip out so much of himself -- not even the parts he didn’t want anyone else to see. Those were the parts of him that had kept him alive, and the absence of that same cowardly self-preservation in Jesse was the reason he had almost died. 

He looked up from the book and matched Jesse’s glare with one of his own, anger flaring up at the accusation and the order his brother shot back at him. Jesse didn’t want to know what was going on; that would only disappoint him, only make him realize he’d made a mistake nearly sacrificing his life to save Liam when they were caught in that avalanche last year. 

“Okay,” he started, his voice terse and colored with sarcasm because he knew Jesse wouldn’t take another ‘nothing’ as much as Liam wanted him to just let him be. “Let’s see, uh...the world has been a frozen wasteland for the last three fucking years, mom and dad are both dead, and then you almost get yourself killed right after I realize you’ve actually been alive for the past year and I left you in a fucking avalanche, and all for a group of morons that’s just going to fall apart in a couple months, max. That’s what’s been going on.”

It wasn’t. Although a bit more truth had slipped in there than Liam intended, the real chip on his shoulder was not one he was going to share. Not even with Jesse.

“Happy?”

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

[liam-hart]

A familiar blast of cold air met Liam as someone opened the door to the cabin, and he was momentarily relieved when he looked up to see it was Jesse. Until he remembered what he was doing, registering the surprise and concern that quickly settled over his brother’s face. His expression darkened once again, his eyes dropping to the shreds of paper that were scattered over the book in his lap and around where he was sitting. 

“I...” He was struck by a sudden, sharp pang of loss, as if he’d just ripped up a piece of himself, but maybe that was what he ought to do with the rest of the stupid book. Memories he didn’t want to keep carrying with him -- but ripping them out of the book wouldn’t cleanse them from his mind. Nothing would do that.

“It’s nothing,” he answered sharply, brushing away the ripped pieces of paper and then slamming his notebook closed. These were things Jesse didn’t need to know about. Things Liam wasn’t sure he could tell Jesse about. He knew he didn’t want it. “I’m fine,” he tacked on, something of a challenge in the words his brother was guilty of using so often even when they weren’t true. If Jesse was allowed to pretend things were fine when they weren’t, he really ought to extend that same courtesy to Liam. 

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

[liam-hart]

“Ah...yeah, sure.” Liam’s hand found the back of his neck. Before he had come to inherently distrust everyone around him, Liam’s default around people he didn’t know well tended to lean toward awkwardness more often than not, and suddenly he was feeling that in droves. It was time to go -- beyond time, really -- but before he could excuse himself she spoke up, her offer taking him by surprise. “Oh. Uh.” He hesitated, unsure why she even wanted him to stick around but also not sure how to get out of it without feeling like even more of a dick. What if she fell on her face again? Finally he nodded. “Yeah, uh, okay. Sure.” 

Lauren nodded. “Thanks, I suppose.” She fidgeted about for a moment, undecided whether she should go back inside or continue her path to the lake. She felt like she should talk more to Liam, though. There was something troubling him, she could tell that much. It was visible in the crease between his eyebrows and his conflicted eyes. She decided at last, and asked, “I was just, hum, going to the lake. Want to join me?”

[liam-hart]

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

For the first several months after losing Jesse, Liam had been scared. Lost and alone and afraid, so much so that he’d let himself believe he needed to do bad things in order to stay alive. Maybe that had been true. Maybe if he hadn’t lied and stolen and looked the other way when others were suffering he wouldn’t still be here. Maybe that would have been better.

Finally Liam had stopped being scared -- and then he was angry. And he’d stayed that way, even after he found Jesse again. Angry at the group he’d been with, angry at the world for turning against everyone in it, angry at Jesse for almost leaving him a second time, angry at the people in the camp for giving Jesse a reason to risk his life, and more than anything -- angry at himself. Guilt and shame and paranoia hung over him like a dark cloud, unshakeable even if he’d wanted to be rid of it. He wasn’t sure he did; maybe he deserved it.

So he’d kept mostly to himself, avoiding people as much as possible while he went about his business, resentful that he had to be here at all because Jesse had decided these people were important, that these people weren’t capable of the very same things Liam had seen when he was out there on  his own. It had been a welcome relief to find his cabin was actually empty when he entered it after a trip to gather firewood, Liam wasting no time in curling up on the corner of his bunk and pulling out his notebook. 

He reached for his pencil, but paused when he saw the book had fallen open to a page he hadn’t seen in a long time. Nearly a year ago, to be precise, when he’d been picked up by the group that eventually flipped the way he looked at the entire world. Before he realized what he’d been sucked into, and Liam wanted to be sick as he read over the hopeful, naive, stupid words scrawled across the pages. Without thinking about it he ripped the page out of the book -- but that wasn’t enough, and the next thing he knew he was ripping it to shreds. 

[liam-hart]

She was quick to agree with him, meeting his gaze squarely without contradicting anything he’d said, and Liam didn’t quite know what to make of it. He’d wanted so badly to be angry at her. And he still was, to a certain degree, but more than anything he was angry at the situation. Angry that they’d all been marched out to a giant metal deathtrap in the first place, angry that Jesse had gotten dragged into danger because that was what he did, he risked his own life for other people. And suddenly it dawned on Liam that maybe he was a little bit mad at Jesse. Because they’d just found each other, and then he’d almost left him completely on his own again for a group of strangers Liam didn’t even trust. They weren’t strangers to Jesse, though, and maybe that was where more of Liam’s ill feelings came in. He nodded hesitantly when Lauren assured him she was fine, unsure if he should insist on helping or not and unsure if he even wanted to. He paused upon hearing her apology, eying her for a minute before he nodded. “I...yeah. It’s, uh...it’s okay. I’m glad you’re okay.” 

Lauren frowned at Liam slightly. Wasn’t he expecting that? Probably not. But usually, when she argued with someone, she wanted them to agree with her. She nodded at him. “You are.” She met his eyes squarely. She waited for him to say something. What came out was a jumble of words. She wondered if maybe he’d been just angry at her and hadn’t considered the fact that she might be angry at herself, too. He probably hadn’t. It was understandable. Lauren was confident. No one would say she thought the things she did most of the time. “She shook her head. “I’ll be fine.” She paused for a while before saying her next words. “And so will your brother. I’m sorry about what happened to him.”

[liam-hart]

For the first time in a very long time, Liam’s thoughts were not consumed by darkness. The world was still a frozen wasteland, he was still a terrible person, Jesse could probably still fall over at any second -- but he was here with his brother. And maybe a new friend, though he wasn’t quite ready to start throwing that label around. But they were laughing and teasing, and the whiteness all around them didn’t seem so lonely as it had for the past year. “Both our sides?” He pulled a face, lifting an amused eyebrow in Evan’s direction as she fished for something to make fun of him for and came up short. “Hey! There’s nothing funny about me! I’m the normal one.” He feigned indignation, but the smile on his lips came easier than it had in a long time and he couldn’t have hid it if he wanted to. 

He didn’t even try to hold back his laugh when Jesse stomped ahead of them. It felt too good to have a reason to laugh at all, to be comfortable enough that he felt like he could without giving someone an excuse to tear him apart. “Ha!” He called out in triumph. “See, Evan thinks I’m funny. Told ya I have a great sense of humor.” Once again he skittered a couple steps backward lest Jesse try to retaliate, struck by how good it was to feel normal again, even if only for a few seconds. 

@sergeantjhart

Fresh Air || Jesse, Evan, & Liam

[liam-hart]

His comment achieved its desired effect, pulling the focus of the conversation away from any hopes or dreams of a future that most likely did not exist. He allowed his lips to curl upwards into a slight smirk. “Assuming they can even speak english.” As if aliens were their biggest problem, though really if the human population was close to dying out it didn’t seem like such a far cry that they were their best chance of ever being remembered. Liam didn’t buy into any conspiracy theories or stories of UFOs, but he didn’t think it was so crazy to believe there might be life somewhere else in the universe. “Liam,” he answered with a slight nod. “Uh...nice to meet you.”

Regina always thought about the future (fretted about it more like) and she honestly couldn’t say what she expected would happen. Human beings were resilient creatures and she had faith that humanity would find a way to pull through, but at the same time her logical side couldn’t help but butt in and point out how slim their chances of survival were if the weather continued to get worse. She snorted at the alien comment. “I’m sure they’d appreciate your thoroughness.” It then occurred to her that she hadn’t even introduced herself, nor did she know his name either. “I’m Regina by the way.”

[liam-hart]

Confusion flickered across his face, cutting through his coldness for a second when she so readily agreed he’d been right. “I am?” Liam blurted out in surprise before he could catch himself. Of course he knew he was right -- but he hadn’t expected her to actually listen to him. People so rarely listened to him. “I mean...yeah. Okay.” He tacked on quickly, a hand coming to rest awkwardly at the back of his neck as he eyed her warily, half-expecting some kind of a joke.

He didn’t get one. Instead she just offered up her agreement, accepted the guilt he’d been so eager to pin on her. It left him feeling off-balance. In the past year Liam had grown used to having to fight to be heard (and usually disregarded), and now he was left uncertain of where to go from here. “Uh...yeah. Good.” His hand dropped from his neck, both finding their way into his coat pockets as he shifted uncomfortably. “Do you, uh...do you need some help or anything?”

The intention was never to make Liam feel sorry for her. So Lauren was actually glad when he didn’t seem to. She was really getting tired of being the object of other people’s pity. But his tone did soften a little, and for a while, Lauren thought she would be able to not cry. Nevertheless, a tear slipped down her cheek, quick as a runaway. She wiped it away angrily. Letting other people see you cry was giving them the power to hurt you. She’d learned that from her parents.

She knew she was being petty for complaining about her broken leg. She could’ve died. She would’ve died if it weren’t for Jesse and Evan and Mason. Liam was right. She didn’t like it, but he was. She looked him straight in the eye then, refusing to be belittled by his stern voice. “You’re right,” she said coolly. “But I can’t help it. The thing you were just blaming me for, you should blame me. It’s only fair.” She shook her head. “But you’re right. No more complaining.”

[liam-hart]

A tiny smirk tugged at one corner of Liam’s lips as the woman regarded him. He was half inclined to be a little insulted by her being impressed; Liam was young, but he wasn’t stupid. He’d survived just as long out there as everyone else who was alive, a year of that without the presence of his older brother. He knew how to handle himself, and he didn’t like when anyone thought otherwise. He shrugged off her praise. “Yeah, well. That’s why I’m doing it. I figure someone ought to. Ya know...just in case.” He left it there, lest he sound like some idealistic kid. For the most part, Liam didn’t think things were going to end well. But on the off chance they did -- wouldn’t it be awful not to have some written record of what happened? “Who knows, maybe some aliens will find it.”

Regina regarded him for a moment as she took in his response, simultaneously impressed and a little taken aback. She may have expected that from one of the older survivors, but it was something else to see such a young person concerned with preserving history. Maybe it was a source of comfort as well. Everyone had their own ways of coping with what was happening. “Well done.” She said, her praise genuine. “I can’t say that’s something I would have thought to do.” As a former professor maybe she should have. 

[liam-hart]

“What?!” Liam let out a small shout, the picture of innocence as he jumped out of the way of the shove he’d anticipated from his brother. Not quite quickly enough to avoid getting pushed slightly over, but enough to avoid the brunt of the attack. Entirely unprovoked, he might add, because he’d only been doing exactly what Jesse was hinting at. Served him right for not thinking that’s what Liam was going to do anyways. 

And he was glad he did, especially when Evan chimed back into the conversation. Any lingering distaste he might still have felt was washed away when she was so quick to join in with his teasing Jesse, even if she was only taking his side because she felt bad. All was fair in love and war, and Liam would take what he could get. “Ha!” He let out a triumphant shout, giving Jesse a smug grin. “See, what have I been telling ya? It’s weird.” He laughed, glancing over at Evan and grinning at her. “I think I like you.” He was mostly just teasing, going along with the joke, but the truth was this was the most comfortable he’d felt since coming to the camp. A comfort mostly to do with Jesse’s presence, but he quickly found himself relaxing more into their new company, and he was surprised to find he didn’t totally mind it.

@sergeantjhart

Fresh Air || Jesse, Evan, & Liam

[liam-hart]

Her retort caught Liam off guard, put a temporary hold on his anger as he eyed her warily. He wanted to be pissed off. He wanted to yell at her. But he didn’t want to yell at someone who was standing there with tears in her eyes telling him he was right. Telling him he hated herself. Liam knew all too well what that felt like. But the things he hated himself for were choices he’d made himself, coerced into them or not. 

He didn’t feel bad about what he said to her; he’d meant it. Whatever her reasons for complaining were, they weren’t complaints he wanted to hear. But she had all too quickly stripped him of the desire to take his anger out on her -- which was annoying in its own right, as a matter of fact. “Well that’s stupid,” he answered her bluntly, his voice devoid of sympathy but also no longer heated. “They didn’t save you so you could go around feeling guilty about it. If that’s what you’re gonna do then yeah, they should have left you there. So suck it up. Quit complaining and just be glad you’re still alive, ‘cause they think you’re worth it.” Liam wasn’t so sure he agreed, but that wasn’t the point. If Jesse had risked his life to save someone, she’d better be making it damn worth his time.

Liam’s words hit Lauren like a kick to the stomach. Ever since she was told about the rescue, she’d felt guilty for everyone’s troubles and the injuries that resulted from them going down to get her. And now, she stood before Jesse’s brother as he accused her of being the reason he almost died. She almost retorted that she almost died too, but she stopped herself. That wouldn’t help her case at all. And it didn’t matter. What mattered was that Jesse had almost died. Because of her. “If your goal is to make me feel bad about it, then you can go ahead and quit. You can’t hate me more than I already hate myself.” Even that sounded self-pitying. She was pathetic.

“I know your brother risked his life to save me. I know he could’ve easily left me for dead, as could Evan and Mason. Any one of them could’ve left me there. Hell, at this point I think I would’ve rather they had.” Lauren shook her head, biting her lip to hold back the tears. “If you wanna hate me for what happened to Jesse, go ahead. I don’t blame you.” She was hurt that Liam thought her anger was simply about the fact that she had to use crutches, when  in fact, it stemmed from the fact that she had put herself and others in harm’s way. She wasn’t so petty as to complain about being hurt but alive. She complained about the fact that everyone made a fuss over her, when she didn’t deserve it at all.

[liam-hart]

Liam stood with his arms folded across his chest as she pulled herself back to her feet, pushing away the small pang of guilt nagging at the back of his mind. Jesse had done more than enough for her; she didn’t need Liam’s help, too. Especially not if she was so ungrateful as to go around complaining when she could so easily have been left for dead. It was what Liam would have done. She had helped him, by letting him into camp. Shown him kindness, even. But he didn’t know her. He didn’t trust her. He wouldn’t have risked his or his brother’s life for her.

Jesse was a better person than Liam. He’d always been a better person. No doubt the older boy held no ill will toward Lauren at all -- but that didn’t change the way Liam felt. It didn’t change the way he bristled at the tone she shot back at him, because he was in the right and she was in the wrong. “If Jesse hadn’t gone down that hole after you, he wouldn’t have almost died.” He shot back at her. “So maybe you shouldn’t be complaining about the fact you have to walk around on crutches when people almost died so you could walk at all.”

Lauren reached to get her crutches, annoyance boiling inside her. It wasn’t even the fact that she was hurt that angered her – it was how incapacitating this particular injury was in this particular setting. She could’ve dealt better with a broken arm. But not being able to get around was probably the worst thing to throw at her at any given time, let alone now.

She looked up as the bitter tone found her ears. She frowned in confusion when she saw the kid she’d let into the camp looking down at her. Liam. She’d never gotten his last name. She used her crutch to get herself back up before replying to his underlying accusation. “If you have something to say to me, just go right out and say it,” she spat, matching his bitterness.

[liam-hart]

It had been a couple of weeks since Liam found his way to camp, and he had yet to adjust to the sheer number of people. He didn’t think he ever would, quite frankly. Invariably, people meant bad news sooner or later. If they weren’t intentionally bad, then they were stupid, and in some cases that was even worse. So Liam kept to himself, socializing only as needed and doing his best to avoid everyone other than Jesse as best as he could.

A key part of that strategy was to avoid the main cabin, but he couldn’t do so forever. He had to eat, after all, and it was that fact alone that had him reluctantly trudging his way to the cabin. He’d about reached it when he saw the door open, and he came to a stop as the last person in the camp he ever wanted to see again emerged. Lauren’s crutches made her unmistakable even under layers of winter clothing, and Liam could feel his face settling into a glower as she struggled her way out the door -- and promptly fell to the ground.

He didn’t move to help her, his glare only deepening at the way she screamed out in anger. It didn’t matter that she was one of the people who’d let him into the camp; she was the reason Jesse was hurt. She was the reason his brother almost died, just weeks after Liam had finally found him again. And now she was actually complaining about having to deal with crutches. “Maybe you should just be fucking grateful you’re alive.” He spat out at her, his voice laced with venom. “And that it’s just your leg that’s broken and not your head.”

Five weeks in a cast. Lauren couldn’t believe it when she heard it. Five weeks living like a cripple. Five weeks having to lean on crutches and other people to do anything. She wanted to scream. Or break something. Or scream and break something.

She couldn’t stand the crutches anymore. It was like walking around with four legs, and having the grace of it, too. They kept getting deep in the snow every time she took a step, and she had to be careful every time not to get any snow on the cast at the risk of it getting wet. The whole ordeal was just irritating. 

She stepped out of the main cabin with the intention to go to the like. Or make an attempt at it anyway. She put the crutches on the step and lowered herself onto it. The routine was familiar by now. That didn’t make it any less horrible. She put the crutches on the snow next, already feeling them sink into the white pillow. With a sigh, she heaved herself onto the ground. But as she went to take the next step, one of the crutches stayed stuck in the snow, causing her to loose her balance. The cold hit her face in a flash.

“Motherfucker!” she screamed, forgetting her surroundings for a second in favour of blind rage. “I am sick of these fucking sticks! I’m done!”

[liam-hart]

Liam smirked at the way Jesse mocked Evan’s words, looking up at his brother with an arched eyebrow. “You’re one to talk,” he pointed out with a teasing grin, relaxing a little more into their new company. It was harder to put blame on Evan for what had happened when he could hear the same sort of self-sacrifice in her tone that he often heard from Jesse. She’d been hurt too, and it wouldn’t surprise Liam if her relationship to the injured woman was as insignificant as Jesse’s. Maybe Evan hadn’t stopped him from making the decision that got him hurt, but Liam wasn’t sure anyone could have. 

That didn’t make it okay to joke about, though. There was nothing funny about the way Jesse had almost died, and Liam wasn’t sure there ever would be. Not when odds were slim both brothers would survive this, however long it lasted. Odds were slim any of them would last a whole lot longer. Of course, odds were slim any of them would have made it this far, and yet here they were. 

It was hard to say whether they were the lucky ones or not.

The hand on his head pulled Liam from that dark train of thought. Of course Jesse took the joke in stride, but Liam couldn’t bring himself around to that point of view. He’d spent a year thinking Jesse was dead, and now that he’d found him again Liam wasn’t sure he could keep going if his brother was torn away from him a second time. But he heard the guilt in Evan’s voice, watched her eyes flicker to the ground, and it was enough to make Liam let go of his anger.. “...S’okay,” he answered her quietly. “There’s plenty of other things you can make fun of Jesse about. You ever notice how his head is shaped kinda funny?” Liam offered a slight smirk, a peace offering of sorts, at the same time that he readied himself to take a big step away from his brother. He knew better than to think he wasn’t going to get a reaction from Jesse.

@sergeantjhart

Fresh Air || Jesse, Evan, & Liam

[liam-hart]

A short, surprised laugh fell past Liam’s lips when the woman took so well to his snark. He knew basically nothing about her, but at first glance he wouldn’t have taken her for the type to drop the b-word. “Maybe,” he answered with a smirk and a shrug, his eyes flickering down to his notebook when she asked about it. Liam paused a moment, looking back up at her with a measured gaze before he answered. “Just...notes, I guess. I’ve been trying to keep a daily log since this all started. Tracking the date, the weather, important events. Anything that might come in handy someday.” He shrugged. For as much as he claimed to have given up on the world -- and for the most part he believed that -- the notebook was the one shred of hopefulness he couldn’t seem to let go of. 

Regina chuckled (it was either that or be embarrassed about it) and shook her head. “I’m sure he thinks I’m a first-class bitch after that.” She made a mental note to apologize to him later, hating the idea of someone having the wrong impression of her. If she hadn’t spent the day in such a numb, nostalgia-induced haze she might have dwelled longer on what had just happened, but found she didn’t have the energy to care. “What are you writing?” She asked curiously before she could help herself. “If you don’t mind my asking.”