lifehappenskeepbelieving - Tumblr blog

lifehappenskeepbelieving · 4 years ago

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Wash off your face

I have decided after many different avenues and ways to handle my dissapointment in life, i believe that writing it down will be my outlet and why not share with the entire world! lol my mom used to always tell me I should have wrote for hallmark cards, i just like to write, everything im feeling, everything my head is trying to get my heart to believe and vice versa.

I suppose i should start with my most recent dissapointment...his name is Matt. Matt and i met through a mutual friend and she set us up on a blind date. We talked on the phone for a couple of days and decided that we wanted to meet sooner than what our original date was planned for. So he came and picked me up and we went for ice cream. we went to the park to eat our ice cream and proceeded to talk about each other and get to know each other.

we hit it off! the day after our date he showed up at my job and replaced my windshield wipers, he said every time ive talked to you on the phone its been raining and i realized you really needed new wipers lol. I took this as an incredible gesture of shivalry. No one had ever done anything like this more before and i loved it. Everything was going great between us and one night he asked if he could stay the night with me and i said yes, i have epilepsy and had a seizure in my sleep...the next morning i could tell something was off with him, after making me feel like having epilepsy was something i could control he said he couldnt handle it and broke up with me....i cried but got over it failry quickly....fast forward 2 months later. i get a random out of the blue text from him, asking how i was and after we talked off and on that day he asked me to dinner because he wanted to talk, i agreed (idiot).

we went to dinner and he explained to me how bad that night scared him and he wasnt sure at that moment he could handle it, he needed time to think and he did and he said he educated himself on it and was ready to start again if i would agree..i was hesitant at first, kept trying to find fault in everything he did, i didnt trust him at all and kept waiting for him to leave and then one day i just let go and gave him everything freely, took a chance, and honestly im glad i did. we had such an amazing time together, didnt argue or anything. He is a truck driver and was working out of town for 3 months about 5 hours away. We face timed every morning, at lunch and every evening. Then i drove there one weeked and spent the weekend with him, it was amazing and we decided to do that way more, he actually flew me to see him on thanksgiving...over time i fell in love with his mom, i have recently lost my mother and she reminded me so much of my own mom. i got to know his entire family and loved them all so very much. Christmas Eve he proceeded to tell me he loved me. We had talked about so many things, our future which we both had the same wants and plans. He was actually talking about not being out of town anymore and possibly looking for a job local, i told him to do what made him happy and that i would support him in anything. His last day of his contract out of town was New years eve, i picked him up that night and we spent the night ringing in the new year together with dreams of 2021 being our year.. that weekend we spent helping his mom take down all of her christmas decorations. He wasnt feeling too good so we didnt go anywhere but had talked about what we would do the following weekend. Then, tuesday morning at 10:35 am everything i thought about my world came crashing down, maybe im being a little dramatic but at the moment the breath was taken from my body....he called me because his mom was having a back procedure that morning, he proceeded to tell me that his ex had texted him and that he felt like he still had feelings for her and he left me...like a bag of trash to be thrown away.Blocked me from his phone, social media everything and less than 48 hours later was in her arms with roses that said...i love you.

I needed to write all this out to be able to see how amazingly selfish he is and what a basic piece of shit. Ill be honest this hurt, knocked me down. I couldnt sleep i couldnt eat i felt like i couldnt breath. Then i read a RM Drake quote that said everything i needed it to say...i dont need an explanation, i dont need a reason, he knew what he was doing and he knew it would destroy me and he didnt think twice about it, he left and didnt look back and now its my turn to move forward and not look back. I wish Matt and Sharon the best of everything this world has to offer....ok honestly thats a lie, i hope she destroys him and leaves him feeling the same emptiness and pain he left me with, but im trying not to be petty because id like to think im better than that but who knows, we all have that moment when we just want revenge...

so this will be my new outlet, my way of writing out everything that happens in my life, it wont all be dark and dreary, ill post projects and fun stuff too. I just needed to have a way to get this all out.

I look forward to this and hope you all join me on my destiny to find peace.

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