lifeline4me-blog

[lifeline4me-blog]

Separating seems very odd to me. 21 years of marriage, 3 great boys. Two Chocolate Labs(2, and 1), oh don’t forget my mother in law who lives with us in our home same address y’all, for 12 long long longggggg years. Then one day what worked great yesterday willl never ever work good again. How did we get here. Now I know I’m not asking any questions that all or most separated or divorced men and women haven’t already said, but when it becomes ABOUT MY STORY, MY MARRIAGE…..MY DOWNFALL…..MY SEPARATION…..it all seems so stupid. So I put the work, blood, sweat and tears into you us our marriage, Our children, and then just like that, I open my eyes and I don’t see my love. The man that protects me, always my night in shining armor. No all I see standing in front of me is this horrible man this man that gave up on me, on our family. For what ? Was it worth it ? I guess it was or we wouldn’t be buying separate houses having our kids and dogs only 50 percent of their lives now. I can’t wrap my head around not seeing them everyday. so now I don’t have my home my husband my kids my dogs my yard my back deck that I love so so so much. Nope it’s all gone it’s no longer appropriate to call it our home or my home and it will never ever feel the same again. I am so in love with this man, how how is that even possible. How is it possible to hate someone so much that it physically has taken its toll on me. I weight 90 lbs and I’m scared y’all. Im scared that I will never find anyone to love me as much as I have loved him. I feel betrayed I got older looking I don’t really like going to bars anymore you still do I’m so content with standing in front of the bbq outside with my favorite music blasting and having all of our kids outside talking with their friends. That is licking to me. Yes I went out on date nights and they always ended the same way, me crying in bed because my husband won’t touch me.