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"OH, Like YOU give two shits over what sullies me! Don't make me laugh! Ugh, Don't bring HIM into this, funny, you think he cares if anyone down HERE is clean! And, by the way, I missed the part where anyone asked, let alone invited you here! Why don't you go back to stabbing people in the back for fake-glory or whatever it is you do for kicks these days!"

“My my~ Cursing again are we? It certainly sullies that pompous look you’ve taken on. You’re lucky Father does not bother to wash that mouth of yours with soap.”

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OH! For the love of-- YOU have GOT to be KIDDING ME...

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Mun: -casually reading post on feed, stumbles across the 'You talk too much...' anonymous ask Lilith: Perhaps, but he knows how put that mouth to use... Mun: -stares blankly- Lilith: -wiggles eyebrows- Mun: -groans-

Thought to share this silly head conversation. lol

Muse: OHHH, well, Wifey would knoooow~

Muse getting that feigned coy smirk that slowly grows into a full fledged knowing and confident grin to be exchanged with LIlith over there on the other side of the screen.

Mun: "Uhhh, guys... Yoohooo," snaps fingers and waves a hand in front of Lucifer. "AND, I'm invisible."

Lucifer: I mean, if you're offering, my love, you know that's always one spectacular way to shut me up~ Won't hear one complaint out of me, no-siree~

[[and now we know the truth behind why Lilith allows Lu to do all that yapping, not so much because she enjoys listening but because she gets to fantasize about later on in the evening when she'll be lavished with 10,000 lashings; tongue lashings]]

[[like the inventors of 'what that mouf do' right here xD]]

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{{lol for the record/headcanons my Lucifer rarely curses so yeah, lmao. The thought of Michael literally peeves him THAT much}}

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"My money's on Gabe."

did not hesitate.

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Jilted, the opportunist's eyes widen and flash as he watches the other imp's reaction.

"Take it easy there, I meant no harm, it's a misunderstanding, real easy to disregard~!" he grinned, arms open in surrender.

"I would never, pimping ain't the game here, sonny boy, not at all, this was more akin to whack-a-mole! Slap-a-hole? Hmm, still workshopping the name!" he explained, speaking as though he were in some kind of a hurry.

"But the game! that's right, that's all I was aiming to make a good profit on, I swears to ya!"

"You seemed primed and ready for some action and I saw a way we could both, mutually benefit. That's how the business works, afterall. And for the record, it's only sexual if someone's arousal raises...oh...ohhhhh. I see. Well. Ok, pardon me, I seem to be the one with the complete misunderstanding here!" he chuckled.

"Consider this game, out of order, folks~!" he said with a wink while placing a sign reading the very same message on the tiny imp's tail, hanging right over his posterior.

Moxxie's eyes went wide as heard someone annoucning something auctioneer style behind him. He looked behind him to see a familiar imp. He could have sworn he had seen the man before. But before he could place a name to face, he was too busy with panicking about the fact that the salesman was basically selling his posterior to strangers.

That wasn't legal. Right? RIGHT?!

"Whoa!"

Moxxie jumped to his hooves.

"I'm not a..." he looked around, tensing up. "Imp-of-the-evening. You can't pimp out my spankings!"

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listen, fuck "to each their own", sometimes your mutual gets into some batshit insane rarepair that they're a little embarrassed about and it becomes your sworn duty to put on your jester bells and jingle jangle proudly by their side for moral support. don't be a pussy. it's ride or die motherfucker

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"That's right folks, step right up and take a crack, that's the spirit, you heard the lad, he'd enjoy a smack! Heck, while you're at it why not go for three or four, not enough? GO for more! Make it five without taking a dive and win a prize!"

$2 a whack! NO take backs!

Ahem.

Did the man stutter??

Bends over for spanks.

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Shoutout to characters that are both genuinely deeply kind and also genuinely terrifying and willing to spill buckets worth of blood to get something done. And neither of these are an act, they're just both very true.

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*Steals Lucifer's hat*

A great big ol' exaggerated and highly obnoxious, even forced, fake sounding laughter can be heard right before he quiets back down.

"Wouldn't happen."

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yeesh, why am I so sleepy. pretty sure I got in a good 4-5

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🌹

☆ Headcanon Prompts ☆   Love and Romance

🌹 = How would your muse react to romantic gestures, expected or not? 

So, uh, what are talking about here exactly? Because that's really going to depend but for all intents and purposes, Lucifer is a romantic, a hopeless one once his own heart is set on someone.

Major point of note on this topic, I would say, is that Lucifer greatly enjoys being the one to be on the providing end on any romantic gestures, large or small but! This is an exceptionally indulgent guy here so no, he isn't going to be put off by any gestures, he's usually flattered(immensely so, might I add). So good luck to anyone who does find a great gift for the man who quite literally can have anything he can imagine.

I would go on about what sort of romantic gestures would impress him but well, where's the fun in that when it wasn't part of the initial question and anyone willing could have fun guessing for themselves, amirite?

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“…You talk too much.” Unprompted

"Uh, what?" he asks blankly and indirectly, as he's so rudely interrupted by a stranger he's never seen before. One who has no regards for status on top of that. Who speaks to a KIng out of line that way?

"First of all, what is this, what am I looking at here..." he asks with the apple tip end of his cane pointing outward. "Chaaaarlie, dear, who is this? Is everyone staying here so—uncultured, I mean, really, you may have to begin giving common etiquette lessons if you're not already, it's starting to seem like they need waaaaay more help than you tend to give them credit for."

"Second, you do know you're welcome to leave the room at any time, don't you?" an eyebrow was arched high in scrutiny by this point.

"What's the word I'm looking for uhhhhh...oh, right. Shoo." he withdrew the cane and waved his hand dismissively.

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❤️ = Does your muse focus on one person, or do they like to go and date as many people as possible?

💚 = Does your muse get jealous easy? 

♡ = Is there any kind of person that your muse will never date? 

💘 = Does your muse believe in astrology signs? If so, what sign are they most compatible with? And is this important when considering a date? 

☆ Headcanon Prompts ☆   Love and Romance

He has the capacity[and abilities to, sure. See super power: multilocation; multipresence] to focus on many individuals simultaneously. Should he find himself single again and once he's ready to get out there and mingle, sure, he may find a few folks interesting by ways of romantic inclinations or even sexual attraction But, he does tend to err on the side of loyalty once he finds someone special and worth the mutual investment. That's not to say he wouldn't be involved in any sort polyamorous relationships, he could be very comfortable in that. It's mostly going to depend on his partner(s) and what they(all) agree on. Like, while in the garden he was fine freely loving anyone and everyone. But while married to Lilith, after swearing their devotion to one another, he severely honored those vows, unless Lilith asked for things to be more open, in which case he actively and happily obliged her whims.

Does he??? OHHH LOL DOES HE!? As the very narcissistic embodiment of Pride himself. yes, yes, he has been known to get jealous easily from time to time, it's not so much the possessiveness as it is the personal pride along with his vanity. He should be the most impressive individual in the room as far as his significant other(s) is(are) concerned, why are they sparing anyone one else any attention, let alone taking interest in them like e isn't the most interesting and amazing being anyone's ever laid eyes on!

Alastor. LMAO. just kidding, Mammon! HAH! no, idk. funny shit tho. In all honesty though, even with the idea that opposites attract, and whatever else folks like to use to fall back on as tongue-in-cheek rhetoric to explain away rare ships, the type he gets along with the least is anyone too controlling or incapable of encouraging his goals, those things are super important to him so I personally can't see those types working out for him.

Does Lucifer believe in astrology, hm, Good Q there. Never thought of it from his perspective since mun here does defer to it at times, it's a great way to work in traits and personality compatibility factors. As funny/ironic as it would be to go for the easy laugh and say no the Devil himself is in-fact NOT superstitious(he may say it just to fuck with people, I will never say never on this) I'ma have to go with yes, he would consult astrology for things of the nature. Take into the equation the Ars Goetia and even Belphegore, who I headcanon as a "Seer" type, then yes, absolutely he would get his alignment read from time to time, especially when feeling uneasy over romantic prospects and his future. Ah, lol the part where I divulge my headcanon astrological sign for the guy, hm. Uhhh, I'll just say some great signs to pair with him are Sagittarius, Gemini, Cancer, Libra, Aries and maybe Aquarius, I'd add in Pisces but that'd be very short term. They share the affinity towards whimsy but not much else. Is it important for dating, ehhh, not really, I mean, it's not about to prevent him from pursuing someone he already feels an allusion towards or a connection with, for better or for worse. Will he be more likely to avoid or seek out relationships with certain signs if he's received guidance from a fortune teller, like say Belphy, of course but that's majorly situational and would depend on the rp plot in place.