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the authors note of all time

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Being the only bi cis guy amongst almost exclusively trans friends and peers is wild because in theory its like im living in a horny manga where all of a dudes friends turn into hot babes, but in reality they are hunting me like the last bison on the prairie. 5 years ago I mentioned bionicle and one of them asked when I was starting estrogen.

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Okay you guys.

IF YOU PRIMARILY DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH reply with what you mentally call it, if you have a nickname for it or something

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1998 Black Widow: Operation Budapest

Starts in the past but cuts to 1998 halfway through.

Everyone speaks in English to the girls so they can perfect their English, but speak Russian (with subtitles) to eachother.

Movie starts with Natasha already partway through her training. It opens on the creepy red room gun kata the same as the MCU Widow movie. Training by various harsh women with harsh methods, Melina Vostakov is the only one that shows kindness.

Girls sleep with one hand handcuffed to the bed (this is to ensure they don't run away, as shown in Agent Carter series).

Red room training

Red Guardian (Alexei) comes in for inspiration (all full of himself) and some fight training for the girls.

Red room training.

Ballet classes.

Red room training.

Handcuff bed time.

Learning American watching American movies, cartoons and TV shows.

Red room training.

Some relationships with other widows. She makes friends with little Yelena (Natasha's ballet class goes in as Yelena's group goes out) and a couple of other girls (Oksana and ?) in secret, even though that is actively discouraged.

Handcuff bed time.

Red room training.

Then that fight to the death game that we saw Dottie Underwood play in flashback in that Agent Carter episode. Tasha's first kill is one of those friends (not Oksana). She's a little shocked at first, but quickly settles. Yelena tries to ask if she's okay but is struck by a teacher.

"Black Widows do not have friends"

She then becomes cold and distant to the other girls.

Red room training.

She becomes Dreykov's star pupil and we see her first mission. No wavering after killing some horrid crime boss and escaping his gang, taking some of them out on the way too.

Young Natasha assassinations montage!

This can be quite a short part of the movie, though it sounds long.

S.H.I.E.L.D. breaks up a Leviathan operation that is full of young widows. They take them to a  S.H.I.E.L.D. hospital facility and are making progress in deprogramming them.

We see Red Guardian disagreeing with Dreykov, saying they should storm the facility and take the girls back. Dreykov says Alexei is too soft and spots Natasha. Sends her to infiltrate the facility, pose as a deprogrammed young black widow and burn it to the ground, no survivors. She wavers at the thought of killing all those girls. He says that S.H.I.E.L.D. are our enemy, using powered people to subjugate countries where they operate, to American control. We will not be controlled by S.H.I.E.L.D! Do it for your country, do it for Leviathan, do it for me or your teachers whatever works for you...

Do it for Yelena.

She pretends to not be interested in her, "Why would I do it for her?"

"She is your friend."

"Black Widows do not have friends."

“Perhaps I shall send her with you, she has never been on a mission before, yes?”

"I didn't say I wouldn't do it"

“We send little Yelena with you?”

"I work better alone."

“Very well.”

She infiltrates the base and is treated very nicely by S.H.I.E.L.D..

We see the other girls playing, they invite her to join them. She declines.

We see her pining for this way of life, and agonising over what is to come.

The signal comes in the dead of night. She hesitates, just momentarily, then follows her instructions, she has covertly gathered combustible material over a number of days, disabling the fire alarm/sprinkler system, setting the fire and sealing all escape routes behind her, wipes away a tear. Night guard sees and goes to raise alarm but she quietly takes him out, sets fire to their paper files and sets explosives on their hard drives. The fire is raging by the time she's finished. Some S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives are woken by the fire and rush to help, but it's too late. She takes some of them out on the way. Explosions!

She is rewarded with the Ohio mission, forming a unit with Melina, Alexei and Yelena. They warned not to get soft while they are away. We see them practice being a family, arriving in their new home. They work on the photo album, a whole year photographed in one day. As they do it they start to relax with each other and goof around. They really enjoy the Christmas pictures.

Cut to black, little visual or audio snippets, "going on an adventure", "Leave that, get in the car", the plane, Melina gets shot, "they have safe houses in Budapest, we have arranged one of our own, memorise the address", Cuba, snippet of Tasha's freakout when they try to take Yelena, "It's going to be okay", sedative, shipping container opening with Leviathan soldiers outside, separated from Yelena, both screaming for each other, snippet of red room training and cut to black.

Still in black, knock on door, cut to 1998 Natasha standing in front of said door. Pretending to be (someone).

Some time has passed. She has killed many in that time.

She has been sent solo to kill an elderly Dottie Underwood, they fight. Dottie manages to retreat upstairs to the bedroom, Mexican standoff. But Natasha recognises the handcuff marks on the bedpost, she wavers, Dottie begins to talk (Dottie says something like they finally found me... I made one mistake 50 years ago... They don't care about you... You're only as good as your last mission... What was your last mission... Sao Paulo? Ah yes, the ambassador's residence, the ambassador, his family, 3 staffers, 2 guests, 4 security operatives and a catering company...My dear, how many lives have you taken? For whom? Mother Russia? Leviathan? Are you loyal? Or did they threaten you? No? Someone else then... A little friend of yours perhaps? Yes, I know, I know, Black Widows don't have any friends... They sent you to kill me because of what I know, the location of their red room, where they take poor little girls to brainwash them into killing machines... Take me to S.H.I.E.L.D. instead and defect, have a life that doesn't leave so much red in one's ledger... Everything I remember about the red room, all that I have learned about Leviathan since is on this microfilm... It could take them down... No Leviathan, no red room, no red room, no widows... Your friend will be free). Dottie calls Peggy Carter, phone tapped. They are attacked by Widows on the way in. Dottie saves Tasha's life at the cost of her own (a little less red in my ledger...) and gives her the microfilm (old school!) with lots of Leviathan secrets and the location of the red room.

She attempts to defect, meets Peggy but keeps the microfilm hidden. Gives Peggy Dreykov's name ("General Dreykov? Special envoy for Russia, advising the US administration towards the end of the cold war. Track him down..."). Regrets it, panics.

She is left with Agent Clint Barton as her handler, but freaks out at night in the cell with no cuffs on the bedpost and escapes, calling in to Melina. Melina listens, says she can't help her, apologises (secretly giving her a coded safe house location “Do you remember what I said to you in the plane? Do you? It is so important…that you should do as you are told…Turn yourself in Tasha”) and hangs up, flashes back to actual plane conversation and safe house comment. Hunted by Leviathan, Widows, Hawkeye and S.H.I.E.L.D., she flees to the safe house in Budapest.

It's actually Hawkeye that tracks her down, he is supposed to retrieve the microfilm at all costs so they can shut Leviathan down for good. Peggy warns him not to underestimate Natasha even though she's only 14, she's seen widows younger than Natasha kill without compunction. Fury adds that he may well have to kill a 14 year old girl in order to retrieve the microfilm, and he must retrieve the microfilm so Fury never has to say those words again.

His presence alerts Leviathan. Dreykov comes to deal with his former star pupil. All hell breaks loose with Leviathan, S.H.I.E.L.D, Widows and local authorities trying to get to her and the microfilm.

Realising she can't go back she covertly stalks a covert Hawkeye, convinces him that she does want to defect, she just freaked out and they flee, hotly pursued (lots of chasing with various vehicles, maybe a fight on a boat?).

However, they can't evade everyone. Clint calls in to S.H.I.E.L.D. and convinces them of Natasha's story, but they have no extraction as there are too many factions in play. S.H.I.E.L.D. suggests taking out Dreykov, which would leave Leviathan and the widows in disarray. Natasha doesn't want to do it, "just get me out of here". Mitchell Carson says "these are the terms for your defection, otherwise we can't help you. Effectively all you've done so far is give us one name and confess to all your own crimes. We can't take down Leviathan without that microfilm and you won't give it to Barton because it's your only leverage. Both of you have been seen, so you can't mail it.".

They discover Dreykov's official residence is in Budapest, but he isn't staying there.

His wife is not at home. His daughter goes to an international school there.

They courier Natasha a uniform, she poses as a new student, befriends Antonia, invites her out to play knowing she will have to ask her father. Antonia walks her to the building and goes in, Natasha gets a visual on Dreykov. Barton radios and asks her if they should carry out the attack. She says wait, Antonia isn't coming back out. Natasha has been reported as a possible sighting by local authorities, S.H.I.E.L.D calms the situation down (they have permission from the government for an airstrike). But this has alerted Leviathan...widows and the Hungarian police and military are on the way. Antonia still hasn't come out. Dreykov is saying, who is this new friend, what did I tell you, trust no one, where is she now. Cut back to Natasha

"Natasha, do you have a visual?"

She hesitates, "Natasha?"

Dreykov looks out of the window, sees her

She sees him see her, sees Antonia looking at her

"We're good to go"

And walks away

Explosions!

Leviathan operatives and Widows are converging on her position, but Barton finds her first, "this way!".

They manage to fight their way out or evade Leviathan but then run into a big group of widows. Everyone draws their guns, they are outnumbered, but the widows don't shoot. "Is it true? Is Dreykov dead?", "Yes. The rocket hit right where he was standing." says Romanov, hopefully.

"And S.H.I.E.L.D. have the microfilm, we can move on Leviathan in the next few days." lies Barton

"You're free" says Romanov.

As they're leaving she remembers Yelena, "If you see Yelena, will you tell her? Yelena? Yelena Belova? Will you tell-" but the widows are getting the hell out of Dodge 

Clint urges them to do the same. They sneak into that hidey hole that Nat and Yelena use in the MCU Black Widow movie and have a big heart to heart. Natasha figures Yelena is freer without her now that she's tied to S.H.I.E.L.D.

They talk about the hit.

"No child should ever be put in that position"

"I've done worse. I've got a lot of red in my ledger."

and

"Who is Yelena? Friend of yours?"

"Black Widows don't have friends."

and

"Do you ever have second thoughts about killing someone? Regrets?"

"Every time. But that's just part of being a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, being a soldier"

"Yes. That's true."

"But you don't have to be a soldier any more."

They also talk about the farm. Only Fury knows about it as per Age of Ultron.

They fall asleep. Coulson and May retrieve them in the morning.

S.H.I.E.L.D. systematically shuts down the Leviathan operations, ending with the red room and deprogramming widows.

Post credits:- As Natasha is only 14 she goes to live with Hawkeye and Laura. No more violence...for a while.

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what if irving survived the stabbing what then

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I'm very fond of this video

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two characters: flirty banter, clearly getting off on the power dynamics between them

people who are scared of going to hell for masturbating: he loves him like a son

me, hauving covid: can he call him that while they fuck

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i genuinely think this is one of the funniest shit he’s said, like, ever

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at a conference I attended recently, a researcher pointed to the difficulty of finding material in archives because so much depends on the metadata and the terminology used to describe things changes over time. "it would be so helpful," the researcher said, "if I typed 'lesbian' into the library of congress database, it would also show me results that were categorised in the 50s, when the materials were interpreted as 'intimate female friendships'"

which is what tag wrangles at Archive Of Our Own do incredibly effectively: searching for "omegaverse" also leads to "alpha/beta/omega dynamics" and "alternate universe: a/b/o" and so on. but ao3 achieves this frankly incredible categorisation and indexing system by the power of countless volunteers putting in hours and hours of unpaid and unthanked free time, and it's completely understandable that most archives do not have that kind of infrastructure, but also how incredible that a fan-run website has better searchability, classification, and accessibility than the library of congress

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When I am appointed to represent a child, my first action is to separate them from their parents and tell them the following things:

1. I am their attorney. I do not work for their parent or the judge or the cops. I don’t care what any of those people want.

2. My job is to listen to them and try and make what they want happen in court. (At this point I make a joke about how most people want me to get them out of trouble but if someone wanted to be in trouble I would do my best.)

3. What they tell me is confidential. It goes nowhere unless they agree to it. (If old enough, I talk to them about mandatory reporters, and how I’m a mandatory non reporter.)

4. I will give them lots of advice because I’ve been doing court for a while and I know a lot about it, and they don’t. It’s all really complicated, and if they don’t understand what’s happening it’s my job to help them figure it out.

5. They will make the decisions. (At this point I usually have to reassure them that I’ll help, I’ll speak for them in front of the judge, and I’ve got their back. It’s scary to have an adult say you’re in charge, most of the time.)

6. I tell them I know it’s absolutely wild to have some stranger come in here and say “hey, you can trust me!” and that I get if they don’t believe everything right away, because I plan to show them through my actions and my words that I’ll fight for them.

7. But nonetheless, I will treat them like a person who can make decisions, because they are living their life and I am not.

I do not:

Pretend to be cool.

Try to be their BFF.

Overwhelm them with detail.

Let their parents in the room until the kid asks for them. (I provide openings for this, and ask if the kid wants their parent to help them remember and understand.)

I want to emphasize I went into this job knowing nothing about how to interact with vulnerable populations, especially children. The training was minimal, and my role means that I can literally walk into a facility and get an unmonitored visit with a minor client one on one.

In my years of practice I have never felt threatened by a child, even one that was “violent” and “unstable.” It turns out just saying “hi, I think you’re a person with thoughts” is wildly successful? Now people treat me like I have special Child Whisperer powers. My powers are that I ask the child what’s up and I’m not scared to say things that are objectively awkward. I know nothing about anything.

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I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

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