lilacsnid - Tumblr blog

[lilacsnid]

𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 | 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: Y/N is leaving work from Slough House rather late one evening and passes River's office to find him still sitting at his desk. She persuades him to not be so uptight & to come have a drink with her at the pub. She learns a bit more about him that night - including the fact that River Cartwright is a massive lightweight.

𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙨: she/her pronouns used, some dialogue in this fic is from slow horses season one, mentions of sexualization/slut shaming, fluff, river being a precious baby. in a world of boys, river cartwright is a gentleman.

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨: this is a work of fiction; any names, characters from slow horses, places & incidents will either be a product of my imagination or used fictionally (5.8k words)

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Y/N sighed heavily as she finally managed to shut her computer down for the day, feeling the strain in her shoulders. She rubbed her temples, squinting tiredly as she began gathering all of her belongings together. She had opted in staying back a couple of hours to complete some paperwork, wanting to ensure that Catherine wouldn't be burdened with it in the morning. She switched off the lamp on her desk before making her way out of the office she shared with Louisa.

On her way out of the building, a faint glow caught her attention, causing her to stop in her tracks. Intrigued, she followed the light down the hallway that led to River and Sid's shared office.

She had initially assumed that she was the last one in the building, yet she was proven wrong when she peeked through the glass window and spotted River sat at his desk, bathed in the soft glow of his computer screen.

He leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed and a discernible frown etched on his face as he remained absorbed in whatever was on his computer. The black earphones that were placed in his ears suggested to her that he was engrossed in watching something.

His tousled blonde hair fell over his forehead, and in the faint lighting, his normally bright blue eyes appeared darker and wearier than usual. Y/N couldn't help but notice the fatigue evident in his slow blinks as his attention remained fixed on the glowing screen in front of him.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she moved towards the door. Leaning against the frame, she took a moment to watch him, wondering if he would notice her presence eventually. Unsurprisingly, he remained completely oblivious, engrossed in whatever he was watching. 

Biting her lip, Y/N’s eyes quickly scanned around the room before grabbing a book from a nearby shelf. With another quick glance at him and a mischievous smile, she slammed the book down on the table near the door, creating a harsh noise that cut through the silence.

The abrupt sound drew River's attention like a magnet, his eyes snapping up from the computer screen. Despite the initial harshness, his gaze softened slightly once he spotted her in standing in the doorway. 

“Fuck,” He sighed, reaching up to take his earphones out.

Y/N tried to suppress a giggle as she held her hands up in defence.

 "Sorry," She apologised, taking in his slightly dishevelled state. "What are you still doing here?"

He met her gaze, taking in a deep breath in. "Just... sorting through some stuff."

“Such as?” She questioned, crossing her arms and giving him a skeptical look.

"None of your business," He shot back, a hint of sarcasm underlying in his voice.

She rolled her eyes at him before pushing herself off the door frame, sauntering over to where he sat at his desk. River rubbed his hands over his face, attempting to massage away the aches as he sensed her starting to make her way over to him.

“Seriously though, it’s 8:00pm,” She remarked, scrunching her eyebrows as she stood next to him. She leant back against his desk as she faced him. “I thought Lamb was the only one who practically lives here. Don’t you have a home to go to?”

He let out a small, sarcastic and dry laugh, leaning back in his chair to face her. “Says the one who is literally sitting on my desk. You should ask yourself the same thing.”

“God, you’re hard work,” She sighed, throwing her head back in annoyance.

“All right,” He sighed, shooting her a look that she couldn't quite place. “What’s your excuse for being here after hours, then?”

She crossed her arms as she spoke, “I finished up some extra paperwork from today so Catherine wouldn’t be swamped with it in the morning.”

“Wow,” River drawled out, fiddling with his earphones, “What do you want? A medal? Pat on the back?”

She groaned at his teasing. “You know what? I would settle for anything other than that contemptuous look you always have on your face.”

His face scrunched up as he squinted at her. “That’s a big word, Y/N. You sure you know what that means?”

She shook her head at him, sighing in defeat after attempting to lighten his mood.

“God, lighten up, Cartwright,” She quipped, reaching out to playfully tap her hand against his leg, “This whole 'I hate the world' attitude you’ve got going on is really starting to piss me off.”

“Well, any time you wanna leave, feel very free,” He joked, gesturing towards the door while still holding a straight face. “You know the way out.”

She shot him a pointed look, shaking her head as he raised his eyebrows at her.

“What? You planning on staying here all night?” He asked, challenging her.

“Nope, I give up,” She scoffed while standing up properly and began making her way towards the door. “I might go for a drink somewhere.”

River swivelled on his office chair, raising his eyebrows slightly as he nodded.

“Thanks for the invite,” He muttered, a hint of disappointed in his tone.

She rolled her eyes at him as she turned back on her heels to glance at him, “This is me inviting you, idiot.”

His eyes shot up at her words, making him tilt his head in surprise. He tried to act like he wasn’t flattered by the request and maintained a carefree expression in hopes she wouldn’t notice.

“You know what? I think I would rather sit here in the dark all night, thanks all the same,” He countered, pulling himself closer to the desk and picking up his earphones.

“River Cartwright, ladies and gentlemen,” Y/N mumbled, loud enough for him to hear. “Hard working MI5 agent but always the prude.”

He crossed his arms at her and raised his eyebrows, “A prude? I am not.”

“Oh, you’re not?” She questioned, walking back up to his desk and leaning over it from the front, maintaining eye contact with him. Her eyes took him in as she tapped her fingers on the desk. “Then prove it.”

He held eye contact with her as he inhaled deeply, trying to refrain from letting his gaze wander up her body.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

The two of them left Slough House, making their way a few minutes down the road to her favourite pub. She crossed her arms over her chest as River walked alongside her with his hands casually tucked into the pockets of his corduroy jacket.

As she walked beside him, she glanced up at River as he managed to catch her eye. 

"What?" He inquired, his face deadpan.

She shook her head as a small smile slowly creeped onto her lips. "Didn't think you would actually come."

"Yeah, well," He was quick to respond, "Maybe that’s because I'm not actually a prude."

She shrugged playfully, "Could have fooled me."

"You're unbelievable," He groaned, looking down at the cobblestone path beneath their feet as he shook his head. 

“You love it when I’m hard on you,” A chuckle escaped her as she bumped her arm against his. She briskly rubbed her hands together, a futile attempt to ward off the chill that lingered the air around them.

After strolling for a few more minutes, they finally reached the pub, the welcoming glow drawing them in. River stepped in front of her, gracefully swinging the door open and gesturing for her to step inside before him.

"Thank you," She breathed out, revelling in the comforting warmth that enveloped her as they entered, the gentle sound of conversation buzzing around them.

River took in the ambiance of the place to where she had brought him and sidled up beside her as they approached the bar. She watched as he glanced over her shoulder and leaned down slightly so she could hear him over the chatter, “What would you like?"

She was caught off guard and opened her mouth in surprise. "Oh, you're buying me a drink?"

He nonchalantly nodded, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. "Yeah. What, would you rather I didn't?"

She chuckled, "Hey, no complaints here. I'll have a beer, please."

River shot her a playful glance, eyebrows raised as he tapped his fingers on the marble counter. "Wow, you're cheap."

Feigning offense, she gasped and playfully slapped his arm while shooting him a pointed look. He scoffed, rubbing his bicep for a moment as he glanced around. "Want to find a table? I'll bring the drinks over."

"Alright," She nodded, gracefully moving away as her eyes scanned the pub.

She soon spotted a snug corner table nestled towards the back of the pub and made her way over there. Taking a seat, she placed her bag beside her on the floor. As she settled into the chair, she let out a content sigh, not being able to resist stealing a glance over at River, who still lingered at the bar.

A subtle smile played on her lips as she watched him. His tall figure leaned casually against the bar, and she couldn't deny the particular kind of allure about his presence. Unbeknownst to River, his attractive good looks were well-known among those in the service. Despite his inclination to act as if the world were perpetually against him, she couldn't help but acknowledge the undeniable charm he possessed.

She reached for the hair tie around her wrist, skilfully securing her hair into a casual half-up, half-down style just as River approached the table with their drinks. Glancing up at him, she found him holding a beer in one hand and a whiskey in the other.

"Of course, you’re a whiskey drinker, how original," Y/N teased, her eyes bright with amusement as he set the glasses down on the table.

River let out a sigh, "You’ve always got something to say, don't you? Give me a break."

She chuckled and thanked him as he placed down her drink. However, as he set it on the table, she couldn't help but notice his hand – red and showing signs of a recent burn. Her eyes widened, a tinge of concern in her voice as she looked up at him, "What happened to your hand?"

He closed his eyes momentarily, a slight groan escaping his lips. He had attempted to keep his injured hand discreetly tucked away in his pocket, but it seemed he was now unable to let it escape her notice.

"Nothing, just," He began, then stalled for a second as he settled into the chair across from her, scrambling for a quick excuse, "Burned it on a grill."

Her head tilted inquisitively, and she shot him a pointed look, "Yeah right. So, are you going to tell me what actually happened?"

He let out a heavy sigh, his long fingers wrapped around his glass, deliberately avoiding eye contact. He could feel her gaze burning through him, making him shift uncomfortably in his seat.

After a brief moment of silence, he noticed her extend her hand, a silent request for him to reveal his injured hand that he was still trying to hide. He met her expectant gaze with a sigh and a sense of defeat as he reluctantly extended his hand towards her. With a gentle motion, she cradled his hand in both of hers, taking notice of the subtle tremor that seemed to steady in her grasp. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself softly at the size difference between her delicate hands and his own.

As she studied his hand with a caution, he found himself completely captivated by her focused attention. Strands of her hair fell over her face, framing a look of concentration. His eyes remained fixed on her while she examined his hand.

"Did it hurt?" She asked, her tone careful.

He felt her fingers tracing patterns on the skin of his palm, causing him to lose his train of thought for a second. 

"No. Well, yeah, a bit," He admitted, with a sheepish glance.

She nodded, letting go of his hand to reach for her drink. "Yeah, I guess opening a flash box without the code will do that."

A quizzical look crossed his face as he glanced at her. "I never told you that."

"You didn't have to," She responded, taking a sip of her beer.

River scoffed softly, shaking his head. It seemed as though she had him all figured out.

"Why would you even do that? You are many things, but I didn't think you were stupid," She teased, arching her eyebrows as he met her gaze again.

"It's nothing to worry about," He dismissed, waving her off as he took another sip of his whiskey.

Y/N observed him for a moment, her gaze following the amber liquid as it passed his lips.

"What was in the box?" She couldn't resist asking.

River sighed, briefly glancing behind her before answering, "A laptop. With files taken from Robert Hobden."

She nodded knowingly, "Do The Park know that you opened a flash box?"

"No," He briskly shook his head, "And they aren't going to find out, are they?"

She shook her head in response, a silent confirmation of her discretion. He appreciated the unspoken trust they seemed to share between them.

"Was it worth opening a flash box over?" She teased, a playful smile tugging at her lips.

"Stop interrogating me, okay? Can we just not talk about it right now?" River redirected, tapping his glass with his pointer finger. "I thought you dragged me here to get away from work."

"I didn't drag you here," She chuckled. "And if you feel trapped here, you know the way out," a hint of jest in her voice as she playfully repeated his words from Slough House earlier.

He huffed at her, "Touché."

"I'll drop it," Y/N promised, lifting her glass again. "But you know I'll grill you about it later."

He nodded, letting out a scoff at the pun she managed to slip in. "Oh, I know you will."

They settled into a comfortable silence for a minute, during which River studied her again. Sensing his gaze, she looked across at him quizzically before asking, "What?"

Biting his lip, he contemplated the question that nagged at him in the back of his mind. Deciding to bite the bullet, he took a short breath in, leaning against the table on his elbows as he crossed his arms. "Why are you here, Y/N?"

She shot him a confused look, "Uhm-"

"Not at the pub," He corrected himself in a teasing manner, "At Slough House."

She sighed, "I thought Slough House was like prison. You're not supposed to ask what you're in for."

He sensed her attempt to sidestep the question, but it didn't seem to stop him. His curiosity got the better of him and he couldn’t deny the subtle soft spot he harboured for her, something in which he often struggled to hide.

"Well, you know why I'm there," River stated.

"Yeah, but everyone knows why you're there," Y/N countered with a smile.

She laughed as he rolled his eyes, "I was gonna give you a compliment, but you can shove it now," He said, looking unamused.

"Suit yourself," She smiled, finding amusement in how easily she could tease him, "I get enough flattery from everyone else."

"But that's what I mean," River said softly, "Everyone can see that you're different. Because you are."

She glanced up at him, a gentle smile gracing her lips before she looked down again, avoiding his intense gaze.

"I mean," He continued, breaking the intensity of his gaze, "Min, Struan, Roddy—maybe not Louisa, but definitely Moody. They were always headed for the skids. They're useless. But you're…"

She looked up at him again as his words trailed off, and they shared a momentary glance, one with an unspoken meaning as River continued to speak.

"You know," He breathed, shaking his head slightly, "It just doesn't make sense. But whatever the reason for being put in Slough House, it must have come out of nowhere, right?"

She chuckled softly, taking a swig of her drink, "Always the MI5 agent, hey?"

"Sorry," He apologized, backtracking, "I'm just letting my thoughts do the talking. You don't have to tell me. It's your business."

"No, it's okay," Y/N smiled, but he watched it quickly fade as her mind ticked over. "Yeah, it did come out of nowhere."

She took a deep breath before continuing, "I was put in Slough House because of a rumour about me, that wasn't even true, got spread around at The Park."

"What kind of rumour?" River asked, dumbfounded.

"Wow," She expressed surprise, "I'm surprised you haven't heard about it already."

He gestured for her to continue, giving her his full attention.

"Someone came onto me, rather forcefully, one day at the office. And because I turned him down, it hurt his feelings. He couldn't accept it, so the next day, he went around to all of his mates at the office, telling them that I was a slut and that I basically begged him for it. His mates then proceeded to tell everyone at Regents Park, which marked me down massively. No one would even look at me after that. And because everyone took his word as gospel, I was shipped out to Slough House," Y/N explained, her emotions surfacing as she spoke the truth she had tried to bottle up for so long.

River was shocked to his core. The revelation left him not only astonished but also infuriated at how someone could do that to someone as honest and kind-hearted as her.

"I’m so sorry," He consoled.

She shrugged nonchalantly, attempting to downplay the impact, but he could sense that it bothered her deeply. Understandably so.

"I heard you worked at The Park," He said, before pressing further, "Was it anyone I know?"

Y/N stayed silent for a moment before nodding, releasing a sigh, "It was Webb."

River raised his eyebrows before scrunching them together in a frown, "Spider?!"

"Yep," She replied curtly, downing the rest of her drink.

He scoffed in disbelief, finding yet another reason to dislike James Webb. "What a dickhead. How is it that he is able to get away with something like that? It's bullshit."

She nodded, "Yeah, it was shitty. But I got my revenge on him."

He shot her a pointed look, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not usually the petty type..." Her voice trailed off as she glanced down at the table.

"Oh, come on," River encouraged her, "What did you do?"

Biting her lip, she tried to hide her smile, "On my last day at The Park, I broke into his office while he was at a meeting and went through his computer. I wasn't even looking for anything in particular. But then I found some rather revealing pictures he had of himself. So, being as pissed off as I was at the time, I sent them as an email to everyone in the building. I did it in a way that no one could trace it back to me."

River couldn't stop himself from bursting into laughter, hastily covering his mouth as he began to worry he was making too much noise.

"That is priceless," He chuckled, "Who is dumb enough to even have photos like that when working in the service? Let alone on your work computer."

"Clearly Spider," She grinned, propping her chin onto her palm.

River's laughter eventually subsided, but his smile remained, "So he never found out?"

She shook her head, "Nope. But I'm sure he won't forget it anytime soon."

"I saw him today while dropping something off at The Park," He said, thinking out loud, "I should have knocked his lights out."

"Can't change anything now," She said, "Just gotta keep moving forward."

He glanced at her, shooting her a sympathetic but genuine smile.

His chair scraped across the wooden floor as he stood up to go and get another drink, "You're one of the good ones, Y/N L/N," River smiled, tapping her shoulder as he walked past her and made his way over to the bar.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

A couple of hours had drifted by since Y/N and River had first stepped into the pub. Conversation flowed between them quite effortlessly as they both enjoyed the opportunity to unwind outside the confines of Slough House. Y/N decided to grab another drink after her first initial one, opting to nurse the second glass River had kindly bought for her. She observed him from across the table as he indulged in several glasses of whiskey.

She furrowed her brows, finding it quite amusing to witness his demeanour shift from serious to carefree within the span of just a couple of hours.

"You gonna finish that?" River mumbled, eyeing her half-empty glass. Without waiting for her response, he quickly snatched her glass from the table and downed the remaining liquid in one gulp.

She watched him with wide eyes, shaking her head at his audacity. Leaning forward on her elbows, she tapped her finger against the silver watch on his wrist that caught the light, quickly managing to glance at the time herself. "It's late!"

"What? Tired, are you?" River asked, tilting his head at her.

"You should be," She retorted, "It's a school night."

He groaned at her words, screwing his eyes shut at the thought of having to get up for work tomorrow morning while nursing a potential hangover.

She leaned over the table, concern etched on her face. "I think you've had enough, River."

His head suddenly shot up at the use of his name. He narrowed his gaze towards her cheekily before also leaning over the table, mirroring her actions. His eyes very obviously trailed over every inch of her face as he studied her features.

"You never call me River," He whispered, his voice low, unaware of the subtle hitch in her breath caused by the close proximity of their faces.

She shook her head, her reply soft, "I never call anyone River."

"Yeah well," He cleared his throat, "You can thank my mother; it was her hippie phase."

Y/N couldn't help but chuckle as an unfamiliar feeling of warmth washed over her. It felt strange to her to witness River in such a drunken state, considering his usual serious demeanour that he held. She took in the blue of his eyes, the scruff of his beard, the way his hair fell over his forehead—absorbing every detail possible.

He glanced around, taking notice of the nearly empty bar they still sat in before mumbling, "I reckon we should go."

"Good call," She agreed, standing up and pulling her coat back on.

As she grabbed her bag, she watched River skeptically as he slowly rose to his feet. He tapped his jacket a few times, feeling to make sure he still had his keys and his wallet.

The two quietly made their way out of the pub, the cool night air hitting them instantly as they stepped out onto the quiet streets of London. Y/N stood beside River, casting a sidelong glance at him, unable to shake the amusement present from her expression.

"So, reckon you’ll be fine to get home?" She teased him.

He glanced down at her from his tall height as he towered over her, nodding as he swayed on his feet slightly. "Yeah."

"Okay," She smiled up at him, "Thanks for tonight, I'll see you tom-"

But he was quick to cut her off, "Walk with me?"

"Huh?" She questioned him, pulling on her coat tighter around her frame as she craned her neck to look up at him.

River chuckled slightly as he casually shrugged his shoulders. "I wanna keep talking to you, so will you walk home with me?"

Y/N narrowed her gaze at him, reminding herself of the fact that he had managed to drink a whole lot more than her tonight. Without stopping to give it much thought, she found herself nodding and shot him a smile. "Alright, fine."

While they started walking together, side by side,  down the street, River stumbled a bit, causing Y/N to reach out and grab his arm in order to steady him. "Easy there, Cartwright. Don't want you face-planting on the pavement."

"I've got it under control," River assured her, though the grin on his face betrayed a different story.

As they continued walking, she could feel him subtly starting to lean against her small frame slightly. His head was spinning, and to him it felt like he was floating due to the amount of alcohol he had consumed. She stole another glance at him, observing the longer strides he took compared to what he usually would. There was a peculiar bounce in his step, and the usual frown that often adorned his face was long gone which amused her with every passing minute.

"How is it that I'm smaller than you but can hold my alcohol better than you can?" Y/N teased him, leaning against him slightly as the wind crept past them.

"Shut up," He breathed, while shaking his head and licking his lips.

Before long, they arrived at a set of apartments. She stopped in her tracks, watching as River walked ahead of her, towards a flight of stairs. It was only a couple of seconds before he noticed she was no longer following him. He turned around slowly, gesturing towards her with a confused look on his face.

"You coming?" River asked, tucking his hands further into the pockets of his jacket. 

She curled her lips into her teeth, contemplating for a moment before she gave in, starting to follow him up the stairs which led to his apartment. He had slowed his pace down on the steps in front of her as he waited for her to catch up with him.

Once he had felt her place her hands onto his back, he sensed the warmth through the material of his jacket. She carefully guided him up the stairs, her presence a reassuring anchor until he stopped in front of his apartment door. He reached for his keys and fumbled with them, struggling to keep his eyes focused.

Y/N eyed him warily, observing the effects the alcohol had on his coordination. "Hey," She stepped closer to him, and spoke softly, "Give me those."

He chuckled, giving up almost instantly and passed her his keys. They stood close together, their fingers brushing against each other as she grabbed the keys from his hand.

"Which one is it?" She asked, glancing up at him with expectant eyes.

River leaned his head against the brick wall in front of him, turning slightly to look down at his keys before pointing to the right one. "That one."

She chuckled at him, biting her lip in concentration as she unlocked his front door. She could feel his eyes burning a hole into the side of her head, yet she tried to ignore it. As the door creaked open, she held it open for him, maintaining a watchful eye as he stumbled through his entryway. 

His studio apartment was dimly lit, the soft glow revealing the lived-in but tidy space he occupied.

"Alright, Cartwright," She teased, handing him back his keys. "Get some rest and maybe lay off the whiskey next time."

River chuckled, giving her a nod of agreement. "Thanks, Y/N. And thanks for walking with me."

Y/N smiled with a genuine warmth in her eyes. "Well, you did buy me a drink. Consider it payback."

He stared down at her intently as he came to stand in front of her. He drew in a few deep breaths, the sound filling the silence that enveloped his apartment. River narrowed his eyes gently at her as a sheepish grin tugged it way onto his lips.

“What are you looking at?” She asked him, feeling a warmth beginning to appear across her cheeks.

With a nonchalant shrug, he maintained his silence as he simply shrugged his shoulders in response.

Y/N knew she should take her leave, but there was something about him that made her want to stay. He didn’t seem to mind as he tripped over the mat, and he kicked his shoes off. He managed to shrug off his jacket as he made his way over to the bathroom to  brush his teeth.

Deciding to stay, she placed her bag beside the lounge as she let her eyes wander around curiously, absorbing the surprisingly cozy charm of his apartment. The warmth enveloped her, leaving her torn between the sensible impulse to leave and the pull she was feeling that made her want to stay a little while longer.

River emerged from the bathroom, keeping quiet as he sauntered his way to his bed. As he settled down onto the edge of the mattress, he couldn’t help but let out a heavy sigh, a release of tension he seemed unaware of carrying. Y/N approached him slowly, as she tucked her hands into the pockets of her coat, her gaze fixed on him.

“You alright?” She asked him, taking notice of the slump of his shoulders and the  frown on his face that had managed to return.

There was a brief silence that lingered before she pressed on, concern evident in her voice, “What’s up? Hmm?”

She swore she could hear him sniffle slightly and watched as River reached up to run his hands over his face. He soon lifted his head to meet her gaze, shaking his head, a look of weariness etched across his features.

“I just…” He sighed, deliberately trying to hold back, leaving an unspoken weight lingering in the air.

Y/N found herself witnessing a side of him she never would have anticipated – vulnerable, burdened by the weight of emotions he desperately tried to hide. . Without hesitation, she extended a comforting hand, placing it gently on his shoulder. "You can talk to me, you know?" She reassured, offering him with a supportive presence.

River sighed, his gaze remaining heavy and fixed on the floor. "I just want to be actually useful, Y/N. Do something, I mean – I could not be more bored if I tried, and I have actually tried. It feels like I’m drowning there in Slough House."

She listened attentively, allowing him the space to voice the thoughts he'd been holding back. It was clear to Y/N in that moment that opening up like this wasn't something he was accustomed to. He had a perpetual need to prove himself, a persistent desperation that echoed in his words. The weight of expectations seemed to be wearing him down, and the vulnerability he displayed was both unfamiliar and exhausting for someone who typically guarded his thoughts so closely.

“I just feel like a failure, and it’s all my fault,” River murmured, completely defeated, his frustration evident as he began to rub at his eyes with his knuckles.

A brief silence hung in the air before Y/N gently placed both of her hands on his shoulders. "River," She whispered into the quiet, watching as he glanced up at her from where he sat in front of her.

She offered a soft smile once their eyes met. "When was the last time you had a hug?"

He looked away for a moment, genuinely trying to recall the last time he embraced someone. What shocked him was the realization that he genuinely couldn't remember the last time he had been hugged.

“I don’t know,” He mumbled, shaking his head.

Y/N frowned, taking a tentative step closer, as if testing the waters. “Can I hug you?” She whispered.

River nodded, with the word "Please" escaping his lips, quiet and hushed.

Without any hesitation, Y/N stepped forward, closing the gap between them and positioning herself between his legs. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him into a comforting embrace. At first River was initially unsure, but gradually surrendered to the solace of the moment, reciprocating by enveloping her in his arms. His head found a resting place against her stomach, and a contented exhale escaped him as he felt her nails tracing patterns on his back through the fabric of his shirt.

Her perfume acted as a subtle anchor, which grounded him, preventing him from falling apart completely. They lingered in their embrace, the gentle swaying of their bodies providing a soothing rhythm.

“Hey,” She whispered, her hands tracing up the sides of his face, forcing him to look at her, “You’re not a failure, I promise.”

River, too tired and fatigued to muster any words, flashed her a lazy smile as his eyes started to grow heavy. Resting his chin against her stomach, he glanced up at her. The effort to stay awake was a struggle for him, and her thumbs, rubbing soothing circles into his cheeks, only added to the struggle he faced.

“I think I need to sleep,” He mumbled, burying his face against the fabric of her shirt again, savouring the warmth of the hug for a few more precious seconds.

Reluctantly, he pulled away and settled back against the mattress. Y/N observed him, grateful that he was home safely.

"You need anything before I leave?" Y/N offered, lingering near the end of the bed, her gaze briefly caught by the city lights beyond his window.

One of his eyes opened, heavy with drowsiness, as he glanced at her from where he laid. It didn’t take long before he spoke up.

“Stay for a bit?” He asked, his voice sounding small and muffled against the pillows.

Without hesitation, she nodded towards him, slipping off her shoes and coat. Her body dipped against the mattress as she crawled up to the top, leaning against the headboard of his bed. To her surprise, she felt River shift closer, lifting his head to glance at her for a moment.

“Is this okay?” He asked, a vulnerable note in his voice that made her heart surge.

She nodded, motioning for him to come closer. River slumped down beside her, allowing her to hold him. Grabbing a blanket from the end of his bed, she draped it over the top of them. With an arm wrapped gently around his shoulders, she began playing with his soft, blonde hair.

“That feels good,” He hummed in content, draping an arm across her torso. The sensation of being held felt overwhelming to him, but in all the right ways.

As River slowly drifted into a peaceful slumber, Y/N felt his body starting to become heavier against her. In the quiet of his room, the city lights outside casting a gentle glow across his apartment, she continued to hold him, providing the comfort he needed in that vulnerable moment.

©𝙇𝙄𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙎𝙉𝙄𝘿

5801 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

[lilacsnid]

Am slowly getting through the last part for Truths Out In Upshott, sorry for the slow progress, am having MAJOR writers block. This may be the last part but I still have SO many ideas for our guy, much love to you all & thanks for the support 🫶🏼

[lilacsnid]

𝙇𝙄𝙇𝘼𝘾 𝙒𝙍𝙄𝙏𝙀𝙎 𝙈𝘼𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙏

𝙎𝙇𝙊𝙒 𝙃𝙊𝙍𝙎𝙀𝙎 → 𝘙𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐦 | 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 (4.1k words)

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: Y/N has been assigned on a solo undercover mission. Infiltrate the warehouse, secure the flash drive, and evade detection; seems simple enough. But what happens if she gets caught by a dangerous criminal & her life hangs in the balance?

𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 | 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 (5.8k words)

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: Y/N is leaving work from Slough House rather late one evening and passes River's office to find him still sitting at his desk. She persuades him to not be so uptight & to come have a drink with her at the pub. She learns a bit more about him that night - including the fact that River Cartwright is a massive lightweight.

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐔𝐩𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐭 | 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 (10k+ words)

✗ 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙊𝙣𝙚 ✗ 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙏𝙬𝙤

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: They despised one another & barely tolerated each other while working at Slough House. Tensions rise as they are sent out into the field together, working undercover to search for a sleeper agent in the cozy village of Upshott. To avoid being caught, they are forced to pretend that they are "together". Being so close in each others company causes certain feelings rise to the surface that they have both tried to bury for far too long.

𝘿𝙐𝙉𝙆𝙄𝙍𝙆 → 𝘊𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘴

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐎𝐟 𝐖𝐚𝐫 | 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘹 𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: Amongst the chaos of World War II breaking out, 23 year old Charlotte Brooks was desperate to be of use to her country. Fresh out of training, she is sent to the coast of France to work in a British base field hospital. It soon becomes clear that no amount of training could have prepared her for the traumatic sights she would see. One night, the hospital receives a convoy of trauma patients, soldiers who have been brutally injured while fighting on the front line. That night, an RAF pilot is taken into her care and it seems that she ends up finding love where she didn't go searching for it.

COMING SOON ✔︎

[lilacsnid]

YOUR RIVER FICS….. the River girlies are PINING

HEHEHE delivering the goods

[lilacsnid]

Jack Lowden as Collins: Afternoon. 

Me:

[lilacsnid]

I’ve been waiting for someone to write a River fic and you nailed it! I absolutely love the way you write💖

THANK YOU SO MUCH ����❤️

[lilacsnid]

Just wanted to thank you for the River fics, really enjoying them a lot!! 💖💖💖 Really looking forward to the rest of Truths Out In Upshott! Have a great day 💕

This is has made my day, thank you so much! Have got so many ideas for our boy & can’t wait to share them with you! 🫶🏼

[lilacsnid]

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐔𝐩𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐭 | 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 (𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘰)

➪ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: They despised one another & barely tolerated each other while working at Slough House. Tensions rise as they are sent out into the field together, working undercover to search for a sleeper agent in the cozy village of Upshott. To avoid being caught, they are forced to pretend that they are "together". Being so close in each others company causes certain feelings rise to the surface that they have both tried to bury for far too long.

𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙨: she/her pronouns used. this story is based on the episode - from upshott with love, but I have changed the storyline line slightly, so it might not be the exact same as the show.

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨: this is a work of fiction; any names, characters from slow horses, places & incidents will either be a product of my imagination or used fictionally. got a bit carried away so this will now be a three part series.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Y/N woke up the next morning to the warm, gentle feeling of the sun casting across her face. She let herself bask in the comfortable sensation, relishing the peaceful moment  before allowing her eyes to flutter open. As she squinted,  she suddenly became aware of her new position as her eyes tried to adjust to the light. 

She figured that sometime during the night, she must have turned over because she was now on her side, facing River. Without realising, they both must have unconsciously drawn closer, as their foreheads were now almost touching. She simply couldn’t stop herself as her gaze traced along his face, taking in all of his features. River was also on his side, his eyes closed and his long lashes brushing against the apples of his cheeks. 

His floppy blonde hair caught the light as it rested over his forehead, creating a golden glow. 

Y/N’s fingers itched to reach out and brush the hair out of his face, but she managed to suppress the sudden impulse. Her attention shifted to his broad shoulders, which were rising and falling with each slow and deep breath he took. As she glanced down, she noticed his hand, still outstretched from the night before, now resting against the mattress in between them, a sign that he had been tracing patterns on the skin of her back until he fell back to sleep. 

She closed her eyes for a brief moment, trying her hardest to imprint the memory and the feeling of his fingers tracing gentle patterns onto her skin. The sensation felt unfamiliar, and the realization that she hadn't thought of River in this way before lingered in her mind. Something was undeniably beginning to shift between the two of them.

Her gaze continued to explore every detail of his face as she felt a sudden unease settling in her stomach. Perhaps it was vulnerability, yet she brushed the feeling aside, not being able to confront it just yet.

Only a few minutes passed before River began to stir. With soft eyes, she allowed herself to watch him wake up. He blinked a couple of times, adjusting to the sunlight that filled the room. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he lifted his head, momentarily surveying the unfamiliar surroundings. However, that expression quickly faded as he soon remembered where he was.

He sighed, letting his head to sink back against the pillow. His eyes closed briefly before reopening them to find the girl across from him already watching him. Something in her expression caught him off guard, a nuance about her that he couldn’t quite place. It was a pleasant change from the usual array of looks she would normally give him — a gentleness and softness that felt new.

Amongst the comfortable silence, they held each other’s gaze for a minute. She watched a small smile tug at the corner of his mouth before he cleared his throat. 

“Morning,” River murmured, folding his arms to rest under his pillow.

Y/N chose to ignore the flutter in her chest stirred by the sound of his raspy morning voice, returning his smile and pulling the covers tighter around herself.

“Hey,” She replied, her voice hushed.

He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, trying to get rid of any lingering traces of sleep, “How are you feeling?” 

She shrugged, taking a moment to actually assess her state. Despite the usual lingering fatigue, she couldn’t deny that she felt a bit more rested than usual.

“Good, yeah,” She replied, starting to feel more awake with each passing moment. “Actually got a pretty decent sleep.”

River chuckled lightly, exhaling through his nose. “Yeah, you’re welcome.”

“I wasn’t actually thanking you for anything,” She chuckled, extending her hand from under the covers to playfully shove his arm.

He scoffed in response, his gaze drifting down to her hand. The ring she was wearing caught the light of the sun that shone into the room from behind the curtains. He took notice of the ring and the fact that she had kept it on. Following his gaze, she noticed it too. Trying to ignore the blush starting to creep up her cheeks, she quickly retracted her hand and pulled it back underneath the covers.

River suddenly became acutely aware of their close proximity as he felt his heart starting to pound against the inside of his chest. Squinting for a moment, he studied her, and a silence enveloped them once again.

He tried to keep his gaze from wandering, yet he found his eyes tracing down her face. Up into her eyes before momentarily lingering on her plump lips, the air around them thickened. Just as he could sense the slight tension, he rolled over onto his back, breaking eye contact and creating a bit of space between them.

Feeling a sudden wave of self-awareness, Y/N shook off the moment and reminded herself of their purpose here. She sat up, stretching her arms out in front of her. Instead of reaching for her phone, she stole a glance at River from over her shoulder. 

“What time is it?” She asked, covering her mouth with her hand as she tried to stifle a yawn.

Holding his wrist up in front of his face, he furrowed his eyebrows as he glanced at his watch. “Just gone half-seven.”

Y/N sighed. “We'd better get a move on.”

He nodded in agreement, observing her closely as she threw the covers off her body and stood up from the bed, her fingers nimbly pulling on the hair tie from around her wrist. As she raised her arms to tie her hair back, he found his eyes involuntarily tracing over every part of her body—from her legs to her hips, her waist, and all the way up to her neck. She bent over her bag, picking out suitable clothes for the day, and he absorbed every inch of her, suddenly aware of all the perfect curves that had eluded his notice before. Taking a deep breath, he suddenly felt his own clothes starting to feel unexpectedly restrictive.

“I’m taking the first shower, is that cool?” Y/N asked, rising to her feet and gesturing toward the bathroom.

River quickly shifted his gaze to her face, concerned that she might have caught him staring. However, she seemed oblivious, looking at him expectantly and waiting for his response.

He nodded hastily, stumbling over his words. “Uhm—yeah, yeah. Yep, all good.”

Her gaze narrowed for a split second as she glanced at him before shrugging it off and heading toward the bathroom. As soon as he heard the bathroom door close and the water start to flow for the shower, he threw his head back against the pillow and released a deep breath.

Thoughts of her lingered in his mind, and he let out a frustrated groan, running his hands through his dishevelled hair and tugging slightly at the roots.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Once they had both readied themselves for the day ahead, the two of them exited their shared room and descended the stairs into the quiet, empty pub below. Y/N slung her camera around her torso on the way downstairs, maintaining the facade of being a photographer.

She followed River towards the front door, he confidently grabbed the handle to try and open the door, only to realize that it was locked.

An almost taunting voice echoed from the bar, breaking the silence.

“There’s no escape!” Kelly called out with a playful grin.

Y/N and River exchanged a knowing glance before deciding to go and investigate. As they approached the bar, just before turning the corner of the wall, River paused to look down at her from his towering height. Raising his eyebrows, he extended his hand out towards her and offered it to her.

She simply blinked, confusion flickered across her face for a moment until realization set in.

Oh, right. She thought, best to keep up appearances.

Y/N reached her hand out, letting him take her hand in his own. There was something about the way his long fingers intertwined with hers that made her stomach flip, a sensation she tried to dismiss. River gave a gentle tug, leading her around the corner to where Kelly stood at the bar.

"Oh, hello," Y/N greeted with a small, friendly smile.

"Hi," Kelly replied, briefly glancing at their entwined hands before directing her attention mainly towards Jonathon.

“So,” River began, closing the distance to the bar as they got closer, “Have you been here all night?”

Kelly chuckled, "No, I come in early to set the bar."

"Ah," He nodded as he settled onto a stool in front of the bar.

Kelly beamed at him, "Make a bit of extra cash. I lock the door to keep the village alcoholics—or should I say, the villagers—from barging in and demanding a breakfast lock-in."

River let out a breathy laugh. "Right. And there you were, telling me that life here is boring."

After sharing a tender look with Y/N, he reached out to pull her in, placing her between his legs. She grinned, playing the part of the adoring fiancée, wrapping her arms loosely around his shoulders.

“Well, that just does not sound boring,” He continued, his hand tracing a soft path across her waist, gently gripping her hip and rubbing soothing circles.

Y/N chuckled softly, finding it surprisingly effortless to play this role with River, even as she reminded herself that it was all part of an act.

Suppressing a sigh, she noticed Kelly's gaze lingering on him, a bright smile playing on her lips as she asked, “What are you up to today?” 

The question was clearly directed at him, but he didn’t seem to take much notice as he stole a glance at Y/N as if he was searching her eyes.

“Uh, I don’t know,” He replied, tightening his arm around her waist. “We thought we might just explore the village, you know, get a feel for the place.”

“Yeah,” Y/N added with a smile, nodding in agreement. “It’s a lovely day; what better way than to spend it together?”

Kelly watched as Jonathon and Harriet exchanged a loving glance, completely oblivious to the fact that it was all an elaborate act.

“Why don’t I come with you? I can show you around,” Kelly suggested, her offer hanging in the air.

River shot a brief look at Y/N, silently seeking her approval. Knowing her reservations about Kelly, especially given her standoffish behaviour, he felt a slight falter in her arms that were still around his shoulders. Rubbing his hand over her hip, he prompted her to respond, and after a momentary pause, she regained her composure.

“Yeah, that would be great, why not?” Y/N replied, her smile seemingly forced.

Kelly reached for her jacket. "I’ve got a spare ten minutes.”

As Kelly turned her back for a moment, he shifted himself to fully face Y/N, trying to gauge her reaction. He noticed that she was keeping her emotions well hidden, offering him a smile as she ran her hands over his back. Despite their faces being in close proximity, they both chose to ignore it as Kelly turned back around.

“And then,” Kelly said, biting her lip in a manner that made Y/N cringe slightly, “Would your expenses stretch to a private aircraft?”

Her unexpected question caught both Y/N and River off guard, prompting River to recall his previous experience at The Flying Club yesterday.

He chuckled, collecting himself, “Uh, yeah, who’s flying?”

“Me,” Kelly declared, starting to walk out of the bar.

Out of sight, Y/N and River exchanged a questioning look. Y/N allowed her arms to fall slightly, both of them lost in thought. Could she have been the one to fly Dickie Bow’s killer to Estonia for a swift getaway? It was a question that needed answers.

Exiting the pub, the two of them followed Kelly, braving the cold air that nipped at their skin as they crossed the road.

“So, Kelly,” Y/N spoke up, attempting to steer the conversation, “How long have you lived here?”

Surprisingly, Kelly responded as she glanced over at Y/N, “All my life. Well, apart from three years at Uni. Then I came back here to consider my next move, which I'm still considering.”

Y/N maintained a practiced smile, effortlessly slipping into character. “And your parents? Did they grow up here too?”

“No,” Kelly replied, sneaking a glance at River before continuing, “They were newcomers. Moved here from London just before I was born.”

Unaware of the not-so-discreet looks directed his way from Kelly, River paid more attention to the passing surroundings, his hands tucked casually into his pockets, absorbing the atmosphere of the village.

She nodded, maintaining the facade. “And why was that then?”

Y/N had a particular tone to her voice that conveyed genuine interest, aiming to sound engaged rather than nosy as she listened attentively to Kelly's story. Meanwhile, she could feel River subtly brush his arm against hers as they walked side by side. At first, Y/N didn't think much of it, remaining focused on what Kelly was saying. However, she soon felt River's fingers gently tapping against the side of her hand. His fingertips then traced small circles on the inside of her palm, a silent request for permission to hold her hand.

Without hesitation, she opened her hand, allowing him to intertwine his fingers with hers. Despite the size difference of their hands, it didn't matter. He swung their linked hands gently as they strolled through the charming village, their connection adding a subtle layer of authenticity to the act they were putting on.

“…..and my Dad got into flying, so his hobby became his job!” Kelly finished, which caught River’s attention.

“Right, so he’s a pilot then?” River questioned.

Kelly chuckled, shaking her head. “No, he owns the flying club.”

Y/N felt River's hand tighten slightly in response to this revelation, she sensed his mind ticking over as he processed the information.

“Oh, right, right,” He nodded, deciding to drop the topic for the meantime.

Over the next 15 minutes or so, Kelly continued to guide them through the quaint little village of Upshott. Y/N started to look around in awe, absorbing the simple yet captivating sights it had to offer. The village may not have had much to boast about, but its charm laid in the beautiful scenery – a combination of greenery and old houses creating a cosy atmosphere.

The day was stunning which only enhanced the village's allure. Y/N paused along the way to capture a few photos with her camera. She couldn’t help but appreciate how handsome River looked as he let go of her hand to peer over the side of the stone bridge they were crossing. The gentle sound of running water echoed from the stream below, and the sunlight caught his hair from where it was trying to break through the green canopy of trees above. Stepping back, Y/N seized the opportunity to take a couple of photos, capturing the picturesque moment unfolding in front of her.

River caught the clicking sound of Y/N's camera and swiftly turned on his heels to glance at her. A frown formed on his face, but a small smile played on his lips as he watched her laugh at his reaction.

Taking a moment to appreciate her, he found her bathed in a gentle glow from the sun, her laughter echoing as she threw her head back, hair flowing freely over her shoulders. In that moment, he couldn't help but smile at her—she was undeniably beautiful.

As they neared the end of the road, Kelly came to a stop in front of them. 

"Well, that’s it," She sighed, nodding slightly.

River glanced around, "Oh."

“Fancy an aerial view?” Kelly then asked, directing her gaze at him rather than Y/N.

Despite the subtle pang in Y/N's chest at the way Kelly looked at him, she maintained a smile, watching him expectantly. 

“Um, yeah, sounds good,” River drawled out, pushing his hands into his pockets as he looked down at Y/N who stood beside him, feeling a bit caught off guard. "What do you reckon, babe?"

Y/N was taken aback by the sudden pet name but managed to push it down. Fortunately, she wasn't a fan of heights, and honestly, the prospect of watching Kelly attempt to flirt with Jonathon didn't appeal to her either.

Shaking her head, she briefly glanced at Kelly, who returned her gaze with almost a glare. "Oh, I don’t know. I’m not really a fan of heights,” She explained.

“But you should go,” Y/N continued, looking up at River, who was already gazing down at her.

She could almost see the fleeting disappointment on his face. Deep down, he had hoped she would join him. Despite Kelly's advances, both of them understood that it would be best if Jonathon went with her. After overhearing the suspicious conversation between Kelly and what appeared to be her father the night before, River needed to gather as much information as possible, especially considering his chance to visit The Flying Club again.

“You sure?” He questioned, raising his eyebrows slightly.

She nodded and hummed in response, “Yeah, I’m sure. Anyway, it’ll give me the chance to explore the village a bit more.”

If only Kelly wasn't standing right across from them, they could have exchanged a quick debrief. Instead, River simply smiled down at her.

“Okay,” He nodded, holding her gaze for a couple of seconds as he placed a hand on her hip, wrapping it around her waist. “I’ll see you in an hour or so then.”

“Alright,” She smiled, reaching forward to grasp the ends of his jacket.

Though it felt like an eternity, they only locked eyes for a few seconds before River dipped his head down, planting a chaste kiss on her cheek.

“See you soon,” He said, slowly taking his hand away from her hip.

She could sense Kelly’s stare burning into the side of her head. In a moment of impulse, before she could fully comprehend her actions, Y/N reached up and pressed her lips to his, standing on her tiptoes to reach him.

The unexpected kiss caught River completely off guard, but he skillfully played it off as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Closing his eyes, he reached his hand out, gently resting it back on her waist. He couldn’t deny the unfamiliar enjoyment of her soft lips against his own.

They held the kiss for a few seconds. River almost found himself not wanting to pull away, but he managed to do so, opening his eyes to search hers. Her expectant doe eyes staring back up at him made him feel weak in the knees.

“Have fun,” She smiled, her fingers still tugging on the ends of his jacket.

“Will do,” He breathed out. Unable to resist, he dipped his head down and placed another small, short kiss on her lips. Though he wouldn't admit it to himself, he told himself it was for the sake of appearance.

Stepping back, he began to follow Kelly towards her parked car.

Y/N stood to the side, her fingers toying with the strap of her camera. She watched as River glanced over his shoulder at her, flashing a genuine smile. Tilting her head up, she waved, ignoring the blush that crept its way onto her cheeks.

Watching him get into the car, she turned on her heel and made her way back into the heart of the village.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Y/N refused to admit that jealousy was the source of her agitation every time the thought of River being alone with another woman, particularly someone as overtly obsessed with him as Kelly, crossed her mind. The mere image of Kelly shamelessly flirting with him on the bustling main street of Upshott made her blood boil. Even the idea that they were alone together made it feel worse.

Intellectually, she knew that River prioritized the mission over succumbing to Kelly's relentless advances. However, despite this knowledge, an unsettling feeling still continued to linger. Despite this, she was determined to regain control over her emotions. Y/N decided it was time to refocus on the task at hand. She reminded herself that she was a highly skilled MI5 agent and needed to channel her energy into the task rather than letting thoughts of River invade her mind.

During the afternoon, she managed to discreetly navigate the quiet streets of Upshott, her eyes keenly observing every detail.  She took care while strategically snapping photos to document the surroundings. To any passer by, she just looked like an ordinary tourist who travelled down from London. The picturesque facade of the village hid potential secrets, and the mission River and herself had been given was to unveil any Russian sleeper agents hiding in plain sight, cicadas.

As she moved from one shop to another, she felt her thumb unconsciously tracing against the ring River had bought for her to wear on her finger, fighting to shake the unease caused by thoughts of him and Kelly. Determined to put those distractions aside, she moved her focus onto her task once again.

Y/N came to a sudden halt, captivated by the sight of a small pond off to her right. There were a few stone steps that were peaking out from the surface, adding a touch of serenity to the scene. Moved by the picturesque view and the way the light reflected off the water, she instinctively raised her camera, feigning the capture of a shot while also using it to subtly survey her surroundings.

In the midst of her observation, her keen eye caught sight of a petite woman with tousled blonde hair and glasses engaged in a heated exchange with a tall, bald man with a strong and muscular build. She could almost feel the tension as she watched on. Through the lens of her camera, she suddenly felt a jolt of recognition. The man held an uncanny resemblance to Andrei Chernitsky, the individual they had been tracking via CCTV from Oxford Parkway station back at Slough House. The familiarity of his features only intensified her curiosity.

Intrigued by the unfolding drama, Y/N swiftly zoomed in, discreetly trying to capture every detail of the argument that had seemingly spilled over into the peaceful ambiance of the pond.

However, her covert operation took an unexpected turn when the lady abruptly glanced in her direction, making eye contact through the lens. Panic surged through Y/N as she quickly pulled the camera away from her face for a moment. Acting quickly, she subtly adjusted and lifted her camera, pretending to capture different shots, all the while discreetly observing the heated argument between the frazzled blonde and the imposing bald man.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the man beginning to approach her with a determined stride.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," Y/N whispered under her breath, pretending to be oblivious of his presence as he approached.

"What do you think you're doing, huh? Filming us?" The man barked, his voice rising.

Maintaining composure, Y/N calmly replied, "No, no. I'm just taking photos of the village. I'm a photojournalist."

"Bullshit! I saw you pointing that thing right at us," He retorted, his tone escalating. Y/N was startled at the sudden intensity, relieved they were alone in this secluded spot so no one else could witness the interaction and arouse suspicion.

Amid his yelling, she couldn't help but notice his pronounced Russian accent, almost confirming her suspicious further that this man was the one they were sent to find. Inhaling deeply, she worked to stay composed, making a mental note to report this back to Lamb as soon as she was given the chance.

"Show me what you've got on that camera!" He pointed a finger in her direction.

Y/N hesitated for a moment, weighing her options. She couldn't blow her cover, but giving away the SD card wasn't ideal either. With a subtle sigh, she handed the camera over to the man, knowing she didn’t have anything to hide on there. 

“Look, I'm not trying to cause any trouble. It's just pictures of the village, I promise," She said, trying to reason with him.

She heard him sneer as he began to go through her camera, “We’ll see about that.”

Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes and deck the guy right there and then, she maintained her composure and let out a sigh.

"Look, I'm a photographer. I'm here with my fiancé, who's working on a piece about village life. He's a journalist, we both work for The Times," She explained, ensuring her words flowed naturally and didn't sound rehearsed.

He quickly scanned through the photos, his stern expression gradually transforming into one of confusion as he found nothing that would raise any suspicion. All the photos were of the village, just as she had said. She maintained her innocent in the moment, concealing the anxiety that threatened to surface.

The man grumbled, “Yeah well, you better watch where you point that thing next time.”

"Apologies," Y/N murmured, retrieving her camera from his outstretched hand before he pushed past her, stalking away.

She took a moment to regain herself after he had walked away. The unexpected confrontation had rattled her nerves slightly, but her determination remained steadfast. Casually peering over her shoulder, she noticed the man rejoining the lady from earlier, who shot her a pointed look, sparking Y/N's suspicion further. Without hesitation, she turned on her heels and headed back to the pub. Once she felt like she was at a safe distance, she pulled out her phone and dialled Jonathan's number.

Holding the phone to her ear, she sighed as it went straight to voicemail.

"Hey, you've reached Jonathon Walker. I can't make it to the phone right now, but leave your name and number, and I'll get back to you."

BEEP

"It's me. Call me when you get this; something's happened," She said before hanging up, glancing around once more before resuming her walk back to the pub.

©𝙇𝙄𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙎𝙉𝙄𝘿

4528 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

[lilacsnid]

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐔𝐩𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐭 | 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 (𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦)

➪ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: They despised one another & barely tolerated each other while working at Slough House. Tensions rise as they are sent out into the field together, working undercover to search for a sleeper agent in the cozy village of Upshott. To avoid being caught, they are forced to pretend that they are "together". Being so close in each others company causes certain feelings rise to the surface that they have both tried to bury for far too long.

𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙨: she/her pronouns used. this story is based on the episode - from upshott with love, but I have changed the storyline line slightly, so it might not be the exact same as the show.

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨: this is a work of fiction; any names, characters from slow horses, places & incidents will either be a product of my imagination or used fictionally.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Music blared through her earphones as Y/N sat outside Gloucester train station, perched on an uncomfortable bench. One leg crossed over the other with her bag resting underneath her feet. She kept peering over the bridge of her sunglasses, surveying the station's surroundings. With a quick glance at her watch, a flicker of annoyance crossed her face. She had received very particular instructions from Lamb earlier that day to be at Gloucester station by 2:00 pm, and now it was already 4:45 pm. She was starting to grow impatient. The prospect of a mission outside Slough House had completely and utterly exhilarated her. She felt as if she had been withering away there and craved an opportunity to prove herself. The anticipation of action was a welcoming change.

Her fingers picked mindlessly at the chipping paint on the seat beneath her, trying to stop herself from going crazy. Out the corner of her eye, she spotted a black car pull up in front of her. No cars had entered the car park since she got off the train, so she jumped up, fairly confident that it was Lamb.

She stood to her feet with a heavy sigh, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Her gaze remained fixed on Lamb, who briskly got out the car, meeting her eye before closing the door.

“Oh, you are here. Didn’t expect you to show,” Lamb quipped sarcastically, retrieving a cigarette out from his pocket.

Through her sunglasses, she rolled her eyes, retorting, "You're hilarious, really. What the fuck took you so long? I've been off the train for at least two hours."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Had a few loose ends to tie up. Surprisingly, you weren't at the top of my to-do list."

"Sure," Y/N scoffed, pushing her sunglasses up to rest atop her head, shooting him a glare.

A sudden realization hit her as she drew in a deep breath - Lamb hadn't been the one driving the hire car. Before she had the chance to voice her confusion, the other car door opened, and River emerged from the driver's seat.

Her narrowed gaze locked onto River, looking at him from head to toe before shifting her attention back to Lamb.

"Why is he here?" She asked sharply.

Lamb took a long drag of his cigarette, replying rather nonchalantly, "He's going with you."

Y/N raised her eyebrows in disbelief, her expression twisting in bewilderment. "You've got to be kidding."

"When do I ever joke?" Lamb retorted rhetorically. "Didn't have enough assignments to go around, and frankly, I could do with a break from the constant bickering between you two."

His words caused Y/N to shake her head, her gaze shifting over to River, who raised his hands in a gesture of surrender from where they rested on the roof of the car.

"Trust me," He said, his eyes briefly glancing off into the distance, "I'm not exactly thrilled about it either."

Approaching her with a file in hand, Lamb handed over the contents. "New ID, brief, funding package and dossier. Try not to fucking lose any of it," He remarked, met by another glare from Y/N as she snatched the file from his outstretched hand.

"Enjoy yourselves," Lamb said, already heading towards the train station's entrance. "Oh, and one more thing I forgot to mention. Your cover story: you two are engaged."

"WHAT?!" River and Y/N both yelled in unison as they stared him down, their voices echoing through the station.

Turning back to face them, Lamb explained, "The point is to stay undercover, right? You need a believable story. No one will suspect two lovebirds exploring the cozy villages of Cotswolds."

"Seriously?" River objected, disbelief etched in his voice.

Lamb let out an exasperated sigh at the two of them. "Listen, I really couldn't give less of a fuck about the specifics, but for your own sake, make it look fucking convincing. Real lives are at stake here, and I don't need to remind you how that weighs on the line. I know 'acting' might be a stretch, especially for you two."

"Such a prick," Y/N muttered under her breath as they watched Lamb stride away.

River couldn’t help but steal a quick glance at her, watching as Y/N strode toward the boot of the car in frustration. With a forceful heave, she tossed her bag inside beside his, the resounding sound of her slamming the car boot shut making him cringe. Reclaiming the driver's seat, he waited for her to slip into the passenger seat beside him before reversing out of the carpark and back onto the gravel road.

An uncomfortable silence lingered within in the car, thick with tension, as they kept driving. Y/N couldn't believe just how unlucky she had gotten — being paired with the one person who drove her absolutely crazy. Their snide comments and constant bickering would undoubtedly always drive their colleagues mad.

She opened the folder Lamb had handed over, skimming through the documents detailing the individuals they were tasked to surveil. She made sure to read over the brief, absorbing all of the pertinent details.

"Just when things seemed to be looking up," Y/N murmured, her gaze now fixed on the passing scenery as they drove.

The audible sound of River sucking his teeth showcased his patience that was wearing thin. "You're not the only one feeling like that,” He grumbled, sinking back into the driver's seat. One hand gripped the steering wheel, while the other casually rested on his thigh.

A few moments passed in silence, the air growing even more thick with an unspoken tension between them. River drew in a deep breath, the air of annoyance dissolving momentarily before he spoke up again.

"Look, I get it. You're not my biggest fan, and I've never quite figured out why," He began, stealing a quick glance in her direction. "But I really want to nail this. Chances are, you do too."

She responded with a nonchalant shrug, though her eyes held an expectant look, urging him to continue.

"Regardless of our history, let's set it aside while we're out here," He proposed, gesturing towards the road ahead. "As Lamb pointed out, people's lives could be on the line."

Y/N sighed, knowing deep down that there was some truth in his words. Their clashes had been a staple at Slough House, a constant battle for dominance. Ultimately, she knew the mission took precedence, regardless of who she was partnered with.

"Fine," She relented, nodding in agreement.

"Great," River replied, raising his hand from his thigh, offering it for a shake. "So, are we good?"

Glancing at his offered hand, she hesitated briefly before accepting it in her own, giving it a firm shake. "We're good."

She felt the unexpected warmth of his hand leave as she released his hand. She offered a soft smile as she watched him maintain his focus on the road ahead. There was a palpable shift in the air, a mutual understanding settling between them.

“This doesn’t make us friends though, Cartwright,” She pointed her finger at him, “This purely for the sake of the mission.”

“Agreed,” He grumbled, a flicker of agreement laced in his tone.

As River continued to drive, they dove into the dossier. She continued firing off questions about the individuals that were listed while River shared what he had found from earlier on in the day. They planned their trip, discussed accommodations and went over their cover story multiple times to ensure it held up under scrutiny just in case anyone came asking questions. 

“Harriet Madden,” She spoke, reading the name off her fake driver’s license, “And what is the name of my so-called fiancé?”

River chuckled softly, leaning across her to reach into the glove box, retrieving his own counterfeit driver's license.

"Jonathan Walker," He stated, extending the card for her to inspect.

With a playful eye roll, she accepted the card, examining it with a smirk, “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

The sun was starting to set, casting a warm amber glow across the car park as Y/N lounged in the passenger seat of the hire car with her feet resting on the dashboard, engrossed in her phone. She had quickly changed into high-waisted jeans paired with an oversized sweatshirt, finding comfort in the casual attire as night would soon be approaching. 

A while later, she heard the car door creak open causing her to glance up. She instantly did a double take at River's transformed appearance. He now wore black jeans complemented by a black button up shirt and topped with a forest green jacket. What really grabbed her attention was the reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, altering his usual look entirely. It was a change Y/N wasn’t entirely opposed to. She couldn’t help but stare at him with an evident furrow in her brow.

He caught her stare, returning it with a curious gaze of his own. He couldn't help but admire the relaxed vibe about her in the casual outfit—a side of her he had never witnessed before. The contrast between her usual demeanour and this relaxed appearance intrigued him, causing a subtle shift in his perception he had of her.

"What?" River queried, arching an eyebrow in response to the smile she wore.

Her grin widened, her gaze lingering on him. "You actually pull off the specs, you know."

"Was that a compliment I just heard?" He chuckled, fastening his seatbelt.

"Don't get used to it," She shot back, crossing her legs with a playful glint in her eyes.

Shaking his head in mock disbelief, River took a quick glance at his watch, releasing a short sigh. "Right, we better get going," He announced, turning the key in the ignition. 

Y/N nodded in agreement, securing her seatbelt as they prepared for the last fifteen minutes of their drive.

"Oh, I almost forgot," River interjected suddenly, grabbing her attention as she watched him reach into the pocket of his jacket. "Here." With a deft toss, a small box landed in her lap.

Her curiosity piqued and she picked up the box, examining it with a quizzical expression. "What's… this?" She inquired.

He hesitated momentarily before responding. "Well, considering our 'engagement'," he emphasised the word with air quotes, "It might help if you had something to wear, you know?"

With a mix of surprise and intrigue, she slowly opened the box, revealing a ring that sparkled in the light that filtered through the car window. She gazed at the ring nestled inside, caught off guard by the gesture.

"It wasn’t expensive or anything, so don't get carried away," River remarked, his cheeks flushing slightly as he averted his gaze.

Her laughter was soft and genuine as she carefully examined the simple gold band with its oval-shaped rhinestone. It’s cheap appearance, most likely bought from the convenience store's jewellery section at the service station they were at, didn't change the thoughtfulness of it.

River tried to ignore the sudden tightening in his chest caused by the unfamiliar but pleasing sound of her laughter. 

“Oh, so that’s what it sounds like when you laugh!” He teased, glancing down at her with a funny look. 

Shaking her head, a lingering smile tugged at her lips. She purposefully avoided his expectant gaze, a playful edge in her voice. "Shut the fuck up."

It was quiet for a moment as Y/N bit her lip, a teasing glint in her eye as she remarked, "Who knew River Cartwright had a romantic streak?"

"Shut up, Harriet," He retorted, playfully jabbing at her with the fake name.

Y/N scoffed before sliding the ring onto her finger, finding it a tad loose but still manageable. She lifted her hand to display the ring, wiggling her fingers and drawing his attention to the now deadpan expression on her face. His eyes caught the sight, and he scoffed while rolling his eyes. 

"Set your expectations low," He quipped, beginning to reverse out of the carpark with a hint of amusement laced in his voice.

 

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

It was dark by the time they had made it into Upshott. Y/N peered through the car window at the pub they had just arrived at, her brow furrowing at the peculiar name. Despite the late hour and it being midweek, "The Downside Man" appeared rather inviting, glowing with dim lights and a bustling atmosphere.

"The Downside Man," Y/N recited the name aloud, pondering about the way it rolled off her tongue. "Why is it that all these small villages have such peculiar names for their pubs?"

River casually unbuckled his seatbelt, shrugging slightly. "You tell me and we’ll both know."

They jumped out of the car, the cold air greeting them almost instantly. They both hopped out, heading towards the boot of the car to grab their bags. River took a moment to survey the surroundings, locking the car before turning his attention to Y/N.

He waited for her to glance up at him before asking, “You ready?”

"Absolutely," She replied with a sigh, gesturing for him to take the lead as they moved towards the welcoming glow of the pub.

Opening the door to the pub, he held it open courteously for Y/N to step in first. As she entered, the warm embrace of the cozy atmosphere and the lively hum of conversation instantly enveloped her. River walked ahead of her as she followed him through the animated crowd until they reached the bustling bar area, filled with patrons enjoying their evening. River spotted the barmaid, and Y/N took a quick moment to observe her as well. As they shuffled through the small crowd of people, he quickly glanced back at her over his shoulder, ensuring she was still in tow.

She came to stand at his side, glancing around at their surroundings while as River approached the bar. The distinctive sound of him placing his bag on the floor caught the attention of the barmaid, causing her to look up.

"Hi," She greeted with a hand on her hip. "What can I get you?"

River cleared his throat slightly before speaking, "Actually, we're just checking in for the night."

Y/N suppressed a scoff as she watched the barmaid blatantly check him up and down. The barmaid then quipped, "Johnnie Walker?"

Her lips curled under her teeth, and she glanced up from where she stood beside him as he hesitated. It only took a brief moment for him to regain his composure, shaking his head slightly.

"Yes. Yes, I am," He replied with a smile, recovering smoothly. "Sorry, you threw me. It's- It's Jonathon or Jon. It's not Johnnie, sorry."

The barmaid laughed, her eyes twinkling. "Do you get that a lot?"

River chuckled in agreement, "Yeah, mainly in pubs."

Y/N's gaze narrowed as she observed the scene unfolding between River and the barmaid. A subtle cough from her drew his attention, as she discreetly fixed a pointed stare at him. She couldn’t help but suspect that he might have been appreciating the barmaid's charms a bit too much.

Breaking the moment, River suddenly introduced her. "This is my fiancé, Harriet," He announced, resting his hand on Y/N's shoulder. She offered a polite smile towards the barmaid, "Hi."

However, the barmaid, simply turned around, completely blanking her as she grabbed the key to their room. "I’m Kelly, follow me," The bar maid instructed, leaving Y/N feeling like she was somewhat invisible.

She trailed behind River as they followed Kelly through the lively pub, a flicker of unease beginning to settle within her.

“What brings you to Upshott?” Kelly questioned, twirling the key in her finger as they began to climb the stairs.  

River discreetly glanced back at Y/N, a silent exchange passing between them, before responding, "I'm a journalist, and Harriet is a photographer. I've been working on a piece about village life, and well, Upshott just seemed like the perfect place to start, really."

As he smoothly recited their rehearsed story, Y/N listened intently, realising that every detail matched their car conversation word for word. Kelly finally looked at Y/N for the first time, offering only a slight nod before unlocking the door to their room. Y/N couldn't help but narrow her eyes at Kelly as she turned her back, surprised by the lack of a proper greeting.

Despite “Jonathon” mentioning his fiancée, Kelly still refused to even acknowledge her presence. 

"Who do you write for? Insomniacs Weekly?" Kelly joked with a playful smirk as she stepped into the room.

River chuckled slightly, "No, uh, The Times."

"Oh!" Kelly exclaimed, her gaze unwaveringly fixed on him.

Unable to stay silent any longer, Y/N stepped around River, walking further into the room. "This is lovely!" She exclaimed, raising her voice and briefly glancing at Kelly as she walked past.

Once again, Kelly ignored her and turned her attention back to River. "Well, I can give you the headlines. Apart from the village pub downstairs and the village shop, there really is fuck all going on."

Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes at her behaviour, Y/N had to bite her tongue. It was evident that Kelly was captivated by Jonathon Walker, and River Cartwright's undeniable charm and good looks played a significant role. Despite their personal differences, Y/N couldn't deny his ability to make a woman feel weak in the knees. He was an incredibly attractive man.

The barmaid's blatant disregard for Y/N's presence surprised her, and she couldn't help but notice the tension in the air. River could also sense her discomfort and walked across the room to stand next to her rather than alongside Kelly. Y/N felt the subtle brush of his arm against her shoulder, and she kept her gaze fixed on Kelly who was standing at the door.

"Well," He continued, maintaining the facade, "Where there's people, there are stories."

"Boring stories," Kelly retorted.

"No," He countered, "You ask the right questions, and you can usually find something interesting. You know, everyone has a secret."

The barmaid smiled, her sharp gaze fixed on him. "Well, don't be asking too many questions. We tend to sacrifice troublemaking strangers to the Green Man."

Observing their conversation, Y/N discreetly narrowed her gaze towards her as she spoke, feeling an unexplained unease. There was something about the way she watched them talk that unsettled her, though she couldn't quite pinpoint it. River maintained a polite smile but glanced down at her, his eyes searching hers as if to say - you okay?

Y/N maintained her smile, playing her part as she leaned against the bedpost.

"Oh," Kelly said, turning around. "I need to get you some towels. I need to get back downstairs, but I will leave them outside your door later."

"That's alright," River replied, glancing down at Y/N. "Think we're both pretty keen for bed, aren't we, darling?"

She looked up at him, her breath catching at the unexpected pet name that momentarily threw her off character. Nonetheless, she smiled and nodded in agreement. Sensing Kelly’s stare, Y/N felt his hand slide along her waist before resting on the bedpost where she leaned. In a spontaneous move, perhaps to irk the barmaid further, she wrapped her arms around his torso, leaning into him to present the image of a normal, happy couple.

"Alright," Kelly spoke shortly, glancing quickly at Y/N before offering the key to River.

Stepping forward, Y/N interjected, taking the key from her hand instead. "Ta," She said as she nodded, her face completely deadpan.

"Anything else?" Kelly asked, the question clearly directed at River.

"Uh, no," He answered, pulling Y/N back into his side. "All good, thank you."

"Right, see you later," Kelly said as she approached the door, pausing momentarily before adding, "Johnnie Walker."

River laughed, calling out, "Just Jon."

Y/N couldn't help but let out a dry, sarcastic laugh at the nickname. As the door closed, River glanced back at her with an oblivious look.

"What?" He asked, throwing his arms up in question.

She couldn't resist rolling her eyes at him.

"I'll see you later, Johnnie Walker," She said mockingly, tossing the room key onto a nearby table.

He scoffed, starting to take off his jacket. "Fuck off."

"She's clearly into you," Y/N observed, "And making it rather obvious that she doesn't give a fuck about me being here."

River scoffed again, this time playfully. "Not like you to care that much about something like that."

"I don't care," Y/N insisted, attempting to dismiss the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach at the mere thought of River with someone else.

A brief silence lingered between them, both their gazes settling on the solitary double bed in the middle of the room. Y/N had just about forgotten the obvious fact that there would be only one bed.

"Oh, great," She muttered, gesturing towards the bed.

River sighed, "I'll sleep on the floor."

A wave of guilt washed over her almost instantly, prompting her to abandon the bratty demeanour and take his comfort into consideration. The night was exceptionally cold, and the thought of him trying to sleep on the hard wooden floor seemed rather harsh.

"No, I'm sorry. Don't do that," She said, crossing her arms. "It's freezing, and I doubt you'd get a wink of sleep on this floor."

He looked at her, trying to figure out what she was implying.

"We can share the bed; it'll be fine," She suggested.

He half-smiled, "What if I would rather sleep on the floor?"

"Well, then knock yourself out," Y/N retorted. "Just trying to look out for you."

"That's unlike you." River remarked, furrowing his brow.

"River..." She sighed, growing a bit annoyed with his teasing.

"Alright, alright," He relented. "Thanks."

He watched her as she sat down on the bed, falling back against the mattress with a content sigh.

"Take what you can get, Cartwright," She remarked, "It's actually really comfortable."

River nodded, his gaze fixed on her as he stepped closer. Standing in front of her, he glanced down at her. Her eyes were closed, and her hair sprawled out across the mattress. Despite everything, he found her beautiful, though he thought admitting it to her face was a step too far.

She heard his footsteps across the floor, and when they stopped, she opened her eyes to find him standing in front of her, towering over her as he looked down.

"What?" She asked, watching him chew on his lip.

"If I'm sleeping in the bed, you're going to have to move," He stated.

She shot him a perplexed look. "Excuse me?"

"I always sleep on the left side," He explained with his hands in his pockets, his silver watch on his wrist catching the light.

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, is that right?"

"Yep," He confirmed, shifting his weight on his feet. "So, shove over."

She scoffed. "Not a chance. You're lucky I'm even letting you sleep in the bed at all."

"C'mon, move," He urged, tapping her on the leg.

"No," She shook her head, staying put.

River sighed. "Move."

She laughed, "Fuck off!"

He groaned in annoyance as she sat up, starting to playfully poke and prod at him with her hands.

"You're annoying me, stop," He said, holding his hands up while trying to avoid her playful gestures.

She found it incredibly amusing, knowing all too well that she was the only one that could get under his skin the way she always managed to. Her teasing continued as she started to sense his patience wearing thin. River groaned, gripping her arms forcefully, yet still being careful not to hurt her. With a mischievous squeal, she tried to resist, but he leant over her small frame while skilfully trapping her arms at her sides.

In this unexpected proximity, their faces were mere inches apart, a closeness they hadn't experienced before. A wave of familiarity swept over Y/N, a sensation she hadn't associated with River until this very moment. He felt it too, yet he tried his hardest to dismiss what he was feeling.

"I said, stop," He breathed out, shooting her a stern look.

Their eyes held each other's gaze for a few moments as they found themselves both getting lost in the silence. A quick idea sparked in her head, and she purposefully alternated her gaze between his eyes and his lips, enticing him to lean closer. She could feel his grip on her arms starting to loosen and she seized the opportunity. Without warning, she expertly wrapped her legs around his waist, flipping him over so that he was now laying on the bed, with her on top. Placing her forearm against his neck, she made sure not to press down too hard.

He grunted, attempting to stay as still as possible, but the feeling of her pressed against him became overwhelming, causing him to throw his head back.

"Great," He huffed, not being able to move as she had him pinned down. "Bet you’ve pulled this move on many people before."

"Only a few times," She chuckled. "Just be glad you had the bed to land on, unlike that poor policeman who you dropped onto the concrete at Stansted."

River sighed, shaking his head. "It was a training exercise."

"Don’t think he’ll be forgetting that in a hurry," She teased.

She soon released her hold from him and rose, briefly sitting back on his thighs. River followed suit, propping himself up on his elbows to gaze at her. Eventually, she stood up and headed over to her suitcase.

Grabbing some pyjamas, she made her way to the bathroom. "I’m having a shower."

As soon as the bathroom door closed, he fell back onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

What the fuck just happened?

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

As the hot water cascaded over her weary body, Y/N found her thoughts drifting. Despite her efforts to focus on the mission, River kept intruding into her mind. Each time, she attempted to shake off the distraction, but it proved to be quite a challenge, especially given their close proximity.

She didn't want to get side-tracked, but she couldn't seem to help herself. Unfamiliar feelings were beginning to surface, starting to complicate things.

Stepping out of the shower, she went through her night-time skincare routine before changing into a pair of light grey pants and a matching singlet top. Towel in hand, she left the bathroom and entered the dimly lit room. Her eyes fell onto River, who was sorting through his clothes near the end of the bed. She scrunched her hair with the towel as she sat down at the desk in the corner, observing him pick out clothes he wouldn't have chosen for himself.

Just as she opened her mouth to speak, she noticed him glancing over his shoulder and out the window, a shift in his demeanour quickly catching her attention.

"What is it?" Y/N asked softly.

He held a finger up to his lips, quickly switching the bed side lamp off to avoid being seen as he shushed her, gesturing for her to join him by the window. She hung the towel over a chair before approaching him. Standing together, they gazed down onto the street where a figure stood.

"Hey, Dad," They heard a voice say as Kelly emerged from the pub.

Y/N squinted, trying to discern the figure on the street below, and continued to eavesdrop.

"Just out for a stroll," The man spoke. "Thought I’d walk you home."

He then glanced up at their room. "Who's staying in the guest room?"

"He's a journalist, here with his fiancé, writing an article on village life," Kelly explained.

Y/N quickly glanced up at River, noting his focused expression in the moonlight, his eyes trained on the street below. They were so close, he tried to ignore the fact that he could smell the sweet scent of her perfume.

"Is he a proper journalist or a pretend one?" The man inquired as they began to walk away from the pub.

Kelly sighed, "Says he works for The Times."

They both watched sneakily through the window, peeking behind the curtains as the pair walked off down the street.

Y/N sighed, turning to face him. "Well, at least our story checks out."

River hummed. "For now."

She eventually finished her night-time routine, quickly brushing her teeth and running a brush through her damp hair. She then made her way over to the bed, pulling back the covers and slipping beneath them in an attempt to avoid the night chill. River took his turn in the bathroom, closing the door behind him causing the darkness to envelop her. She closed her eyes, trying her best to seek relaxation for the night.

After a few minutes, the bathroom door opened, and River emerged, clad in sweatpants and a loose shirt. She heard him approach the bed, sensing the movement as he pulled back the covers and the mattress dipped when he settled in beside her. Even in the confines of the small double bed, they still managed to maintain some space between them.

Y/N lay on her side, facing away from him as she could feel his gaze on her. He drew in a deep breath before speaking, "I reckon we take a look around the village tomorrow, try and see what we can dig up."

"Okay," She hummed.

They fell into a breif moment of silence before he mumbled, "Night, then."

"Night," She replied.

Despite a couple of hours passing by, sleep became impossible for Y/N. The room was cloaked in darkness, with only the moonlight filtering through the curtains. Frustrated, she tossed and turned, unable to still her mind that was racing at a relentless pace. She turned onto her side again, facing the wall, and shook her head, unable to silence her thoughts. Suddenly, she heard a voice breaking through the silence.

"What's wrong?" River asked groggily, his voice laced with sleep. "You've been tossing and turning for ages."

She sighed, feeling guilty for waking him. "I just... can't sleep."

He sighed gently, turning onto his side to face her back. "You're the worst person to share a bed with."

"Yeah, thanks," She grumbled, tossing the sheets off her shoulder.

River breathed out, opening his eyes to peer at her back. The moonlight casted a gentle glow, revealing the cascade of her hair down her shoulders and back. A yawn escaped him, and after a moment of contemplation, his hand instinctively reached out.

Y/N felt her hair being pushed aside, initially thinking it was her imagination. Yet she soon felt a warm hand resting on her back, between her shoulder blades. Her breath hitched as she turned her head slightly to look at him.

"What are you doing?" She whispered.

"Just shut up and close your eyes," He teased. She gave in, turning back to face the wall. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck with every exhale he took through his nose.

His hand traced soothing patterns on the soft, exposed skin of her back. Despite the space between them, she could feel the warmth radiating from him as he inched closer just slightly. She surrendered to the sensation of his fingers tracing her back, gently lulling her into a deep, peaceful slumber.

©𝙇𝙄𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙎𝙉𝙄𝘿

5296 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

[lilacsnid]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐦 | 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: Y/N has been assigned on a solo undercover mission. Infiltrate the warehouse, secure the flash drive, and evade detection; seems simple enough. But what happens if she gets caught by a dangerous criminal & her life hangs in the balance?

𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙨: she/her pronouns used, mentions of violence, blood & gore, near death experience, guns & shooting.

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨: this is a work of fiction; any names, characters from slow horses, places & incidents will either be a product of my imagination or used fictionally.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

“You’re not going,” River's voice cut through the space, making Y/N flinch in surprise as she stood at her locker in the team room.

She glanced over her shoulder, finding River standing in the doorway, his expression stern and his arms crossed.

All she could do was scoff in response, turning back around to face the wall as she rolled her eyes at him. “And since when have you been the boss of me, hey Cartwright?”

“You do realize how dangerous it is going after this guy by yourself? He could be armed, you don’t know what he might have waiting for you,” His concern was evident and his gaze remained locked on her, even as she turned away.

“I’m a big girl,” Y/N retorted, trying to maintain her composure, “Besides, it’s an undercover mission. All I need is that hard drive, I’ll be in and out before he even knows I’m there.”

River sighed, the weight of worry apparent in his features. “And what if he’s there waiting for you?”

“He won’t be, I’ll make sure of it,” She stated, closing her locker shut, the sound echoing throughout the room. There was a sense of finality in her actions.

He watched her prepare, tightening her holster and checking her gun. But his concern remained, and he refused to back down. 

“No, look-“ He stepped away from the door, closing the distance between them. “You can’t go, it’s too risky. Let me go, alright? I’ll cover for you with Lamb.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed at his words, her frustration starting to get the better of her. “Fuck off! This mission was assigned to me, okay? And I don’t need you to make my choices for me.”

“This guy is dangerous, do you understand?!” River raised his voice, the intensity in his words mirrored the concern that etched across his face.

She shrugged, attempting to mask the nerves that she was beginning have. “And so what if he is? It’s nothing any of us haven’t handled before.”

“What if you get hurt?” His voice softened, the tension in the air was thick and heavy as they stood face to face, only mere inches away from one another.

Y/N's eyes turned glassy, her emotions slowly coming to the surface. “Why do you care?”

His shock was evident as it seemed his words failed him for a brief moment. Because despite the nonchalant exterior he always perceived, the truth was that he did care. Very deeply. He cared about her safety more than he could express. He wanted to protect her, to be the one in harm's way instead.

“I-well,” He struggled to find the right words, their proximity heightening the intensity between them.

Y/N closed her eyes briefly, checking her watch as she let out a sigh, “I have to go.”

River held her gaze as she walked past him, “I’ll be on OBS the entire time with Ho, just in case. Good luck.”

She nodded silently, the weight of their unspoken feelings lingering in the air as she turned and walked away, leaving River with his worry and concern that had been gnawing at him, hoping against hope that she would return safely.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Y/N pulled up in her car, parking a few buildings away from the location. The mission instructions were simple: infiltrate the warehouse, secure the flash drive, and evade detection. The night enveloped her, and the lack of streetlights provided cover as she hugged the shadows, using the darkness to her advantage.

As she approached the warehouse, she did her routine check in with Ho who was on observation with Louisa and River back at Slough House. 

“Alpha One to Base,” Y/N pressed against her radio that was strapped to the inside of her stab proof vest, waiting for a response from control.

She inhaled deeply, scanning her surroundings before a response crackled through her earpiece. “Copy, go ahead Alpha One,” Louisa's voice sounded in her ear.

“I have visual on the target building,” Y/N reported, eyes fixed forward, “On foot and approaching.”

“Alpha One, received,” Louisa acknowledged.

As Y/N drew closer to the building, she couldn't shake the unnerving atmosphere surrounding the warehouse. It was concealed from the bustling streets of London, a secluded spot that was perfect for an escaped criminal trying to lay low whilst still carrying out operations.

“Alpha One to Base, I’m outside the warehouse on Carrington Street,” Y/N whispered into her radio, glancing cautiously at her surroundings, “So far so good.”

“Understood, Alpha One,” Louisa advised, her voice a reminder of the potential danger, “Avoid trouble if possible and stay alert. This bloke’s a right nasty twat, best to keep out of sight.”

Before Y/N could respond, she heard River’s reassuring voice filtering through her earpiece, a sense of comfort settling over her at the thought of his watchful presence.

“Remember, Alpha One, Ho’s hacked into the CCTV. No one inside will have access to the surveillance, but we'll have eyes on you,” His voice conveyed a calm authority as Y/N glanced up at the cameras scanning the warehouse's exterior.

“Roger that, out,” She affirmed with a nod.

Despite being briefed on the warehouse's layout, Y/N began to feel overwhelmed. It was far larger than anticipated, with more rooms than she remembered from the briefing. Despite the team back at Slough House watching via the camera system, there was an eerie stillness that lingered, and she couldn't shake the feeling of another presence.

As she opened the door to the expansive warehouse, the power abruptly cut. Darkness enveloped her, forcing her to rely on her adjusting vision. 

"Alpha One, do you copy?" River's voice crackled through her radio.

"Yeah—" Her response was cut short as a strong arm seized her, a hand clamping over her mouth.

River jolted forward, his eyes fixed on the screen that had now been dark for the last few minutes, silently waiting for Y/N to respond. His fingers pressed against his lips as he whispered urgently, "Come on, Y/N, answer your bloody radio."

The insufferable silence dragged on, his anxiety growing by the minute. With no visual on her, the tension lingered throughout the small room, the only sound being the audible breaths through their headsets. River's gaze remained glued to the screens, leaning closer to catch any faint sound.

He could feel his heart beating hard against his chest as her whimpers suddenly pierced through the radio. "Alpha One, do you copy?" He asked once again, attempting to mask his worry as he stared intently at the monitors, awaiting a response. A surge of relief hit him as he heard the sound of her voice.

But then he then froze at her words. "H-He’s…he’s going to kill me," Y/N's voice crackled before the line abruptly went dead.

It was then as if time was moving in slow motion. River threw off his headset and snatched his gun from the desk in front of him. “Louisa, call it in!”

His hands shook as the adrenaline shot through him, running as fast as he could out of Slough House and into his car. Louisa followed suit, jumping into the passenger seat as she called for reinforcements. His foot slammed down on the accelerator, weaving through traffic with urgency. Y/N's words echoed in his mind, relentless and haunting as they played on a loop in his mind. As he got lost in his thoughts, he barely registered Louisa's attempts to reassure him.

"She’ll be alright," Louisa offered solace.

He shook his head, completely consumed by determination. "No, she shouldn’t have even been there in the first place!"

He honked at obstructing cars, muttering under his breath, "She can’t die, she can’t die. She can’t."

As they pulled up outside the location of the warehouse, a number of police units were already on scene. River ran up to one of the commanding officers, showing his I.D as he spoke. "Agent Cartwright. What’s going on? Has anyone been sent in?"

The officer hesitated, “We’re still awaiting authorization and are assessing the situation.”

River's frustration erupted as he squared up at the officer. "Assessing what?! She’s service, she might die. What the fuck are you waiting for?!"

"River, stop!" Louisa's grip tightened on his shoulder, but he was already turning away.

Y/N's voice echoed relentlessly through his head as he turned to look at the building she was being held in. Frustration boiled over, and before anyone could stop him, he muttered fuck this and ran into the warehouse with his weapon drawn.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

“I’ve had enough of you fucking stupid agents trying to take what’s mine,” the man hissed into Y/N's ear, his grip tightening around her neck. She tried to respond but was instead violently thrown to the ground, a groan escaping her lips upon impact with the unforgiving concrete. Her head throbbed painfully from the impact, sending jolts of pain through her.

Despite her distress, the man continued his assault, his glare unrelenting as he completely unleashed.  

He began to kick her in the stomach with the brute force of his foot, yelling in-between kicks, “Always getting in the fucking way!”

A part of her wished she was dead already. She felt like she was in the depths of hell and the pain that was running through her body was beyond excruciating, she was terrified. 

He lurched forward and picked her body up like it was a rag doll, throwing her against the wall with his hands gripped around her throat, beginning to choke her. She mustered up whatever strength she had left and clawed desperately at his hands, trying anything to get him to stop.

He threw her to the ground again, causing her to cry out in pain. He then grabbed her by her vest, forcing her to stand to her feet. His grip supported her weakened form, preventing her from crumbling to the ground.

“And now,” He seethed with gritted teeth as he snatched her gun from her waist and pointed it into her side, “You’re going to die.”

A voice boomed through the empty warehouse, one that Y/N recognised.

“MI5! Drop your weapon!”

"River," she managed, her voice only a fragile whisper.

The sound of a gunshot then shattered through the air, and she felt like her body was on fire. The pain was intense and was coursing through her veins, leaving her gasping for breath. She let out a scream, knowing in that moment that she had just been shot. 

River heard her cries and didn’t hesitate. He pulled the trigger of his gun, another bullet ringing throughout the warehouse, striking her attacker and making him drop to the floor, completely motionless.

“Y/N!” He yelled, rushing over to where her body was sprawled on the floor. He fumbled for his phone with trembling hands before dialling 999.

“Cartwright, agent number 5263. I need immediate medical assistance. Warehouse on Carrington Street. I have an officer down, gunshot wound to the torso. She’s in a really bad way.” He relayed to the operator, his breaths ragged. 

Dropping to his knees beside her, River’s hands shook as he checked for a pulse. His voice quivered as he called her name once again. He sat down behind her with tears blurring his vision as he pulled her close to him, cradling her as his heart wrenched with regret. 

“Y/N, can you hear me?” He implored, brushing the stray strands of hair away from her face, “Open your eyes for me, come on!”

He heard her let out a slight gasp, her eyelids fluttering open slowly as she glanced up at him. "River," she choked, her voice strained as she was struggling to breathe. "You're here."

“It’s okay, you’re okay. Help’s coming, I just need you to stay with me, okay?” He pleaded, ripping off her stab-proof vest, and pressing his hand firmly to her side to apply pressure to her gunshot wound.

She cried out in pain, tears starting to pool in her eyes as she fought to focus on him. “I’m… I’m,” she struggled, each word a heavy wheeze as she could feel her strength starting to leave her.

River shushed her gently, wrapping his free arm around her, “Hey, just try not to talk.”

She could hear the distinct quiver in his voice, a vulnerability she had never witnessed in him before. As he held her, she could feel him shaking. She weakly reached for his hand, a fragile connection in that harrowing moment. Meeting her gaze, he gently squeezed her hand back.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, his voice breaking, “I should never of left you go alone.”

"It’s okay," she murmured, her voice barely audible, "You're here now."

River held her close, tears streaming down his face, whispering words of reassurance, pleading for her to hold on as they waited for the ambulance to arrive. He applied more pressure to her side with his hand, taking notice of the blood that had stained his hands and his gaze fixated on her closed eyes. 

“No, hey,” He pleaded as he shook her gently, desperately trying to get her to open her eyes, “You need to stay awake, come on.”

“I….can’t,” She uttered slowly, her breath beginning to leave her as she struggled to speak. 

“No, you have to!” River’s voice rose in urgency, pulling her up against him, “Please, Y/N.”

Gasping for air, she spoke softly, her breaths growing shallow. "I'm scared."

“It’s okay,” He assured her, his voice soft as he whispered in her ear, “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

"Y/N?" His voice trembled, panic clawing at his chest as he felt her growing limp in his arms, unresponsive.

"No!" His cry echoed, holding her tightly. "Come on, Y/N! Please!"

Tears flowed down his face as he fought to keep her awake, searching desperately for any sign of life. "Stay with me, Y/N. Please, stay with me."

Through the windows, blue lights and sirens pierced through the darkness, signalling the arrival of help. River heard his name being called as the doors were opened. His heart raced, but his gaze remained solely on the girl in his arms.

"We're here!" he called out, desperation lacing his voice. "Help!"

River stood by, feeling utterly helpless as he watched the paramedics swiftly take charge, assessing Y/N and lifting her up onto the stretcher. His eyes stayed fixed on her, a mixture of dread and determination etched across his features.

“Is she going to be okay?” He asked as he walked alongside the stretcher, his steps matching the hurried pace of the paramedics as they loaded her into the ambulance. His hand reached out, wanting to hold hers, but he restrained himself.

“We’re doing everything we can,” One of the paramedics spoke, “But she needs to get to hospital now.”

“You go with her,” Louisa spoke gently from where she stood beside him, patting his back reassuringly, “I’ll meet you there.”

Inside the ambulance, River sat beside Y/N, his gaze never leaving her. The urgency in the paramedics' actions sent a chill down his spine. They worked quickly, trying to stabilize her condition.

The abrupt sound of the heart monitor flat lining made his heart drop, and he watched in horror as the paramedic rushed around the ambulance, saying words that he didn’t understand. The tears fell silently as he watched the paramedic begin to perform chest compressions on her as they neared the hospital. There was no longer any doubt that she was now fighting for her life. River just prayed to a god he didn’t believe in that she would live to survive another day. 

He felt a knot tighten in his chest, a sense of powerlessness starting to overwhelm him. His hands trembled, fingers tightly clenched into fists, a silent plea echoing in his mind, willing her to hold on.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Louisa called the office number to Slough House, informing everyone of Y/N’s condition before making her way to the hospital to meet River. After asking for directions from the front desk, she navigated her way through the corridors until she eventually found him in a waiting room, hunched over in a chair with his head in his hands. 

"Hey," she spoke softly, causing River to lift his head. His eyes were bloodshot eyes and his appearance dishevelled.

"How is she? What's going on?" Louisa's asked, concern evident in her voice.

He shook his head, inhaling deeply, trying to gather his thoughts. "I don't know. She's in surgery. They've asked me to wait here. It might take hours... I just... I don't know."

"Why?" Louisa inquired.

He shook his head again as his breathing hitched, “The nurse said they are having to remove her spleen and something about a haemorrhage, the bullet didn’t leave an exit wound.”

Louisa, taken aback by the severity of the situation, murmured softly to herself. She stole a glance at River, taking notice of  the silent tears tracing down his face as he stared down at the floor.

“What is it?” She pressed, sensing there was something else he needed to say.

River drew a shaky breath in, his gaze distant and eyes glassy, “Her heart stopped beating, they had to resuscitate her twice in the ambulance. So, I don’t know.”

Louisa pulled him into a brief hug, offering him a small moment of comfort before he pulled away, collecting himself with a sharp breath.

"Would you like a break? I can stay here if you need some time," Louisa offered, concern etched in her words. But he shook his head, his mind already being made up.

"No," he replied, settling back down into his seat. "I'm not going anywhere. I don’t care how long it takes, I need to know if she’s going to make it.” 

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

As the night wore on, the whole of Slough House slowly started pouring into the waiting room. Six long hours had passed with an almost agonising sense of anticipation and uncertainty as Y/N remained in theatre, doctors desperately trying to save her life. 

River remained seated in the same spot he'd occupied throughout the night, his leg nervously bouncing up and down in an agitated rhythm as he stared into the void. Raising his hands slightly, he glanced at the lingering traces of blood staining his palms, a harsh reminder of the whole ordeal. Thoughts of her consumed him, and the fear of losing someone he cared about gnawed at his core like never before, he had never felt so scared of losing someone.

It had felt like an eternity before the surgeon had finally entered the waiting room, full of Y/N’s colleges and friends. An anxious anticipation filled the room as he took off his surgical scrub cap, everyone standing to their feet and looking at him expectantly.  

"She's pulled through the surgery," The surgeon announced, a collective exhale of relief echoing through the space. River, overwhelmed with emotion, closed his eyes briefly and sighed in relief. She had survived; she was alive.

“But she has been under anaesthetic for a long time, so it might be a while before she wakes up. You’re all welcome to wait here.” He said before nodding and exiting the room, leaving everyone to their own devices. 

Gradually, one by one, the others departed for the night, leaving only River and Louisa behind. A nurse eventually approached them with the long-awaited news that Y/N had woken up and that they were finally allowed to see her.  

As the pair neared her room in the ICU, River stopped in his tracks as he caught sight of her small and fragile figure resting on the hospital bed, a wave of different emotions crashing over him.

"You go ahead," He murmured to Louisa, his voice strained. "I just need a minute."

Leaning against the corridor wall, he desperately tried to gather his thoughts, taking a few minutes to compose himself. Just mere moments later, Louisa emerged from the room, wearing a gentle smile.

"I'm heading out," She informed, slipping on her coat and gesturing towards the room. "She's asking for you."

He managed to shoot her a faint smile, watching and thanking Louisa as she left, leaving him alone to gather his thoughts again before stepping into the room.

He stepped inside, taking note of how quiet the room was, the only noise to be heard was the beeping of machines. Y/N's eyes fluttered open as she sensed his presence, a faint smile touching her lips as she glanced over at him.

“Hey,” she whispered softly into the silence.

River took a deep breath as he lingered in the doorway, “Hey yourself.”

He approached her bedside, his voice faltering for a moment, “You know, you scared the shit out of us all today, you nearly died.”

"You know me, always the dramatic," She joked, wincing from a shooting pain in her broken ribs as she attempted to laugh.

River chuckled softly, shifting his weight uneasily as his gaze drifted over the array of tubes and the IV connected to her. A number of bruises scattered on her skin, with cuts littering on her face and neck.

She watched as he shook his head and followed his gaze downward. When his eyes met hers again, she noticed the stray tear that fell down his cheek. The memories from the incident flooded back to her almost instantly. She remembered him crying, the fear in his voice and his desperate attempts to keep her alive from the moment he had found her.

“I thought,” River sighed, “I thought I had lost you.”

She smiled softly, shaking her head gently, “You’re stuck with me.”

He watched as she lifted her hand, reaching out and beckoning for him to come closer. He sniffled as he closed the gap between them, gently clasping his hand in hers. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, intertwining their fingers as he stared down at them, a small smile tugging on his lips.

She shrugged lightly, “As good as one can be after nearly dying.”

“You almost did, Y/N,” River murmured, letting out a sigh.

"But I didn't," She countered, gently stroking the back of his hand with her thumb, "You made sure of that."

"I don't think I'll ever want to let you out of my sight again." Another smile formed as he spoke, but his voice held a somewhat serious tone. 

Upon returning the smile, she took careful notice of his appearance and glanced at the traces of her blood that still stained his hands.

“Have you been here all night?” She asked, her brows furrowed in confusion as she waited for him to respond. 

He nodded, clearing his throat, “Yeah.”

She shot him a perplexed look, “It’s been hours, you must be exhausted!”

River shook his head, his eyes filled with an intensity, “I’m fine, okay? I had to. I needed to see you.”

A silence settled between them, a fragile moment full of uncertainty. He kept her hand in his, his touch gentle and filled with unspoken emotions.

“Look, I uh- need to tell you something,” River's voice trembled slightly, as he held her gaze, “I should've said it sooner, but I couldn't... I care about you, Y/N. More than I've ever admitted. You mean everything to me. And watching you get shot... I’ve never felt so helpless.”

Y/N's eyes glossed over with tears, her hand squeezing his in response, a silent acknowledgement of their shared emotions.

“I know,” She whispered, a faint smile tugging at her lips, “I've always known. I feel the same way.”

River sat down beside her on the bed, pulling her into his arms protectively, assured of her safety this time. As they gently pulled away from their hug, a fleeting moment passed before River found himself inching closer. His gaze met hers, silently seeking permission before he leaned in to kiss her. Their lips met in a tender, tentative kiss – both of their emotions pouring out. It was soft, as if he was scared he was going to break her. As they parted, their eyes met and their foreheads rested against one another, an unspoken understanding passing between them.

Y/N smiled, pulling his hand to rest against her chest, “Did it really take for me to almost die for you to admit that?”

River chuckled, shaking his head as he kept his forehead pressed against hers, “Yeah, probably not the best way to go about it.”

©𝙇𝙄𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙎𝙉𝙄𝘿

4080 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

[lilacsnid]

Don’t You Think It’s Time? — 𝙁𝙞𝙣𝙣 𝙎𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙗𝙮 𝙭 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 (𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙏𝙒𝙊)

PART ONE  ✘

It had already been a couple of weeks since the night of the encounter. Y/N didn’t let the incident stop her from going to work and seeing her patients. As she rode through the streets of Small Heath, she would often catch glimpses of Finn Shelby. Whether it was outside The Garrison or anywhere else where he seemed to of been running errands.

Whenever the pair would lock eyes, it’s almost as if time stood still.

Y/N would blush, and Finn would feel his heart pick up it’s pace just from the mere sight of her. She was driving him crazy. They would smile at one another or perhaps even wave. However, no words were ever said due to the fact that both of them were busy whenever their paths would cross.

On this particular day, something was different. It was another early start for Y/N, though she didn’t mind. As much as she loved her job, she couldn’t deny how excited she was to have the weekend off.

Finn had woken up that morning with that same feeling in his chest he’d get whenever he would see her. He hasn’t been able to think of anyone else apart from her since that night. She was all he could seem to think about. It didn’t help that the vision of her would visit him in his dreams, almost every night.

He couldn’t go on another day. The thought of her this time simply wasn’t enough. He wanted to see her before he really did go crazy.

The youngest Shelby sat up against the headboard of his bed, slowly rubbing his hands over his tired face. Flicking open his pocket watch, it read to be 11:37am. Usually he would be up much earlier than this, but fortunately for him; his weekend had started early.

Tommy was away on business in London and Arthur had everything covered in his absence. With the amount of jobs his brothers have had him doing these past couple of weeks, Finn wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity of having a weekend off.

To do whatever he wanted. With a particular someone.  

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

The day went by fairly quickly for Y/N. It was around 4:00 in the afternoon, which meant her weekend had finally started. She didn’t have any plans, but she didn’t seem to mind. After a busy day, there was nothing else that excited her more.

That’s what she thought, until she caught a glimpse of Finn Shelby. Suddenly, there was nothing else more exciting than seeing the man she had been longing for since he had walked her home only weeks ago.

He was in his typical Peaky Blinder attire. He was wearing a dark grey suit with a typical white dress shirt and a matching vest underneath. He wore a blue tie, having a diamond pattern on it. Y/N liked it, she thought it suited him.

He wore the signature cap with pride, and she noticed a cigarette between his fingers as he leaned against the wall. He looked confident this way, and it made her nervous. But in the best way possible.

As she began getting closer to the bike shed, he noticed her out of the corner of his eye. His head turned, as he was met with the girl he hadn’t managed to stop thinking about since he had first laid eyes on her.

She was already smiling, which lit up her whole face. Her eyes were bright, and Finn knew it was going to be a challenge to not stare into them and make himself weak in the knees. He took one last drag of his cigarette before tossing it on the ground an making his way over to her.

Y/N put her bike away, grabbing her nursing bag before turning to face him.

“Well if it isn’t Finn Shelby!” She said, her heart going a million miles an hour due to the fact that she was finally standing across from him.

Finn gave a cheeky smile in response, taking his cap off as he stopped in his tracks, “Hi love.”

Love, he was using pet names now. If he kept going she wasn’t sure how she would be able to cope.

“How you doing?” he followed up, running a hand through his hair and looking down at her.

“I’m good, yeah,” She nodded her head, “Just been keeping myself busy.”

Finn tilted his head to the side slightly, “I know the feeling.”

Her gaze narrowed slightly, in a humorous sort of way, “Not that I’m complaining, but what are you doing here?”

Her words caused him to look at the ground for a second before glancing back into her eyes, those beautiful eyes.

“Well,” Finn started, a wave a nerves suddenly washing over him.

A few seconds went by, the two of them just staring into each other’s eyes as if everyone in the whole world had stopped existing for a short moment and they were the only ones left.

Finn broke the silence, “Fancy getting out of Small Heath for a bit?”

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

The pair were now in the car. Finn in the driver’s seat with Y/N next to him. As they drove out of Small Heath, watching brick buildings being replaced with green fields, it’s like they could feel all their worries disappearing away. 

Y/N had changed into a dress before they left and had taken her hair out, letting it fall free over her shoulders and back. 

She was leaning against the window on the passenger side of the car, looking out of her surroundings. While she was admiring the landscape, Finn couldn’t seem to stop admiring her. She looked so comfortable and it was invigorating for Finn to see her this way. 

He couldn’t help but steal glances between her and the road ahead of him. He loved hearing her comment about how lovely the land looked, or how she would smile at him, or even how her hair would be picked up by the wind coming through the window. 

He was growing rather fond of this girl, even more so with every minute that passed while they were together. 

The pair of them were beyond glad that they were finally spending some time alone together, on happier circumstances this time. She knew she had nothing to worry about while she was with him. 

Y/N had this overwhelming feeling of adoration and proximity, he made her feel alive.

“Where exactly did you say we’re going again?” She giggled, the sound making him grin from ear to ear.

“I didn’t,” he joked, “But we’re nearly there.”

She shook her head at him with a smile, leaning back into the seat.

Finn wasn’t sure what came over him as he took one hand off the steering wheel, reaching out for her own. Y/N placed her hand into his, loving how it felt so familiar.

She took notice of his family ring that he wore on his index finger. It was a gold ring with a black gemstone, which glimmered in the light.

He squeezed her hand, taking his eyes off the road momentarily to glance at her, “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” she beamed, “I trust you Finn Shelby.”

That was all he wanted to hear in that moment. His heart fell back into it’s normal rhythm, feeling reassured in the fact that she still felt safe with him. 

Without a second thought, Finn lifted her hand to to his face. His eyes were still watching the road as he placed a kiss to the back of her hand, his lips lingering for a few seconds. 

Y/N was in awe of him, wanting to commit this exact moment in her memory forever.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

It was only about 15 minutes before Finn pulled the car over near a bridge.

He turned the car off and faced her, “We’re walking from here, it’s not far. Is that okay?”

Y/N nodded, opening the car door, “That’s fine!”

The two of them jumped out of the car. It felt good to stand up after being sat down in the car for at least an hour and a half. As Y/N was waiting for Finn to walk around to her side of the car, she closed her eyes momentarily. 

The air around them was pleasantly warm. The sun was low in the sky, meaning the sunset shouldn’t be too far away.

Finn stood beside her, looking down at her with a smile, “You ready?”

Y/N nodded, taking his hand as he reached out for her’s once again. 

Finn led the way down a concrete path, surrounded by trees. The pair chatted comfortably as they walked for a few minutes. 

“Not long now,” Finn reassured her as they kept walking. She noticed the path had started to end and they were now walking on grass, down a small hill. She held onto Finn’s hand tightly, not wanting to trip and embarrass herself. 

Y/N could start to hear the sound of flowing water getting increasing louder as they kept walking through the trees. Finn soon halted as she stood beside him, swinging their arms slightly to which their hands were still linked. 

“Wow,” Y/N exclaimed, taking in her surroundings. 

In front of them was a large bed of crystal clear water, in a clearing surrounded by trees where the sun was starting to cut through. There was a small waterfall at the very top. The soft sound of running water was like music to her ears.  

The sun was visible behind the trees as it was slowly setting. 

She dropped Finn’s hand, making her way over to the edge of the water. She knelt down on the soft grass, running the tips of her fingers through the water. 

“What do you think?” Finn questioned, placing his hands in his trouser pockets while smiling down at her.

Y/N marvelled the beauty in front of her. She glanced over her should to look at him, “I think it’s beautiful.”

In this moment, she decided to act on her impulsive thoughts. To Finn’s utter shock and surprise, Y/N stood to her feet rather quickly as she started to unbutton the front of her dress.

Finn’s eyes widen at this, “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m going for a swim, care to join?” She chuckled, still trying fiddle with the buttons on her dress.

“Y/N,” Finn spoke, trying not to let the thought of her unbuttoning her dress do things to him, “It’ll be freezing. I’d hate for you to end up getting sick!”

She grinned, glancing at him over her shoulder as her dress began to fall slowly off her shoulders, “The water feels fine. C’mon! I thought you were a Shelby; you’re not scared are you?”

Finn breathed out through his lips, shaking his head with a grin plastered across his face as he started taking off his suit jacket.

“You’re a lot braver than me Miss Y/L/N,” Finn spoke as he turned around, wanting to give her some privacy.

She took another glance over her shoulder and watched as Finn took his gun holster off from around his shoulders. She couldn’t help but think about how attractive he looked and how he made her feel certain ways that gave her butterflies in her stomach with excitement.

Once Finn had stripped down to his boxers, he turned around, the sight nearly making his eyes pop out of his head.

There she was, standing in the water just up to her ankles in nothing but her undergarments. Finn instantly stopped from trailing his eyes down her figure, shaking any inappropriate thoughts out of his head. He respected this girl too much.  

He made his way down to her and stood by her side, hardly being fazed by the temperature of the water. Purely to be bold; instead of staying by her side, he kept walking until the water was up to his waist. Turning around, he noticed she still stood in place.

“Who’s scared now?” Finn raised his eyebrows, staring into her eyes from where he stood.

Y/N chuckled, “It’s actually colder than what I once thought.”

He smiled softly, slowly holding his hand out to her, “C’mon sweetheart, I promise it’s not that bad once you get used to it.”

By god, she adored the man standing in front of her. She already knew she would follow him anywhere.

Y/N sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and she slowly made her way towards him. She resisted the urge to squeal as she kept walking, but she couldn’t control the way she screwed her eyes shut at the feeling of the cold water making it’s way up her legs.

She glanced up to find that as she was slowly making her way forward, Finn took a couple of steps back, starting to trek a little deeper.

“Don’t you dare move, Finn Shelby!” She warned, not wanting to take her eyes off him.

He chuckled in response, now standing completely still in place, “I’m sorry. I won’t move.”

As she neared closer to him, Finn met her halfway so she wouldn’t have to walk as far.

“You doing okay?” Finn questioned as he stood in front of her.

The two of them were so close to one another that she could feel the warm radiating off him. Just like the night when he saved her and the way he sheltered her from the rain.

“I’m better now,” Y/N looked down momentarily before starting to look back up at him through her eyelashes.  

Finn smiled, reaching his hand out once again, “Still feeling brave?”

She shrugged her shoulders with a growing smile, taking the hand he was offering in her own.

He nodded; slowing starting to walk back further into the water, expecting her to follow him. She took one step forward and squealed, yanking him back. Finn laughed at her reaction, stepping forward to stand close to her once again.

“It’s freezing!” She whined, not daring to let go of his hand.

Y/N reached up before Finn had the chance to speak, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. He chuckled at her reaction and felt her legs start to snake around his waist, holding onto him for dear life. Finn carefully wrapped his arms around her back and slowly started to walk further into the water.

She had her head resting against his, shutting her eyes as they were now almost completely submerged in the water. 

He could hear her whimpering and laughing into his ear, “See how brave you are?”

The pair chuckled in unison and soon fell into a comfortable silence. Finn stood his ground, swaying slowly as they continued to embrace. Y/N hoped he wouldn’t be able to hear her heart thumping against her chest. The only sounds to be heard were the water flowing, the call of birds and their breathing. It was pure bliss.

“Don’t hate me,” Finn said out of nowhere. Instead of waiting for a response he slipped under the water for a couple of seconds, taking her with him.

After they resurfaced, they still held on tightly to one another.

“Finn!” Y/N screamed in disbelief, wiping the water from her eyes.

He laughed, the sound vibrating through his chest and against her skin. Y/N kept her arms wrapped around his neck, but loosened her grip slightly as she glanced up at the sky.

“Look at all those colours,” she whispered, taking in all the beauty above them.

The sky had now changed colour. Turning all different shades of blue, purple, pink and orange. It made this place feel like she was in a dream.

As she glanced up to the sky, so did Finn. However, his eyes were only on the sky for a few seconds before they began trailing over her face.

He took in every single detail. The way her cheeks were a light shade of pink, the subtle freckles that grazed over certain parts of her face, her long eyelashes, even the way small droplets of water fell down her face. He couldn’t control his ever growing feelings for her.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”

Y/N instantly glanced down at him, not believing she had heard the words correctly that had just toppled out of his lips.

She noticed the way he was intently looking at her with hooded eyes. A look of astonishment. He was in awe of her, and he wasn’t trying to hide it in any way.

They both stared into each other’s eyes, neither of them wanting this moment to end.

Y/N smiled, leaning forward to press her forehead against his. She kept playing the words in her head, over and over again.

“Say it again,” she whispered, her breath hot against his face.

Finn kept looking at her through hooded eyes, moving closer to her if that was even possible. He kept one of his arms wrapped around her and trailed the other up her spine until he reached the back of her neck, cradling her.

“You,” he started, dropping his head down to place an innocent kiss to her chest; right over her heart, he could feel hear her hum in contentment.

“….Are so beautiful,” he finished the sentence, his gaze never once leaving her plump and pink lips.

Y/N smiled, not being able to contain the trapped words anymore, “Kiss me, Finn Shelby.”

He didn’t have to be told twice. Finn met her eyes one more time before gently placing his lips onto hers. The two of them sighed in relief against each other’s lips. He pulled away slowly, just for a moment before leaning back in.

They kissed slowly and sensually, never wanting it to stop. Y/N felt his hands rubbing comforting circles into her back, making her feel like she was floating. Finn then moved his hands from her back to her thighs, keeping her in place against him.

Y/N hummed against his lips, not being able to hide how good he was making her feel. She let her arms unwrap from his neck, and placed her hands against his shoulders instead.  

Finn could feel her start to run her nails gently up his neck and to the back of his head, running through his hair before she cupped his cheeks, not wanting him to ever pull away.

A few more minutes had passed before they both pulled away, giggling as their foreheads rested against each other once again.

“You’re all I’ve been able to think about since we first met,” Finn whispered against her lips.

Y/N grinned, rubbing circles into his cheeks as she continued to cup his face, “So have you.”

Finn groaned, causing her to laugh as he pecked her lips once more, “Can we just stay like this forever?”

“I have no objections against that, Mr Shelby.”

3146 words

©lilacsnid

[lilacsnid]

‘don’t you think it’s time’ part 2?

Of course! I’m working on finishing this, should hopefully be up in the next few days 💜

[lilacsnid]

Don’t You Think It’s Time? — 𝙁𝙞𝙣𝙣 𝙎𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙗𝙮 𝙭 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 (𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙊𝙉𝙀)

Part 2  ✘

warnings: mentions of violence, swearing & blood.

There was always something about Finn Shelby that made Y/N feel more alive than ever before.

The mere sight of him would make her heart swoon. The thought of him would make its way into her mind at almost every moment of the day, filled with his kind words and his gentle gaze.

She has had a yearning for him from the very first moment they had set eyes on each other.

Y/N L/N, the young 22 year old was fresh into her Nursing & Midwifery career. Riding around the streets of Small Heath on a bicycle, turning heads wherever she went. To begin with, she was utterly terrified. But she soon became more comfortable with every moment that passed and the streets of Small Heath soon became familiar to her.

She would never forget the night her path crossed with Finn Shelby’s. A wild turn of events that would soon lead to a beautiful friendship, and perhaps something more.

It was quite late into the evening, Y/N had just helped a mother to deliver another beautiful and healthy baby. The father had gifted her a small bottle of whiskey, followed by a chorus of kind and gracious words for her helping to bring his daughter safely into the world.

Even though she didn’t drink, she took the bottle, concealing it in her nursing bag that was strapped on the back of her bicycle.

She hopped on her bicycle, preparing herself for the long cycle home. The night was that cold that she could see her breath. She bid the family one final farewell before setting off into the night. She listened carefully to the sounds around her as she rode through Small Health. She could hear the sounds of rowdy men in the pubs, the occasional sounds of chatter and cars. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary.

Much to her despise, it had started to rain not long after she had left. She began to pedal a little faster, wanting to get back to the Nurse’s home as soon as she could. She still had around 20 minutes left of her journey.

She became extra vigilant, as her vision became impaired due to how hard it was starting to rain. She rode past The Garrison, another pub filled with music and rowdy men. She came across a darker part of the street that wasn’t lit up quite as well as near the pub. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something. Or rather, someone. They seemed to be hunched over from what she could make out.

Out of pure instinct, she came to a complete stop. She hopped off her bicycle, mounting it against the brick wall. Remaining cautious, she decided to approach the person.

“Excuse me,” she announced herself, hoping whoever it was could hear her over the rain hitting the pavement, “Is everything alright?”  

As she came closer to them, the person started to stand up. She was now able to make out that it was a man, who turned to her with a smile that she could only describe as evil.

The man snickered, dropping the bottle of alcohol she had failed to see him holding in his hand. She flinched at the sound of the glass hitting the pavement quite loudly, smashing into a thousand pieces.  

“I reckon there is something you can help with, sweetheart.” The man spoke in a low voice, before grabbing her and slamming her against the wall before she even had time to run away.

“No!” she screamed, trying to fight her way out of his strong grip, “Stop! Leave me alone!”

She could smell the vile, strong scent of alcohol on his breath, turning her head away as his face kept coming closer to hers.

The man chuckled, tightening his grip around her wrists, “I’m going to have some fun with you, stop fucking moving you whore.”

Her knees felt weak, like she could topple to the ground in fear any second. She fought harder and more desperately as hercoat buttons were ripped from being pulled open so forcefully. Her tears were hot against her cheeks as the rain that kept hitting her skin.

She screamed. Wishing that someone, anyone at all, could hear her cries. The man kept clawing at the buttons of her uniform, trying to get them undone.

She had started preparing herself for the hell she thought she was going to face; but she soon heard someone yell out from behind them.

“Hey! Get the fuck off her!” she managed to glance up to see the man being pulled away from her. She had never been more grateful for being able to breathe properly now her attacker was no longer crushing her with his weight.

She was quick to wrap her ripped coat back around herself as best she could, watching with tired eyes as the scene unfolded before her. Whoever had saved her life was now above her attacker, throwing punches over and over again that she had lost count.

Her attacker was then slammed against the brick wall on the opposite side of the road to her, his face bleeding and broken. The other man, who she still couldn’t make out, took his hat off before turning it inside out. Even though it was dark, she couldn’t mistake the shine of razor blades hidden on the inside of his hat.

Whoever he was, he was a Peaky Blinder.

She knew who the Peaky Blinders were, and in any other case would be petrified. But in this moment, she felt somewhat safe. She knew she should probably make a run for it, but she couldn’t seem to tear her gaze away from him.

The man slashed her attackers face, and she cringed after hearing him yell out in pain.  

“If I ever see you again,” he then points in her general direction, making her breath hitch, “And if I ever see you near her again, I will cut your eyes out of your fucking skull and I’ll watch you bleed. Do you understand?!”  

He then proceeds to throw him to the ground, not waiting to hear for her attacker’s response. The two of them watch him scramble to his feet and flee from the scene.

Y/N was stiff and hadn’t dared to move a muscle from the moment she was saved. There was something about her saviour that drew her in. She watches him turn around to face her, quickly making sure that her attacker ran completely out of his sight. They were still a few feet away from one another, staring at each other, not daring to look away once.

Looking closer, she realized that he was a young man who didn’t look much older than herself. She could see his shoulders moving up and down from how hard he was trying to catch his breath. His hair was now damp, droplets of water running down his face. He held his bloodied cap in his hand with a tight grip, not daring to let go.

There was something about him that made her feel a particular type of way. 

“I’m sorry, please, don’t be scared.” The young man broke the silence, beginning to approach her slowly, “Are you alright, did he hurt you?”

As he approached her, she couldn’t seem take her eyes off him. Not only was she grateful, but she was also mentally scolding herself for thinking about how attractive the young Peaky Blinder standing before her was.

Blood covered his white shirt that he was wearing underneath his dark grey suit, but she ignored it.

“I’m okay,” she whispered.

She could see his face drop as he let out a small sigh, “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

For the first time since the encounter, she offered a small smile towards him, “You didn’t. Thank you for helping me.”

“I wasn’t going to let that prick hurt you.”

Despite him being a Peaky Blinder, she could see something in his eyes. It was kindness, she could see it as clear as day. It was this kindness that had saved her from something awful. Something everyone fears. 

She glances down at his side, and without thinking, reaches out for his hand. His knuckles were red and bruised, there was blood from the amount of punches he had been throwing.

“You’re bleeding,” She spoke, concerned no longer for herself but for the young man standing in front of her. 

Her touch sent shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes for only a quick second, wanting to etch this memory in his mind of how soft her skin against his was.

It surprised him that this girl, who was only seconds away from pure terror, was no longer concerned for herself. She was concerned for him. He stole a glance at the nursing uniform underneath her coat. 

“I can barely feel anything, don’t worry about me,” he shook his head as he spoke, gently placing that same hand on her arm. 

After seeing her involuntarily flinch, he instantly felt bad. It was out of instinct, but she couldn't help miss his touch after he had taken his hand away. 

He led her out from the rain, into a small eve that sheltered them both from the rain. Again, they stood opposite one another; there being not much room between the two of them. She could the warmth radiating off of him due to the close proximity. 

He looked down at her small frame, noticing she had started to shiver. Without a second thought, he started taking of his suit jacket.

As he took of his suit jacket, she spotted the signature pocket watch tucked into his vest, along with the gun holster that was sitting on his shoulders that had been concealed underneath his jacket until now. 

He looked into her eyes, not needing to speak as he silently asked for permission. The space between them was small, but he managed to wrap his jacket around her. 

She glanced up at him gratefully, meeting his gaze and holding onto the front of his jacket to stop it from falling from her shoulders. She was engulfed by the smell of his cologne and the faint smell of cigarettes, it made her heart beat all the faster. It was comforting. 

“I’m Finn Shelby,” he spoke, his hands not once leaving her waist.

“Y/N L/N,” she responded. 

Her eyes trailed his face, admiring him. 

Finn smiled down at her, wanting nothing more than to make her feel safe. He pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her small frame until she stopped shaking. Resting his head on top of hers, the pair gently swayed in one another’s arms, listening to the rain as it began to fade away. 

“Would you let me walk you home?” he asked, pulling his head away to look down at her, suddenly becoming shy at the close proximity of their faces. 

She nodded, resting her forehead against his, “I’d like that.”

                                The pair soon set off into the night, Finn never once leaving her side. 

Y/N felt comfortable in his presence, knowing there was something special about him. It was like she had known him for her entire life, his eyes were so alive with promise. 

They had talked the whole way, both of them blushing when their arms would brush together. 

Their hearts fell just that little bit when they arrived underneath the bike shed at the Nurse’s home. 

Finn leaned against the wooden post as he watched Y/N put her bicycle away, unbuckling her nursing bag from the back. She held the bag by her side and glanced in his direction, smiling like she couldn’t help it. 

“Thank you for walking me home, and for being there for me. I can’t bear to imagine what would have happened to me if you didn’t show up.”

Finn smiled, leaning off of the post and standing up straight as she handed him back his suit jacket, “Anything to keep you safe.”

He could see that he had made the girl blush at his words, she’s so beautiful he thought. 

He shrugged his suit jacket back on, his gun holster now being concealed once again. The two of them stood in a comfortable silence for a few seconds, dreading the thought of having to leave one another. 

Y/N then rummaged through her nursing bag, Finn being confused once she pulled out a small bottle of whiskey. 

“Been drinking on the job?” Finn joked, looking back into her eyes.  

“No, uh..,” she chuckled, clearing her throat, “I was given this tonight from a grateful patient, I delivered her baby.”

Finn nodded, putting his hands in his pockets, “Boy or girl?”

“A little girl,” she smiled, “I don’t drink so I thought you could take this, consider it a thank you.” 

Finn laughed and took the small bottle she offered him, his fingers brushing against hers, “I’ll take it, but there really is no need to thank me.”

Y/N kept eye contact with him, unsure of what to say next. Finn managed to beat her to it, stepping closer so he was right in front of her. 

“Will I see you again?” he asks in a sort of hushed whisper. 

“You will,” she responded, a wave of confidence suddenly coming over her. 

She took one more step, her body now being pressed up against his. she slipped her hand through his jacket, placing her hand over his heart. She could feel it pounding through his chest as she reached up and placed a kiss on the corner of his lips, teasing him. 

“I’ll see you soon, Mr Shelby.”  

2272 words

© lilacsnid

[lilacsnid]

『✔』  𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐃𝐚𝐲'𝐬 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤: — 𝒏𝒆𝒘𝒕 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

Portrayed on a very unexpected day in The Glade: bringing not only rain, but also inevitable confessions.

A/N: ask permission to use or re-post my work, please do not steal or plagiarize my writing x

𝙳𝙸𝚂𝙲𝙻𝙰𝙸𝙼𝙴𝚁:  small mentions of blood, grumpy newt, a whole lotta fluff 

©lilacsnid

  —  No one had expected the dramatic change in weather as everyone slowly woke up, one by one. There was a cool breeze in the air, as the sun had stayed hidden behind the dull grey clouds. Alby had managed to find a job replacement for those who would usually work out in the field on any other day. Everyone was still expected to be put to work, even if the weather was a little bit more gloomy. But as Newt watched his fellow Gladers work, helping out where he could, a soothing and calm ambiance fell over The Glade. It was pleasant.  

“Hey Newt!” Frypan yells at the blonde, grabbing his attention instantly, “Isn’t that Y/N over at The Box?”

The rain continued to pelt down over The Glade, the only sound being the racket of the water slamming against the tin roof of The Homestead which Newt felt strangely comforting in a way. He turned around and glanced over Frypan’s shoulder, squinting his eyes through the rain to spot you across The Glade.

His eyebrows narrowed together in annoyance as a frustrated groan erupted from the back of his throat. You had not been well over the past couple of days. Despite Newt’s and Alby’s efforts to try and get you to rest up and take it easy, you blatantly refused. You admit, your muscles were achy, and your head hurt; the truth was that you were just run down. The lack of sleep and constant chore of working in the sun had started to become a little overwhelming. Despite this, you still continued to work.

New supplies had come up in The Box, along with a new greenie. All like clockwork. Instead of taking it easy today, especially with the rain, you insisted on helping out. Your stubbornness and totally inability to follow Newt’s simple requests pissed him off beyond belief. Tensions had been running high between the two of you lately. He wasn’t asking for much, and at the end of the day, your health and well-being was all he cared about in that moment.

“For Christ sake, Y/N,” Newt mumbled under his breath, his fingers running through his disheveled locks.

Without a second thought, he began to make his way over to you. The rain began to soak him as he walked out of the shelter of The Homestead. The water seeped through his clothes and trickled through his hair, making it fall flat against his forehead. He remained completely unfazed by the rain as it drenched him.  

The closer he got to you, the clearer he could see you. He observed as you jumped down into The Box, grabbing more supply boxes and passing them up. There was a slight ache in his leg, but he shook it off. Within a couple more seconds, he had reached The Box; staring down at you heavily with his arms folded over his chest.

“What the hell are you doing?” Newt’s tone was vexed, and his eyebrows were still furrowed.

You purposely didn’t make the effort to make eye contact with him, knowing very well that it was only a matter of time before he would’ve caught you going against his orders. You knew deep down that he was only concerned, but you believed that you could make this decision for yourself.

You closed your eyes for a mere second as you reached down to grab another crate, “I’m helping, what the hell does it look like?”

Your breath hitched and you cringed at how rude you had just sounded. You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip, already feeling guilt ridden. The fact that you had absolutely no intention of looking after yourself right now made Newt mad. He tried not to feel this way, but he simply couldn’t help himself at this point. He really did had a soft spot for you because you were special to him. Everyone could see how protective he was over you.

You heard Newt scoff from where he was standing above you, his hands going to rest on his hips, “Are you insane? You’re not well Y/N, I’m sure the other guys can manage without you. You need to take it easy, that’s what we agreed on. Remember?”

Dropping the crate to the metal floor beneath you, you finally glanced up at him. As your eyes met his own, you realized just how serious he was being. But you didn’t want to back down. Instead you stared at each other for a few seconds, neither of you saying a word. Until Newt spoke up again.

“Get up here. Now.” He commanded, the tone of his voice dropping ever so slightly.

You rolled your eyes dramatically at his demand, muttering curse words under your breath as you lifted yourself out of The Box. Almost out of habit, Newt grabbed your hands, assisting in lifting you out safely. You wanted to slap his hands away, but decided against it as you knew you were unable to get out by yourself.

Once you were out on the ground, you started to feel uncomfortable under Newt’s intense gaze. It became apparent to Newt just how drenched you also were from the rain that had continued to fall. He shook his head disapprovingly at the sight of you, watching as you began to shiver and saw goosebumps starting to rise on your skin as you stood to your feet.

“Do you seriously think it’s a good idea to come out in the rain when your not in a fit state? You’re just going to make yourself even more sick!” Newt lectured you, as he ran his hands over his temples in pure frustration.

He was right, and you knew it. Sill, you refused to see reason; keeping up with your stubborn demeanor.

You sighed heavily, crossing your arms over your chest, “It’s just water, far out Newt. I don’t understand why you care so much.”

In an instant, you watched his face fall. You could tell you had hurt his feelings, and he tried not to show it. But you had said it; and you instantly regretted it.

“That’s it.” Newt grumbled in response, far from the point of being fed-up. You didn’t have time to question him before he had bent down, wrapping his arms around the back of your legs, and effortlessly tossing you over his shoulder.

You tried not to squirm and lash around due to his limp, but his actions surprised you massively. You clutched his jumper between your knuckles, trying to keep yourself steady as you gasped in shock, “Newt! What the hell! Put me down!”

Your protests continued, yet he remained silent. You knew anyone watching the interaction between the two of you right now would be confused, but Newt didn’t care. And to be honest, neither did you.

Within a couple minutes, the two of you were both back in The Homestead. Newt continued to trudge down the hallway and to his room that he shared with you, ignoring the questionable glances coming from your fellow Gladers along the way. After walking through the wooden doorway, he set you down in the middle of the room and backed away from you to slam the door shut. In an instant, you started hammering down on him with questions and protests.

“Why the shuck would you do that, you Slinthead? I was fine! I actually can’t believe you carried me in here like some child. I’m my own person, Newt. And I can surely make my own decisions. You have no control over me, and you had absolutely no right to do what you just did!”

Newt was mortified at your sudden outburst, raising his eyebrows in shock. “I have no control over you? In case it’s slipped your mind recently, I’m your second in command. I hold rank over you. It’s my job to make sure everyone is okay. I care about you, alright? And I’m sure as shit not gonna watch you make stupid decisions that could affect your health pretty seriously. The last thing I need is for you to get even more sick. You never listen! Why can’t you just do what you’re bloody told?”

“Are you actually joking?” You exclaimed, crossing your arms, staring him down. “I’m so sick of you treating me like I’m a child!”

Both of your voices were raised, and you knew the others could probably hear both of you bickering and screaming at each other. But the two of you were both too stubborn to back down.

Newt groaned, startling you as he threw his head back in annoyance, “You want me to stop treating you like a child? Then stop bloody behaving like one.”

“But-“ You went to argue back, but Newt cut you off.

“Bloody hell, Y/N. You and I both know that you’re not well. You need to look after yourself, even if it’s just for one day to regain a bit of strength back. Just stop acting so fucking stubborn and do as I say!”

As he spoke, he had gotten closer to you. Despite being angry with him in this moment, you mentally cursed yourself as butterflies erupted in your stomach in reaction to how the space between the two of you had dramatically shrunk. He was breathing heavily through his nose as he stared at you, his jaw clenched.

His brown, dark orbs stared down at you with such intensity.

Shuck, he looked good all hot and bothered. Like, really good.

His hair was still damp, falling over his forehead in tendrils. At such a close proximity, you could see the small freckles that littered over the skin of his cheeks. His lips were plump and a soft shade of pink. Suddenly, you were finding it extremely hard to keep yourself from staring at them. The sound of Newt’s long and slow breaths echoed throughout the room, along with the gentle sound of the rain coming from outside. He couldn’t deal with how attractive you still looked, even if you were drenched from head to toe. He was in awe of how your wet clothes clung to your body, showing off your figure unintentionally. Through his breaths, he innocently reached his hand up to run the back of his fingers gently over the soft skin of your cheek. And you let him. The tension between the two of you was so thick. Instead of hiding it, you let your eyes dart from his eyes to his lips continuously.

“Newt,” You spoke, barely above a whisper. You wanted him.

Your gaze was held with his for a few more seconds before Newt cursed, “Fuck.”

And without any hesitation, Newt slammed his lips against yours. You moved your lips against his in a matter of desperation and longing. Newt grabbed at your hips and you felt him walk you back, pushing you up against the closest wall without breaking his lips away from your own.  

The sudden jolt of you hitting the wooden desk behind you made you gasp against his lips. Your senses heightened even more as Newt trailed his hands from your hips to the back of you thighs and resting them there, a signal for you to jump. Newt caught you as you complied, picking you up and setting you down on the desk. You were on Cloud Nine, and only now did you realise just how much you had craved him. He smelt like the rain, an earthy smell that you found beyond addictive.

His lips kept connecting and reconnecting with yours. They felt cold, but you liked the feeling. As your kisses grew even more desperate, his hands kept trailing from your thighs and up to your hips. Your own hands were cupping his cheeks, focusing on keeping him close. He felt his knees go weak when you start running your fingers through his hair. He seriously couldn’t get enough of you.

But as he was kissing you, he let the doubtful thoughts in the back of his mind consume him. Am I doing this right? He thought to himself. He wanted this; he really did. But what if Y/N wasn’t enjoying it? He tried to push his thoughts away and continued to focus on you. But they kept coming back. And as they became too much, that’s when he pulled away.

You whined a little, opening your eyes to see his own nervously scanning over your features.

“Are you okay?” You questioned, sensing his change in behaviour instantly.

Newt didn’t say anything. It was like he had lost his voice. The thoughts of doubt were running wild in his mind and in an instant, it was too much for him to handle. He stumbled away from where he stood between your legs and kept his eyes trained on the ground this time.

“I gotta go,” he spoke shyly, running his hands through his hair. A nervous twitch that you instantly recognized, “Just stay here. Please, I-I don’t want you getting worse.”

Before you knew it, he had pulled the door open, stepping out in a rush and closing it behind him. You stood from your position at the desk, listening to the sound of the rain and Newt’s footsteps as they echoed away.

What the hell just happened?

                      ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

That night after dinner, you wasted no time in rushing back to yours and Newt’s shared room. Usually Newt would sit next to you during dinner, but due to previous events, he was nowhere to be seen. You saw him over near Frypan towards the end of dinner, but not once did he even make the effort to look in your direction.  

It still continued to rain, even during the late hours of the night.

Once you had made your way inside, you leaned against the door; closing it behind you. Of course, Newt wasn’t there. The room felt empty without him and you couldn’t help but start to feel lonely. It made you feel sick in the pit of your stomach. You didn’t like being alone. You pushed yourself off the door and scrambled over to your bed, throwing yourself onto the covers. You swiftly took off your shoes and threw them towards the end of the bed. Jumping under the covers, you couldn’t help but stare over at Newt’s empty bed across the room. You knew he still wouldn’t be back for a while, since he usually does the evening rounds with Alby, making sure everyone was accounted for and in bed.

Your thoughts were running a million miles an hour, you couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened between Newt and yourself. If you thought hard enough, you could still feel the sensation of his cold and soft lips and how they moved against yours. A tingle ran up your spine at the very thought of his hands trailing against your skin.

Feeling completely hopeless about the whole situation, you sighed heavily.

You wanted to stay up and wait for him to return so you could try and talk to him about what had happened. But the longer you waited, the quicker you felt tired. Before you knew it, you had let your eyes fall shut, slipping into a state of slumber.

Unbeknown to you, Newt had come back to your room that night, not too much longer after you had fallen asleep. The whole day he had been beating himself up about what he had done. He just wished that he didn’t run away from you like a proper coward. Instead, he wished he had stayed with you and finally admit his feelings to you that he now saw so clearly. He had been coming up with a plan of what he was going to say to you once he got back that night. But by the time he had finally showed up, you were already in a deep sleep. Once he spotted that you were already asleep and that he had left it too late, he immediately cursed himself; wondering how he could be so stupid.

Not wanting to disturb you, he shuffled over to his bed; trying to stay as quiet as possible. He sat down on his bed on the other side of the room, opposite yours. He took off his shoes and pulled his jumper off and over his head, along with his shirt so he was bare chested.

He peered over at your sleeping figure; his elbows rested on his knees while he intertwined his own knuckles together to rest over his mouth.

You’re an idiot Newt, he thought while shaking his head.

                       ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The new Greenie had been in The Glade for a couple of days, and due to the rain, the usual bonfire that would be every month had to be held back until the rain chose to stop. The moment that the rain had finally cleared off, the Gladers got to work; building the bonfire by piling various amounts of wood onto it. The normal preparations went along as per usual, and as soon as it was nightfall, you were being yelled at by Alby to come and participate.

You sat down by yourself at a log, in close proximity to the bonfire. The warm waves of heat felt nice against your skin. Despite the protests of others, you politely declined the offer of having some of Gally’s moonshine. You really weren’t in the mood. The past couple of days had been painfully slow and rather difficult. You had finally taken that much deserved break for some rest and recuperation. However, you and Newt still hadn’t talked to each other since the kiss. You would catch him glancing in your direction every once in a while at various moments of the day, yet the glances were timid and shy.  He’d look away almost immediately after you’d catch him.

Your eyes scanned the environment around you until you spotted Minho, who just so happened to be chatting to Newt. Both boys had jars of alcohol in either of their hands. You had a strange feeling that whatever they were talking about, it was bound to be about you. Because despite the distance between you and them, they had been stealing glances your way the minute you had sat down. You tore your gaze away swiftly to stare mindlessly into the fire, focusing solely on the burning embers, watching sparks fly out and disappear into the air above you.

“Hey, you lone shank.” You heard a voice erupt from above you.

You instantly recognized it as Minho. You felt him plop down beside you, nudging your shoulder with his, “Everything okay?”

You couldn’t help but laugh and shake your head at his question, wondering if he knew just what had been happening behind closed doors. You knew Newt and Minho were close friends, so there was no doubt that he already knew what was going on.

“Oh yeah, peachy perfect,” You responded sarcastically, earning a chuckle in return from Minho.

He tilted his head to the side, “Yeah okay, that was pretty poor of me to ask that.”

You shrugged your shoulders, trying to act like you had no idea what he was talking about, “I have no idea what you mean, I’m perfectly fine.”

Minho sassily rolled his eyes, allowing his legs to sprawl out lazily in front of him, “Except you’re not.”

“What do you mean?” You glanced at him with raised eyebrows.

“Newt told me about what happened.” And there is was. He took a gulp from his jar of moonshine, “He’s a bit of a wreck in all honesty.”

His words made you frown, “How does he think I feel? Him kissing me like that then barely even looking at me, hell he hasn’t even talked to me.”

Minho glanced away from you to look over at Newt who was situated on the opposite side of the bonfire before speaking, “Look, I know it’s frustrating. But I’ve talked to him and I can kind of understand why he did what he did. Just talk to him, okay? Get him alone and talk to him about it. The shank is just too nervous and shy when it comes to you.”

You couldn’t help but let a smile form across your lips at his last sentence. Maybe you did just need to get Newt alone, so the two of you could finally talk properly. You stayed silent, nodding your head in agreement.

“Okay.”

Minho grinned, “Good.”

The two of you sat together at the bonfire, chatting mindlessly amongst yourselves. Just as Minho was in the middle of explaining something that had happened to him out in the Maze that day, you could hear a ruckus coming from behind you. The two of you gazed over your shoulders to see what was going on. From what you could see, two Gladers were fighting, one of them being the new Greenie. You could hear their yells as you noticed a small crowd had started to form around them. Alby had rolled his eyes, running over to the pair in effort to try and break them up. Newt also ran over to help out, forcing his way in front of the Greenie as Alby held the other Glader back.

“Hey!” Newt practically shouts, “Cut it out, yeah?”

Everything had fallen into a state of silence as everyone watched the confrontation. But no one could have predicted what you saw next. The Greenie rapidly swung his fist in Newt’s direction, clocking him straight in the nose.

You gasped, completely horrified as both you and Minho instantly stood in your places, making your way over to Newt. Gally and Alby instantly grabbed hold of the Greenie and led him away, no doubt taking him to spend the night in the pit.

“Dude,” Minho exclaims as the two of you reached Newt who was doubled over, holding his nose in a closed fist, “Are you alright?”

You heard Newt inhale deeply, lifting his head up to look at Minho. But as he glanced up, his eyes softened as he saw you next to his best friend. He groaned at the pain surging through his head as he managed to stand up properly.

“Should have known better than to get caught in the middle of a bloody fight,” Newt jokes, trying to lighten the mood. The three of you laughed in unison for a moment until you spotted the blood starting to pool from his nose, beneath his fist. You tensed, seriously not liking to see Newt in pain.

Without a second thought, you proceeded to take a few steps closer to Newt. At the end of the day, you were a Med-Jack; so of course, your instincts kicked in. While Minho yelled at everyone to stop crowding and to go to bed, you flashed Newt a warm smile. The moment you made eye contact with him; it was like all the tension between the two of you had disappeared.

“Hey, come on,” You spoke softly, grabbing his arm, “Let’s get you sorted out.”

He let you lead him over to the Med-Jack hut, trying not to cry out in pain along the way. He might have been a little tipsy before, but that punch had really sobered him up pretty quickly. When the two of you got inside, the ambiance of the room was quiet and calm, much better compared to the boisterous environment outside.

“Alrighty,” You spoke, rubbing circles into Newt’s back comfortingly, “Sit down on that bench for me.”

He graciously did as he was told and sat down at one of the benches situated in the middle of the hut. He watched in awe as you scrambled quickly through the cupboard, gathering the supplies that you would need to clean him up. Once you had turned around, you strolled back over to Newt; situating the kit of supplies next to him.

“Okay,” You reached up, placing your hand gently over the closed fist of his hand that still held tightly onto his nose, “Just let go, you’re okay.”

Your soft tone of voice soothed him and made him feel better. He slowly unclenched his fist, groaning as you took his hand away. There was a lot of blood, but from what you could see, he hadn’t broken his nose. You stood between his legs, a strong sense of dejavu washing over you. However, you tried to focus on him rather than the butterflies in your stomach. Firstly, you grabbed some cloth, instructing him to hold it against his nostrils. You reached beside you as he did this, grabbing some gauze as Newt rested his other blood-stained hand onto his thigh; close to your hip. You cleaned him up, cautiously washing off the blood that had smeared around his nose and his cheek. You tried to focus on your work, keeping your movements gentle and attentive. However, you couldn’t ignore the fact that Newt was still staring at you, and in no way was he trying to hide it. You made eye contact with him, stilling your actions momentarily. You saw him looking at you in a state of wonder, like you were the most beautiful human he had ever seen. This close, you could see how his eyes were glossy and slightly hooded.  

“I was an idiot,” He mumbled suddenly, taking the cloth he held away from his nose once the bleeding had stopped.

A smile tugged onto the corner of your lips, “Yeah, you were. But lucky for you, I like blonde haired idiots with a funny accent.”

Newt chuckled amusingly, the sound only making you grin even more.

“I’m sorry Y/N,” Newt uttered, watching as you grabbed his hand, cleansing the dried blood off the inside of his palm with a wet cloth, “I really am.”

You tossed the rag to the side once you had finished, “I know you are, and it’s alright. Can I just ask why you did it though? Why didn’t you just talk to me instead of running away?”

He bit his lip as you watched with anticipation, waiting for his answer.

“Being able to kiss you like that felt incredible. I’ve wanted to do it for so long, so it was kind of surreal. But I just-,” He sighed through his nose, wincing instantly after, “I couldn’t stop worrying about whether or not I was doing it right. I have no recollection of whether or not I’ve done something like that before and you honestly deserve the best.”

Suddenly, it all made sense; you realized what he was trying to say to you.

You rested your hands on his knees, glancing into his warm eyes, “If you couldn’t tell, I was enjoying myself. You’re not a bad kisser, Newt. You’re actually a lot better than what you think you are.”

Newt’s ears perked up at your words, “Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah, you dork,” You giggled, “I know none of us can remember what happened in our lives before the Maze, but I’d say that definitely wasn’t your first kiss. You knew what you were doing. I’d say you’ve done it before, even if you can’t remember it.”

Newt couldn’t help but feel a little chuffed with himself. He briefly thought about where he could have possibly gained his previous experience from, hoping deep down that it had been you who he had shared his actual first kiss with. It was just a shame those memories had been stolen from him. However, he wouldn’t want it to be anyone else but you.  

Newt hummed as the two of you fell into a comfortable silence. He glanced up, watching you as you rocked back and forth on your feet; smiling widely.

“Hey,” Newt murmured, placing his hands over yours where they still rested on his knees, “Could we maybe try that kiss again? I promise not to run away like a proper shank this time.”

“Hmmm, I don’t know. Do you reckon you know how to?” You asked teasingly, laughing as Newt rolled his eyes in response.

“Well as it turns out,” Newt mused, reaching up and cupping your cheek gently, “I’m not as shit as I thought. But I’ll let you be the true judge of that, I’m more than happy to remind you if that helps.”

You scoffed, slapping his chest playfully as he chuckled, “Go on then, remind me just how good you are.”

Newt began leaning in, resting his forehead against yours as his hand remained on your cheek, his thumb rubbing soft strokes against your skin.  

“Go a little slower this time,” You whispered, beginning to play with the drawstrings of his jumper.

He nodded briskly before leaning in and delicately latching his lips with yours. His lips weren’t cold this time, but the sensation still felt the same and gave you identical tingles like last time. You melted into his touch almost immediately, loving the pace Newt was taking. You were careful, trying not to bump Newt’s nose that was still sore. For a second, Newt pulled back. He flashed you a playful smile, trying to gage your reaction before reconnecting your lips again. He continued to work his lips tenderly against yours and at a steady pace, pulling you in closer to him. There was no rush as the two of you pulled away from each other after a few moments, both of you grinning from ear to ear.

“Wow,” You breathed, closing your eyes for a mere second before opening them again, “I seriously can’t get enough of you.”

Newt chuckled wholeheartedly, slowly leaning back on his palms. “You’re so cute, love.”

You could feel the blush creeping up on your cheeks as you lovingly stared into his brown orbs that appeared to be lighter than usual.  

“So,” Newt spoke, tilting his head to the side, “How bad is the damage?”

You reached forward, gently pressing your finger against the area around his nose, thankful that it wasn’t bleeding anymore, “Well, I think you’ll be happy to know that it’s not broken. But you will be sore for a little while though.”

“Guess I’ll just have to get you to kiss it better,” Newt shot back with a cheeky smile plastered across his lips as he watched your reaction.

“More than happy to do that for you sweetheart,” You said as you began to pack up all the supplies that you had used. You closed the first aid kit, leaning away from Newt to go back over to the cupboard. But as you began walking away, Newt took hold of your wrist.

“Hey,” He whispered, swiftly pulling you back into your previous position, situated between his legs and facing him once more. He wrapped his arms around your waist this time, pulling you in for another kiss. You smiled against his lips, your hand reaching up to rest against the back of his neck.

                       ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

After you had put the supplies away, the two of you finally exited The Med-Jack hut with Newt’s arm loosely slung over your shoulder. You felt giddy at the very feeling of him touching you, despite it not being the first time. From the corner of your eye, you spotted Minho who was making his way over to you both with a prideful smirk plastered on his face.

“Here he is!” Minho exclaimed, playfully giving Newt a small shove, “Glad to know that you’re still alive.”

Newt’s arm fell from your shoulders as he shoved Minho back in the same manner, laughing along with him. 

“Shut up man,” Newt grumbled, his head starting to feel heavy with how tired he had become during the night. Along with the ache in his head from where he had been hit.  

Minho reached forward, shaking hands with Newt while he wiggled his eyebrows at you when you made eye contact with him. You couldn’t contain the smile on your face as you shook your head at him.

“Well,” Minho said, gesturing between Newt and yourself as he slowly started to back away, “I’m gonna leave you shanks to it, have fun!”

Newt slung his arm back over your shoulder, turning his head to the side to press a kiss to the top of your head. You laced your fingers with his own that rested against your shoulder, closing your eyes happily at his action. As the two of you began to make your way over to The Homestead, you heard Minho yell out something along the lines of ‘use protection!’. Both you and Newt flipped him off but knew he wouldn’t be able to see due to how dark it was. You made it back to your shared room in one piece. Once the door had been shut, you led Newt over to his bed; to which he fell face first into. You chuckled at his sleepy state, selflessly leaning down to take his shoes off for him.

“Thanks darling,” Newt mumbled graciously as he swiftly pulled his jumper and shirt off over his head, exposing his bare chest to you. You had seen Newt shirtless before, but it somehow felt different this time. He was perfect in your eyes. You watched as he laid down on his side, running a hand through his blonde hair before looking up at you from where you stood above him.

“You’re welcome sweetheart,” You bent down, placing a chaste kiss on his forehead, whispering, “Sweet dreams, Newt.”

As you turned around to make your way over to your own bed, you heard him speak up from his place behind you, “Where do you think you’re going then?”

You froze immediately, turning back around on your heels to look at him again as he peered up at you quizzically.

“To bed?” You answered, yet it came out as more of a question.

Newt let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head slightly, “The only place your sleeping tonight is with me. Come here love, please?.”

You bit your lip as you watched him extend his arms out in invitation. He looked so adorable with his face buried into his pillow as he was trying his very best to stay awake. You wasted no time in taking off your own shoes, chucking them behind you before jumping into his open arms. His scent instantly filled your senses as he wrapped his arms around you, cuddling you into his chest. He held you for a little while, whispering sweet words into your ear. He leaned over you, capturing your lips in a number of kisses.

He pulled the blanket over the two of you, stealing the chance of giving you another kiss before laying his head down across your chest; his arms wrapped around your stomach, holding you close. Your heart fluttered at the sight of Newt snuggling shying into your body in a complete state of vulnerability. You absentmindedly began playing with his hair, your fingers twirling around in his locks, massaging his scalp every now and then. Your breath hitched and you halted your movements as you felt Newt slowly pull the material of your shirt up, placing small kisses into the exposed skin of your stomach that he could reach.

A whiny noise came from the back of Newt’s throat at the loss of contact from your hand.

“That felt good love,” He mumbled sleepily against your skin, “Keep going.”

He lifted his head up momentarily, watching you as you smiled warmly at him, “Lay down Newt, get some sleep. I’ve got you.”

Smiling in return, he leaned down, placing one last goodnight kiss to your lips before resting his head in its previous spot against your chest. He grabbed your hand, gently pulling it back to the top of his head. You secretly loved this side of Newt, where he was all needy and desperate for affection.

“I think I love you, Y/N. A lot.” You heard Newt admit, mumbling against your skin. Enjoying the feeling of your fingers that had started to run through his hair again.

You were beaming with happiness as you listened to him, now using both of your hands to play with his hair, lulling him to sleep. “I love you too, Newt.”

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕:

@novella12nite  @peterspideyy​  @yourneighbourhoodclown​ 

[lilacsnid]

Hi! Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly, then send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable) SPREAD THE LOVE 💛

shoutout to the lovely @peterspideyy for sending me this, much love & appreciation for you 🥰

so, five things I like about myself. I really had to think about this one 🤔 (let’s get this started shall we)

1. It’s taken time, but I guess I really admire how strong I am & how I’ve been able to pull myself back together when I’ve been in a million pieces. I recently had a really deep conversation with both my sister & mother and it’s just really opened my eyes to how much stuff I’ve gone through. Especially when loosing loved ones and having to deal with the grief & struggle of missing them everyday even when it’s been years since their passing.

2. Dude, I recently got a Nikon camera & I’m actually really surprised at how good I am at photography. Not professionally, just the way I have a habit of capturing moments in my own unique way. As well as editing them afterwards! It’s such a fun hobby for oneself. 100% would recommend whether it be on a camera or even just your phone. Capturing moments in the present time is so important.

3. Similar to @peterspideyy I have a love and obsession for fictional characters. I love to create stories based off these special characters for you guys to enjoy (which I’m so glad you are all liking btw). Not many people in my life know about this side of me that you guys see on this platform, but I really love being on here & interacting with you amazing people from all over the world who share similar interests to me. I like how my mind works and how it will run wild when a new idea for a fic comes to me. I like how dedicated it makes me feel & I’m so lucky to have the love and support from everyone who reads them.

4. I like how, over time, I’ve started to care less and less of how people think of me. I’ll admit, it doesn’t always feel that way at times. I myself, know what it’s like to struggle with anxiety & depression on a daily basis and how it can consume your life. But I’ve managed to keep going, even when everyday feels the same. I’ve started focusing on self-care, which is so important, as well as just doing things for myself every once in a while. I’ve recently gotten a couple more tattoos, changed the style and colour of my hair. Nothing too drastic, but I like how I’ve been able to find the little things in life that make me tick & make me feel good about myself.

5. I LOVE helping people. I know sometimes when people offer to help it can come across as too intense or whatever. But everyone struggles, and everyone has backgrounds and pasts that we are so unaware of. Some are not so smooth sailing as others. I like how caring & compassionate I can be, despite what I have going on in my life. I’m more than happy to put others needs before my own. I’m very lucky to have such good influences around me to keep me on track. I do not judge people, no matter what their circumstance. I have a dream of going overseas to disadvantaged countries, and just helping those who need it. Especially medically. It’s something that needs to be addressed more.

so this was more harder than what I thought, I’ve been sitting on my bed for an hour, really trying to think about the things I like about myself. anyway, I love you all. look after one another & take care. talk soon x

[lilacsnid]

『✔』 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞: — 𝒏𝒆𝒘𝒕 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

One night at The Right Arm; where two people finally notice what they feel for each other. 

GIF above is not my own, full credit to the owner x 

A/N: ask permission to use or re-post my work, please do not steal or plagiarize my writing x

©lilacsnid

— YOUR throat felt scratchy as you rolled onto your back on your make-shift bed on the floor. It took multiple attempts for you to try and fall asleep, yet you had been unsuccessful. 

You had been at The Right Arm for about a week now, and the recent events that had played out had taken it’s affect on everyone. Minho being captured by WCKD and Teresa betraying the whole group. Thomas was quick to plan our next move while also trying to hide how he truly felt about being betrayed by the girl he liked. His plan being to rescue Minho, keeping the promise he had made to him. 

The rest of us agreed with Thomas, knowing we’d follow him anywhere. 

However, we needed time to recover; to patch ourselves up and prepare for the long road ahead. It was exhausting with our future constantly being unknown. But as long as we all had each other, we were stronger than ever. The air was cold at The Right Arm, especially at night. You started to feel uncomfortable, so you sat up, leaning over the edge of the bed. Sighing heavily, you rubbed both of your hands over your face. Your eyes scanned the concrete room out of habit, glancing over your friends as they slept. Thomas, Frypan, Aris, Brenda, Jorge.

Yet your glance suddenly halted over Newt’s bed that was across the room. You knew he wouldn’t have gone far, but given everything that has happened, you couldn’t help but worry. Thinking about it even more, you weren’t even sure that you had actually seen him come to bed at all. Furrowing your eyebrows, you bent down to pull your boots on and quickly tie the laces. You were dressed in black cargo pants and white tank top. Due to the crisp air, you decided that it would be wise to tug a long sleeve shirt on over your singlet before you left.

I need some water, you thought. 

The dry feeling in the very back of your throat was starting to intensify and become unbearable. 

Rising to your feet, you made your way over to the open door, being cautious not to wake any of the others up. You made your way outside, noticing how the air was slightly cooler outside rather than inside that boxed room. You continue to stroll over to the outdoor kitchens, rubbing your temples in order to relieve your stress. You reached the kitchen in a matter of seconds. After you jumped the counter, you bent down to retrieve a bottle of water from one of the various crates that were littered all around the place. You jumped back over the counter once you had found one, landing back onto your feet with a thud. 

Wasting no time, you twisted the cap off the plastic bottle and tipped the bottle up to your lips to take a much-needed swig of water. You willingly continued to chug the water, letting your thoughts silence for a while. 

“What are you doing up, love?” A sudden voice startled you, coming from some direction behind you. 

Through a mouthful of water, you screamed. Yet it sounded like a high pitched squeal. You knew who the voice belonged to, you could pick his voice up out of a line-up. However, it still managed to catch you off-guard quite easily. You turned around with wide eyes, catching a glimpse of the British blonde boy you had become close to over the years. 

“Shit, Y/N! I’m so sorry!” Newt sympathized, jogging up to you and rubbing small circles into the center of your back. 

His touch instantly made your skin crawl in ecstasy. And despite the warmth that you could feel radiating off his body, this simple action made goosebumps rise on your skin. You couldn’t get enough of this guy, and even if you didn’t want to admit it to yourself, your body always said otherwise. You craved him. 

The eye contact was short-lived. You quickly spun back around, spitting the mouthful water out before it had the chance to get caught in the back of your throat. 

“Newt! What the hell, you shank!” You exclaimed, wiping the back of your hand over your lips. You tried your best to stifle the coughs that threatened to leave your mouth. A frown was evident on Newt’s face as you lifted your gaze to make proper eye contact with him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” He repeated a few times, and you could still feel the motion of his hand over your back.

You couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a giggle once your throat was cleared, playfully slapping Newt’s chest with your free hand in the process. 

“Don’t scare me like that!” You teased, your voice raising slightly as you smiled. 

Newt also let out a laugh at your actions. He raised his arms, trying to shield his chest from your hand, “Ow! Y/N, okay! I won’t do that again.”

His reaction was sweet, and you couldn’t help but flash a toothy grin towards him as he stood across from you. You lowered your hand as the air around the two of you fell silent. Newt peered over at you, his eyes scanning over your body before running a hand through his own hair.

“Are you okay?” He asked, keeping a small distance between the two of you. 

You leaned against the counter behind you, screwing the cap back onto your water bottle as you nodded in response, “Yeah, just couldn’t sleep. I was thirsty.”

Newt nodded, shifting his weight off of his bad leg. 

“What are you doing up? I noticed you weren’t in bed when I got up.” You were quick to add, curiosity getting the better of you. 

You watched as Newt simply shrugged his shoulders, he took a deep breath in before speaking, “I just went for a walk, wanted to think about things.”

You crossed your arms over your chest as you continued to lean against the counter. You looked over at him quizzically, “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Newt answered with a soft expression, “I just-I haven’t been able to get my mind to settle since that night.”

The night where Teresa betrayed us all. And most importantly, the night that Minho was captured. It’s been beyond difficult; going from seeing him everyday to him suddenly being snatched out from underneath us all. 

“Me neither,” You whispered, glancing down at the ground. 

Newt bit his lip, beginning to rock back and forth on his feet, “Hey, would you mind staying up with me? Just for a little while? I just-I really don’t want to go back to bed yet and, I’m gonna be honest, I really don’t want to be alone.”

His words made your heart flutter as you suddenly saw this vulnerable side to Newt that you hadn’t seen in very long time. You wanted to take care of him. You wanted to offer him some comfort, even if it felt like the world you all currently lived in was falling apart. He had always been there for you over the years, and now it was your turn. 

“Yeah,” You breathed out, smiling gently towards him, “Of course I will.”

Newt nodded his head in appreciation, flashing you a quick smile. But soon, you noticed just how much everything that had happened was affecting him. Because as Newt kept nodding, you could see the glow of tears that has started to form in his eyes. The moonlight made his brown orbs look darker. He didn’t try and move his hands to wipe them away, he just kept them tucked into the pockets of his pants. As the tears escaped the barrier of his eyes, he scoffed sadly as they freely fell down the apples his cheeks. 

You tilted your head to the side in response, noticing how he refused to make eye contact with you. You had only ever seen Newt cry once, way back in The Glade days. 

“Oh darling,” You whispered, taking a few steps towards him. You shuffled closer until you were standing right in front of him. He still hadn’t moved a muscle, his eyes were glued to the floor but the tears kept coming. He was silent.

You reached out slowly, feeling relieved as he let you cup his cheek in your hand, you thumb moving in small and soothing strokes against his skin. 

“Hey,” you whispered again, not wanting to be too loud, “I’m right here.”

Newt slowly began to cave and soon you felt him lean into your touch. He lifted his bloodshot eyes to look into yours but soon ended up closing them. He turned his head slightly to the side to place a small kiss into the palm of your hand that still cupped his cheek. 

Tears slid down his face more rapidly this time as he squeezed his eyes shut. You just wanted to hold him, and so you did. You stood on your tip-toes, leaning up and wrapping your arms securely around his neck; pulling him into an embrace. He stepped into your embrace willingly, responding graciously by wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and burying his face into the crook of your neck. You could feel the distinct feeling of his breath hitting your shoulder; serving as a reminder that, in this moment, you had him safe in your arms. 

                      ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The two you had been talking for what seemed like hours. Here, the two of you sat; side by side, in the moonlight, leaning back against a rock. The whole time, Newt had been tracing patterns into the dirt beneath you while he opened up about what has been going on in his head. 

The air around you fell silent once again after a few more minutes of chatter. 

The sudden sharp sound of Newt breaking the stick in half that he was using to trace patterns into the sand rippled through your ears. You observed him quietly as he disposed of them, throwing the two pieces a few feet ahead of where the two of you sat. 

“Hey thanks, for being there for me,” Newt spoke up, rubbing his palms together before continuing, “For always being there actually. You’ve never let me down. Always keeping me stable.”

You turned to gaze at him, grinning from ear to ear, “I’m always gonna be there for you, Newt. You mean a lot to me.”

For the first time in a while that night, a smile formed across Newt’s lips in reaction to your words. A small chuckle erupted from him as he turned his head to look into your eyes, “I’m glad we both feel the same way about each other then.”

Silence washed over you as the pair of you continued to hold an almost intense glance with one another. Yes, it was intense. But there was something else about it. A sense of longing, a yearning desire. Both of you could feel it.  

Soon you found Newt furrowing his eyebrows, breaking your gaze to look down at the ground. 

“Are you scared?” He questions out of the blue, glancing back into your eyes, “Of the future and what’s to come.”

You sighed heavily, taking a short moment to think hard about the question you had been given. 

In the end, you nodded, beginning to twiddle your thumbs, “Yeah, I think I am. I’m scared of what could happen. I’m scared of losing more of my friends. I worry that we might not ever have a home. I’m scared whether we’re going to find Minho or not. I think I’ve been scared this whole time, I’ve just never realized it until now; after all we’ve been through.”

As you were talking, Newt’s hand had found it’s way to yours, lacing his fingers with your own in a shy kind of manner. You squeezed his hand gently in response before finishing, “I’m scared of being alone in this crazy and insane world we’ve found ourselves in. I’m scared of losing you and having to go on by myself. Apart from the others, you’re all that I have left. And I don’t ever want to lose you. Ever.” 

A sudden wave a nervousness came over you as you had just realized how much you had admitted to the boy next to you. Just how much was there, out in the open, awaiting his response. His fingers were in yours with one hand, and you soon felt his other hand reach over to lightly trace patterns into the back of your palm that was exposed. You could now feel his touch on either side of your hand, and the very feeling heightened your senses. 

Finally he turned to look at you, meeting your eyes in a way that you had never noticed before. It was love. And that was the moment when the two of you noticed just how deep you had fallen for each other.  

“Look, I don’t know who I was before the maze, none of us do, right?” Newt states, watching you as you nod in agreement, urging him to continue, “But I’m so glad I’ve been able to become the person that I am with you. I’m so glad you have been able to make me experience and feel things again. You bring out different parts of me that I never knew existed. This life is the only one I’ll ever remember, and the fact that you’ve been and will be apart of it just-it just makes me feel....happy. Like, really happy. It makes me want to work for our future. A reason to keep going.”

His words were like music to your ears. It’s like a surge of electricity went through you as you sat in awe. Now knowing you could continue on this crazy journey with your friends and Newt by your side, being more than a friend to you. A lover, a companion; it meant everything. 

“You’ve made me feel things the whole bloody time I’ve known you,” He finishes, letting out a breath he hadn’t quite realized he had been holding in. 

His shoulders rose and fell with each shuddered breath he now took. He was surprised beyond belief when you giggled, slipping your hand away from his grasp to situate yourself in his lap; straddling him with your legs either side of him. Nervously, Newt lifted his hands to rest on your hips, glancing up at you as his breath hitched in the back of his throat. 

You grinned, staring down at him as your bit the inside of your cheek, admiring how attractive and handsome he was. Placing your hands gently on the sides of his head, you saw Newt close his eyes momentarily as you ran your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, “I’m so in love with you, Newt.”

The corner of Newt’s mouth tugged up into a smirk as he soon relaxed underneath you. The butterflies that were going around in the pit of his stomach were almost too much for him to handle. He continued to stare up at you for a few moments, making you chuckle as he continued to smirk. 

“What are you thinking, huh?” You asked, your hands lowering to rub comfortingly over his chest through the material of his brown long sleeved shirt.  

“I feel,” Newt ushered, pulling your body even closer by moving his hands from your hips, all the way around to your shoulder blades, his hands not once breaking contact with your warm skin, “....like I wanna do this:” 

He leans forward, pressing a chaste kiss to your right cheek. Almost as soon as his lips meet your skin he’s pulling back, doing the same to your left cheek. You instantly crave his touch, his lips. Newt could almost sense your eagerness, so he continued.

“Right here,” He whispered as he hovered his lips over your own, “Is that okay?”

You were stunned. It’s like you had momentarily lost the ability to speak. Not trusting your voice, you held his gaze for a few moments longer before nodding, giving him permission to finally kiss you after all these years. The kiss was slow and sensual. Newt didn’t want to slip up or make a mistake. This was the first kiss he’s ever had; well, from what he could remember anyway. But he wouldn’t want to kiss anyone else but you. You were all he ever wanted, for the rest of his life. He knows that for sure. 

He’s the first to pull back gently, delicately pecking your puffy lips once more while keeping his arms firmly wrapped around you. Before pulling him back in for another kiss, you heard him whisper against your skin, “You’re all that I have too, and I promise that I’m never letting you go.”

[lilacsnid]

『✔』 𝐑𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲: — 𝒏𝒆𝒘𝒕 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

In which way you are always putting others needs and happiness before you’re own. It’s slowly starting to take it’s toll on you & Newt notices this.

A/N: ask permission to use or re-post my work, please do not steal or plagiarize my writing x

©lilacsnid

— “HEY, there you are,” You hear a voice softly call behind you that you instantaneously recognized as Newt’s, “I was looking for you.”

Glancing over your shoulder, you find him standing inside the doorway, a jar of Gally’s moonshine in his hand. You force a quick smile before turning back around to face the cabinet, “Here I am.”

“Thought you might’ve been hanging out with Minho or Chuck,” Newt spoke as he started walking over to you, not stopping until he was standing right beside you.

He leaned against the wooden counter top, his back resting against the shelf as his body faced the opposite direction as yours. You could almost feel the heat radiating off his body, making you want to curl up in his arms, but you couldn’t. Shouldn’t, you thought; correcting yourself.

You simply shrug your shoulders in response, trying your best to ignore the painful throbbing in your temples as a result from the lack of sleep.

Newt knew straight away that something was wrong. Not only could he tell by how blunt you were being, but he also knew by observing the way you worked in The Glade. Always offering others your support on top of the medical assistance. You’d skip meals and he’d usually find you working late into the hours of the night in the Med-Jack hut to stay back with injured gladers, as well as stocking supplies. You were known to your fellow gladers as a good listener, always willing to try and brighten someone’s day whenever they were feeling down.

You had been doing it for so long, letting others rely on you, that you had forgotten to take care of yourself. Newt noticed this above all else. But he also knew that you cared deeply for all those around you, and would stop at nothing to put their needs before your own.

The sleep deprivation was slowly starting to make you irritable and lose focus. It wasn’t healthy.

You could feel his gaze on you, watching you as you rolled up bandages.

He looked down at your hands, spontaneously mustering up the courage to take your hand in one of his own. The sudden action made you gasp slightly and you were quick to stop what you were doing. The first thought that popped into Newt’s head was how cold your hand was against his.

He furrowed his eyebrows before speaking, “You don’t seem yourself. Talk to me, please?”

You found it difficult to respond to him as you felt his thumb start to rub small circles into the back of your palm, your voice getting caught in the back of your throat. You opened your mouth to talk several times, but nothing came out. For the first time tonight, you met his gentle brown eyes. The light from the bonfire outside dimly lit the hut into a deep yellow luminosity, making his pale skin look toned like honey, as well as his gorgeous blonde locks.  

A few short moments was all it took for the tears to start welling up in your eyes, and after blinking a couple times in attempt to stifle them, they started to stream down your rosy cheeks. Newt’s facial expression softened even more at the very sight. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, his head tilting to the side ever so slightly as he watched you, his hand still holding your own. He set his half-empty jar of alcohol down, leaning off the counter to take a step closer to you.

“Love,” he cooed, his other hand reaching up to rest on your shoulder, “What’s the matter?”

He felt stupid for asking such a question when he already knew the answer. But he was curious about what you might say in response. Now, more than ever, he could tell how hard you were struggling to keep your puffy eyes open as the tears kept coming.

A defeated sigh left your lips, as you stared at the ground while taking your hand out of his grasp to assist the other in rubbing over your eyes with your knuckles, “I’m just so tired.”

That was all Newt needed to hear before he pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as he cradled your body with the upmost care. You leaned up to brush your cheek against his before letting your body collapse into him, not really noticing how weak you were until now. You couldn’t contain the chocked sobs that started to overwhelm you. It broke Newt’s heart seeing you in such a state.

You wrapped your arms tighter around his lanky figure, absolutely loving the way he rubbed soothing circles into your back and the way he rested his head of top of yours as he rocked the two of you from side to side slowly. The warmth of his body enveloped you; he felt like home. 

“I know baby, I know,” Newt spoke in a hushed tone, trying to calm you down. However, he couldn’t help but freeze momentarily at the choice of pet name that had just slipped from his lips.

He pulled his head away, glancing down at you, instantly meeting your surprised glance, eyes still filled with tears.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t- I don’t know where that came from,” he stuttered helplessly, as he felt his cheeks heat up quickly in embarrassment, “It was uh, the first thing that popped into my head, I’m sorry I won’t-”

He stopped speaking as you started to shake your head in disagreement. You buried your head back into his chest, finding his scent addictive.

“I liked it,” You replied quietly, pursuing to grasp onto him tighter.

Newt breathed a sigh of relief in one short puff, placing his head back on top of yours. He couldn’t stop thinking about how cute you were; cuddled up into his chest, all shy and timid. 

He swayed the two of you from side to side once more, placing a kiss to the crown of your head, “Why don’t I take you to bed, yeah? You a need a break, you really need some sleep.”

He tilts his head back down to meet your gaze, before continuing, “Does that sound okay to you?”

You nod meekly against his chest and let your eyes flutter shut as you struggle to keep them open. You were grateful that Newt had found you when he did. He was the one you trusted the most to see you in your most vulnerable state.

                      ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Newt didn’t need to ask anymore questions. He picked up your frail body, making his way over to the Homestead.

He carefully walked up the stairs, and down to the end of the corridor to his room. Kicking the door open with his foot, he shuffled over to his bed, placing you down onto the sheets, being cautious not to trip. He retreated to go over and close his door, also walking over to the other side of the room to close the window. 

It was one of the colder nights in The Glade. You tried to hide the goosebumps starting to rise on your skin, but Newt had already seen them. You’re breath hitched as you watched him yank off his jumper, to which he proceeded to bend down in front of you and offer it to you. However, you shook your head at the sight of the newly exposed skin on his arms, “You’ll be cold.”

He placed the jumper in your lap, “I’ll be alright, anyway, looks like you need it more than me right now.”

You continued to eye the jumper, feeling slightly guilty. Newt rose to his feet, brushing off his pants and staring down at you with a smile.

“Y/N,” He laughed, lightly tapping you on the shoulder, “Come on, just put the bloody jumper on.”

Soon following his request, you tugged the white jumper over your body, fitting your arms through the sleeves. His smell that had grown accustomed to you filled your nostrils instantly. That musky boy smell, as well as grass and the scent of his deodorant.  

“Thank you,” You whispered, no longer trying to hide the fact that you were staring at him as he grabbed two more blankets from his small wooden dresser. 

He met your gaze once he turned back around. You noticed how his mouth fell agape as his eyes dragged over your figure, hunched over on the side of his bed. 

“It’s no problem,” He grinned before continuing, “It suits you more than it suits me.”

You returned the smile, breaking your gaze to take off your combat boots. As you bent down, you felt the same throbbing pain return in both of your temples. You squeezed your eyes shut for a mere second, trying your very best to ignore it. You grumbled in annoyance as your fingers worked to try and get your shoe laces untied. 

“Argh, for shuck sake!” You cursed, slamming you feet against the floor. You probably looked like a child throwing a tantrum, but at this point you couldn’t care less. You were exhausted and every muscle in your body was aching. The tears started streaming down your cheeks once again, making you even more irritated than what you already were. You weren’t usually like this, and everyone knew it. 

Newt crouched down at your feet, his hands going to the back of your calves, halting your movements completely, “Hey, darling. C’mon, stop.”

You hid you head in your hands, harsh sobs escaping your lips as Newt began to untie your laces and remove your boots in a gentle manner. Once he was done, he set your shoes down on the ground, placing a hand on one of your arms in order to comfort you from where he was still crouching down.  

His calm demeanor brought you back down to earth. There was something about him that made you feel warm inside. Something that drew you to him. 

“Time for bed I think,” Newt said wholeheartedly, gesturing you to lay down on the bed. 

                       ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You had passed out as soon as your head hit the pillow. You were unsure of how long exactly you had been asleep. 

Waking up unexpectedly during the middle of the night, you noticed the drop in temperature around you. Goosebumps littered your skin, and you felt yourself shivering. You turned over, in search for Newt. Butterflies erupted in your stomach when you found him laying next to you on his back. His half of the blankets that the two of you were sharing were pulled up to his chest. His head faced you, his eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell with each steady breath he took in. One of his arms was also folded behind his head as he rested. You noticed that Newt now wore another jumper, it was dark blue. His eyelashes brushed the tops of his cheeks. A smile made it’s way across your lips at the sight of the blonde. 

You didn’t want to wake him from his peaceful slumber, so instead you turned back over, facing away from him. Your arms reached to pull the blankets further up your torso and you clutched onto Newt’s jumper that you still wore. 

Absentmindedly, you leaned back further into Newt, your body craving the warmth of his own.  

To your despise, your teeth began chattering. You shook head as a way of trying to stifle it but it was no use. You pulled the blankets up to your chin and closed your eyes once more. Barely a few seconds later, you felt the bed shift beside you as Newt sat up on his elbows, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. 

He stared over at you quizzically, “Are you alright, love?”

You sighed, feeling guilty for potentially waking him from his slumber, “Yeah, I’m okay. Go back to sleep.”

“No your not,” Newt hovered behind you, his eyes scanning over your body, “I can feel you shaking.”

“I didn’t want to wake you, I’m sorry,” You whispered, teeth still chattering between breaths. 

Newt laughed softly, “Don’t be silly, come ‘ere.”

Before you could say anything else, Newt had shuffled closer towards you, wrapping an arm around your waist as he situated himself behind you. You couldn’t help but repeat your previous action, leaning back into his touch. His breath fanned over the back of your neck, sending tingles down your spine. 

“You’re so warm,” You mumbled happily, reaching down and grabbing his hand. You laced your fingers with his, clutching your intertwined hands to your chest.  

Newt grinned in response, his body relaxing into yours.

“Just rest baby,” You felt him nuzzle his head into the crook of your neck, his plump lips placing a kiss to your skin, “I’ve got you.”

You bit your lip in surprise, a sudden feeling of urgency rushing over you as your heart thumped against your chest. You were almost certain the Newt could hear the sound of it. 

Turning your head slightly, you looked at Newt from the corner of your eye. Just then did you realise how close the two of you really were. 

“Could you call me that again?” You whispered, clutching his hand closer to your chest and over your heart, loving the feeling of his arm wrapped around you, keeping you safe. 

You could almost feel Newt smirking against your neck. He lifted himself up, using the arm that was wrapped around you to turn you over in one swift motion. You were now laying flat on your back with Newt hovering above you. 

He dragged his bottom lip between his teeth, trying to contain a smile as his eyes wandered across your face. His warm hand that was situated at your side made it’s way underneath your shirt and jumper you were wearing to start tracing patterns into the skin of your hip. 

He took a deep breath in, leaning in closer to brush the tip of his nose against the bridge of yours before whispering, “Baby.”

Then he closed the gap between the two of you, pressing his lips against yours, to which you eagerly accepted. He worked his lips slowly against your own, finding a slow and sensual rhythm between the two of you as he pulled you closer, still tracing patterns into your warm skin that was once cold, but no longer.   

You reached up, running your hand through the sandy blonde hair on the nape of his neck, kissing back with just as much passion.