lilsluvs

[lilsluvs]

The Value of Time

For this entry, I’d like to share one of the most important things to me: Time.

Initially, I wanted to talk about the most important people in my life, but I’ll save that for another day, maybe when my head is a bit clearer.

As of recently I’ve become so scared, scared that time is passing by so quickly and I can’t do anything about it. There are days when I just say to myself “Just hold on a little longer and it’ll be the next day.” and funnily enough, it does. It’s funny, but also scares me so much. Time is passing by so quickly yet it feels like I’m reliving the same day over and over again.

Time is valuable, I knew this, always have and always will. But for some reason for the past years it has become more apparent. Especially because of the pandemic. During the pandemic there were so many days where I lost track of time and wasted yet another day. For most of the pandemic my family and I lived in Olongapo, which was my dad’s hometown.  I’m happy that we got stuck there because the restrictions weren’t as strict as Metro Manila’s were and we got to see some of our family from time to time. But we couldn’t visit my family in Pasay.

My grandma used to call me everyday, she always did ever since we left Metro Manila to live in Olongapo. I remember her crying to my mom because she wanted to be part of our childhood as much as possible and she didn’t want us to be far from her. Everyday she’d call me just to check up on us, make sure we were okay. It doubled in quarantine since COVID had everyone scared, it was scary, so so so scary.

One day, a bit later into the pandemic, we got the news from our family members that almost everyone of them in our house in Pasay got COVID, even my grandmother. The calls, there were no more. Each passing day got worse. Gone were the days I’d wake up to her calling me on messenger. Everyday it was just denial, “nothing is gonna happen” “she’s going to be fine” “this is going to end soon” and it did, but in the worse way possible. My grandma died from COVID and Pneumonia, and what hurt the most was the fact that all this time I couldn’t do anything about it. My uncle just called all of us on messenger, his face near my grandmother who was lifeless. It hurt so much, I knew time with her was limited since she was of old age, but COVID took that time and lessened it so much until there wasn’t any time left.

Time flies so fast, it feels like yesterday I was still panicking about where I’d go for college. It feels like a few hours ago I was crying because I was scared that I wouldn’t make any friends it college, that it would be some of the hardest years of my life. But so far, time has proven me that it’s not. Yes, college is going to be hard, but it looks like tons of fun, especially with the right people.

The hours, minutes, seconds, that have passed will forever remain in the past, cannot be reclaimed nor replayed. Which is why I value the time spent with the people I love so much more. Why whenever I spend time with my friends and family I try to record it at the same time be in the moment as much as possible.

As much as I value time, it slips away, out of reach so easily, though I hope that as it passes through the in-betweens of my fingers, it the quick moments it does come into interaction with me, I use it up in the best ways possible and enjoy the small moments in everyway I can.

[lilsluvs]

Anywhere and Everywhere

A weird thing about me is that I can not make up my mind, even just being given the simplest of choices it will take ma a few minutes of hardcore thinking to come up with a decision. Though, my first answer to the question “Where do you want to go?” would be Japan. I looooooove Japan. It’s a country that I’ve been wanting to go to for a while. Is it because of my love for anime? Yes, without a shadow of a doubt, YES. I have also acquired quite the love for Japanese food. It’s a cuisine I crave quite often, to the point where I try to make as much Japanese food at home as much as I possible can.

But to be honest, I want to travel the world. Not just one place. If I could, I’d visit every country I can within my life span. The thought of meeting all different kinds of people from all different background sounds so amazing to me. I also think that it would be such an eye-opener. Because how I live is just my pov of the world, but imagine being able to see the world from so many people’s point of view. 

Aside from the people, the world holds so many wonderful places, places that would bless your eyes if you saw them. The cultures are something to experience too, there are so many ways people do so many different things, some that really pique my interest. Another reason why I’d like to explore anywhere and everywhere is the languages. My love for languages runs deep, I think how people communicate with each other through different sets of alphabets and forms of speech is just a wonderful sight to behold.

There is so much in this world to explore, so much to see and experience, which is why I can’t imagine myself settling for just one. 

[lilsluvs]

Outlet

Ever since I was a little kid, I noticed that I got excited over so many things. There were so many things that I wanted to do, so many things that piqued my interest. Whenever people asked what my hobbies were though, I tried to just mention a few, I feared I’d be viewed as weird or just trying to make myself look good. 

But if you ask me now what my hobby is, I’d say art. I love art, it is such a big part of me now and I can’t imagine myself without art in my life. What kind of art you may ask? Well, there’s a lot. For some reason my brain can’t stick to one art medium, and you can find and make art in so many different ways. 

The first love in art was DIY crafts. I loved running around the house looking for things I could use for my arts and crafts. When I was a little kid I shared a bunk-bed with one of my brothers and I remember adding all the stickers I could find on my top bunk, even my cabinet was filled with stickers and scribbles. Then there came a time when I was just making organizers upon organizers. Every box I could get my hands on would eventually turn into an organizer of some sorts.

Moving along the timeline, my second interests were cooking and baking. I still love them till this day. I remember just watching cooking videos on Youtube for hours upon hours and showing the videos to my dad asking him to help me make it. Eventually this got me the role of the house cook, not that I’m complaining. I love trying out new recipes for my family to try out, and thankfully, they love what I make too.

At some point in my life I also got into writing. Reading books was always something I loved to do. I loved just getting lost in a book, getting lost in a world where my imagination could run wild. The authors of the books I’ve read when I was younger have my thanks, they’re the reason I don’t have horrible grammar. Because I was inspired by all these beautiful people making gorgeous stories of their own, I tried my hand at making my own as well. My writing wasn’t horrible, I even got into journalism because of it. But it still isn’t the best, in my opinion.

I also got into calligraphy, I still do it till this day, honestly. Typography is something that always amazed me, and often times I wondered, “would I be able to create masterpieces like this one day?”. Now, I don’t think my skill levels are enough to put my work into a museum, but there are some pieces that I feel quite proud of.

After calligraphy and typography it was journaling, specifically bullet journaling. The hours I’d spend just trying to make two pages of a notebook look pleasing to the eye. Looking at it from a practical point of view, you’d rather just buy a planner. But there was something oddly therapeutic about sitting down once a week and decorating these two little pages any way I’d like too. There was even a time when I was heavily determined to become a better artist and make better drawings. I tried digital art (still do), drawing with colored pencils, watercolor, acrylics, and I still try my hand at graphic design from time to time.

For a brief moment, there was also a period in my life when I was convinced that if I practiced singing more I’d become a famous singer. Although I still sing for fun and stress relief that’s about it. 

Obviously, I have a lot of hobbies, but all of them are connected to art. I love creating things, putting my effort and myself into the things that I create, that will hopefully make people smile even just a little. I don’t do these all the time and all at once, it just depends on my mood for the day or what I think can relieve my stress the most, but what’s most important to me is the fact that I have an outlet, multiple outlets even. Many hobbies for the girl who has many interests. 

[lilsluvs]

Eraser

What if our lives were written down on paper, anything we wrote would come through and if we didn’t like what we initially wrote we could just erase it all together? That would be cool, especially the erasing part. Unfortunately, there’s no big eraser that can erase our past, the past has been done and there’s no eradicating it. 

But if I were given the chance to change something, would I? Absolutely. 

I grew up trying to be the most independent woman I could be. As the eldest, it was something unescapable. My tears were often deemed unnecessary and my emotions were to be discarded. How was I to create a future for my siblings if all I did was be emotional? 

You’d think that once you did what you were told it would be all better, that it would play out nicely for you. But it doesn’t. You wished it would. Prayed, hoped, and cried that it would. Because you’re independent people tend to neglect you. “She can do it by herself, she’s independent. Kaya mo yan diba?” is what they’d say, and I’d respond with a small nod. Not that I could do anything if I said no, I’d be forced to do things by myself.

Because of this “Strong Independent Woman who can do anything” mold that I tried to desperately fit it, I grew up quickly. Often adults complimented my mindset, told me that I’m mature. For a while I accepted that as a compliment, I was happy to be told that I was mature for my age. But now I wish I had the chance to experience childhood. I wish I was one of these fortunate enough to play games on old school consoles, I wish I had begged and acted bratty once in a while to get what I want, I wish I realized earlier that I could rely on others, I wish I knew how to ask.

I wish.  I wish.  I wish.  I wish.  I wish.  I wish.  I wish. 

There are numerous times when I wanted to change certain things about me, the way I look, the way I act, even the way I think. But at the end of the day those things that I went through, make me, me. I’m a little worn out, and some parts may not be functioning but I’m still me, and I’m slowly learning to love me. 

The past is past, and it will forever remain the past. The current is happening, it’s here and it is always here. But the future? the future is uncertain. Some say that the future is written in stone but as the years go bye stone doesn’t really remain the same. The future is what I can change, help change it by being the best I can in the present. And then someday, hopefully, I can look back and see a past that I don’t ever want to erase. 

[lilsluvs]

A Dragon Stuck On The Ground

On July 12th I traveled from the comfort of my home to Metro Manila, the concrete Jungle of the Philippines. I came there for a “retreat” of some sorts prepared by the school. Little did I know that school retreat would change my life forever. 

Long story short we were in the mountains for a few days doing team building activities. But to me it was a bit more than just team building, it helped me grow as a person. There were so many instances where I wanted to give up, and I almost did, but the people beside me assured that I could do things I never imagined I could. For that I am eternally grateful.

This was such a fun and exciting experience for me but also a time of healing. There were lots of times where I had the time to just sit with my thoughts and think about my future. During the Dragon Camp I was absolutely happy, injured but happy. Thoughts of leaving the school came up again and it brought tears to my eyes. Before I thought “Oh, I can leave. It’s just online class anyways and it’ll be better for my family” but during the days at the camp I was thinking “is it alright? would it be okay for me to be selfish? even for just a little bit?” Would it be selfish of me to keep wanting to be here even though it may not be the best decision? 

Dragon Camp made me realize why I love Thames as a school so much. I don’t think of it as school, but rather I see it as a place where I can go to meet individuals that dream the same dreams I have. It’s something I never got at any other school. No school made me feel this safe and welcome, and the thought of leaving it, the thought of not chasing my dreams with these people, it hurt a lot.

Finally, I decided to stay. It’s okay for me right? There must be a reason why I got accepted, and I hope my reason for staying keeps me here until I graduate. After quite and emotional talk with my parents and me trying to force tears back into my eyes, I finally admitted that I didn’t want to leave Thames. I’d break me so much to leave this amazing community I have right now. This camp made me more motivated than ever, I’ll work twice as hard as long as I get to stay here and graduate here. I hope that I made the right decision, and I also hope that one day when we leave the halls of the school we’ll meet again. Not as fellow students, but as people who’ll take the business world by storm. But until that day comes I will stay. Stay until the dragon is ready to leave its nest, though as of now it shall remain on the ground, in it’s nest. Happy and encouraged by it’s surroundings.

[lilsluvs]

New Challenge Unlocked - Online Physical Education

This was the first time I attended P.E class. As mentioned before in my previous entry, I didn’t know I had to take Physical Education, much less take 4 of them in one semester. Looking back at it it’s honestly super funny to me. 

At first it was awkward to me, maneuvering my laptop’s webcam to fit almost my whole body is something new. On most days of online class it was always my face, for just my forehead lol. My body isn’t something I’m most proud of, if I can I try not to show it online because of the fear of being bullied. Negative thoughts get to me easily and bring me down so quick. So there was a lot of embarrassment present when I I saw myself on the little screen.

There was also a smidge of jealousy, I wish I was close enough to the school to attend the classes in person. Being in my room and acting like an idiot to try and replicate the exercises isn’t my most ideal scenario when thinking about P.E class. But I honestly enjoyed it, it saved me from the thought of embarrassing myself in front of others. Ice cold water was in arm’s reach and I had a fan all to myself. 

Initially I was scared, in my head this was a new challenge. Physical Education is already hard in person, but online? I was exhausted with even the thought. Though since all the people in my class were great people that I have talked to before it was just hours and hours of laughing and being embarrassed together. There was even a time when I fell asleep during meditation, all in all a great experience!

[lilsluvs]

Just being

The last week of June was filled with emotions, a glorious mix of good and bad. But let’s start with the good. :)

I have been working at the café for a few days now, I’ve come accustomed to the habit of waking up with going to work in mind. It’s tiring but I’m happy to be at least a bit helpful to my family. Being in quarantine for years and having limited in-person interactions my communications skills are still a bit rusty. Whenever a stranger comes up to the counter I can’t talk to them right away. A part of me still freaks out and thinks about the most unbelievably horrible situations, but that’s nothing a little prep talk can’t fix. There’s also something incredibly healing about seeing people enjoy the food you helped prepare. 

This was also the week of my birthday, the most bittersweet bitter I have had to date. Well, birthdays, especially my own, weren’t something I looked forward to. Rarely did I actually enjoy my date of birth, growing up it wasn’t really special to me. Cakes? my family regularly buys cakes or sometimes I make them myself. Celebrations? growing up my family had a catering business and I’m not one to enjoy loud music mixed with the noise made by a mass amount of people. If anything, the only real thing that had me excited for my birthday was gifts, not that I received a lot of them. 

This year’s birthday was one that became a core memory. One that if I thought about it enough I could envision myself at the exact same time, feeling the exact same feelings, and saying the exact same words. I’d not like to talk about it as much, even so think of it, but how else am I to write an amazing story? Jokes aside, what happened was my family was on a really tight budget. One of our main sources of income has kind of come to an end. To top it all of I had to enroll for summer term, which I honestly wasn’t aware of. This had me wondering, could my family afford sending me to this amazing school? I love Thames, it has been the best school for me and I continuously brag about it to my friends and family, but what if I can’t afford it any more? The thought of the expenses adding up once face to face classes are back scared me.

I had a talk with my dad, it pained me to admit but I knew this path that I have chose might be the best for me but not my family. We didn’t even do anything that day, I was too drained and it felt like the world was against me, like my date of birth was not something worth celebrating. Maybe it isn’t, and that part of me is still clinging on to the hope that I might me BE special when I’m not. Part of me is still clinging onto the fact that maybe, just maybe, there can be a day when I think of myself and no one else, that one day I can just be. 

[lilsluvs]

Emotional Intelligence

Ever since I was little I felt in touch with my emotions, on rare occasions did I experience random bursts of anger or sadness. My feelings were a jumbled mess but I knew that mess inside out, it felt like a maze, a maze that I’ve passed through hundreds of times, and memorized by heart. Yet there are times when the emotions aren't new but feel as if they are. As the years go by the times when I feel like my emotions are spiraling out of control become more frequent. Sometimes there'd be this sudden burst of emotion. Whether positive or negative was dependant on the situation. This resulted in me sometimes being emotionally unavailable. There are days when I want to feel something, I should feel something but I don’t. Being emotional in front of others is something I always like to avoid, I hate the idea of crying because of a problem in front of my friends, not that I don’t trust them but rather I’ve grown the habit of relying on myself. As much as possible I try to take care of my mental state because I can easily get carried away by my emotions.

When it comes to reading and processing the emotions of others, I would say I am pretty good with that as well. A lot of my friends come to me for advice or even just to rant about the emotions they’re feeling and I pride myself on that. Most of the time I can if someone is going through something or if they’re displeased with me. Is it a curse or a blessing? I don’t fully know. But what I do know is that it has helped me become a better person for the people I cherish the most, I can be the support system they need.

Often dealing with emotions is like seeing the ocean again for the first time in a while. The bright blue waves crash upon the shore and your are in awe of it's beauty. Emotions hold certain beauty to them, knowing them is one thing but understanding is another. Once one passes the waves crashing on the shore one goes deeper and deeper, same as the oceaon floor. There lies numerous things of wonder and excitement, but there also lies endless depths of uncertainty. Understanding your, and the emotions of others around you, is like trying to uncover the secret that the ocean holds.

This brings me back to my earlier statements, that I need to let out my emotions and take care of my mental health quite often. There are days when even just the crashing og waves upon the shore daunt me and fear and anxiety rush through my veins. I love being a support system to others but sometimes being a support system can be too hard on me and add to my emotions making my emotional state shaky and vulnerable. On days when I feel like I need to recharge I take time for myself. Most of the time it's a few pages of writing in my journal, trying out a recipe, ranting on a private social media account, or even crying my heart out to a movie that has the slightest emotional scenes in them. Overall, I am satisfied with my results on the emotional intelligence test. A good score but still a lot more to improve on, but alas we are all a work in progress. 

[lilsluvs]

A cleaner street for the rainy season

This project aims to aid the people of Washington St. Lower Kalaklan with knowledge about the registration lar flooding that happens during thee rainy seasons.

these are actual pictures of flooding that occurs in our neighborhood. Although the floods don't last, there are numerous amounts of trash that is lefr behind. This project suggest that we do a weekly clean up inorder to prevent filling out street with trash. Of course this will be a community effort. We cannot achieve this goal if we don't work together. This will benefit the community as a whole. I hope that the people in Washington St. will actively participate in this project.

If you'd like to help you can

- volunteer

-donate

- and spread the word!!

For further information donations and about said project do not hesitate to contact me here through Tumblr.

With kindest regards,

lils.

[lilsluvs]

E-Tech Blog #1

Empowerment Technologies 

The first meeting we had was quite short. But in that small amount of time, I got excited for what that subject has in store. To my surprise, we were told to open our webcams (not all my teachers required this) so naturally, I wanted to look the least bit presentable. I was blankly staring at the screen but still picking up some stuff here and there. Ma’am Sanchez was just explaining the syllabus to me and my classmates. It’s nice knowing the topics in advance. To my delight, part of the syllabus is learning Adobe Photoshop. During quarantine, I’ve been wanting to learn such a skill. Digital Art has piqued my interest and I know a lot of creators use Photoshop as their main program. My internet was a bit flunky during the time of the online meeting, so I was only able to hear a little bit. But I really liked Ma’am Sanchez’s PowerPoint presentation, it was very eye-catching. The color palette was very pleasing to the eyes and the use of shapes as well. E-tech is a subject I am very interested in, I have a feeling this subject will help in polishing my non-existent art skills hehe. Overall I’m looking forward to this subject. It might not be the easiest since everything will be online, but I’m hoping for the best.

Love,

 Lils.

me reenacting the day we had a google meeting:

Must check the camera quality (if I look ok or not) Never hurts to check😉

When the meeting has started and your cameras are supposed to be on:

this is me, trying to keep a straight face🤣

in my head I am

-trying to not open a netflix tab

-trying to use telepathy on my brothers to make them stop using their gadgets

-trying to look at all of my classmates' faces cause I'm only familiar with a few of them

But when the camera is off:

-this is a very comfy position

-the snacks keep coming

-I am listening, just trying not to fall alseep because my bed is so comfy 😭

[lilsluvs]

Hello

This is just lil ol denki that i drew. I'm not an artist or anything so pls be nice. Idk why i drew this with a colored pencil but I'm really happy how it turned out

[lilsluvs]

All you need is a little bit of coffe and a whole lot of Jesus

So for our choice of restaurant we actually chose a coffee shop called Holy Grounds. It's a coffee shop that I've wanted to eat a for a long time. Because I see people raving about it on facebook and such. From Ayala malls to Holy Grounds is quite a walk but not one that'll leave your feet sore. The staff were nice and accommodating. They let us film there as long as we didn't bother othe customers. We got there around 1:30 ish and we were super hungry cause we didn't have lunch yet.

Each of us got a Frappe we also had a pizza that we shared and some cookies. The Frappes were super good, highly recommend them. They weren't too sweet and weren't bland at all. The Pizza was fantastic. For the price of 300 pesos the 3 of us were all full.

Holy Grounds is a nice spot if you want to have a chat with your friends or just have some peace from the outside world. It'll give you a safe haven. Overall my experience there was very pleasurable and the memories I made with my friends will not be forgotten. I can guarantee that I will come back soon not only for the drinks, bur for the memories as well.

[lilsluvs]

my life is complete my life is complete my life is complete my life is complete my life is complete my life is complete my life is complete my life is complete my life is—

[lilsluvs]

Let life surprise you

[lilsluvs]

[lilsluvs]

This is so wholesome i love it

Mirio: You are a winner.

Eri: I’m a winner!

Mirio: And you’re adorable.

Eri: I’m adorable!

Mirio: And everyone loves an adorable winner!

[lilsluvs]

Hi there!

It's a little to late for introductions but hey, better late than never. Hi! I'm Lilian also known as lils! And welcome to my tumblr page. I'm a 16 year old female currently residing in the Philippines. A little bit of info about me is that I love art! I love being able to create things that make people happy. I also bake and cook here and there.

that's me with some of my art supplies lol. If you look a bit closely you'll see that I have quite a collection of brush pens and that's because I love calligraphy.

Calligraphy

Is what i dabble in the most, I'm not the greatest but I absolutely enjoy it. Adding more charisma to the words that already have so much meaning makes me happy.

here are some horrible shots of some of my work from a year ago. I haven't had much time to create more because of school but I always look for ways to incorporate calligraphy in ny school works.

Makeup

I'm also a closet makeup fan. Not really the best at it, probably because I'm still a beginner, but I enjoy mixing and matching colors. I hope to get better in the future but for now, I think simple is quite nice.

Anime

Another fact about me is that I love anime! When I was in the 8 grade I loved watching anime but for some reason I stopped. Though I got back into it around august last year. My favorite anime as of the moment is Boku no Hero Academia aka My Hero Academia. I just love the character development and how the author put so mucb thought into each of the characters. I love the vibrant art style and the characters are so lovable. This anime really tugs at your heart strings because even though its based on a society full of heroes and superpowers (or quirks) you see the human side of heroes that we put on a pedestal. I just some the light it shines on the reality most people seem to ignore. Also I just love Todoroku Shoto and Midoriya Izuku with all my heart, okay maybe also bakubro.

Go beyond! Plus Ultra!!!!!!

Music

I'm also a big fan of music. I've been a kpop fan since 2017 and the rest of my music taste is just random. I don't really care for genres , If i like a song then I like it no matter the genre. But if I had to choose then it would be ballads. Recently I've been listening to a lot of artists like cavetown and clinton kane and can I just say that their music is superb? Honestly I just love them both so much.

So that's basically me in a nutshell. A quirky nerd that loves art, makeup, anime, and music.

See you on my next post! Ciao!