A repository of LinkedIn profile statements that document the special skills, competencies, and talents you possess to get you OUT of the job market. Whether you're a really good parallel parker or can recite all 9 members of the Wu Tang Clan in order, you've got what it takes to be funemployed. We welcome premium submissions with satirical statements and headshots. Also, it's "LinkedOut Premium" because some greedy, bigshot Tumblr mogul already stole the domain name. We're in negotiations to reclaim it. A LinkedOut skill you say? Definitely unlikely probably.
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Paul Kuhne
Paul Kuhne brings a decade of experience in venturing down distracting and useless internet rabbit holes. From sharing mildly funny Onion articles around the office to investigating the Ewok-lineage of a fluffy dog, he’s spearheaded strategic failures in a variety of organizations. His key accomplishments include:
Using PowerPoint to photoshop gold jewelry, squirrels, and other professional touches on headshots
Making grainy GIFs based off of his Policy Bros video, a satirical and mildly comical look at public policy schools
Creating customized MadLibs for stupid emails he receives
Founding the award-winning innovations in plastic receptacles site “momstrashbags.tumblr.com”
Using the “instant rap airhorn” noise repeatedly during inappropriate situations
Deploying complicated jargon, verbose sentence structure, and extraneous vocabulary in inane circumstances
Laughing out loud at WhatsApp conversations during graduate-level classes on poverty, migration, and conflict
Core Incompetencies:
Tumblr Blogs
Sharing Tumblr Blogs
Editing Tumblr Blogs
Chicken Tikka Masala
For booking and disappointing consultations, please email Paul at his defunct Yahoo address [email protected]. Or reach out to him at his AIM Screenname NYFro5.
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