lintcovered

[lintcovered]

Closer thoughts

This song is one of the biggest ones that hit home for me. in my first "real" relationship, and also my worst relationship, my ex was the one to introduce me to waterparks. for that reason, a lot of their songs are connected to them. especially the breakup ones, those always seem to strike a chord as way too familiar.

At first i actually was liking this song and was relating to it but differently. the ideas of feeling love differently from those around me, and not knowing how to love was familiar. coming from a difficult family situation with people who arent very open to expressing love verbally, i have always felt behind in that way. but through the first chorus, as i was reading the lyrics i felt a shift.

I love you, or i want to. is it easy? i need you closer, or i need it over. when things really started to fall apart, this is really how i felt. I also noticed the stages of grief over the course of this song, which i cycled through for about a year and a half of my life trying to move past that relationship. denial and confusion. its easy to be with you, or have i been conditioned to feel that way. do i love you, or do i want to have someone to love. depression and bargaining, theres nothing left to let go, maybe in another life we can try to get us right. can we be easy now, since i tried so hard? anger, ive been fucked so much that i no longer wait, i sabotage and break my own heart just in case. the only thing missing was acceptance.

This whole song emulated the despair that I felt during that time of my life. I was 16, covid had started, the person i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with said they hated me and i felt like i truly had nothing left. I am the b-side throwaway. What had i paid for the inbetween moment of love or care that i got from them? I had paid my childhood. my friends. my sanity. and my self worth. and all i got in return was disgust, hatred, and deep hurting. an empty promise that if i stayed maybe things would change. maybe they would return my feelings one day. but after secrets and only caring when it was convenient, telling me they loved me after weeks of conditioning and spiteful words, ripping me from my closest friends.

i needed them closer, or it needed to be over. and now, three years later, it finally is over. i said in the intro that im glad this album came out now instead of when i was experiencing this, and the reason why is i am finally healing. im finally finally accepting what they did to me, and accepting that its okay to move on. the anguish and pain i felt is still valid and still lives in me for now, but after all those years of pain and cycling through my grief over and over, it finally actually is over.

Closer is one of the songs that reminds me how far ive come. how much ive grown. im not the same sad kid who cried at the color blue nearly fainted at a text message. it reminds me of the pain i felt, and reminds me how much better things are now. how grateful i am for where my life is, despite everything. and for that, this one for me is a 10/10. its painful, its raw and its a true snapshot of my brain from january 2018 to may 2021.

[lintcovered]

Brainwashed thoughts

I'll go ahead and start with brainwashed since its both the more recent feelings but also the easiest one to connect to other songs.

At first i was not a big fan of brainwashed. at times the lyrics made me really uncomfortable and i just, was not a fan. however after listening to it with the rest of the album, I really realized how much I liked it, as well as how much i related to it. And how much i was able to relate it to some of the other themes in the album

A bit of lint lore is that while im in a good and happy place now with my amazing partner who, not to be to sappy, but i really feel like is the one who i am meant to be with, it wasnt always that way. and im sure a lot of people can relate to that. When i was younger i was in a relationship that ultimately ruined my self esteem, self trust, and was the beginnings of the loss of many long term friendships. This is mildly important to how i feel about some of the lyrics in brainwashed, as well as how I feel about some of the other songs.

Right off the bat in the intro, the lines "i feel insane/ its only been a couple days" is so fucking true to how i felt in the beginning of my relationship. we met on tinder and within a week of talking we decided to make it official, which part of that also has to do with some other themes in the album, which ill come back to later.

"Im having the same thoughts/ cant stop/ thinking youve got me brainwashed //everythings clean except for my thoughts/ thinking about me getting you off" - not to be too intimate with the details but thats pretty accurate to how we were at the beginning. calls on the phone every night after our first date for weeks, and he was the only thing on my mind.

Through the whole rest of the song I feel the same, and especially because for me at the time I wasnt even looking to date, I was just looking for some new friends. Honestly the whole song takes me back to almost two years ago when we met and its a pretty nostalgic song in that way. Overall i give it a 8.7/ 10, there still is a bit of negative thoughts which i tend to dislike in what i consider to be love songs or at least in songs that i relate to my love life, but aside from that i think its super good, and is a good stepping stone for some of the sort of decent that is this album, to fuck about it and then a night out on earth.

[lintcovered]

Intellectual Property thoughts

whats up its way past my bedtime but i think if i dont jot down some of my thoughts about the new waterparks album i will lose some of the intensity so I'm just gonna do that now thanks.

Overall thoughts about the album as a whole:

super good. my favorite album is still fandom but i think that it just held way too many sentimental things for me that it couldn't ever be replaced. I feel like if this album existed when i was like 14, I might have died from how accurate some of these lyrics were to my life at the time. However, it came out when I was almost 20, and im so glad it did. In hindsight, looking back on how much i related to a lot of these songs in some of the harder parts of my life so far, but from the standpoint of someone who is in a much healthier and happier place in my life, i can fully appreciate how much those lyrics mean to someone who is healing. The idea that one of my favorite musicians feels or felt the same way I did, and honestly at a similar timeline to me, fills my soul with an indescribable feeling. But I feel like i should get to the individual songs now so that I can fully express my feels. I think at the time of writing this I'll cover Closer and Brainwashed because they are the two that stood out to me the most, but I'll hopefully be able to talk about them all in time

[lintcovered]

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