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Dune crack!au (2)

Paul: Chani.

Chani: Yes, Paul?

Paul: I love you and only you.

Chani: I love you too.

Paul: My only beloved-

Irulan: Hit it, Feyd!

Feyd: Anything for you, princess!

Paul: Why are you guys even here?! This is our royal bedroom!

Irulan: Yes, “our” royal bedroom. Mine, Feyd’s, Chani’s, and yours.

Paul: That’s not what we’ve agreed!

Irulan: You have been ignoring me and Feyd for the past 2 months!

Paul: Chani is my wife!

Irulan: I’m your legal wife!

Feyd: And I’m your gorgeous concubine number 2!

Chani: Yikes.

Feyd: *turns on the stereo* It’s time to sing, princess!

Paul: Not again!😩

Irulan: *starts singing* 🎶I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh🎶

Chani: Can I record-

Paul: No.

Chani: But-

Paul: I will literally die from embarrassment.

Feyd: *joins in* 🎶I'm right over here, why can't you see me?🎶

Chani: Oh-

Paul: Please, my love, don’t join them.😞

Chani: Why?

Paul: Their stupidity is quite contagious.

Irulan: 🎶And I'm giving it my all🎶

Feyd: 🎶But I'm not the guy you're taking home, ooh🎶

Irulan: 🎶I keep dancing on my own-

Jessica: *walks in* Could you fools please shut up?! It’s the middle of the night! I need my beauty sleep!

Feyd: Oh, Muad’Dib! The bloody witch is back!

Irulan: Run!🏃‍♀️

Feyd: Parkour!

Irulan: Don’t forget to grab the stereo, Feyd!

Jessica: I’m confiscating that!

Stilgar: *randomly appears out of nowhere* My lady, that’s not part of the prophecy!

Jessica: What prophecy?!

Stilgar: They have to finish the love song!

Jessica: I don’t care! Now give me that bloody stereo, boy!

Feyd: *hisses like a feral cat* Never, you witch!

Paul: Can you guys just get out of my bedroom already?!

Irulan: Our bedroom!

Paul: My bedroom!

Chani: Well, I’m just going to bed and sleep this weird fever dream off. Goodnight.

Feyd: Night.

Irulan: We’ll be back!

Chani: Whatever you say, loser.

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Dune crack!au (5)

Feyd: Hey, Paul.

Paul: No.

Feyd: Husband dear?

Paul: Fine. What do you want now?

Feyd: Can I have my knives back?

Paul: No.

Feyd: Pretty please?

Paul: Still no.

Feyd: It’s been 2 months! I want my precious Giedi Prime knives back-

Paul: Not until you say sorry to Gurney and Stilgar.

Feyd: I did nothing wrong! I’m innocent!

Paul: You deliberately stole all of their clothes and made them into freaking tents and curtains!

Feyd: Actually, it was our dear

Princess Irulan who stole them.

Paul: That’s not the point!

Feyd: The point is that I, the gorgeous Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen was the one who made the sparkly sand proof tents and curtains-

Paul: Ugh. Muad’Dib, help me.

Feyd: My Lankiveil sewing skills are superior to-

Paul: F*ck your stupid Lankiveil sewing skills! Tell Gurney that you’re sorry right now!

Feyd: It was extremely hot and Irulan and I needed new curtains!

Paul: You could’ve just asked me for new ones instead of stealing Gurney’s galactic underpants-

Feyd: And ruin our yearly budget?! Our monthly savings?! The Arrakeen economy?! Not on my watch, husband. Not on my watch!

Paul: Feyd, babe, calm down-

Feyd: I want my knives back, Paul!

Paul: Give me one good reason-

Feyd: My daddy gave them to me.

Paul: Apologize first!

Feyd: I’m your wife!

Paul: And I’m the Emperor of the known universe!

Feyd: Fine! keep them! Burn them! Throw them away! I don’t care!

Paul: Feyd, listen-

Feyd: But I’m telling Irulan that you’re abusing your powers again.

Paul: No, not her! Don’t tell her-

Feyd: Irulan! Irulan, Paul is being a tyrannical control freak again!

Irulan: *runs in* Feyd, babe, are we in trouble?!

Feyd: Muad’Dib, no.

Irulan: Did our husband find out about our “math” business with Stilgar and his Fremen friends?!

Feyd: No, not yet.

Irulan: Oh, thank Muad’Dib.

Paul: But I’m Muad’Dib-

Feyd: Paul said that he’ll cancel our super secret ✨Music Nights with Shai-Hulud✨ and exclusive ✨Desert Festivals✨ again!

Irulan: *glares at Paul* You evil tyrant, how could you?!

Paul: I- I love ✨Music Nights with Shai-Hulud✨!

Feyd: You don’t even sing!

Paul: I do! I swear I do!

Irulan: Oh, stop changing the freaking subject, Paul!

Paul: Last I’ve checked, we’re still on the same page!

Irulan: You promised me that Feyd and I can sing freely in the desert with Stilgar every other night!

Feyd: Our dear husband also told me that the members of House Corrino are just a bunch of nerdy losers!

Paul: I- I was drunk!

Irulan: Chani! Chani, Paul is abusing his witchy powers again!

Chani: *walks in* Yo, what’s up, losers? How’s life?

Irulan: Our “beloved” husband said that your desert hair sucks!

Chani: He did not-

Irulan: He did!

Feyd: We’re telling the truth.

Paul: Chani bear, we all know that our dear “Drunk Irulan” and “Freaky Feyd-Rautha” are clearly lying-

Irulan: Drunk Irulan?! Who the f*ck is Drunk Irulan?!

Chani: Lol.

Feyd: Chani bear, your “Paular bear” also told me that you smell like a dying Shai-Hulud.

Chani: A what?!

Feyd: A dying ugly ass Shai-Hulud.

Paul: Chani-

Chani: Somebody is sleeping with the sandworms tonight!

Feyd: Yeah! The sandworms!

Irulan: Let’s go sandworms!

Paul: Ughhhh! I knew it! I knew I should’ve stayed single.

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Dune crack!au (4)

Irulan: Hey, Feyd.

Feyd: Yes, princess?

Irulan: I’m bored.

Feyd: Do you want to play smash or pass again?

Irulan: Fremen Edition?

Feyd: Atreides.

Irulan: Fine. You go first.

Feyd: Duncan Idaho.

Irulan: Obviously, smash.

Feyd: Same. Now your turn.

Irulan: Lady Jessica? She’s

part of House Atreides, right?

Feyd: To be totally honest with you, she’s a closeted Harkonnen at heart but I’ll pass.

Irulan: Why? She’s very pretty.

Feyd: I don’t like space witches. They’re weird and very mean.

Irulan: Like mother, like son.

Feyd: She’s also my evil creepy uncle’s super secret daughter.

Irulan: *sighs* And our monster mother-in-law.😔

Feyd: Don’t remind me.

Irulan: Fine. Thufir Hawat.

Feyd: Pass. Mentats freak me out.

Irulan: Feyd, babe, I thought you like math?

Feyd: Of course I like meth. I even started selling a ton of meth to some of Chani’s fanatical Fremen friends for a very good price.

Irulan: Let me guess, Stilgar?

Feyd: He’s my business partner.

Irulan: Nevermind. Your turn.

Feyd: Doctor Yueh.

Irulan: Does he still counts as part of House Atreides?

Feyd: He tried to kill my creepy uncle and brother. So I guess, yes?

Irulan: Pass. He was married.

Feyd: Your turn.

Irulan: Duke Leto.

Feyd: NGL, I’ll marry, kiss, and smash that one.

Irulan: But isn’t he like your distant uncle or something?

Feyd: You do know that we’re all related to one another, right?

Irulan: Right. We’re all married to Paul. So let’s play another game.

Feyd: How about we annoy and ruin our husband’s very important, very crucial business meetings again?

Irulan: I wish we could, Feyd, but the last time we did that, Emperor “I’m so special, I’m the Lisan Al Gaib” Paul punished us severely-

Feyd: Severely?! He just forced us to water all of his “sacred” arrakis palm trees for 2 weeks!

Irulan: Well, he’s currently talking to that angry looking Gurney Halleck guy. So-

Feyd: All the better!

Irulan: Better? For you?

Feyd: Gurney Halleck hates me. So I want to ruin his day as well.

Irulan: To be fair, Feyd, Gurney only hates you because you’re a living breathing Harkonnen.

Feyd: No, he hates me because I’m obviously perfect and pretty.😌💅

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Dune crack!au (3)

Paul: Stilgar, have you seen my wife?

Stilgar: Which one, your grace?

Paul: My beloved-

Stilgar: Princess Irulan? She’s currently drunk and dancing with her books in the library.

Paul: No, not her! My favorite wife!

Stilgar: Oh! Your darling Feyd!

Paul: My darling who?

Stilgar: Your crazy but super gorgeous Harkonnen “wife” is currently baking cookies in the kitchen-

Paul: He’s not my “darling” and he’s not my favorite wife!

Stilgar: Are you sure?

Paul: No comment.

Stilgar: That’s what I’ve thought.

Paul: Ugh. I meant my beloved Chani. Where’s my Chani?

Stilgar: She’s with Feyd.

Paul: She’s baking evil Harkonnen cookies with my Feyd?!

Stilgar: Fortunately, Chani doesn’t know how to bake but that’s not the point-

Paul: Fortunately?! Is she trying to burn down the kitchen again?!

Stilgar: More like steal and eat Feyd-Rautha’s evil cookies again.

Paul: *sighs* Why are they even hanging out and getting along?

Stilgar: Don’t ask me. I’m just your faithful servant while those two are your crazy concubines.

Paul: And that’s the problem, Stilgar! I didn’t want another crazy concubine!

Stilgar: Well, it’s not my fault that you chose the last hottest Harkonnen to be your 2nd concubine.

Paul: I didn’t have a choice!

Stilgar: Are you sure?

Paul: No comment.

Stilgar: Chani did say that Feyd’s cookies are better than our spice-

Paul: Blasphemy!

Chani: *walks in without a care* No, it’s true. Feyd bakes the best galactic Giedi Prime cookies ever.

Stilgar: As written.

Chani: Want one?

Paul: I’m allergic.😑

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Paul Atreides, ready to kill his cousin/au soulmate:

Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen: ... You know what fuck science fuck the Bene Gesserit there will be a way I will find a way to have your babies myself, my love.

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I want more fanfics of these two with passive Feyd-rautha.

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I'm addicted to these two

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and they had twins, Poor thing, but maybe not so much about feyd-rautha .

I made a drawing of how I imagine the children of the Paul x Feyd-Rautha ship, but first I had to imagine them as children so I also made drawings.

Then I want to draw feyd-rautha giving them combat training, I just imagine he must be a demanding mother.🫣

The youngest Paul Atreides and Feyd-Rautha are between the ages of 13 and eleven. I love the idea of ​​the harkonnen starting to shave their heads around the age of 15,So until then they just shorten it, so we can get a glimpse of feyd red hair.

(And their children took after their paternal grandfather's hair color, Paul's father)

The feyd-rautha shaving his head .

I simply loved this one, I loved designing this outfit for him.Maybe later I'll post more drawings of him like this kid.

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They are conceiving future heirs.

(It's a shame that Tumblr censors it and I can't show the rest of the image.)

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au with five older and Klaus.

I really liked this ship but there wasn't any interesting fanart, or I couldn't find it, so I made it❤️

and below the five with a prosthesis

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as a humble gift to myself i chose to be 100% self indulgent with this, so i can have a happy halloween–

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Telera Fic Pornado Dump

So, you’ve stumbled across this post and are wondering what shenanigans are about to ensue…. well I’m going to list what Telera fics I currently have hoarded and may update at any time, if you have any that are not listed or have complete works, please feel free to add them in the comments or contact me and I will add them for you.

If you want any of the listed below just PM and I will email them to you.

My Email is MzZombieSmut@hotmail.com

Update - Don’t be afraid to share and signal boost this post, the more people see it, the more that can be added!

The Mackenzie Treatment - ** Complete**

An Embarrassing Problem- Complete 

The Cheeky Patient - New - Complete thanks to @no-topic-whatsover

Ficlets - Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4

Little Will and Daddy Hannibal- COMPLETE

Puppy Training - Chapter 1

The Arranged Marriage- Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4

The Guest - Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4

The Latin Mass - Chapter 1

Another Kind of Party

Bedtime

Bedtime Stories 

Being Your Slave

Breakfast in bed 

Fine Things

Good Will

Little Red Will

Pinot Gris

The Guardian Angel 

The Human Sushi Platter - Chapter 1 

The Little Orphan - Chapter 1 

The Picnic

The Old Omega

Wicked Beads 

The Nursery - New

Home Remedies - New

A Friend In Need - New

Taken - New

Hands - New

The Solitary Mermaid - New

Tutelage - New

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Anonymous asked you:

pregnant John in maternity lingerie? Sherlock buying it for him and just guesstimating the size. it actually fits and John is a blushing mess.

Yes to everything.

Also Red Pants

Ignore the colouring, it’s weird

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more of Bester and Alo xD

(1st part here + another post)

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hello i am an artist

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DekuKatsu - Semen. {[Omegaverse]} (en Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/dvKDKn8QGR -No. ...